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I wrote a post the other day on here saying what I did that made my ocd disappear for a couple of weeks by not researching/resssurance seeking etc and I relapsed and I feel so guilty 😔 it’s becoming increasingly upsetting to deal with ROCD ! I constantly feel like my boyfriend deserves better than me I do feel like an awful partner for having these thoughts and doubts about the relationship. We are going to be getting married soon , I am absolutely TERRIFIED. I physically feel like I’m going to be sick every time I wake up. I’m crying all the time, my intrusive thoughts are currently about the ‘spark’ in our relationship , the fact I wasn’t head over heels in love when I first met my boyfriend , it’s something that we both say we’ve grown to love each other over time. But I’m constantly telling myself ‘no you’re just trying to reassure yourself and you’re in denial ‘ . Before I met my boyfriend I always had the thought that you know if someone is right for you based off that initial spark and initial attraction, otherwise it will never lead anywhere. And this has really made it difficult for our relationship to progress because these limited beliefs have held me back throughout and otherwise amazing relationship. The attraction is there , but it’s not that intense desire and intense passion. I’ve researched online and It really doesn’t help- endless people saying if you don’t have that initial desire and lust the relationship is bound to fail. But I deeply love him and I’ve never cared for a man like I care about him. He feels like home to me and I know I’m incredibly lucky to have him as my man, many women would dream of a man like him , he treats me like a princess (as cringey as that sounds I can’t find a better word to describe how attentive he is and how he always puts me first ). I pray that we can stay together and walk together through all the challenges of life and that I can overcome these negative self sabotaging thoughts , but the worst part of all of this is the guilt I feel, he could be with someone who doesn’t have ROCD / these horrible doubts and he truly deserves the world he’s an amazing man , he has the purest heart , and he works crazy hours each week to provide for his parents and his siblings because he loves to help people around him, he is selfless. I’m lost at what to do, I give my all in the relationship I really do, but my doubts sometimes make it feel like a full time job and I wish I could appreciate my man rather than constantly obsess and worry. I want to marry him with all my heart , I would do what ever it takes to get over the obstacles in our way but the thing really holding me back is I don’t feel deserving to be his wife, he deserves a woman who was head over heels with him from day one , no doubts , no ROCD, I feel like I’m almost ‘sinning’ to marry him 💔

Change in orientation? recovery? does anybody else feel like their orientation really has changed as they get a neutral reaction to their thoughts like an overall “feeling” of change. it manifests sort of like its an awakening n that im “realiIng my values have changed.” should I disregard these like my other ocd thoughts: meaning is this a normal part of recovery? like embracing uncertainty w them? i am not trying to figure out my orientation so plz dont give advice trying to distinguish. just curious as to if anybody else w ocd has experienced this n how they handled it.

A lot of OCD treatment phrases I hear is it’s okay to be uncertain of what’s to come. But what about being uncertain about things in the past? What about the urge to KNOW everything that had already happened? Did I do this or that? What EXACTLY happened? What do they mean when they said this? I ruminate about stuff in the past including a guy I went on one date with in 2019. It ended with him blocking me but then I reached out a few months later (by this time I had a boyfriend) and he said it was because he “didn’t want to ruin what I had going on” and he “figured I was talking to someone else” (which may include my boyfriend who is now my husband). So I started obsessing what made him think that, and what did I do wrong. Because yes it was true I was technically meeting different people at the same time because it’s my first time doing online dating, but we never discussed how we feel about it, I think he probably just guessed I was taling to other people still but my mind says “no it’s your fault! You ghosted him!” because before he blocked me I did kinda lessened my texts when, for the second date, he invited me to go to the bars and said he wanted me to get turnt. (Additional note: he was also sending inappropriate and sexual jokes not directed at me but it was still random and a little bit sexual). It made me think that those jokes plus wanting me to get drunk and him drunk as well is equal to: he just wants to make out or have sex. Or he’s up to no good, it may lead to something not good. Either way, I felt unsafe for the fact that the intention was for me and him to get really intoxicated. So I stopped replying in that conversation and he didn’t bring it up again. I was hoping he would invite me to a different kind of date like dinner or something else to redeem himself, that’s why I stopped texting him first. But I worried I might have ghosted him accidentally because I might have missed his message on snapchat (that app deletes your messages after you exit it) and that might be the reason why he “thought I was talking to someone else” which I hate because it might be based on miscommunication and not incompatibility, that I was still open to talking to him and he just didn’t get the right message because maybe I didn’t speak up more. That rubs me off the wrong way. So now I’ve obsessed about him long enough (years!) that for any possible new information I can find about him, my compulsion says to GO FIND THAT OUT OR FIGURE IT OUT. For example, yesterday I ended up doing a compulsion and found a youtube video of him from his company, I felt super anxious, some emotional contamination, guilt, ROCD maybe, so I started to say a chant and a prayer while screen recording it to neutralize it then exiting the app. I did it for a number of times too so it may be symmetrical OCD or perfectionism. TODAY, my mind is saying, “Hey remember what you saw yesterday? have you checked the description of the video? Didn’t you screen record the video yesterday, and your compulsion to neutralize it? Why not check it again? It’s for your reference anyway right? Or you can look it up AGAIN on youtube! Maybe they put in his socials there or email address or phone number or anything, just something about him? Have you checked? Check it! It only takes a minute. I will shut up once you check it. It will give you relief once you check it and you don’t find any information because it will be a dead end for you. You don’t have to do any compulsion again after this. This is important. You HAVE TO KNOW what the video description says.” I know for sure this is a compulsion but the thought of getting new info is somehow enticing and the fact that only pressing a few buttons is all it takes to answer my question is giving me anxiety and I want this compulsion gone. The thought of it’ll be a “dead end” once I find out about it is even more enticing because my mind is telling me there won’t be any more compulsions after you do this one because you’re not gonna get new information anyway! But what if there is a new info?What would I do with that? Normally I would have gave in, but yesterday I did that and it sent me into a spiral of compulsions.

i’m sat here on holiday and i don’t think i can do this anymore, in my last post i mentioned i was afraid i was attracted to a 13 year old who looked older, despite knowing this it feels like i still am. i’m so fucking scared it doesn’t feel like ocd and i cant get any help or message my therapist it feels like my worst nightmare has came true, i don’t want to live with this anymore. am i in denial still i cant tell what’s real anymore i don’t want to be here

First ERP attempts of my life, watching "how i knew i was Gay" types videos. Little anxiety and Felt kind of arousal (no groinal responce) without any context, panic and anxiety followed, I fell back into my intimate compulsions to reassure myself (big mistakes, I know), went back to ERP but it dont feel the same... Is this normal in the ERP process ("arousal" feeling especialy)?

I’m thinking I might have a crush on someone besides my boyfriend and It’s giving me so much anxiety and depression because I love him so much and I don’t want to hurt him and I never even think of the other person the reason I think I like them is because I get nervous around them after this incident that we kissed once (I didn’t do it because I wanted to I was pressured by two other friends I didn’t like the kiss specially because I felt I cheated on my partner) , at first I didn’t think anything at all I just felt really guilty cause I already was with my boyfriend i still feel bad at times, and then a friend of mine told me ‘stop feeling that way it’s not like you like her’ and then that’s when my obsession started, I eventually changed themes and I thought I was over it until a few days ago I found out the girl I kissed has a boyfriend and I kinda had mixed feelings about it and I got triggered and started having the thoughts again, I’ve been fine these months and could talk to her naturally why is this suddenly happening I don’t want to like her it makes me sick to my stomach, I’ll sometimes look at pictures of her to see if I feel something and I don’t I feel normal but then I start freaking out about the fact I feel nervous (and extremely uncomfortable) and I’m reviewing past event trying to figure out if it’s true or not I don’t want this to happen I hate this anxiety I don’t know what to do somebody please help me

Does ERP works for OCD and how much time it takes for contamination OCD? Secondly, is it completely curable?

I am feeling terrible as im writting this. Probabbly the worst feeling ive experienced in my whole life. So ive been suffering from OCD, more specific pedofilic obssesions... I had various fears by this point and i managed to get those under control somehow. But since 2 days ago i got new fear that is completely killing me and there is no way to dissprove it or to accept it. I have a niece.. she is 7 years old now.. i love her more than anything, like she is my own child.. 2 days ago i had a thought "have you ever masturbated imagining your niece?" At first i was NO.. NO i did not.. I just want to state that i really cant recall such event.. i have no memory of it happening, i have no timeline when it may took place or anything. But, the more i keep thinking about it im less sure.. it is killing me.. I dont know.. would i be able to somehow repress such thing? How would i be able to forget that and now all of sudden question myself? I cannot remember that i did it, and ive tried, trust me.. but this fear wont let me go.. i keep thinking about some scenarios how it could happen if it did and the more i do it the less im sure what is true... This is hell.. On the rational side if that happened how realistic is that it would happen just once, somewhere, at some undefined time and that i dont have any clear memory of it? On the other side ive forgoten many things in my life and many events so how can i be sure? This is killing me and please, if someone went through something similar help me... It is impossible to dissprove it since there is no one that could know beside me, and i cant remember... it is impossible to accept and say well, yeah maybe it did happen cause if it did it would be the end for me. How do i solve this? How.... i dont see a way out of this.. Please help someone

Is it normal to have physical urges along with your OCD? I have harm OCD and feel like I’ll lose control and hurt myself even though I would never do it. I got a lot of anxiety from these thoughts but after dealing with them for about 4 months (and getting on medication to help lower the anxiety) I kinda know by this point I’ll never act on them and I hardly get anxious from them, until recently when I’ve had physical urges to harm myself. They give me extreme anxiety and I don’t know if I truly want to act on them. It feels like an itch that I can only get away by doing the urge. I just want to know if this is normal to experience this and maybe someone who can relate to this is wondering the same thing.

I don't like these intrusive images and thoughts of my ex. I just want to be happy with my boyfriend. I wanna scream. I want these thoughts to stop. I really just want to be happy with my boyfriend but these stupid intrusive thoughts are pulling me down. And you might be wondering if I had what-if thoughts with other guys, yes. That's why I'm aware it's obsessive intrusive thoughts. This time, it latched on to my ex. My brain is making me think that I love him. I never had intrusive thoughts about him months before when I started suffering from rOCD. It's so scary because the thoughts feel so real. Any advice would be nice. I'm undergoing psychotherapy and meds (fluoxetine 20mg and olanzapine 5mg combo)

Does OCD attach itself to something after the fact? For example, I want to cut my hair. Because I have done this compulsively and impulsively before so I took a lot of time to wait it out and think it through. I know for sure that it's what I want. Unlike other times I found examples of the style I wanted now that I know I want to do it nd found a hairdresser that specializes in the cut. All is good, but now I am having intrusive thoughts about this being being a compulsion and this not being what I want to do. The anxiety is creeping up, and I realize that this happens to me quite a bit. Is it OCD when it happens on the backend of an action/decision?

Really triggered by a Tik tok :( SOS

Has anyone had success with a different class of medication besides ssri’s? I’m on my third ssri right now and they all have only been moderately effective.

The school year has just started and I am seriously considering quitting my job. It’s making my OCD worse. I’m constantly obsessing over my work performance, and the behavior of the students. This group of students this school year are so incredibly mean spirited towards each other and I can’t stop thinking negatively. There is absolutely no support and they keep giving us more to do. I feel like a failure and nothing will get better. I feel like I wasted my degree and I don’t know what else I could do for work. Any other teachers here with OCD? How do you cope? I’m on the verge of a breakdown.

I’ve been avoiding taking medication for ocd because I’m afraid I’ll be stuck on them for years. I’ve heard of so many people saying they have been taking medication for years… what do you think?

So like all the articles say, reassurance doesn't work and makes your OCD worse. The only thing you can do is to accept these thoughts and accept that it's happening, which is easier said than done. Although I suppose it's still rationalization, I do think it's true. That no matter what the topic is, nothing's sacred. If I feel that something is sexually innapropriate, I'm going to react reguardless of what it is. Whether that's my Mom talking about her sex life, or a child half naked, or animals mating, or sex crimes, I will react to it. And I need to learn that's ok, that it doesn't mean I'm attracted to it at all, but it's so difficult. I think with this mindset I may be able to move on, but I feel it'll be an uphill battle reguardless. I also need to learn that although it's unsual to find a child not being fully dressed as uncomfortable, it's still normal to feel that way-- that's even harder.

How long can you have harm ocd with new intrusive images and thoughts popping up? I have been suffering from harm ocd for 6 months now and I just got done with therapy and my therapist told me I shouldn’t still be having intrusive thoughts or images for this long and still causing me distress She made me feel worse I’m not sure she knows a lot about ocd. Is it normal for me to still be having new intrusive thoughts and images pop up? She scared me a little bit now my anxiety is up again 😣😔

Im a mom of my 18th month old daughter and I’ve been taking sertraline for years (even before my pregnancy). In fact I kept taking the medication during my pregnancy and now post partum. Now I get to see the same nurse practitioner every few months to get updates on medication and treatment. However, every time I go in I just end up feeling horrible/massive guilt for taking medication while I was pregnant and now as a breast-feeding mom. His attitude seems to be dismissive, and unprofessional. Today, the nurse practitioner said he does not even treat pregnant mothers (or as he said “I don’t treat babies, they are not my thing”) nor women who are breast-feeding (and has no experience in it). He said that this is because moms are typically recommended to bottle feed their children instead of breastfeeding because as he said in his own words “they don’t want to risk harming their babies.” I understand this sentiment but I just thought it was a bit insensitive given the fact that I already feel horrible for taking medication. He also stated that studies on taking antidepressants while pregnant or breastfeeding are limited and it’s because they, again, don’t want to put their babies’ safety at risk. However, he then looked it up on a website and said that they are generally safe to take…so i don’t know what or who to believe anymore! My daughter’s pediatrician had said she’s treated many moms who take antidepressants and their babies are fine….but then it takes me back to thinking of the times I have skipped a day of medication and how that could have affected my child. I had also asked my pediatrician about how not taking medication ever so often could affect my child she said it shouldn’t affect her at all but it would affect me though…I just don’t know anymore. I don’t want to take the risk anymore, I think I’ll stop. I feel so guilty I feel helpless I feel anxious I feel like I’m alone in this, I feel like I have harmed my child and I have possibly hindered her from developing right. It breaks my heart that sometimes I even forget to take my medication for one day and I obsess over how much harm could I have cost my child if I stop taking the medication for one day ever so often. I am thinking about being off of the medication. Even though my daughter is completely healthy and developing as she is supposed to, I can’t help but think what if there’s something invisible to the eye that happened or will happen to her? How will her brain develop? Will this be the cause of something tragic for her mental health in the future? Please any other moms who take medication and would like to give advice on this matter because On my end, I am alone.

This week for exposures I have been looking at photos of women in lingerie/bathing suits. I am using my tools of naming thoughts, feels and sensations that come up during the exercise. I don't know if the sensations I have are actually anxiety or attraction. How can I know? How can I continue to do these exposures without having that worry or questioning what it means?? Any feedback or advice is appreciated.

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