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TW I genuinely think ocd just showed me what my real identity is that I never noticed all these years. Now why even bother talking to a therapist when the thoughts are true. I think I just liked girls and wanted a gf bc of heternormativity but in reality I dont actually like women. It makes sense bc I remember anytime i smoked weed and got really high I couldnt imagine myself having a gf, it sort of felt impossible and you know when youre high you see things differently and more clearly. This is just one proof theres tons more like this. The attraction towards same sex feels too strong and this is when im isolated at home, think id just act on them when I meet people. I believe im just ashamed and embarrassed of being gay and cant accept it which is causing these issues. Idk what Im hoping for locked in my room unable to cope with this depression, anxiety coming here everyday and bothering people who actually have ocd with my stupid posts. Anyways, I wish god would just take my life, my mental health is done for.

I hate hearing love is a choice… when I constantly feel nothing for him… it hurts… when I am loving him it’s like I am faking it and leading him on… I avoid sex completely bc of it… I want to love him like before. I want to cuddle and hold him tightly… it’s everyday now… it’s like if I talk to him about this it’s like I am gonna break up with him… I just want to love him peacefully again. I’ve had mild ROCD for years and NEVER did it feel like this… It’s like I gave into and just want to give up but I know I don’t want to. I know if I leave I will wanna be with him again. It’s like my brain has flatlined when it comes to him…

I feel like crying I’m scared I said nothing more than I would say be happy let myself see it and said nothing more lovely there isn’t anything lovely about girls I don’t like boobs and like I’m scared I don’t want to feel better saying nothing more there isn’t lovely anything lovely about girls in that sense I’m really scared I don’t love girls are like them physically I don’t like anything about them in that sense there’s nothing why would I say more why would I smiles if you better just living yourself or living your life or whatever like that is but that’s not myself I’m scared where is my like there really isn’t a meter isn’t it keep insisting I said I keep saying there really isn’t there Is plenty things more lovely I don’t like girls that I keep why do I keep saying nothing why do I get more stress when I say there’s not when there isn’t anything lovely about girls in that sense Why would I smile why would I have that little niggling thing in the back of my head saying you’d be more happy and I keep smiling and deliberately saying nothing more than there’s nothing I can’t breathe there’s nothing lovely about them like that I’m scared of what I will not be happy with girls I don’t like them I’m not fascinated I don’t like any shape or size of boobs I don’t like them down there and I make faces like I don’t when I like to why do I keep saying nothing anything more lovely I don’t like girls why do I keep saying nothing there’s plenty of things more lovely I don’t like girls there’s nothing lovely about them and now I feel worse saying that but I don’t like girls why do I keep saying nothing anything more I don’t like girls they’re not lovely and that I can’t believe you guys I’m sorry for repeating myself why do I keep saying nothing more why did I smile and act like it to be happy saying I’m scared I act like that is that’s not I don’t know I’m scared I keep saying that that’s not my true self and then say nothing anything is more lovely I don’t like girls there’s nothing I said more anything is more love and good I keep saying all I just simply I don’t like girls I don’t just simply anything I don’t like girls there’s not nothing or anything why do I keep saying nothing anything is more lovely I don’t like girls I’m scared I do I keep nodding rapidly up and down I don’t actually like girls Hey used to be nothing more lovely then guys and I’m talking like that isn’t but I love guys I don’t love girls there’s nothing lovely about them in that sense

Its currently 5 pm, i just woke up. This has been my routine for the last 3 months. Im so embarrassed to go downstairs and face my family man but I just want to keep sleeping, its the only way I can cope with this shitty depression a little but as soon as im up it gets worse. Having ocd about something dosent mean that the thoughts could not be true right? I think thats whats happened to me, I think I have obsessive thoughts but at the same time Im in denial. I want my lïfe to just end man, Im fucking tired, im too confused and anxious to deal with this

Hi Guys I’m wondering if I find a person will he accept my ocd and weird behaviours or is it too hard. How it works in your relationships? Is it possible to find love while having OCD?

I miss who I was before I had OCD so much. It didn’t hit me till I was 25 last year. I was a lot more fun and could actually live in the moment. Now I’m just constantly filled with anxiety and depressed and agitated. I’m praying for all of you that deal with this too because this is no joke :/

Please someone reach out and help me OK this is really bad. I just said something like hot sexy or delicious when women are never any of those things to me before and I kept looking at this woman and I was like no she wasn’t really I like hot sexy delicious guys not girls and girls don’t get like that for me but I don’t like the way I smiled when I suggested otherwise and I have a compulsion to check my bodies responses and I’m scared that when I did there was some amount of discharge. I’m scared I said I must like I don’t like both and I’m scared of the way I smiled saying when women have never been hot sexy or delicious to me I’ve seen rated and X rated shit and I feel strange women are not hot or sexy or delicious to me I’m scared I must be and I don’t wanna embrace that I don’t like the way you’re smiling I don’t like the way I’m focusing on the redness or the sheets or the way boobs stick out has anyone else experienced this? Am I lying to myself is that why making faces like I don’t want I love my guy/Man I’m scared I must and I don’t care if there’s nothing wrong with it I don’t like both sexes I swear! What straight woman says hot sexy or when women are not hot sexy or delicious to me women are never like that so why did that happen and why is there extra activity down there I was looking at the woman’s body and her and her boobs in her stomach I don’t like I said hurt super she’s not sexy I keep saying I can’t breathe you guys please someone help she’s not hot sexy delicious and I’m scared I must be but I’m not in denial and I’m not bisexual

My therapist I was seeing for ERP severely betrayed my trust (not OCD-related) to the point where I don’t feel comfortable seeing him anymore. I want to continue ERP but am now very wary seeking therapy due to the levels of comorbid care that I need never being fully met. Does anyone have any resources or experience doing ERP by themselves and improving?

Hi there, I am new to this forum and it is great to get some of my feelings out there. I have been struggling with OCD for 9 years now and I have def come along way. I have gotten treatment but am still struggling to this day. I just got engaged to someone I love and of course my ROCD flared up. So back story: My first feelings of OCD were around relationships, which I later found out was ROCD. My problem started when I had a really uncaring partner who was jealous and controlling. He started to question me about what I was doing with other guys when we weren't together and just didn't trust me but this distrust was unwarranted. I was never doing anything wrong but for some reason, I started to doubt myself. He would ask me if I had flirted with anyone and I would say no. I love you, but then I would go back and check and re-visit any moment when I interacted with a guy and then I would question if I did actually flirt with him. It started small with silly things like this but then it became much worse. It became a huge issue as I was feeling the need to confess to him any time I might have done something he didn't like. I knew what I was doing was totally irrational but I couldn't stop myself from confessing and then he would get mad and would validate my reason for confessing which would make me feel relieved that I was being honest. This would create a cycle of confessing and validating. Obviously, this is not a healthy way to interact but this went on for months until he broke up with me because I was just confessing everything and my self esteem just plummeted. I had no idea I had OCD at the time and it was super traumatizing. Since then, I have dealt with this fear of disappointing or doing something my parter wouldn't like in every single relationship. I have just learned to cope. What is hard now is that I can never figure out if my oversharing/confessions are coming from a place of true openness and vulnerability or my OCD compulsions. I tend to close down and I try not to share because I know it can snow ball into a much bigger issue and my need to confess will grow. Anyways, I am curious if there is anyone else out there that struggles with this type of situation. I want to be open with. my partner (fiance) but I need to get my thought process back in check. Thanks for reading.

How not to be afraid of OCD coming back after you recover? I've already done that, but I can't find strength to do it again.

Is this normal? I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months and he makes me so happy and is the best boyfriend i’ve ever had. He literally worships the ground l walk however i can’t help but doubt my own feelings for him. I obsess over everything to do with him and it’s making me depressed. I keep asking my friends and mum if I love him when deep down i know i do it just feels stuck somewhere. I feel like i’m stuck in a bubble. Is this just relationship anxiety and ocd?

What is the best way to respond when intrusive thoughts come in?

I’ve been having weird dreams for the last 2 days and In one of the dreams was me liking girls but the dream last night was more clearer. In the dream I accepted that I want to be bisexual and it felt soo real and when I woke up I felt my hocd coming back after not being loud for a long time

Does any else hate waking up? Like if you could stay in that level of sleep where you’re not thinking or feeling or even dreaming? Does anybody else take sleeping pills? Or take other pills that cause heavy drowsiness that way you can just silence the thoughts just for a couple hours? I always wake up arguing with myself about, ugh 😣 🤢, and boobs and wondering but then I don’t like them and what scares me is that I feel like my brain is trying to give me something happy to think about like the side of a man’s chest like from profile. And so my body would get kind of heavy but then wires would get cross and I don’t know if I am I don’t want to I can’t tell if I was but I don’t throb over boobs when I actually look at them consciously then it doesn’t feel right right and that means but that doesn’t mean I have anything for them subconsciously right? My wires could just get crossed right? I’m scared it happened naturally like I did I don’t want to have been throbbing over boobs I’m pretty sure it was my attempt to imagine pectorals and I’m scared that I’m just telling myself I don’t an actually but I don’t! I don’t like boobs and no have you ever tell yourself you know you don’t like it and then felt worse?

Hey guys I’m going to rant and seek some guidance. So the reason why this all started for me is because of a situation where I thought he SA me. Reason being is because I was half asleep when it happened. I had an idea what was going on , it felt good, and when I told him to stop he did. 2 months go by and I get a thought that he SA me. This sent me into a spiral where for months straight I would replay that night in my head. Every detail, I would tell everyone I was comfortable the situation and how to handle it but nothing felt right to me . I would consistently go back and forth. I would cry so much. I would bring this up to my boyfriend too much to seek reassurance but it was never enough. I told him how I never want to wake up to sex or him do stuff sexually to me while I’m asleep. Lately those thoughts have resurfaced again and it’s been making me uneasy. I just been letting them be, I do sometimes ruminate wondering why they are back. Tonight I spent time with him. We’ve been in a good place since this whole thing happened. I even apologized to him for all the damage I did to him and our relationship. We were cuddling and I kept going in and out of sleep like I normally do. I always go in and out of sleep because I have to get home at a certain time so I consistently check the time so I won’t get introuble. So I was triggered and was put in that certain situation again

Can someone explain what exactly ERP is? Can it help with someone with Pure O like myself?

Can ocd make you feel like you arent yourself anymore

It’s been 9 days since I’ve been on here to read and to post. I feel like I come on here a form of therapy where I can talk about how I feel. I stopped NOCD therapy sessions for like a month now. I been decent I guess. I try to do erp. I do stuff that I know I fear. Definitely been making plans and been productive. Recently my original struggles have been presenting themselves a lot lately. I was just cuddling with my boyfriend and I was getting all these thought and ruminating. I started to remember everything I read on here or googled. Things I thought about, the scary places my mind were at. It’s still there but not as often. I came on here because I remembered the fear of reading everyone’s post. It’s still hear I became afraid again. I feel like a fraud because i don’t have OCD as bad as everyone on here. If I never googled anything I think I would be fine and not have all these thoughts, guilts and fear. I kinda want to cry because im really upset about where I am in life with. My existential thoughts have been hitting. It just sucks because I feel like I been on edge. Like I can’t rest comfortable, I can’t be alone as much. I use to love being alone, with my thoughts. I loved not doing nothing and it’s hard for me to do that because of the thoughts in my mind. I thought I had gotten over my original theme but it’s been bugging me a lot. I have so much more I want to say but I won’t bore you with that. I wish I ocd was cure able. I wish someone could just wipe all the bad in my mind. I’m trying to be better, I really am. I just keep thinking about the future which is making me more sad and worried. Just thankful that I’m in a better place than what I use to be.

Please Help I can’t take this anymore. I just went to tuck my daughter in and she snubbed my hug, she was like a little wet noodle and clearly didn’t want anything to to with me. I walked out of the room trying to fight back tears and I could hear my younger daughter telling her how rude she was for hurting my feelings. A few minutes ago she came into my room crying and apologized that she didn’t mean to do that, I told her it was fine I wasn’t mad and I understand kids just don’t want to hug there moms sometimes. I asked her if she was ok and If there was anything she needed to talk about, of course she said no and went back to her room, but I couldn’t help but feel like she was holding back. I have false memory OCD and am convinced I did something inappropriate to her 2 yrs ago. This just made it worse. Why can’t I connect with her, why does she push me away. She hates me. I have a 16 yr old as well so I know that girls can get this way but this feels different, like we share this secret that neither one will speak of. I feel like she knows what I think I did or maybe I did do it, I just don’t know anymore. I wish I never had kids, I’m such a monster, I’ve destroyed her.

really scared i might be a narcissist after watching this video about narcissism and how narcissists in childhood had parents that did high praise and high abuse and so all they know for love is praise and they can either cling onto the messaging that they were a piece of shit and die by age 40 by suicide and drug overdose (according to the guy in the video) or they cling on to the praise they got and think they are above other people and only are after praise and thats why a lot of them are charming and funny because they know how to read people give them what they want to get that supply and like i relate to being addicted to making other people like me... but not in order to take advantage of them... its more because im desperate to feel good about myself...i never thought about it as being for praise but like yeah my job growing up in the family i felt was to make my dad laugh it made me feel special and also sometimes it meant he would not become explosive and scary and so now most of my relationships are based on me making people love me by being "on" but to be clear its a reflex im not like plotting or planning but its definitely effort but like effort of talking too much and telling too many stories to make me feel calm because people are laughing so everything is good but still its a stream of thoughts like verbal diarrhea that i cant stop but like i feel exhausted after social interactions because of it and im afraid of being vulnerable and i mean ive never intentionally hurt a friend but i mean when a friend has been mad at me i have withdrawn and hid and sometimes people say narcissists withdraw as a form of hurting others and i do sometimes i just get so mad and dont know how to deal with it that i just shut down and i do silent treatment because its the only way i know how to express im mad at someone i mean dont get me wrong i have screamed and yelled before but i try to keep that to a minimum and really have only shown that ugly side to my family because i dont want to lose people if they saw my shitty anger and so like fuck i really dont want to be a narcissist but honestly i love making strangers laugh getting attention and people think im charming im not trying to toot my own horn like " ugh im so awesome therefor i must be a narcissist " like i just know these are things people have told me and ive never had romantic relationships like i only like flirting and getting that attention but i get scared of any real interest any real connection or intimacy and i mean my sister is pretty sure my dads a narcissist im pretty sure she was the scapegoat child and i was one who got more praise and i just dont want to be that i dont want to be someone who thinks of people as supply i dont think i do but i also know i have unhealthy connections i always thought of myself as more codependent like my mother but idk maybe im just obsessing over finding a label for every pattern of behavior i have and need to calm down but it seems like NPD and BPD have become huge trends online in the past 10 years so many diagnostic videos of how to know if youre around someone like that and i used to think my ex best friend was a narc and i was codependent but what if its the other way around? and why are these personality disorders something everyone online talks about now? like not just reddit or quora but youtube and twitter so often someone will talk about an ex bf and someone will say sounds like he was npd and they never even met the person like everyone not just people with ocd are like compulsively labeling people with mental health disorders that they dont seem 100% qualified to make especially fake dr. phil internet doctors i mean maybe im just saying this because i dont want this guys video to be right because that description of an NPD person's childhood resonated with me so much but i mean thats what my brain does its latches onto the one symptom of shit like this and then im convinced i have the personality disorder ... how do i know if its an ocd spiral or something to worry about for real? isnt a good sign that you arent npd if you dont want to be or is that bullshit too?