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I just told my boyfriend some really serious stuff about my OCD and false memories. And it just doesn’t seem like he cares about anything. I don’t know if I want to be with him anymore. I just don’t want to be alone. He’s the only person in my life

Dear OCD Mums, you are not alone. I had intrusive thoughts about deliberately breaking my newborn's neck. I want to talk about Post Partum OCD and particularly harm obsessions which can be directed from you towards your new baby. Yes I had intrusive thoughts about violently murdering my baby. I wince writing that even now. I also thought what if my arms suddenly spring open and I let the baby fall on his head on the hard floor. These were my darkest days and it took me years to figure out what was happening. So if I am to share something here about my OCD it is this because it was by far the worst symptom I've experienced. If it's happening to you I hope it will help to hear that this IS OCD, you're not alone, you don't want to harm your baby and things will get better. I had severe undiagnosed Post Partum OCD after my first child was born 7 years ago. In fact it started when I was still pregnant. By the time he was born I could barely hold him if I wasn't sitting in a safe armchair where he couldn't really fall even if I let go. I was terrified to be alone with him for fear I would turn out to be a murderous mother. In true OCD form I was completely horrified by these thoughts and its heart breaking to remember how hard these terrible days were even now. I was having anxiety attacks left, right and centre. I couldn't drive without getting into a blind shaking panic, I was wobbly standing in queues, I couldn't hold my baby comfortably while sitting or standing over a hard surfaced floor, breastfeeding was not happening - although I tried it was too much of a potential neck breaking position for me and the baby wasn't up for it either so I gave up. I was frightened, confused, exhausted and anxious to the point of being dizzy. I thought I would faint just going out for a walk, I felt at sea if I wasn't holding onto the baby stroller. After 3 weeks I went to my GP who said I had Post Natal Depression. I was surprised. I knew this didn't quite fit. Post Natal Anxiety maybe but I wasn't sure if that was a thing. I was 33 and I had never been treated for any mental illness before. I muddled through it, I had some CBT type counselling directed towards mindfulness and then lots psychoanalytic type therapy which focused on finding the root of my anxiety in my past. No one mentioned OCD. I tried to recover. I took 50mg of Zolof then 100mg then 150mg as I was prescribed. I had my second baby 4 years ago and second time around I had the psychological support I needed which led to my OCD diagnosis, treatment and recovery. As routine for me as a Mum who had 'anxiety' after her first child was born, during my second pregnancy my obstetrician referred me to a psychiatrist who specialises in pregnancy and post partum mental health. After my second baby was born she spotted I have OCD when in my supposed final appointment I mentioned sort of off topic that I couldn't stop thinking about spiders. I had a nagging feeling I should her about it and I'm glad I did. It's all OCD. She referred me to a Clinical Psychologist who specialises in OCD. I met and spoke to him and he said "You have OCD". Again I was surprised. I thought of people with OCD in movies who have cupboards full of canned soup all lined up etc. He helped me learn all about OCD, guided me through Exposure Response Therapy, talked to me about ACT Aacceptance and Commitment Therapy and reintroduced me to Mindfulness. I haven't needed to see him for over a year. I still have OCD but it doesn't bother me much right now. I can live with spiders and babies and just about anything : ) Just now life is calm and over the last 6 months I've very slowly tapered the meds down to...nothing. I would be glad to hear your stories girls. It feels good about mine. All the best to you all.

I don't know how to take erp to my process of creation in writing... it's so frustrating.

Hi, I'm new here :) I haven't yet met someone with the same type of OCD as me. I have relationship OCD and my obsessions switch between doubting my love for my partner and wondering whether my partner will leave me. I become obsessed with their physical flaws until I convince myself I'm not attracted to them and I struggle to feel connected. Currently, I'm afraid my partner will fall out of love with me and I'm afraid that they can't promise me that they'll stick around. I feel really alone and I don't have many people to talk to. Can anyone relate?

Can anyone who has recovered, or is beginning to recover, describe that experience for themselves? I feel like a lot of us are just living by waiting for the next time we’re gonna be triggered and that’s no way to live. Thanks❤️☺️

does anyone feel like ocd can numb you and desensitize you? i feel like that’s been happening

How do you know it's a false memory/OCD and not something that actually happened? I feel like a terrible person. I'm a very creative person, and the more I stress about whether I did this bad thing the more it seems real. The worst part is is that I have no way of reassurance without sounding crazy. I have ROCD and I randomly started obsessing over the 7 months of our relationship whether or not I've cheated on him. Even though I love him more than anything and I would never do that! I'm constantly triggered by coworkers or classmates that I've previously found attractive or liked and/or I know they've liked me or flirted with me. I'm at the point now where I'm rereading simple texts/straightforward texts of these people asking me about school work or if I could cover a shift trying to find proof of something I can't remember. My partner knows about my OCD and is very understanding and supportive. I feel like I'm living a lie. When this first started my rational brain knew this wasn't real, but the more I become obsessed the more it becomes more distorted. I feel guilty for being happy. I just want to be guaranteed it's not real so I can move on with my life. It's moving to specific people now and it's scaring me how real it feels.

Is this even ocd anymore it feels so real and like I’m in denial.. I’m not seeking reassurance but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I got an intrusive sexual image of me getting a baby’s hand and making it finger me and got the feeling as though I may want to do it.. I feel really guilty and ashamed. I would never do that to a baby the image is weird to me but I don’t know it’s like I get this feeling that I may want to do it I know it’s just a thought but I feel like a weirdo

OCD worse in fall/winter: Does anyone else's OCD get worse in the fall/wintertime? I think maybe it's the combination of it being shitty and dark outside all the time, and always having to just be in the house. My friends are at college during that time of year too, so basically I just have zero distraction and it gives my brain too much time to overthink and create issues. I used to think I had seasonal affective disorder until I found out I had OCD, but I don't.

I feel like I'm at the end of my road , and there's no point to live having HOCD the rest of my life

I can’t stop being bothered by my boyfriend masturbating. I think it’s because he has a low sex drive and we don’t have sex as often as I’d like, yet he is able to masturbate regularly without issue. Often we will have sex and he doesn’t finish, which I understand and try not to let bother me but with him having such ease with masturbating and watching porn I sometimes wonder if I can’t satisfy him enough. He says that’s not the case and that it’s completely his deal with low sex drive and whatnot. I feel like I’m crazy for being bothered by him masturbating but I can’t help it. It triggers my anxiety and sometimes feels like a slap in the face (he one time left me to go masturbate while I was asleep for an hour and I didn’t find out until I woke up). In that case it felt like he could’ve woken me up or waited for me to wake up if he was in the mood. It just feels like a waste when he rarely gets horny and he was, and I was right there, yet he chose not to initiate sex with me. The other night we were on the phone and we usually talk until we both go to sleep, but he instead told me he was just going to let me go to sleep and he’d talk to me in the morning, not that he too was going to sleep. I know this was because he was going to masturbate and then sleep, but he didn’t want to tell me. Again this made me anxious and led me to go over and over the obsession. In that case we weren’t together, but we used to send each other sexual messages and perhaps photos and that never happens now, so it feels like there’s a disconnect with us sexually and I’m not sure how to feel about it or what exactly is going on if anything is wrong. I’m sure most of this is all normal but as you know, it’s so hard to tell yourself to ignore it. And to top it off I think I’m feeling a bit of cognitive dissonance due to the fact that yes I am human and I too masturbate, so feeling bad about his masturbation really bothers me since I do it too. Maybe it’s the fact that I do it without telling him, because him telling me or alluding to it makes me feel devalued. I’m not sure, but I look forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts. Thanks!

Sorry guys another post here but those who experience or have experienced depersonalisation, does it not make you feel like you are literally loosing yourself? I honestly considered admitting myself as it’s such a weird feeling that I’m not me and that I don’t belong anywhere, literally nothing feels normal but..I know I’ve over come it before. I will not let this thing ruin me or my life

So today I said to my dad "it's not easy being me." And he, very nicely and conversationally, replied "it's not easy being anyone. Eveyone has problems." I replied: "I know, but I have the same problems as everyone else, AND my crazy problems." He seemed to get something he hasnt before, in the past 12 years I've been in recovery. But do you guys think I'm right? Everyone does have struggles, and they're not all the same. My mom has said to me in the past "if it weren't [OCD], it would be something else." Any thoughts on this? I guess I'm really asking if there is neurotypical privilege lol

*Trigger Warning* (Homosexual/Sexual-Orientation) Everyone who is comfortable, please post your intrusive thoughts, feelings, urges, or memories here that have to do with H/SO- OCD. What is true is that all of these things have nothing to do with who you are, and are just by-products and misconstructions of our creative brains. I want people to feel less alone and to know that they are not deviant. Thanks guys?❤️

So I haven’t seen anything like this posted, but if anyone can relate PLZ reply. If I purchase something from the grocery store, and I either 1. Am not the one to open I’m first or 2. Do not see it get opened by a family member, I will refuse to eat it (out of fear of contamination). Can someone help me realize this is an irrational fear??

Can anyone help me with contamination? One of my biggest concerns is not only becoming infected with herpes specifically but also that the germs are just hanging around on my mouth/face and can be transmitted even before I am infected if that makes sense. Basically I fear if I come into contact with a contaminated object I fear that the germs can sit around on my mouth/face and infect others if I touch my mouth and then something else. I also feel the need to extensively clean my mouth and often throw away my toothbrush after brushing because I feel whatever germs were on my mouth are now sitting on my toothbrush waiting to reinfect me or others. This is especially difficult when I come in contact with wet or oily things because it seems like they cannot dry or be rinsed off. Any advice or insight is appreciated!!

hey can people comment some happy things for me to read, today has been really hard and all I’ve been doing is crying

Had some serious relapse this weekend and feel so embarrassed. Idk what to do and no matter how much I try to do ERP I feel like I’m always doing it wrong. I want to die or hide. I feel like I’m nothing but a burden to people.

the fact that reassurance feeds the ocd and is also what we desperately need more than anything is literally sadistic. like what kind of overkill is that.

Hey guys. I was reading some of the posts and I found one which describes how I feel: it feels weird to accept the thoughts, but it also feels weird to deny or fight them. I feel like I'm stuck. I had been doing better by accepting that no matter how many times I performed my compulsions, they couldn't prevent my feared outcome from happening. Still ocd hit me real hard and I relapsed, although it wasn't as awful as past times. It just sucks to be stuck in this cycle