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Does anyone know how to deal with anger issues, cause when I get it I harm myself and I just punched the bathroom sink because I’m angry

About a year & a half ago i got this crazy memory that I basically had no clue existed but my mind convinced me it did. I talked with family and i knew in my heart that I didn’t do it. Recently a couple days ago the thought is back and i feel like I’ve done it. Im struggling so badly.

A little bit about my situation: I have had other OCD symptoms throughout my life, but never ROCD until getting into my current relationship with my boyfriend. Before him, I was never in a relationship for longer than 6 months and I kind of developed a "well relationships aren't for me" mindset. Then I met him and everything changed. He treated me so well and he became my best friend. Around 6 or 7 months in, when things were getting more serious, I started having these waves of doubts like "maybe I should break up with him", "what if I don't love him", "do I even know him"....etc. These thoughts would bring so much intense anxiety and depression and I would obsess. This has happened off and on over the last almost 3 years. When I am not experiencing these thoughts, I have felt so in love and happy about planning our future. Over the last several months I had gotten a break from ROCD, I simply felt happy and in love. We constantly talked about marriage and our future. We have a dog together and we started looking at apartments. All good things. We found an apartment and signed our lease and I was so excited. Then a few weeks out from our move in date, I started to have doubts. "Am I doing the right thing", "Is he the right person", "What if we hate each other once we live together"....etc. I know these are normal doubts right before a big change but I just started obsessing again. I've had some moments of feeling okay and like I love him but mostly I've just been overcome with anxiety. We have only been in our new place for 1 month and I still dont feel fully settled in. Change is a big trigger for my anxiety and dissociation as well so that isn't helping the ROCD. I'm trying to feel happy and feel in love and feel connected with him but mostly now I just feel constant doubts and fears and then sadness because of those doubts and fears. And the worst part? Because I have been having such intense anxiety about the drastic change of moving as well from the ROCD, I just feel completely dissociated most of the time. I don't feel connected to him (or anything in my life/the world actually) so now my thoughts are like "I feel like I don't know him so I don't feel safe", "What if I never feel connected again", "What if I need to leave in order to get rid of this anxiety and dissociation", "What if I'm just feeling this way because I don't love him", "Maybe I should just pack up and run away"...Or I will obsess over things I might not "like" about him - like if we get into a disagreement or if he has a different opinion about something small, I get thoughts like "Wow I guess hes just an awful person". I've been checking myself constantly during "good moments" to see if I really feel anything. Its so exhausting. Like I said I struggle with dissociation and depression so when my anxiety or my thoughts get really intense and stressful, I tend to just shut down - I stop feeling real, I become disconnected and I just stop feeling anything in general. Its been a nightmare.

Is this ROCD or not? I continuously keep having doubts about my feelings for my boyfriend. I’ve never had this before with my previous relationships and it’s really upsetting because this is the first boy that’s actually treating me like how i deserve. I feel like i’m in a bubble when it’s to do with him. I feel like i can’t emotionally get to him or connect to him. Whenever I think about him or see photos of him i get anxious and stuff. I know i want to be with him forever and i panic about it going wrong. I’m scared i’m going to end up giving in to the doubts and end it😞Whenever i think about the future it makes me anxious, it’s like i’m turning my emotions off. I keep crying after being intimate with him and i don’t know why, i’m panicking it’s because i’m losing feelings for him. I look at other couples and ask myself why am i not like them, why am i not in love like them. They make it look easy and it’s making me doubt everything. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months and it’s amazing when i don’t have these horrendous doubts. He’s so patient with me and he loves me and worships the ground that I walk on yet and I still have these doubts. They came when our relationship started getting serious. I keep asking my friends and mum for reassurance if i love him and it’s making me so so sad. I feel like if i love him i shouldn’t be having these feelings. He’s not done anything wrong and i feel so guilty for it. Is this OCD or me? Plz help :(

This post is just serving as a journal entry for me, don’t feel the need to respond, but if you do, thank you! So today was my last therapy session with my school counselor, she was still worried about me since last time we had spoken she was recommending I check myself into the emergency room for suicidal thoughts and fear of hurting others unintentionally. My intrusive thoughts have been running rampant, and acting on compulsions often leave me feeling terrible and fearful. My brain won’t allow me to just leave things and not go back to analyze every little thing. I can’t seem to find much enjoyment in anything, after the therapy appointment I slept for some 4 hours, it seems that sleep is the only time I feel any sort of peace, but as soon as I wake, that very first second of being awake, all my memories, thoughts and fears come rushing back into my mind, it’s the worst feeling. But even though I’m still struggling a lot, I seem to be able to find some semblance of being okay, my health insurance coverage doesn’t kick in until December 1st, so tomorrow and I sadly have to wait a month until I can make an appointment with a psychologist so that my insurance will cover it. I’m constantly scared that I’m going to crack and do something truly terrible. But if I get too bad or the thoughts become too much then I’ll go to the hospital. It’s incredibly difficult right now, but hopefully I’ll be able to get through this upcoming month. My false memory has been really bad lately, it’s trying to convince me of some really horrible stuff, but reminding myself of my morals and values reminds me that I know I would never do what it’s telling me, while I’ve made some really dumb and idiotic mistakes, I know I wouldn’t ever do what it’s telling me. Reassurance doesn’t really help anymore so that’s stopped being a strong compulsion. I’m trying to cut off certain triggers from my life, while I know exposure is important, I’ve just been trying to avoid ones that I know won’t help. That’s basically been my day, I’m sad that I won’t see my school counselor anymore, and even more sad that she feels she couldn’t help me as much as she may have wanted to, but I’m grateful for having gone, because even though she doesn’t specialize in OCD, she has been incredibly kind and compassionate. Seeing her has allowed me to open up to those around me and be honest with all of them. While I know confessing is a compulsion, I feel as if telling those closest to me was a good idea, at least now they know everything. But I hope this month isn’t a truly awful one, I hope for not a good month, but at least a not so panic filled one. My counselor has asked me to keep in touch with her since she was really scared to just let me leave without going to the hospital, I hope I’ll be able to tell her some good news soon. For now, I’m just going to try and sleep for the night, I hope tomorrow is a better day.

I have a really stupid question but I’ve always want to work in the health care field. I want to be a nurse but for some reason I feel like I can’t because of my OCD. Like I been looking into trade school to become and ultrasound tech and I feel like I won’t be able to complete or do well in school because of this. I feel like my mind won’t be able to stay focused on my school work and be focused more on my obsessions. I was trying to google what kind of Jobs people with OCD normally have but I’m not really seeing anything? Right now I work in retail and fast food. I’m 22 years old and I just want a better job and make real money. I want to be successful. What kind of jobs do you have?

Does anyone ever have thoughts on “could have been/happen” moments? I always (use to be daily for about 2 years) get this thought that I’m a punk because I turned down a fight (apon reflection: that I may have started) at 17 (I am now 27). Til this day I still try to prove myself to myself. I use to take boxing classes but I have a injury. So as long as I’m not practicing fighting than I feel like a punk. Anyone experience something similar?

I’m so heartbroken. After battling with hocd all last year and having the worst year of my life, my boyfriend has not let it go. He thinks I’m a lesbian and calls me a “lezzo” in fights. I’m so heartbroken. He won’t let this go and I forever feel like I’ve destroyed this relationship and it’ll never ever go back to being normal. :((((

All day I’ve been obsessing over who he follows on Instagram. I was doing so well for months but I feel like I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole. so many of these people he follows seem so triggering- why did he follow this girl on one account and not the other? The girls in his university class that he follows seem WAY too young for them to be “liking” each other’s photos. is he being inappropriate? he’s way too old for them. why is he friends with this girl on Facebook too? Ugh, it’s just exhausting and my brain is absolutely swimming. I’ve been obsessing over this since the morning and I should be working. I’m also sort of embarrassed that I’m in my 30s and worrying about girls on a freaking app. It all feels so pathetic and stupid but at the same time, VERY scary and real 😞

We know from personal experience that living with OCD can feel isolating, so it’s important to have support from someone who truly understands you. That’s why every member who begins treatment at NOCD Therapy is connected to a Peer Advisor. Our team of Peer Advisors at NOCD Therapy has experienced OCD and completed ERP at NOCD Therapy. They can relate to what you may be experiencing as you begin your treatment journey and are available to address questions, hesitations, or fears you may have. They’ll help you prepare for your first therapy session and will check in afterward to ensure that your NOCD therapist was a good match. At NOCD Therapy, you’re never alone as you begin your OCD treatment journey. Book a free call with our team to learn more about working with a NOCD therapist that can help you get better, and getting support from a Peer Advisor when you start.

TW IM convinced that no one in the work could possibly be 100% straight. Just strong preferences. Does this make sense?

I am FED UP with this obsession now and listening to the erp. How long does it take for your brain to realise it is a load of RUBBISH and it is all in your head??????? I feel I can't keep doing this. My anxiety is going down but I am getting angry with what the erp is saying to me now but still BELIEVE it.....when will this end? I have had moments of clarity but it doesnt last......please help

To all the girls out there :) When your period is coming, does it increase your intrusive thoughts? If so, how do you cope with it? I mean, I clearly know it’s OCD and I know how not-to care about it after this time of the month but week before and during the cycle it’s like a nightmare… even tho I know it’s just this freaking ilness, I feel a huge anxiety and fear. How do you cope with that, girls? (Not looking for reassurance or anything, just being curious! :))

Does anyone suffer from schizophrenia/psychosis OCD? Where they are so afraid that this is what is happening rather than anxiety or OCD? Like intrusive thoughts of the same nature a person suffering psychosis would have? Or doing mental rituals to prevent hallucinations or delusions from happening? A lot of my compulsions are avoidance too which severely impacts my quality of life. It isn’t as common as other themes and there’s other parts of it that stem from trauma, but this is the general theme.

I’ve been really bad at doing ERP the past few days, and I can feel OCD starting to sink it’s claws back into me. It’s almost bedtime, and I’m scared to do ERP so close to when I should be winding down to sleep, but I’m going to do it anyway. Time to go look at some artistic nudes until I stop feeling anxious, I guess! Wish me luck.

I get obsessed over simple things (like dialogues) that I feel like I didn't fully understand (when in reality I do) and my mind gets stuck in a loop. I find myself overanalysing a sentence, a dialogue. It's like if I were stuck in an endless circle of thought. Has anybody ever felt like this?

I’m really struggling, with POCD false memory from 3 years ago, I did great for about a year but my PTSD being around my parents sent me into an OCD spiral about a month ago and I can’t get back to a good place. My daughters at the age where she hates me and the world. I can hardly touch her without her jumping. I speak to her she gets defensive. I put a post up the other night about her rejecting my hug and it literally sent me into a severe panic attack. It’s my only day off today after working a long weekend. I just went to wake her up for school by sitting on the edge of her bed and she’s just so moody. This is killing me, I feel like my reassurance that I’m innocent is based off her mood. All I want to do is climb back in bed and shut down, and unfortunately I have to help my sister today moving my parents into an apartment, I’m scared to be around them. I know they will make me feel worse but I have to help for my sister. She’s finally realized how toxic they are and has made a life changing decision to move out at 35. I’m so proud of her and want to be supportive but my brain is just all over the place. My mom is sickly, her and my dad are both addicts and seeing them in such a sad state just messes with my head. I’m so resentful, I feel like they are the route of all my anxiety and OCD, they definitely triggered my false memory and it’s hard to find peace with any of this.

I am feeling helpless and so torn…Idk why but it’s starting to feel a little too real and i am always just hanging in between which is like feeling similar for the the opp sex and the same which makes me believe in what i am denying or am i even denying?!? Like I can’t differentiate whats true what not cause all this feels very true natural and how it should have always been but i am just realising and this is the process where everyone is anxious at first and then become normal with it?!? Like thats how it happens with people who are in denial too right like how do i tell myself i am not in denial and when someone says i am straight how do i believe it with so many proofs and then I actually don’t believe it cause the opp feels more believable than this and if thats the case doesn’t it say that yes i have been avoiding it and what for if i am not scared and okay with it but am i truly like if i even consider this an option that says something about this right?!? What do i do?!?

Does anyone just feel like a gay best friend in their relationship now?

Pls could use a little help 😥I had a few things in mind that i need to get out so i have my thoughts and then they just pass away without any anxiety like they are a part of me and it's natural to me which I don't understand how it's possible its feels like At this point I don't care and feel like i am and i am just faking all this ocd and i agree with it hardcore and all this writing and posting is also bs. get the thoughts like i had a fee today where i felt like i was naturally noticing the girl... and a dream where i wanted to be with one and when such things happen how am i not supposed to believe them like my ocd or whatever it is it is better now and get a few thoughts here and there and i am so tired i just don't want to engage with them and then i think if i am being so okay with the uncertainty of maybe maybe not and people on the other hand have so much problem then it might me that i always was what i am denying and i am writing this so easily too that means its not ocd right?!? Cause why would i be so okay and now more specifically be okay with the maybe maybe not idea!!! That should take time it means it was always like this thats why its easy to accept?!! Idk what to do!!?! I feel i am faking it all and the thoughts have started to feel like a part of me and i get it and don't pay attention like anyone else from the community wouldn't what does that make me?!? If i feel so natural with them how is it ocd?!