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the NOCD Community

I really love my partner he is so understanding and patient when it comes to my intrusive thoughts about him cheating on me but it's so hard to fight these insecurities, I have forgotten to live my own life because my life is based on his and I completely forgot myself. I think I am ready to ask my psychiatrist for some medical help because I need to love myself. Now I just hate it so much

Was doing fairly well for a while. Saw a video on HOCD vs denial and i told myself dont watch it just move on and i watched it anyway and it said pushing thoughts away and not trying to think about things is denial and now i feel like im back at step 1 again. And it feels real and i hate this. Im stuck and i just want to love women again and enjoy my girlfriend

I have an irrational fear that my boyfriend (who makes me really comfortable and never pressurizes me) would ask me for explicit pictures and would leave me if I refuse. How do I sit with this? I don't want to leave him at any cost.

Guys i was fine for a second, and then i wanted to rewatch one of the Chinese dramas and i started constantly looking at how long the episode is left without watching it peacefully . how do i stop this???? at work also i started getting anxiety of doing stuff wrong and getting fired.

Hi today I started ERP on my own I have hocd and I did an exposure when I went to a lesbian forum and wrote a comment to a girl but now I’m convinced I’m actually a lesbian… and It feels wrong to be with my partner. Did I do it wrong ? Cause it looks like I just made it worse or is it bc I didn’t do any compulsion that I’m feeling this way ( at least I think so) ?

I am really struggling with my ROCD right now, and can’t seem to think about anything else when I have any second of downtime. What do you do to refocus? Additionally, I feel like this person who I’ve been talking to isn’t trustworthy, but I can’t tell if it’s my ROCD or actually my own perception. I go back and forth. Sometimes he is, sometimes he isn’t. We’ve been using Snapchat to talk, and I go back and occasionally delete pictures I’ve sent because I am afraid that I’m being used… although I know he enjoys my company and genuinely likes to talk to me. We’ve never met in person and we started all by talking… is it reasonable to be more interested in physical things because we’ve talked over text/phone for so long? (It’s been on and off for a year) we aren’t together by my brain keeps going back and forth freaking out about if this is a relationship… and I don’t know if I’m ready or not but I can’t tell if that’s ALSO ROCD or just me… Help? Thoughts? Experiences?

Im in a really difficult place. I have had ROCD symptoms ever since dating my now husband. My doubts began to be about my love for him, is he the one, etc. When we got engaged and before that I was also filled with questions about what do I want with my life and fears of getting married keeping me from fulfilling/exploring my dreams. Fast forward and we have been married for 2 years. I still had those doubts but developed a fear of sex (had sex related ocd themes as a teenager) and this has made intimacy hard and put a strain on our relationship. We have been doing couples therapy for intimacy but it hasnt really helped. I am thinking I need ERP help, because even without physical intimacy, I am still filled with fears related to sex that I obsess over. The strain of all this and my intrusive thoughts have also led me to contemplate divorce. These intrusive thoughts have left me feeling depressed, loss of appetite, unable to sleep. Recently my husband expressed sadness about our lack of intimacy and my doubts about wanting to have kids (his big dream). It triggered even more anxiety and I kept thinking, should we just end this now? I have no energy to plan for kids and one of my obsessions is "do I really want kids? What if I dont?" I didnt dare say that though, I dont want to hurt him and I do love him, he is what I would want in a life partner. But I am struggling so much with my anxiety that its making it hard for me to function. How do I handle all of this when it feels so real and when there seem to be actual reasons for giving up on our relationship (fear of engaging in sex, not sure if I want kids). I would love to have the type of carefree life I see other couples have but I cant deal with all this. I feel stuck, dont want to do something I regret. My worst fear is hurting him. I have struggled to see all this as OCD since it overlaps with life things that feel so real. Wouldnt it make sense to call it quits if sex is problematic? But my thinking is obsessive and I have a history of OCD. Why do I keep feeling like giving up on us and how do I turn this around? Its hard.

I keep having palpitations and now I’m obsessed about having a heart attack…. I’ve been through 3 different EKG’s this year and everything looks perfect but I can’t stop obsessing about having palpitations and dying from it … the palpitations last about 2-3 seconds

Anybody struggle with thinking you have schizophrenia or are slowly developing it? Mine just kinda popped up out of the blue today. Idk why I have a sudden feeling that I might hear or see something that nobody else will hear or see. I just feel like I’m stuck in my own head and I might act out of impulse. It’s making me feel anxious, uncomfortable, and worried that something might be wrong with me. I even feel like covering my ears so I can calm myself down with some piece and quiet. Please tell me someone else knows what I’m talking about

Hi everyone, I've been dealing with POCD for a while now, and frankly I need help or advice or something because I'm getting nowhere, in fact it's only getting worse. I know that I'm supposed to not give the thoughts a response or attention, but I just can't do that, not with this theme. The thoughts feel so real it's like I'm there and doing those horrible things. The groinals make it so much worse and feel so much more real too, and I just feel like I can't possibly not go on the defensive in my mind when these thoughts happen, but it's too the point that the thoughts are constant now and I just can't keep doing this, but the alternative is just unthinkable to me. I feel like for me to ignore or not argue with those thoughts makes it feel like I agree with them or like them, and it's already terrible to deal with the thoughts when they feel like I enjoy them, even though I know I don't, so I'm terrified of being in a situation where it feels like I'm not disagreeing with the thoughts and actively fighting them. How am I supposed to deal with both of those horrible things at the same time and not feel like the scum of the earth. I already have spent so much time dealing with the guilt of having had these horrible thoughts, and at this point to just ignore them after having had so many of them that feel so real makes me feel like not arguing with them would just be the same as being a pedophile. If the thoughts feel so real, then for me to not fight them feels like it's morally the same as being a pedophile itself, as if I'm just a sicko thinking about all of these horrible things for pleasure, even though I hate them with every fiber of my being. Even that is something OCD tries to argue with me, that I somehow do like the thoughts even though I hate them. I know this has become a wall of text at this point,. but I just don't know what to do, I can't even get myself to do exposures because it feels like they just add fuel to my intrusive thoughts or convince me they're true even though I know they can't be and refuse to believe that. I just don't know what to do anymore, it's to the point that I hate being awake, like I live for the times when I'm not living.

Hi. Does anyone have any helpful tips for when your OCD urges you to ruminate and analyse an intrusive thought. I try to ignore the thoughts, but it feels disstresing and no matter what i distract myself with it’s always in the back of my mind bothering me?

I'm worked on my most difficult exposure today in therapy. I want to run, I want to hide, I'm at such an elevated stress that I want to disappear. It's all existential. I'm trying to make sense of this and I am so lost.

Have you ever experienced a relapse on ocd? I think im having one right now (i had my worst period a year and a half ago, i had to start Zoloft and therapy. Now it’s happening again but im feeling stronger than before and with more ways to cope. Someone that lived the same thing?

My brain can’t stop trying to figure out my sexuality and it’s horrible. I can find both men and women attractive so thought I might be bi, but then I don’t often want sex with my boyfriend so I’m worried I could be a lesbian. I can identify with bi or asexual quite happily but thinking about being a lesbian fills me with so much dread and anxiety. On Saturday I had the best day with my boyfriend. I felt so in love for most of the day which was a triumph considering I’ve had ROCD for the whole of the relationship. There was a time I looked at him and I honestly could’ve cried because I loved him that much. Surely I wouldn’t feel like that if I was a lesbian? I’ve always had crushes on boys growing up, but they were always romantic ones. When I thought of love growing up it was always romantic, I always felt a little alienated because I wasn’t interested in sex and sexual acts. Now, I enjoy sexual things with my boyfriend but he has to work to get me in the mood. I’m worried this means I’m not sexually attracted to him and what this means. But the love I feel sometimes is so intense and fills me with happiness. My mind can’t rest until I’ve figured it out

Hello- I have been battling many types of OCD on and off for 25+ years. Medication works but wanted to go off for 1st trimester of pregnancy. I am doing a good job deploying ERP tactics for pure o and real event ocd and it has removed physically anxiety symptoms and I can concentrate in life. However I do have a big sense of fear and all day gloomy feeling knowing that the thoughts that are disturbing are sitting out there and fear I will come up with new ones. Will this get better the longer I keep deploying the ERP tactics? I never have this when I am on medication. Thanks in advance.

does anyone else feel like their compulsion is also their intrusive thought? like my brain says "if you do *intrusive thought*, you wont deal with said intrusive thought again." i really need help because it deals with harm ocd and i really dont want to do anything bad. im so scared. i know it's lying, but it doesnt feel like it and i just feel so stressed and anxious.

I have a bit of a pill problem. I don’t take things without my mom knowing. As in I know where her medication is but I don’t touch it at all. She offers. I should’ve said no. But last night I took a Flexeril, which is a muscle relaxer, and a full dose of Tylenol p.m. I wanted to be unconscious I wanted no thoughts. But that’s just so stupid because both of those medications can cause dreams and shit. Flexeril can cause abnormal thinking and dreaming by itself. I was having the strangest dreams and the strongest feelings but in a weird way it was like supporting the fact that I don’t like women but now I’m scared that I feel weird saying that like it’s not when it’s true and I don’t understand why I feel like that. I definitely don’t like women I kept thinking about like boobs and stuff and I didn’t like it but there is just these weird strong feelings because of the oils. And I feel very terrified. So I’m lying here and I make faces as though I don’t it’s just the innuendo like the way my dreams technically supported the fact that I don’t like women physically or in any other way like that. And I keep trying to imagine pect rolls and I make a face like I don’t want I’m more than like them. And I looked down at my own body and I’m out of shape but I can still see where I once had a very nice body and I’m scared I couldn’t tell if something happened down there looking at my own private and I’m frightened that I make faces as though I don’t want I like the opposite of my private you know like dick. And now I feel really out of it and terrified and I could really use someone to talk to Like I woke up totally dry so to speak down there like the driest I’ve been in days. I don’t know how ovulating works but every time I get my period about anywhere from 9 to 11 days later I’ll be extra active down there for like five days it’s weird. And of course struggling with OCD my body is just doing its normal routine probably but my brain is like why is this happening kind of thing you know. People here know. Please help me because I keep making faces like I don’t I like dick that dream was so strange despite never having had it I like dick I don’t like the way I acted impressed with my own body like I do and I don’t like vagina and I feel very confused. And I’m scared I can’t imagine pectorals like I’m making faces as though I don’t wanna voice like them and I want them to come back and I don’t want to lose it for my guy despite him not knowing who I am and I’m frightened I am I don’t wanna be over a guy bodies I don’t like girls it’s just the dream is so creepy with the way it’s just totally innuendo like the strong feelings I was getting technically supporting my stance of not being gay or like I’m not I don’t like women at all and now I can’t breathe like I’m choking as though it’s a lie when it’s not but the really weird feelings the pills were giving me a scary I’m scared of the way I shrugged like I have and that is I don’t want that to be okay I don’t even want to stop caring about my guy and I’m more than care about him and then I said that without I don’t want him to have boobs I’m scared that’s what the weird innuendo dream actually meant and I keep making faces like I don’t I’m scared I do I don’t like fat deposits that’s all boobs are I don’t like the way they hang. I’m scared I don’t like the building fat sides I am so sorry I don’t goddamn like boobs I swear I need pectorals back I want my guy back and I feel really weird and dumb and it’s all my own fault

Today I start my first session of ERP with an NOCD therapist! Iam very excited but a little scared! Could you share your good outcomes after ERP? Thank you 🙏

Does anyone want to talk, who’s 18+ Really tired and just need some human compassion

Exactly what the title says. Avoid them. Most of the time they give you false information and feed you false ideologies. People spout bullsh*t for people that will follow and believe that bullsh*t. And you know what makes many people vulnerable to also believing and following that same bullsh*t? The false belief that if a crowd believes something is true, then it must be. That is ultimately NOT true. In fact, the whole planet could believe into something wrong with only one person believing the opposite and being right.It's also scientifically proven than they worsen mental health. There is literally zero benefit in them, you're just addicted. If you want information, read books and find the information your self. Don't settle with second hand, passed from mouth to mouth by people that starve for attention, information but settle with the type that you've found yourself. Learn how to trust yourself little by little, develop your critical thinking skills. While this won't necessarily help much with ocd since it doesn't listen to logic, it will help you to grow as a person. Good luck.