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the NOCD Community

Does anyone have any positive experiences with meds? I’m wanting to start them but I only hear bad things about them.

Does anyone experience some kind of a persistent mental block while trying to do important college work? I've been trying to write my final paper (english is not my native language, I don't know how you call that) which is 100+ pages long, true, but it isn't anything too complex. I've been trying to do it for the past two years at this point and while I'm prone to procrastination I could not count how times I tried, with limited success. The one thing I know for sure is that my ocd goes crazy after the first 5-10 minutes. Has anyone found a way to work through such symptoms? It's extremely frustrating, especially when I know that this stuff is well within my capacity to get done in 2 weeks, not 2 years.

How do I know if my feelings are false or real ?

Sorry for long text.I've been struggling with false memories since a month ago and I suspect it is coming with depression due to my severe rumination. I'm in a 7 month relationship and I'm deeply in love. Nowadays I'm struggling with myself and my relationship because I thought I might have cheated. I thought I might have kissed a friend last Friday while we were talking. Yes exactly while I was talking to that friend that situation entered into my head and I couldn't figure out between is real or not. 5 days have passed, there's no evidence about that and I don't have any flashbacks. I try to go back to that moment, at the beginning I didn't at all but now I do every day and there's nothing. I don't remember a kiss and his reaction and my feelings during that action. But the thought and feeling I could have cheated are persistent. At the beginning (first days, friday and Saturday) I was really afraid of my boyfriend and I couldn't talk to him. There were moments were I was able to rise and say "I don't remember that kiss so nothing happened" but now I can't rise anymore even if I don't remember nothing. When I rised then I thought or felt that I don't remember but maybe my friend does remember everything. He haven't told me anything about that, like nothing happened. I use to think that he knows and his friends and it could be a fact I don't want to remember so I blocked my memory to not believe it. First because I don't like that friend and second because would hate being a cheater and hurting the person I love. Monday I reunited with my bf and I stayed at his home. My anxiety levels where high. Whenever I kissed him, hugged him, or touched him I thought "you're making a fool of him" "how dare tou" "if he just knows" "did you really do it?" "I need a straight answer" "what if everything ends" "what if you don't want to admit it and don't want to make charge of it" "don't pretend nothing happened" "you have to remember the truth" I don't know if these are genuine thoughts or OCD thoughts. I don't even know if this is OCD anymore but since the beginning, since I started to think about this cheating thing I felt its presence, I related it to be possibly OCD. What makes me ruminate is maybe I use OCD as an excuse and every mistake I make I'll believe on purpose it is OCD talking. As I said I can't differentiate between myself or OCD. I don't know if this is an ocd case or reality. I don't know what is my next step, discovering it is true, asking my friend to confirm and confessing this to my boyfriend or discovering it is OCD, work hard to stop ruminating and keep moving on. I don't know which path choose. I don't have just thoughts but feelings. A deep feeling I did something bad, a constant heartache.

I really love my partner he is so understanding and patient when it comes to my intrusive thoughts about him cheating on me but it's so hard to fight these insecurities, I have forgotten to live my own life because my life is based on his and I completely forgot myself. I think I am ready to ask my psychiatrist for some medical help because I need to love myself. Now I just hate it so much

Was doing fairly well for a while. Saw a video on HOCD vs denial and i told myself dont watch it just move on and i watched it anyway and it said pushing thoughts away and not trying to think about things is denial and now i feel like im back at step 1 again. And it feels real and i hate this. Im stuck and i just want to love women again and enjoy my girlfriend

I have an irrational fear that my boyfriend (who makes me really comfortable and never pressurizes me) would ask me for explicit pictures and would leave me if I refuse. How do I sit with this? I don't want to leave him at any cost.

Guys i was fine for a second, and then i wanted to rewatch one of the Chinese dramas and i started constantly looking at how long the episode is left without watching it peacefully . how do i stop this???? at work also i started getting anxiety of doing stuff wrong and getting fired.

Hi today I started ERP on my own I have hocd and I did an exposure when I went to a lesbian forum and wrote a comment to a girl but now I’m convinced I’m actually a lesbian… and It feels wrong to be with my partner. Did I do it wrong ? Cause it looks like I just made it worse or is it bc I didn’t do any compulsion that I’m feeling this way ( at least I think so) ?

I am really struggling with my ROCD right now, and can’t seem to think about anything else when I have any second of downtime. What do you do to refocus? Additionally, I feel like this person who I’ve been talking to isn’t trustworthy, but I can’t tell if it’s my ROCD or actually my own perception. I go back and forth. Sometimes he is, sometimes he isn’t. We’ve been using Snapchat to talk, and I go back and occasionally delete pictures I’ve sent because I am afraid that I’m being used… although I know he enjoys my company and genuinely likes to talk to me. We’ve never met in person and we started all by talking… is it reasonable to be more interested in physical things because we’ve talked over text/phone for so long? (It’s been on and off for a year) we aren’t together by my brain keeps going back and forth freaking out about if this is a relationship… and I don’t know if I’m ready or not but I can’t tell if that’s ALSO ROCD or just me… Help? Thoughts? Experiences?

Im in a really difficult place. I have had ROCD symptoms ever since dating my now husband. My doubts began to be about my love for him, is he the one, etc. When we got engaged and before that I was also filled with questions about what do I want with my life and fears of getting married keeping me from fulfilling/exploring my dreams. Fast forward and we have been married for 2 years. I still had those doubts but developed a fear of sex (had sex related ocd themes as a teenager) and this has made intimacy hard and put a strain on our relationship. We have been doing couples therapy for intimacy but it hasnt really helped. I am thinking I need ERP help, because even without physical intimacy, I am still filled with fears related to sex that I obsess over. The strain of all this and my intrusive thoughts have also led me to contemplate divorce. These intrusive thoughts have left me feeling depressed, loss of appetite, unable to sleep. Recently my husband expressed sadness about our lack of intimacy and my doubts about wanting to have kids (his big dream). It triggered even more anxiety and I kept thinking, should we just end this now? I have no energy to plan for kids and one of my obsessions is "do I really want kids? What if I dont?" I didnt dare say that though, I dont want to hurt him and I do love him, he is what I would want in a life partner. But I am struggling so much with my anxiety that its making it hard for me to function. How do I handle all of this when it feels so real and when there seem to be actual reasons for giving up on our relationship (fear of engaging in sex, not sure if I want kids). I would love to have the type of carefree life I see other couples have but I cant deal with all this. I feel stuck, dont want to do something I regret. My worst fear is hurting him. I have struggled to see all this as OCD since it overlaps with life things that feel so real. Wouldnt it make sense to call it quits if sex is problematic? But my thinking is obsessive and I have a history of OCD. Why do I keep feeling like giving up on us and how do I turn this around? Its hard.

I keep having palpitations and now I’m obsessed about having a heart attack…. I’ve been through 3 different EKG’s this year and everything looks perfect but I can’t stop obsessing about having palpitations and dying from it … the palpitations last about 2-3 seconds

Anybody struggle with thinking you have schizophrenia or are slowly developing it? Mine just kinda popped up out of the blue today. Idk why I have a sudden feeling that I might hear or see something that nobody else will hear or see. I just feel like I’m stuck in my own head and I might act out of impulse. It’s making me feel anxious, uncomfortable, and worried that something might be wrong with me. I even feel like covering my ears so I can calm myself down with some piece and quiet. Please tell me someone else knows what I’m talking about

Hi everyone, I've been dealing with POCD for a while now, and frankly I need help or advice or something because I'm getting nowhere, in fact it's only getting worse. I know that I'm supposed to not give the thoughts a response or attention, but I just can't do that, not with this theme. The thoughts feel so real it's like I'm there and doing those horrible things. The groinals make it so much worse and feel so much more real too, and I just feel like I can't possibly not go on the defensive in my mind when these thoughts happen, but it's too the point that the thoughts are constant now and I just can't keep doing this, but the alternative is just unthinkable to me. I feel like for me to ignore or not argue with those thoughts makes it feel like I agree with them or like them, and it's already terrible to deal with the thoughts when they feel like I enjoy them, even though I know I don't, so I'm terrified of being in a situation where it feels like I'm not disagreeing with the thoughts and actively fighting them. How am I supposed to deal with both of those horrible things at the same time and not feel like the scum of the earth. I already have spent so much time dealing with the guilt of having had these horrible thoughts, and at this point to just ignore them after having had so many of them that feel so real makes me feel like not arguing with them would just be the same as being a pedophile. If the thoughts feel so real, then for me to not fight them feels like it's morally the same as being a pedophile itself, as if I'm just a sicko thinking about all of these horrible things for pleasure, even though I hate them with every fiber of my being. Even that is something OCD tries to argue with me, that I somehow do like the thoughts even though I hate them. I know this has become a wall of text at this point,. but I just don't know what to do, I can't even get myself to do exposures because it feels like they just add fuel to my intrusive thoughts or convince me they're true even though I know they can't be and refuse to believe that. I just don't know what to do anymore, it's to the point that I hate being awake, like I live for the times when I'm not living.

Hi. Does anyone have any helpful tips for when your OCD urges you to ruminate and analyse an intrusive thought. I try to ignore the thoughts, but it feels disstresing and no matter what i distract myself with it’s always in the back of my mind bothering me?

I'm worked on my most difficult exposure today in therapy. I want to run, I want to hide, I'm at such an elevated stress that I want to disappear. It's all existential. I'm trying to make sense of this and I am so lost.

Have you ever experienced a relapse on ocd? I think im having one right now (i had my worst period a year and a half ago, i had to start Zoloft and therapy. Now it’s happening again but im feeling stronger than before and with more ways to cope. Someone that lived the same thing?

My brain can’t stop trying to figure out my sexuality and it’s horrible. I can find both men and women attractive so thought I might be bi, but then I don’t often want sex with my boyfriend so I’m worried I could be a lesbian. I can identify with bi or asexual quite happily but thinking about being a lesbian fills me with so much dread and anxiety. On Saturday I had the best day with my boyfriend. I felt so in love for most of the day which was a triumph considering I’ve had ROCD for the whole of the relationship. There was a time I looked at him and I honestly could’ve cried because I loved him that much. Surely I wouldn’t feel like that if I was a lesbian? I’ve always had crushes on boys growing up, but they were always romantic ones. When I thought of love growing up it was always romantic, I always felt a little alienated because I wasn’t interested in sex and sexual acts. Now, I enjoy sexual things with my boyfriend but he has to work to get me in the mood. I’m worried this means I’m not sexually attracted to him and what this means. But the love I feel sometimes is so intense and fills me with happiness. My mind can’t rest until I’ve figured it out

Hello- I have been battling many types of OCD on and off for 25+ years. Medication works but wanted to go off for 1st trimester of pregnancy. I am doing a good job deploying ERP tactics for pure o and real event ocd and it has removed physically anxiety symptoms and I can concentrate in life. However I do have a big sense of fear and all day gloomy feeling knowing that the thoughts that are disturbing are sitting out there and fear I will come up with new ones. Will this get better the longer I keep deploying the ERP tactics? I never have this when I am on medication. Thanks in advance.

does anyone else feel like their compulsion is also their intrusive thought? like my brain says "if you do *intrusive thought*, you wont deal with said intrusive thought again." i really need help because it deals with harm ocd and i really dont want to do anything bad. im so scared. i know it's lying, but it doesnt feel like it and i just feel so stressed and anxious.