Welcome to
the NOCD Community

My ocd makes me feel like I’m a shitty person, like I’m worse than other people and in a dark times like maybe it would be better if I wasn’t existing (I’m not gonna commit suicide don’t worry it’s just a feeling)… idk maybe I’m just looking for support and also coping advice Like I always hear/see the statement “people with ocd are usually very kind and sensitive and would never do any harm knowingly” and then I’m like maybe I’m worse than most people with ocd because I’m not that kind I can be quite irritable and angry and I feel pretty bad about myself

hi. i have been dealing with the worst rocd episode to date. i’ve been with an amazing man for almost 2 years. i flirted around and dated one person in high school. i entered my first long term relationship in 2020 when i was 18. I was never the party type. I always liked having a close knit group of friends and having intimate gatherings. two weeks ago i saw a post about how relationships in your 20s dont last and that your 20s are for dating around. that sent me into a spiral and i felt that i had to date around or i was doing something wrong. after tears on both ends he allowed me three months to date around and bate a decision. i tearfully downloaded tinder and swiped left on everyone. i called him back that same night and sobbed begging for us to not do this break thing because i knew that’s not what i really wanted. since then i’ve had days of clarity where I know I don’t want anyone else. when we are together, i feel at peace. but when we’re apart i’m back to spiraling. this is the worst episode i’ve had to date and mind you i’ve had cheating ocd, false memories, and compulsive confessions in the past. I keep giving into the compulsions to look at articles about how young relationships are destined to fail they don’t make me feel good at all. I don’t want reassurance, just want to know how people move past these flare ups. any advice is greatly appreciated please.

Sometimes I have so much that I want to do (cleaning, exercise, hobbies, etc) but OCD makes it so hard to have energy...especially when I'm practicing not doing compulsions! Does anyone have any tips for making it easier to do everyday activities when you aren't feeling mentally great?

Hi ... so im suffering with relationship ocd... my partner is the best and I love her to bits... but I'm constantly checking my attraction towards other women to see how attracted to them I am and constantly imaging that if I were put in a situation (erotically) where I had to say yes or no to cheating would i 100% be able to say no? And then I'm not sure if I could... (this is all Purley based on attractiveness) which scares the crap outa me!! And sometimes I feel.like I'm more attracted to some other women rather than my partner (physically) and question if this is normal? Is it? Is this relationship ocd? :( :(

Man I feel like my ocd has getting better but worst at the same time. It’s weird to explain but the thoughts don’t give as much anxiety as they used to but now I’m struggling with the intrusive thoughts. It’s ruining my life cause when I try to pray or even read Bible I get the worst thoughts and images and I hate it cause I genuinely love and respect god but my thoughts would say otherwise. I been Christain my whole life and I feel like god is telling me something but idk man just really Lost and confused I don’t even enjoy doing activities anymore

So. My bf & I have one boundary each. His is for me to not snoop on his phone. Mine is for him to not communicate with girls from the past, even a simple hello Idc. I never asked him to delete them so he has pretty much every girl he’s been intimate with on his socials. They never reach out to him, but he will reply to their stories sometimes & it’s friendly but I don’t like it. The only way I have found out about this, it’s happened twice now, is by going on his phone. I’m upset because well I went on his phone & didn’t want to and that ate me up inside. And he now knows I did. And he threatened to dump me if I did it again. So I’m just anticipating him dumping me soon. It was my birthday so he wouldn’t do it now. But the focus has been primarily on my mistake. But, not what he did. And he brushed it off completely. He told me he didn’t care that i didn’t like that, that he’ll do what he wants kind of thing. Like any photos he wants and talk to who he wants. (He liked her photo while we been on this break which made me angrier) he was insensitive and dismissive when I explained why. We saw each other, he made a joke out of it saying “u don’t want me to like ____ pictures” and I was like no I mean I went on ur phone and u snapchatted her and lied to me. He didn’t know and was shocked. His mood switched for sure. He told her in the Snapchat he wasn’t allowed to talk to her cuz someone thinks they wanna fuck each other and the girl laughed. He has no thought in his mind what he said was not ok. Then in the car practically said he won’t talk to her cuz he doesn’t blah blah but if I go on his phone again he’s leaving me for good. Which I’m so sick of the threats. I was going to tell him to put a passcode on his phone so he feels more comfortable & also for me to prevent myself going on it cuz it is a huge issue for me myself. But we didn’t get that far. We’re still broken up/on a break and I feel like he only spoke to me because it was my birthday. He told me he didn’t care to talk to me much and I can feel the distance. We didn’t kiss or anything. It felt awkward and sad. I just am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’m so very close to starting medication. I’m at my wits end. My fear now that’s holding me back is that I will “snap” go into psychosis or manic and I’m already psyching myself into all these severe side effects before I even start. How am I supposed to do better on them if I don’t let myself have the chance or if I just convince myself they’re doing more damage?? Was anyone else thinking this way when they started?? That they would give into all their intrusive thoughts? Or what they already convinced themselves it wouldn’t work?

Intrusive thoughts of “your thinking about guys bodyparts” when I’m clearly thinking of girls and how beautiful they are… and I saw a triggering thing of a girl coming out and I had this feeling in my stomach… and as I was “m” I was trying to picture what me and this girl did weeks ago but it was giving me intrusive thoughts about how I was thinking of doing stuff with a guy… 😞😞😞

Does anyone else deal with this? I’ve had so many nights where I’ve been unable to fall asleep because I have to keep checking to make sure that everything is fine when something doesn’t feel right health-wise. Usually it has to do with my eyes, so I’ll be opening my eyes every few minutes while trying to fall asleep just to make sure nothing has changed with my vision. Tonight there’s a bump that popped up on my face near my eye while washing my face and it’s kept me up for nearly 3 hours now just to keep checking it to make sure it doesn’t look worse. I know everything’s fine I just can’t shake these thoughts that something is wrong.

I’m so worried right now because of a real event that I don’t remember when it happened but I used to have a stupid and embarrassing tickling fetish and whenever I would look it up on ifunny which is what I mostly used for memes or whatever that had to do with the fetish, I’m worried about the characters or whatever I’m the memes or whatever I came across on ifunny and worried of what if they were younger and I didn’t know it? Also at this time I struggled with self pleasure and whatnot (the m word) and that was a big part of it even though I had no idea, it was just about the fetish for me, nothing else. I’ve dealt with something similar but this time I’m worried about the characters and I keep thinking what if I was older than 18 because I stopped using ifunny for the longest time and then used it again and I’m so scared of what if they were younger and I had no idea. I remember when I went back I felt uncomfortable like it wasn’t right and I immediately stopped and never looked back since because I never had bad intentions and I sure don’t have them now. I would rather give up. All of this crap is making me want to give up regardless but you know what I mean. It’s so sad that I’ve struggled with this for years and now I’m obsessing about it because I didn’t know any better back then and it doesn’t matter what anyone tells me whether it’s my mom who knows or my therapist, I cannot let it go or forgive myself.

Please. Someone. Help. So in general I'm disgusted by incest. But there's also this little part of me that wasn't want to do it myself but like of I hear about two cousins falling in love there's a little part of me that's like 'I don't really care, they aren't hurting anyone right? They just shouldn't have kids and this is going to be really fucking complicated when they break up.' and like I'm not attracted to any family members, when I see stepsiblings porn I'm immediately turned off and shit, and the idea of having sex with a family member just feels very gross. But then last night I had this dream where there were two celebrity dudes I find attractive and like in my mind was like one is a sibling the other is a boyfriend, and then my mind was like no yk what now one of the persons is both or something? And idk all I remember is that I was attracted to the dudes and in my mind I had sex with them and it really turned me on, and then it felt like that thought turned me on even more. And like I've find myself pretending it more, but then in a different way when I'm awake where I pretend I'm the sister of like a famous artist but not in a way where we are romantically together because in real life that grosses me out. But then because they aren't my actual siblings Im also still attracted to them. Idk how to explain this because I know it sounds weird. The thing is, I don't even have siblings and if I did I would never do such a thing as commit incest. But this dream really scared me like what if I am attracted to the idea of fucking a sibling?? But the idea disgusts me, so could it only be that I fantasise of those celebs being an older brother or something? But then I always imagine it isn't romantically because that's gross. But in my dream I for some reason didn't care and listened to that thought and got really turned on. But maybe some factors for that is that incest OCD is my biggest fear at the moment and I'm on my period so weird sex dreams occur a lot. Can somebody help me out?????

I’m having a panic attack, I thought I was doing so good but my daughter came into my bed and I god that whoosh of fear and it triggered a panic attack. I know for certain I would never harm her and that I am not a monster but my brain is making me feel like I may become one out of nowhere. I’m so scared i miss feeling normal. I feel sick to my stomach

Does anyone feel like they are pressured to do intentional ERP, even though they’ve learned many tools to progress? I feel like there’s this pressure layer on heavy that we can’t fully get better without intentional ERP. I don’t think that’s fair.

I have started to develop tics. And they are slowly getting worse. Anyone know how to control them? Or am I going crazy?

hello! I am struggling right now because my intrusive thoughts haven’t been bad in almost a year, then out of nowhere things are getting awful. I’ve had them my whole life but it feels like my brain is attacking me with the most disgusting and weird things I could possibly think of. I’m not worried I will act on them but I’m more just freaked out that my mind is capable of coming up with these things and it makes me question who I am as a person. I’ve been to the ER twice this week with suicidal thoughts, I can’t do SSRI treatment because I have sensitive serotonin receptors and they always really mess me up. I feel like a freak right now and I just don’t know how to cope.

My opinions and mind changes so frequently that a single day genuinely feels like 5 days at times. It's so painful because this roller coaster of emotions can go from just accepting these thoughts, to crying in the bathroom and feeling like I'm going to act on them. My mind can literally change a dozen or more times a day and it's obviously not good as it's over obsessive about stuff I can't control. Dear OCD: you are a lying piece of shit that is making me accept things I always thought were morally wrong even if I think they're horrible. The thoughts feel so real and it's scaring me to a point where I feel like I'm going to lose control. At the same time however, I feel like I've been selfish enough before to deserve this.

As a Christian I did a lot of sins before I repented and still mess up sometimes. I lied a lot to my partner about things. I feel responsibility for these lies. I confessed a lot of things to him but not all things and not in detail. I asked for generally forgiveness, also for me to not get further exposed and to just focus on the future instead of old mistakes and lies. I feel like I cannot be free now. Like I need to make every lie right. Because if not the person cannot see my „true self“. I really really want to just let the past go and just try to not do these mistakes again and If I do I want to work on it with god in private. Can someone give me advise?

I recently saw a post on YouTube about a serial killer and now I'm randomly thinking stuff about 'oh but what if I am going to do that' I've never had those thoughts before but I don't react with the same anxiety I used to (maybe because I've been at my worst over the past month already). However I'm scared that 'oh but what if one day I snap and do something like those people?' It's a difficult situation to overcome because the thoughts feel way too real, even though I've never really had them before

Kt really feels like I’m attracted to younger peers at school 💀 like there’s this boy and he had like a fitted shirt ig and then I noticed that I checked out his like chest n stuff and he was a junior 😭😭 like ugh I hate that before I wasn’t even checking out for him like that like it was like okay whatever a person and now this happens and I feel bad and weird 💀 ughhh and then If I find out something that makes me assume that my younger peers are a bunch of assholes until they say something like they’ve been bullied before and then I’m like “oh Aw that’s why he/she acts like that🥺” then I get scared of eventually liking them or start having a crush which is what it was feeling like today 😭😭😭 and it’s so annoying that I’ll have an urge or like just an automatic checking out thing with ppls bodies like I look at everyone 💀 it’s like my eyes have no control it’s so annoying then I suppress how I feel if I feel like I have some sort of emotion or liek any if it’s on my younger peers and then I like get confused ugh I hate this what if I really am attracted to younger people all this time that I remembered my trauma and now it’s going to make me a pedo :( idk

so i’m a 20 year old straight female .. and honestly when it comes to sex i don’t care for it unless i’m really aroused but i mostly just don’t really care for it like i can go a while without sex without feeling like i need it and when i do have sex though i do enjoy it but i never have an orgasm. not that that matters but is there anyone else doesn’t really care much for sex? i love my partner so much we have no issues so it has nothing to do with our connection but then the ocd side of me is saying "well what if it’s cause you aren’t attracted to him" "what if it’s cause you want sex with a girl instead" and i know that’s not true at all but these thoughts don’t stop gosh i hate ocd