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I have harm OCD towards my cat and now she’s lying in bed next to me while I draw and my OCD is wild, screaming at me to remove myself from the situation as I might snap and kill her… this is the absolute worst feeling in the world.

I went like 7 or 8 years in my current relationship very happily until someone I had a crush on in school (about 9 years ago since I've last even seen) started getting stuck in my mind. It's not the ex crush. I'm not attracted to them or anything like that (I'm a bit like what did you see in him) but it's more of the attention I got when people were bullying me or I was waiting for class alone kind of thing. He was a "popular" kid and we used to hang out in the early years of school until the popular crowd made him only see me occasionally. As I started hanging out with my current partner, I noticed how the ex crush was patronising at times and would never see my worth. When my partner and I started dating, this ex crush come up to me and tried to hug me and patronise me (and come across in a way that could be considered flirty when he had a gf that he was disrespectful about) so I politely got out of the conversation which was him proceeding to tell me about this girl and how she was in bed (he was making a "joke") and because I didn't find it funny and hugged my partner who was such a gentleman to me, through ex crush said "you've changed, you're not like how you used to be" and that did sting me at the time. Then we leave school, I forget him, go about 5 years happy and go through this thing that I now know was ocd where I felt guilty for liking ANYONE before I met my partner, grew out of that, was fine for a few more years adjusting to adult life with my partner and then boom find out I had SOOCD and then remember I used to like boys so there's no way and then this one ex crush wouldn't leave my head in terms of his name and remembering the attention he used to give me, so whenever I get into an argument or get stressed and it's to do with my partner the obsession of trying to not think about this person is worse. I tell myself "thank you for the thought" and "that's fine if you think that" or "you're allowed a past". What makes this harder is that my partner really hated this guy, like just the mention of his name and my partners face shuts down so I feel like when I explain what's going on, yes he listens and is fine with me explaining, but I feel like it's going to push him away. Then I dreamt I was at a school prom and the ex crush kept watching me and I felt like "this is what you missed out on" sort of thing and cos my partner in the dream wasn't showing up I was getting sad like I had been stood up and no one wanted to talk to me so I wanted the ex crush to come over cos that's what used to happen when people would shunn me, he'd talk to me. Then when my partner showed up in the dream and hugged me, everyone disappeared and it was just me and my partner. Sorry for the long message, just needed to get it out in a safe space. I can handle the anxiety a bit better though some days are insanely hard, especially as I've recently lost a loved one as well. But I am getting to the point where I want this whole ex crush thing to disappear desperately. I'm trying to live in the present and my brain won't get out the past.

I blurted out to my partner he was a p word and I have pocd. He said he knows I didn’t mean it but I’m still worried and even if I overcome that worry, I’m worried I’m gonna feel worse about it again one day to the point where I have really dark thoughts and act on them and it will happen fast

Recently, I had a really bad bout of ROCD, but when my boyfriend came to visit for the first time in a while it settled down a bit because I was happy to see him, and things have been pretty good since then. But this morning I saw a tiktok about a girl complaining about how her boyfriend doesn’t do that many little things, which is a very minor problem I have in my relationship, and everybody in the comments was telling her to leave him. It was extremely triggering, even thought I’m very happy with my boyfriend and he treats me well. I wish I had never watched that tiktok.

no one ever responds when I post stuff and it sucks but I am not feeling good at all. I’m feeling so connected to my younger self and I can’t tell if it’s cause I might be living in the past too much but I had gotten to a point in my life where I didn’t feel too connected to my younger self but I didn’t really think anything of it but I’m starting to feel like my whole sense of perception has changed I can’t tell if I’m like dealing with depersonalization and I feel like my ocd sun types have become me or that they are the true me that I tried hiding or something which I’ve been dealing with TOCD right now and I have fealty with harm OCD in the past and I felt like I had gotten past my ocd but I feel like it’s been taking over everything and I can’t feel like how I used to without thinking I somehow assumed I was transgender or something so I don’t want to go back to that or to think that I am transgender because I do love being a girl but I don’t feel like a girl anymore or I think that the way I’m feeling now is the way girls actually feel or something. I feel like I’m kind of on autopilot but I’m not at the same time, I feel very just disorganized and messy I can’t keep track of things I can’t recall things I remember or know like my head is just blank I can’t keep on top of things I need to do like I used to, I can’t tell if I’m like getting severely depressed or something, i sometimes feel very weightless like not in my body or not connected to my body or something and when I do try to start feeling better I start getting so light headed and feel like I’ll pass out and my head starts to hurt and I just feel like my ocd doesn’t want me to be happy and it doesn’t want me to feel connected to other people or something like I feel like isolating myself so much or something and I just don’t feel good at all and I can’t tell if this is ocd anymore

It feels like I will never ever be good enough for my partner because of their relationship ocd. There is always something triggering about me. Even if I’ve done nothing and we are having a perfectly nice time together. I either find out in the moment or after the fact that they were focusing on something negative about me. If I’m with them they get triggered. If I give them space they get triggered. There is nothing that I can do and I feel so horrible. I feel like I’m hurting them by being with them. I’m going to support groups. I’m trying to minimize reassuring them. I’m putting in so much work to combat their ocd alongside them. It feels like they do nothing to pull themselves away from their thoughts and triggers. Rather everytime they have one they keep going down the rabbit hole, almost immediately. I don’t expect perfection but it would be nice if they tried to not give in. They aren’t doing their erp exercises, they’re blowing off therapy because they don’t want to pay for it but don’t want to accept my money to help. It’s like they don’t love me or themselves enough to try. But I’m supposed to be calm and kind and an angel when they go off on me out of the blue about something irrational, with no consideration for my feelings, or what’s going on in my life, or my mental health. I put everything I am into this relationship and I’m still terrible to them. I would spend every cent I have on this therapy for them. I would do anything to help. Somehow I’m still a terrible person. I’m really starting to believe their ocd too.

Is anyone going through peri menopause and noticed their ocd symptoms got worse like over night! I went from being a mild checker at night and some other ocd compulsions but they weren’t interfering As much. I lived a pretty productive life. But a few months after my 41st birthday I was hit with these scary intrusive thoughts and panic attacks, I didn’t know what it was a first and then realized I have harm ocd 😔 and the intrusive thoughts are harm to my children. I know I would never act on the thoughts but then ocd sent me the thought What is you sleepwalk and hurt someone. Is anyone else going through perimenopause or menopause and notice a there ocd became worse overnight and how do I get over this fear of sleepwalking Be so grateful for any advice thanks!

I (21F) have never dated anyone before, let alone kissed anybody. Part of this reasoning is I’m absolutely terrified of getting oral herpes, and wholeheartedly believe that any carrier will give it to me whether they’re having an outbreak or not. I try to deny it, but I think I’m also afraid of having my first kiss be with the wrong person. I tell myself if I just do it once it’s not a big deal and it’ll be easier to do it again, but I can’t shake those fears. What if my first kiss Isint with the perfect person? What does the perfect person even look like? Does that even matter, I mean, it’s just a first kiss. I’m in my twenties, not my tweens. Why am I over analyzing this? I’ve had “situationships” with people in the past, but there’s something about getting into an actual romantic relationship with someone that makes it impossible for me. If I have a crush on someone and I can’t imagine an entire future with them right then and there, I don’t see the relationship worth continuing. I had a crush on a guy a year ago and we were only talking, but I was terrified of the thought of introducing him to my parents and getting married because I felt like he wasn’t “the one”. I really want a partner, but don’t feel like I’m ready because of all of these insecurities. When am I going to be ready then? These feelings have been seeded in me since I was seven years old (approximately). People tell me I’m “so young” and I’ll find someone soon, but I’m afraid I’ll never outgrow whatever this is. I don’t know if this is trauma related, OCD related, or social anxiety related, but I’d be curious to know if anyone has felt the same or is in the same boat as me.

18+ So I keep relapsing to my addiction that is p*** and recently when I have been doing that in the mixture of things I've come across things that are very horrible and way out of my morals. It happened tonight and I actually ended up being genuinely disgusted by the results. I'm more upset that my search had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to the post of that result and I just got mad, clicked off, and tried to find other things that were "rewarding" for my dopamine. I say rewarding in quotations because it isn't rewarding at all, yet I have trouble stopping this altogether. There are days where I could be doing just fine and there are other days where I spiral just like this and end up in a rabbit hole of.. this. What I'm trying to do now is use self compassion and taking it easy rather than beat myself up over this really shitty coincidence that happened and the fact that I still struggle with this after many years. I have a lot of good things going my way and this isn't one of them, yet it's so hard to remove it from my life. At the end of it all, it was really really really not worth it. I guess much like my thoughts, my dopamine is sending off false signals that aren't satisfying me. They say that these intrusive thoughts and OCD brain-like thinking are danger alarms that are sounding off for no reason. Maybe it's the same thing for my dopamine receptors because at this point, I don't feel any joy from this compulsive behavior. Most of the time it feels like I have to do it rather than wanting to do it. I don't want it at all. I have a lot of mental healing to do here.

Is anyone going through peri-menopause I’ve had ocd for years and it wasn’t too bad and then bam 41 it hit me like a tone of bricks with harm ocd intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, depression, and some derealization. Oh and insomnia Also I have physical symptoms which I believe are anxiety related tingling arms and this pit of dread in my stomach. My OBGYN informed me that I was going through peri menopause and that if I had any mental health problems before they would become worse. I have always been a worrier but the disturbing intrusive thoughts are ridiculous but they cause me so much anxiety and they are harm related around my children 🥺 Is anyone else experienced this who is going through peri menopause or menopause

My depression has gotten a lot worse. I told my partner everything. (He is leaving for a few days) I told him I am unhappy and how even if he is gone I am still gonna be bothered by my family. I told him I never am relaxed mentally and how even if I am physically relaxed I am mentally not. I can’t stop thinking, I can’t deal with anyones stress. I told him I thought about leaving for a couple of days but I can’t leave him here with my family since he would have to hear kids scream and people yelling. Also bc we have cats.. so I can’t honestly just leave and be alone for a few days. I remember the roommates we had before left me alone when my partner would go leave to hang out with his friends for a couple of days and I was able to relax. I just wanna drink or need something to cope to help me relax… I can’t stand it! I am convinced I am never gonna be able to enjoys life at all and live freely like I want. I am always doing things for other people and I never feel like I am appreciated at all for things I do for them. I just honestly wanna just drink until I pass out… I am that unhappy with everything in my life…

My OCD is both so much better and so much worse than it was before. I feel no anxiety and I feel yet I feel like I'm looking through a fractured pane of glass at my own life. It feels wrong. Being gay feels wrong, being straight feels wrong, and being bi feels wrong. Being trans feels wrong, being cis feels wrong, being non-binary feels wrong. Everything I do feels wrong, everything I feel seems wrong. But none of it makes me feel anxious. Just sad, and broken.

i was raised christian, and i always followed without any doubt until i was around 13 or 14, which was when my anxiety and mental health issues began to get bad. it was around this time when i was literally beginning to lose touch with reality (derealisation) that i began really distant with my religion, and it just never really repaired. i have a (fairly) normal perception on reality now, with bouts of depersonalisation and derealisatuon coming every now and again, but i now instead struggle immensely with depression, anxiety, possible ocd, loneliness and just a general feeling of stress, emptiness and suicidal tendencies. I always felt neglected by God and as much as i try and pray and reach out i just don’t seem to get a response. i’m worried and scared because i’m kind of afraid of God, not just in christianity, but in all abrahamic religions. I fear that because i’m not close with God i’m going to be banished to hell. I also try and heal myself using various methods like healing frequencies and subliminals (whether they work is another debate, but they’re really my only option) because i don’t tend to feel listened to or wanted when i pray, but im scared that those are sins too and that i’ll be banished. im also scared that even if i do figure things out at some point, how do I know if im following the right religion? there’s so many out there. I worry that i have committed the unforgivable sin, and i also feel really guilty about how restricted and afraid christianity makes me feel. i feel like i’m trying to follow the religion out of fear, instead of love, and that makes me feel so guilty. A lot of the time, i experience random moments of insane luck, which makes me feel blessed by God, but at the same i still struggle to actually feel his presence and i doubt if he’s really there. I don’t think I actually like being a christian to be honest, i would rather pray and have a genuine connection filled with love and understanding with God/a higher power without all the rules, fear mongering, and other factors like the devil, sin, original sin etc. i even feel anxious just saying that

“Casting the whole of your care ( all your anxieties, all your worries, all your doubts) on him, for her cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully” (1 Peter 5:7) Lord I pray you help me gracefully give you all my worries, doubts, fears, and concerns. Fill my my mind with your Holy Spirit, help change me to become the person you want me to be. Thank you for forgiving all of my sins and making me new. Please guide my heart and mind, I pray you teach me how to react to my ocd properly and kindly. Give me the strength to live a happy life full of uncertainty. Teach me your strong loving ways. In Jesus name I pray, amen This is something that helps me and I hope it helps you, when I begin to spiral or just need hope and strength I pray. If you aren’t a believer in Jesus, that’s ok. I encourage you to cast the whole of your care on to him.

I took medication (Prozac) for about 2 months in the past, but it wasn’t long enough to fully know if it was actually effective. Since then my OCD has gotten a lot worse, but I feel a little shame at the idea that I might need medication again. Can anyone let me know if medication was helpful for you? And what were some of the positive and negative impacts it had on your OCD and you in general?

It is difficult. It is very difficult to simply be okay with intrusive thoughts coming in ON TOP of “what if” scenarios regarding people shunning you out of society for misunderstanding the reason behind fixation on these thoughts. Yet, no logic. There’s no logic or reasoning with this lil’ gremlin in our head.

Can someone listen to what's going on with me

For the past 3-4 weeks I’ve had this feeling like I’ve somehow given birth and cannibalized or took a bit out of the baby I just had, crushed it’s body up, and flushed the evidence down the toilet. I’ve tried going to the police station to tell them (I don’t know how they would look through the septic system or something to find the evidence), but my mom and grandmother (who I live with) always stop me from going. For the past year I’ve been beyond terrified to be alone so I literally have to be with someone every second of the day every day since last august, and now I really believe I’ve murdered and killed my own baby and gotten rid of any evidence. I was diagnosed with OCD by a psychologist and psychiatrist last year but Im not sure if that is what I have. It’s all so satanic and all I want to do is die as soon as possible. I’m not sure if this would qualify as psychosis or just that I literally am a baby murderer/cannibal. Im sorry for this disturbing post but I have to let it out.

Like you have some memories of a hook up but forgot some stuff And then your brain is like “what if (you did this bad thing) and then your brain makes it fit and it is so scary and feels true even though you didn’t have any memories about that…. And now it just feels real but you think it may just be a doubt but it may also be true and now you don’t trust any of your memories and are terrified that you hurt someone and it feels like you might throw up and die And you have so many gaps it’s all just a big ball of uncertainty and scary thoughts and you think if it’s true you are a very bad person

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