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the NOCD Community

Does ocd ever really make you believe that deep deep down it’s all true and real? I hate that damn feeling. You just can’t trust your thinking.

Don't care what it says, always agree with it. And relief will follow ❤

My anxiety is deep my relationship is more than likely over and it hurts so much because I just now am realizing I’ve needed help for a long time and I let her see the worst of rocd I accused her of not loving me and cheating on me for 2 years and we were talking and now she says she needs time and we have a kid together the doubts are strong but I’m fighting so hard I’m doing everything I can to not call her because she asked me not to talk to her but to our daughter and I want her nothing more than to tell her how much I love her but she is confused from my actions and I know she needs space but my ocd wants to call her and confess but she also doesn’t want to seem understanding about this and said that it wasn’t an excuse and I no that it’s an excuse I needed help so long ago and I’m trying to now I’m filled with so much doubt and my chest wants to pop sitting here is so hard

Anyone else struggle with existenal OCD? I get really weird thoughts... like "what are thoughts" .. "how do I know that everything I read, hear and have been told about ocd is true" "how do I know that everyone is really helping me and not some kind of Trueman show character" "how do I know I'm not here alone and everyone I see or here is just a figament of my imagination" .... is this all really ocd or could it be more?? 😔... it really freaks me out... anyone else experience this?

HOCD: a recovery story. My HOCD began around 2 years ago. At the time, I didn’t know that I had OCD. I have a vivid memory of the moment it all started. I was scrolling through TikTok, and stumbled upon a video of a girl talking about how she’d been ‘straight’ her whole life until meeting this one woman, and then she realised that she had never been straight at all… Initially, I felt confused, and then I felt one of the most intense rushes of panic I’ve ever felt: ‘what if I’m gay and just don’t know it?’, and a million other trailing thoughts ensued. What followed was 2 years of endless questioning, anxiety, panic, confusion, sadness and grief. Looking back, it’s almost comical to me how I let someone else’s narrative and experience shatter my own identity; but I guess that’s just how OCD works. It was a couple of months into this theme that I stumbled upon ‘HOCD’. What I was experiencing felt so bizarre; I had no concrete evidence to suggest that I was into women, yet I was questioning my sexuality every day, for hours! Having a pretty stereotyped conception of OCD, I didn’t believe that I could possibly have it… and then a thread started to reveal itself; I’ve had obsessions in the past about my health - I always assumed it was hypochondria, but it had an obsessive-compulsive style; it was more than just ‘worry’. It then occurred to me that this obsession with my sexuality felt very similar… After a lot of research, learning about OCD (the ‘pure O’ kind) and hearing and reading the experiences of others, I decided that I should start implementing exposures into my day-to-day life, in the hopes that I could finally close that chapter of my mental life. For me, my predominant ‘compulsions’ were reassurance seeking and checking. This manifested as staring at ‘erotic’ images of women, monitoring my mental and bodily responses, doing the same with men, and comparing the two; playing scenarios in my head of myself both romantically and physically with women, monitoring my responses; going back over photos, videos and memories to see if I ever behaved in a ‘non-hetero’ way; and the embarrassing list goes on. I found that intentionally trying to ‘stop’ these things, just fuelled my desire to do them more - to find certainty. I decided that this method - for some reason - wasn’t working. My next choice (and the choice that basically ended my battle with OCD) was letting the thoughts be there, but changing my response. I realised that the crux of my suffering was my constant responding to the thoughts, and my constant rumination on them. I realised that it was taking away from my day-to-day life - I wasn’t doing as much as I could’ve/should’ve been, I was neglecting aspects of myself that I should’ve/could’ve been attending to. I started to focus on the things that gave me a sense of meaning and contentment: school, my friends and family, music, learning, my health, etc, all the while LETTING the thoughts be there. At first, the suffering felt the same, I was still thinking all the time, I still felt like I was on autopilot, but I was progressing. Before I knew it, this progression became exponential. Over the course of months, my shift in prioritisation yielded huge rewards. I was happy and thriving, and my HOCD just became a dull background noise that had virtually no relevance to me. For some, the only way to achieve this is though therapy; I didn’t have the means, and that likely made things harder, so I highly recommend professional help to those who have access to it!!! Nonetheless, I feel free from OCD. Yes, I still have thoughts about my sexuality, YES, I still engage in the odd compulsion, but I definitely don’t qualify as having OCD anymore. Nothing triggers me in that regard, which I’m unbelievably thankful for. For example, I couldn’t even hear a ‘coming out’ story without bursting into panic and sometimes tears!!Now, I could listen to one with intrigue and absolutely no anxiety, and that’s really saying something. If anyone can take anything from this, I hope it’s the knowledge that you’re not doomed to your obsession, there is, unequivocally, hope for you. If I can recover, in the state that I was in, then there’s no doubt that (regardless of the severity) you can too!!! In retrospect, I can see how cognitively distorted my thinking was, and that’s not something you have insight into until you’re on the other side. I’m writing this with joy. I’m sending my absolute best wishes to all, whatever obsession you’re dealing with. You are not trapped, you are not doomed, you are not incapable of recovery - make the choice of change now.

tics tw sometimes i read things about people’s tics or see them do them and i get the urge to do it too. i don’t know if it’s ocd or tourette’s! like i feel i have to do it in a sort of ‘just right’ way but a lot of people with tourette’s say the same.

18+ I’ve recently started getting more and more inc3st intrusive thoughts lately about my brothers that I feel disgusting about because I’ve never had these kind of thoughts before and while me and my boyfriend were having sex the whole time I kept getting images of them and my thoughts kept telling me I think they’re attractive and that I’m bored with my boyfriend because I’d rather be thinking about them. And I feel so gross saying all of this but I don’t want to tell my boyfriend even though he knows pretty much everything about my POCD. With all these sexual intrusive thoughts at once it just makes me feel like I’m a pervert and that I want all these thoughts especially when my ocd keeps bringing up my past porn addiction and mistakes I have made. I in no way shape or form want these thoughts but I just feel so guilty considering my past and how my intrusive thoughts seem so real. Ugh I just want to be normal again and have normal thoughts that normal people have.

Has anyone tried CBD oil for OCD? And if so, are you also on any other medications?

Right now I feel like God is disappointed in me because of one of my tattoos that has pagan history even though I did not know it had that history and I do not align with paganism and im afraid that im going to be punished because of it, even though im making efforts to getting it removed.

Does anyone have any input about the concept of extreme exposures? I understand why it’d be necessary for recovery but wouldn’t some of them be genuinely dangerous? Like especially for contamination?

A lot of people that I use to see post up here when I first joined in 2020 don’t post up here anymore it seems. Makes we think they’ve gotten better with their ocd than I have cause I still post even though it’s less frequent.

Hi everyone. Just want to find someone that shares what I have. Emetophobia/contamination OCD. I'm finding it difficult to understand what I should be treating, or how to treat both. Emetophobia is the cause of my OCD I feel. It's hard to find a therapist who treats Emetophobia and OCD together. If I just treat the contamination OCD am I dealing with the actual problem of Emetophobia? Any help appreciated.

Im super scared that i wont recover it's killing me rn

A little bit of erp goes a long way 🤗

Intrusive thoughts are hitting me hard these last few days. Normally I have been able to work through them but for some reason, they are causing me a lot of stress. I feel like I’m back at square one when I thought I have made it out of the really bad times. My intrusive thoughts have been about losing my mind. I’m constantly checking to make sure I’m not delusional and then my brain throws out random thoughts that make me think I’m delusional. I know those thoughts aren’t true but then my thoughts are like then why are you having them? Maybe you are beginning to lose it? Then I have a full on panic attack and picturing myself going nuts or in psychosis. I had this theme awhile ago and was able to conquer it or so I thought. Now it’s back and really distressing me. My intrusive thoughts switch back and forth between religion, harm, and now these mental health ones. Sometimes all at once and that’s the worse. Does anyone have advice on how to push through?

I've been having obsessions about having cancer. Breast cancer specifically because I get cysts and lumps in my breast due to PCOS and some other hormonal imbalance issues. While I know this is causing me a great deal of distress, I never know when and if a time could be appropriate to go to a doctor without engaging in it as a compulsion. Except, I'm not sure if it matters either way because I've been checking my breast all day long for lumps and squeezing causing pain as well as reassurance seeking through stupid Google. When is the right time to even go to a doctor for a real concern? Ugh. No matter what I do, it seems like it's a compulsion..

i’m so doubtful. i have the breakup urge right now. it’s so scary because like, i’m having thoughts about just being mean to him until he breaks up with me. i don’t wanna be mean to him.

I’m starting clomipromin for my ocd that’s all the doctor prescribed be I have debilitating ocd I have anxiety that causes me to have anxiety attacks and panick attacks I’ve had to stop wearing bras cause I feel like I can’t breath they make me panick that I can’t inhale I’ve had episodes of gerd that I had no idea that’s wat it was when it was happening I thought I was haveing a heart attack and had to call ambulance several times and was in the hospital they did ekg cause of the symptoms I was haveing turns out it was gerd I also had vertigo which is also another thing you can get from anxiety and stress I get rashes on my arms and other parts of my body and get really itchy when I have anxiety I wake up wit panick attacks gasping for air i panick bout leaveing the house and doing anything I anticipate days I no I have to go somewere and takes me a lot of days to recooperate when I do leave the house I have depression we’re I don’t get out of bed I just sit on my phone I barely eat and drink I have to make myself get up to use the bathroom to sometimes I don’t eat till my ears are ringing cause I’m so hungry and dizzy I’m constantly up all nite for 2 to 4 hours we’re I’m just awake mind raceing bout everything like millions of things over and over I’ll have 1 thought then another than go back to the previous thought then get a new thought it’s like listening to a million different t movies at once just so loud it seems to much at once nothing I do brings me back out of that raceing mind stuff I can drown it out wit watching stuff on my phone and getting into movies and tv shows over the years all these issues have slowly gotten worse and now this is we’re I’m at it’s the most horrible feeling I no this is not me I no things could’ve been done to actually help me over the years doctors seem so uninterested in your issues and then scared to prescribe medications that work that are made for these reasons but cause they have such a horrible name on them there scared to prescribe it I think someone else telling someone there anxiety there other mental illnesses aren’t affecting them enough to need certain medications is rediculous and the only time I was prescribed anxiety meds haveing noticeable signs of it were when I went to the mental hospital and they actually seen that I was suffering they seen that I wasn’t functioning when a doctor only sees you for a little bit I feel like I need more medications but asking for anxiety meds makes me look like that’s all I’m wanting And also ocd is an anxiety disorder if you didn’t have anxiety you wouldn’t have ocd takeing anxiety medications to Maintain anxiety and lessen ocd things is wat I need just like I no I need an antidepressant for my ocd and depression I no wit everything in me I need help and wat I need I need therapy to I need to do exposure and response therapy I no I need inpatient care to I can ask for all those things but as soon as anxiety meds get brought into it your made to look like a drug addict I just wish things were easier.

I’d like to share something I read recently that helped me to start viewing my OCD in a different light. Many of us view OCD as a monster attacking us. May I challenge you all to try and view OCD instead perhaps as a faulty alarm. The brain has a system in place to warn us of potential threats - this is normal functioning. However, with anxiety, OCD, etc., this system becomes hyperactive and can cause issues. It’ll start throwing out these “fake-out” threats (obsessions) in order to get you to take precautions over things that aren’t happening (compulsions). It demands these compulsions because then it’s like you’re protecting yourself. But the threat isn’t there, that’s why a lot of it is surrounded in “what-ifs”. The brain is basically trying to protect us in its own way due to OCD. I personally never understood how OCD was the brain’s weird way of protecting us until I saw it from this side. I believe that once the perspective is shifted to view OCD in this light, it can cause us to develop self-compassion for ourselves - which I believe is vital to recovery. That’s why when we eliminate compulsions, we are telling our brains that we don’t need to do anything about the “threat” it is sending out. It’s being wayyy overactive, and we need to let the alarm ring without doing anything about it. The brain learns and changes when we avoid compulsions and we get closer to recovery. I sometimes think it could even be viewed as the character Fear from the movie Inside Out - imagine if he was running the show, huh? I hope this can help any of you out there struggling. Even just changed in perspective when it comes to OCD can make a huge shift in someone’s life. 💛 Also if anyone is interested, I came across this perspective doing a self-compassion for OCD workbook by Kimberly Quinlan, LMFT.

Some one please help me I feel like I am about to have a panic attack this hocd or soocd feels so real