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the NOCD Community

My hocd feels so real like every time i see a girl my eyes automatically goes to their tits or ass and it stresses me out and I sometimes get these intrusive thoughts out of nowhere saying “if you u really like girls then you’ll have to leave you bf” orr I get these images of being with a girl and all sorts of things there are many more but I can’t seem ti remember at the moment I’m sure they will come back to me but it feels so real sometimes I think is this true do I like girls as well?

I don’t know my head is so muddled up at the minute I don’t know if I like other people of the same sex my head is just telling me I am gay and in denial all the time I was never like this in the past tho I just can’t get my head around I have prayed to god but I am still stuck with this ocd demon

Has anyone had any friends or people in their life who seem to doubt that you have OCD or insinuate that maybe you were not properly diagnosed? Or who have kind of compared something you do to something they do making it sound like maybe it's just normal and not OCD? My friend did this in a conversation, I don't think it was really intentional but it felt awful and I started to doubt myself but I also am feeling like it's okay, I know myself and don't need to let OCD now tell me that I don't know myself. But I just felt awful about it and wanted to share. Curious how others deal with any possibly similar feelings.

Why is night so hard to resist compulsions. I have this idea in my head or my ocd tells me that my thoughts will be stuck with me or it will become real if I don’t do the compulsion before I fall asleep

My OCD is bad enough ob its own but holy cow when i start a relationship i go off the rails. Im so afraid of not being completely understood or of anandonment or someone elses thoughts about me. I havent dated ina while and then i meet this guy i really trust and feel safe with. Long story short he knows i have ocd and trauma, he was really busy for a week and i asked him to just check in on weather id hear from him that day then after multiple days of nothing I did my usual send 25 paragraphs at night justifying exactly why i feel what etc. We finally talked he said hed absolutely check in and did not again. I again called lots texted lots and all and his message to me after was very condescending and rude. He knows about ocd and seemed before to understand. Were all allowed to be overwhelemd and not act perfectly. But this was all so hurtful circumstances considered. Anyways i sent him TONS more messages that is a lot but all very clear and organized about how it made me feel. I know this is not good its so overwhelming and i cant expect him to handle it. Now hes not even looking at my messages. Amd despite the number they are actually all very important in terms of content judt lots of repition and justifying and hyper explaing as to avoid any possible misunderstandings. And I loose heart and feel like just saying no no its ALL my fault its my ocd and ptsd. Then my old habit would be self sabatoge and saying ya i guess im just too hard to date. But also he was condescending and ignorant etc. Blah ya im spinning bad not hearing from him. Cumpulsions in full effect. Not sure how to handle it im trying to give him space but this is an obssesion / compulsion that effects me more then any other one. I cant just not do it Also this relationship is not even fully formed yet. Hes moving to my city next week we met online and talked for hours on the phone everyday for weeks then ya boom he dissapears and i get hes busy but how hard is it to just say hey i cant talk tonight have a good day! Anyways i just dont know what erp to go about or how to know weather something is just my ocd making it bigger then it is or if i trueky should be hurt.

I swear I can’t fucking stop worrying about being in an interracial relationship. Everyone is saying being with the same race is more rewarding and better and it provides more security/understanding and you won’t be hurting your ancestors☹️ and of course the part of my brain that believes all of that keeps telling me I want it more than I’m sure of and I’m so scared it’s true. I’m scared I’ve discovered my truth and I can’t or don’t want to stay with my bf who is of another race. The feelings are so there and I’m nervous 😭

Does anyone else struggle with not finding anything reassuring? I try to avoid any reassurance given that it only fuels OCD, but I find it very discouraging that nothing reassures me. It makes me feel like my situation is different, and true due to not having any moments of “clarity”. Even if it is only a short moment of hope. I feel like everyone else knows who they are deep down and I’m not feeling that at all anymore.

Hey, I'm planning on having a self care day tomorrow and I need some ideas! Feel free to share!!

Ever get a feeling to just to say your right and blame your self for everything? And agreed to everything anyone say cause you feel hopeless? Do you also just say your thoughts out loud sometimes when your angry like the harm thoughts and then overthink it after wards? I feel hopeless at this point

Why is it that people who don’t understand your ocd just think your crazy? Like I don’t want to be this way. I wish it was as easy to recover from ocd as it is for people to call me crazy. I know it’s hard for people to understand but it just makes me feel like a burden, when people call my crazy. I can’t really afford therapy right now, but I have been trying to expose myself to the things I fear, but it feels impossible sometimes.

Does anyone experience palpitations during anxiety ? Feels like your heart kinda skips a beat or there’s a flutter in your chest ?? I’ve have EKGs that were normal but they feel so weird as scary but it’s usually when I’m anxious.

I don’t think anyone will read this. I’ve never posted before, but felt that i just had to let this out. I don’t have anyone to talk to. My mother barged into my room whilst I was about to take a shower. I told her I wasn’t dressed, and to come back at another time, but she ignored me. “I’ll keep my eyes shut I promise” she said, I insisted again for her to leave. Then she looked, laughing. She looked on purpose. This seems really small, I understand that. But it isn’t to me. It was really triggering. As someone who was sexually abused as a child, and having experienced my boundaries pushed & crossed in relationships throughout my early teens: I’ve always felt that my voice doesn’t matter. That my body can be treated however, and I have no say or power to change that. That I’m not worthy of respect, clearly. My mom doesn’t know about the sexual abuse I experienced 12 years ago, but she should know how to show basic decency. Why doesn’t she respect me? What did i do to be treated like this, along with the other cruel things she’s done to me. Yelling, throwing things, biting me, leaving bruises and scratches. When i’ve been the only one there for her to rely on during her mental health struggles, how could she tell me i’m “just too difficult to love”? I don’t think I’ll ever know. I feel weak for saying this, but this incident has lead me to relapse in sh and that has made me feel worse. I’ve been clean for ages. I feel really terrible right now, but it felt good to let this out. Again, I don’t know if anyone will read this but, if someone has gotten this far: I want you to know I love you. You are worthy of respect. You are not a doormat. You are not weak. And you are going to prove them wrong, every single person who doubts or disrespects you. Because you are way more remarkable than you have ever thought.

This isn’t really a ocd issue but it is a issue I just want to talk about. Every time I’m with my friends I can’t help but hate myself. And it pours in harder after I leave. It’s nothing that they are doing it’s just I’ve had multiple friends/ friend groups in the past that have made me feel like my only option is to be defensive and correct myself and hesitate and it’s agitating that, that’s the way my social life feels and even more so that I don’t know how to not be that way. Those people aren’t in my life I have genuinely great people now but it’s like I just don’t know how to function or I come off incredibly abrasive or I take a joke to far and the last thing I ever want is to hurt the people I love feelings. It’s like I just want to purge everything in my head and have a fresh slate but I just don’t know how I don’t want to lose my friends and I obviously need a social life but like I just want to stay in and stay quiet and just forget about everything and just start new Bc obviously trying to continue the life I’m already living and the mindset I tempt to function with just isn’t working. I get afraid that I’ll never be happy and never get what I want

I've had ROCD for the past 7 months (I've been with my partner for 9 months) and in those 7 months I've always felt anxiety, worry, stress, horrible feelings in me, constant crying etc. But now for the past few weeks all I've been feeling is emptiness and numbness. How is that? From going so long basically having the same feeling to now feeling this way?? And honestly it feels worse feeling empty and numb than actually feeling anxiety and worry :( Has anyone experienced this before?? Does it change again overtime?

another post break-up day that just completely wrecked me. i hate how much this shit won’t leave my mind. i can’t stop going over every detail and bringing myself to the verge of a panic attack. these last few days have been absolute ick. it’s been almost two months—i don’t understand why i’m not better. and it feels so stupid to feel this way and not have my best friend to confide in because he’s not by my side anymore. i just feel sick to my stomach and like walking away from everything i’ve been doing to distract myself because clearly it’s not working. if you have any advice on breakups and navigating them with ocd, please share—i’m struggling more and more every day.

Has anyone ever feared that they will snap or lose control during high anxiety or a panic attack and do something terrible like hurt yourself in order to escape the anxiety ? I don’t want to do that but I’m scared That could Happen , like acting on impulse

I know I post like 6 to 10 times a day but it's been a tough 4 years dealing with these sorry for posting a lot just trying to cope. My thoughts and images got so bad I thought I saw jeuse at the end of the film and then went inside and panic for some reason and then start picturing hell and burning images and it got worst from there long story the week I was already paranoid from covid and health anxiety got 10x times worst at this point I can't tell if its images or hallucinations I got a big fear of schizophrenia I feel like that could of been a big cause of all this. Ever since that day when I thought I saw jeuse the images been so bad I forgot if there just images or hallucinations i heard that hallucinations are part of schizophrenia. Weeks before this jesus image or hallucinations week after covid I was having a image of heaven in my mind then I look up schizophrenia and then look up hallucinations then when I saw that schizophrenia and hallucinations are big part of each other o start imaging to see if I se heaven or hell and then I start to check if I could hear voices and it just got worst from there. And now I got panic and very anxious and ran away from the image or hallucination on the hill I been overthinking schizophrenia? Was it actually him? Am I going die? And then the images kept following me everywhere when I started letting get more and more everyday 4/5 weeks or more later and sti getting to me and I was convinced I saw him but it died move it glow but only last a few seconds I already thought I was going have a heart attack before that happened but I heard if you saw jeuse or angels death is near. I just don't know anymore then I look on google and none of the images match as show on Google and then I start looking at people schizophrenia story's to make me feel better but I felt the same afterwards and I keep getting s urge or impulse to check the hill over and over and when I check I see the image cause my mind is wanting to see it I don't know how to explain it hard to describe anything is I look how the bible or Google describes then I start image it how it was on the hill and I never can se either how I saw it the first time it only last a few seconds and I felt very unreal cause I went into a panic attack a little I believe and was paranoid all night and lottlenall day then I started hearing blown nosies and other things cause I was letting it get to me. Sorry for posting to much again but I feel like I needed to get it off my chest and been holding it in and sorry for my spelling as well really sorry but hope y'all understand ♥️ I post another post explaining it more best I can

I have chronic anxiety all day thinking my sexuality.. It feels like I want it and thinking about a future my boyfriend is riddled eith anxiety and feeling like I don't want it and would rather be with a woman. I feel sad because I feel like i have to end things with my boyfriend to be a lesbian. I'm riddled with anxiety, sadness, guilt and helplessness. I can't take this feeling anymore I want it all to stop! I'm at my whits end, I feel like I've been thinking about this shit forever, even before I met my boyfriend. I'm just so done

Writing this as an ERP exercise. Long post incoming! I (24F) have been with my partner (26M) for 4.5 years. Up until pretty recently, everything felt perfect— of course we dealt with disagreements and arguments from time to time, but never once did I question our relationship. I felt so in love with him and I remember frequently thinking, especially in the beginning, that I had found “the one.” I still believe he is the one deep down, but lately my ROCD has been clouding my mind so much that I can’t even discern what is real sometimes. We moved in together in July of 2020 and rescued a cat that October, who we both love so so much. I’ve heard about couples facing challenges after moving in together, so I went into this expecting to learn some new things about him/having to adjusting our lifestyles to make it work. And honestly, it’s been working out great, up until about a month ago. We have a lot of different interests, which has never been a concern for me until now— if anything I’ve felt that we balance each other out. He does have a higher sex drive than I do (partially due to a fear of intimacy on my end as a SA victim) but we’ve been able to reach compromises there so we’re both satisfied. I learned early on that I am the only sexual partner he’s had (neither of us are religious, it just happened to work out this way). I only have 3 partners myself (including him) and never went through a “hookup phase” or anything. Every day I relentlessly obsess over our relationship— is he really the one? What if there is someone out there that is a better match for me? What if he feels like he’s missed out because he’s only slept with me, and this causes him to cheat? What if I feel like I missed out because I never really had the “single experience” ? What if we do end up getting married, then get divorced down the line? Am I too young to even think about marriage? Am I falling out of love and settling because I’m comfortable? Am I still attracted to him? I do have a history of anxiety/depression, so I feel that this is just another facet of that. The entire experience is completely exhausting. He is so supportive (I’ve even presented these concerns to him & he has been nothing short of validating and comforting). He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me laugh more than anyone I know. He is an amazing cat dad (lol). He works really hard. We both have similar goals for the future (start a business, buy a house, start a family, etc.) So why am I suddenly questioning everything?! We started talking about getting engaged a bit more seriously towards the end of last year, and I think this, coupled with some more superficial factors (ie weight gain for both of us— again, hasn’t been a problem until now) has triggered ROCD for me. It sucks because I’ve never dealt with this before, and it makes me feel like a terrible partner. When I think about possibly ending the relationship, it makes me so upset that I can’t even think straight— not because I don’t think I could live without him, but because I don’t WANT to live without him. Deep down, I don’t want to end the relationship and think this issue would likely come up regardless of who my partner was. I also feel that if I were truly unhappy I would’ve left by now. All of the fundamentals are there, so I believe this is something we can work through. But WOW is this tough. If you read all of this, THANK YOU!!! If you have had a similar experience, please share in the replies if you feel comfortable❤️

Any parents out there right now struggling with ocd? If so would you mind sharing the struggle?