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Can someone talk? I’m going to literally implode I need to get some things of my chest

does anyone else experience false memory ocd to the point where u worry ur not remembering something correctly? like multiple things and then u distort a memory in ur head that ur not even sure is correct, or warped, or it's exactly what happened. kinda like u overthink it so much that it keeps changing and ur not sure what even happened anymore. so u start questioning and worrying if this happened and then u come up with countless scenarios of what could've happened? idk if that makes sense..

I'm honestly not feeling well tonight. Things usually feel negative at night. My mind as usual keeps thinking too hard and I can't relax. I haven't felt the feeling of true relaxation in a long time. That meaning no worrisome thoughts, no weird feelings, no trouble breathing, and no chest tightness. I was just laying down googling and listening to a YouTube video until I got tired and doze off. Then I woke up gasping for air. Before I went for the nap, it felt harder to breathe as I was laying down. As if my body was going into fight or flight over basically nothing. I hate this. It's very annoying. I also always feel tense in an area like my left hip, shoulder blades, my head feeling heavy, or my back. I really hate this.

I hate whenever my mind finds a memory that shows "proof" that my real event is worse than it seems and I'm not remembering the timeline correctly. My mind instantly goes to doubting which obviously I try to say no no shut up that doesn't prove anything. I know I should just leave it alone but god dang its so scary :( Anyways just needed to vent I guess. How is everyone's night/day ?

What are some exercises you find effective? I feel like the instructions I have been given are a little vague and hard to understand.

Let’s step out of ruminating for a few minutes if you are in it. Or if your just scrolling on here to scroll. Let’s chat like what’s y’all’s fav stuff to do or things that make you happy etc. I’m a HUGE fantasy nerd so like I love anime and stuff lmao. I also really enjoy playing piano a lot too!

Has anyone had this type of ocd where you wonder if you r word your partner and if your partner r word you ? IVe been obsessing what if I r word my partner and I’ll think of moments wondering would that be considered r word and now it’s about what If my partner r word me and it’ll bring up moments and I wonder if that’s considered r word 😢😢😢😢😢😢this is the worst . Just wondering if I can message someone about it as well . And I’m scared to even talk about this bc someone might tell me it is r word . But someone might tell me it’s not . Idk . But I love my bf 😢😢 the fact that my mind has took it this far . Idk what to do anymore .

Just needed to rant a bit :( I’m at my worse with ocd . Over 4 weeks ago (month) I had a really bad ocd spike while I was watching something that triggered it . That was last time I recall feeling genuinely ok aside all ocd struggle. Ever since then, it hasn’t been quite the same . I began to have bad anxiety the following days as I steered to ruminate a lot . But then it got little better although I still wasn’t fully intact wit myself /ocd was just lingering and left me feel differnt as if my entire self wasn’t present . I have been feeling vulnerable . As days went on I tried not thinking much of it and I began feeling better in terms with anxiety but yet I still could not feel the way I was before . I remained calm and patient ,...but, along way more triggers came that made it difficult to dismiss due to fact of how bad I was already feeling it put me at more risk . I feel like I’m losing every aspect of me :( I miss myself so much . Something about this episode just feels different . I’m currently in a very unstable situation ...with not being able to drive /having car it can make things difficult around here - not to mention I stress over fact I don’t have orivelage to drive as my siblings do . I’m stuck at the same shitty job . I put college on hold for sake of my mental health due to how bad ocd consumes me . I’m trying to prioriZe mental health in hopes of starting ERP. However , at the moment NOCD does not take my insurance so I keep waiting :( I’m so flustered with every obstacle I run into and unsolved problems I have goin on at once . It’s so hard to balance . Ocd is making me feel things I don’t wanna feel but it all goes back to that day I spiraled into this loopy episode . It’s been almost a month . I know it wouldn’t make much sense to wanna go back 😤😩🥺😖but I want to . I’m also not in very good terms with my mom rn . There’s not much I can do. All I do is work and come back home to a quiet room with the tv on till I fall asleep and it’s repeat , I’m falling apart and I’m deeply saddened 🥺I’m so lonely . I want my self back 😩

its like i have to ss every dm with anyone in fear i'd type anything inappropriate

I just googled something about sexuality and got triggers now I’m anxiety 🙁

I ocd friends. It’s Holley here. The girl that wants struggled with HOCD/ROCD for almost 2 years. I’m coming on here because I feel completely and utterly helpless. I had to actually call the suicide hotline today which took a lot of courage. Last October I had a panic attack from smoking weed from those who aren’t familiar. I started experiencing crippling anxiety and the realization the morning after I came down from the panic attack I had. I finally figured out what was going on and since I had just gotten my first job I felt like everything was doomed. Luckily the universe gave me Covid ( I know that sounds really crazy ) but it forced me to quit my job because I had to. And so for about three months I just was trying to heal and get better and from February to April that was like the best time. I really thought my derealization was getting better and that I wasn’t going to be struggling with this much longer. At the end of April I started my new job that I’ve had for almost 4 months now and even the first three months were wonderful. I was even going in the office every day. But since the middle of July I just haven’t been able to shake these obsessive thoughts about my derealization lasting for the rest of my life. I couldn’t tell you what triggered my derealization to make a come back and I’m not saying from February to April it was completely gone because it’s never been 100% gone but it just didn’t bother me as much. All I know is the last month and a half it’s really been bothering me! I just feel even more foggy kind of like how I felt when it first started. I dealt with my OCD themes for almost 2 years and I was able to come out of it so I try to keep that in mind. but I truly just feel stuck right now I’m very upset that I feel so anxious. About a month ago I experienced my first derealization episode at work and it completely frustrated me and tore me down. Because I hadn’t felt that feeling other than just fogginess in months. And now that I work from home four days a week I only go in the office one day a week and leading up to that I’m just so scared about having a panic attack about feeling uncomfortable but the most of all I just can’t deal with the fact that this might last for the rest of my life. I keep reading stories about how people have had it for 20 fucking years and I’ve never gotten better and some of them say they have tried to accept it but it just still stays, or about how this guy was mostly D realize for the most of his life and he just kind of lives with it now and it doesn’t bother him like how does that not bother you?! I just want to feel normal again and the only sense of comfort is that I’m about to move out of my house and get my own place with my boyfriend and get another job with him. But it’s all super in certain because where he’s working right now they just started the business and the guys even struggling to pay my boyfriend. I really don’t know what to do some days I just wake up in the feeling I feel it’s just doomed I just feel doomed. Like there’s no hope left. Like someone just found out that my dog died and I don’t know how to deal with it that’s literally how it feels.

Hi guys, I’m Ali, 23, bisexual with preferences for men. My rocd (which feels unfathomably hard to handle) has taken on a new face this time with obsessions about me not actually being bisexual but just a lesbian who’s been lying to themselves. It’s really distressing. I’m deeply confused about what’s real and what’s not and finally dipping my toe into ocd treatment after suspicion of it for 2 years is a shock to my system. I’m in love with my partner who is an incredible man but the fear is starting to overshadow my joy so something needs to change. The last time I’ve been in as a bad of an emotional rut with this was two years ago. Is anyone else really bothered about the lack of bisexual experience being documented in this particular field? There’s so much to unpack. I’m scared I’m going to lose someone who is actually good for me. I’m trying to ask for reassurance in a way that’s not gonna set me back, but damn will I ever get better?

do people with ocd also experience derealisation/depersonalization? i feel it very often and sometimes i fear that i have bdp. i was diagnosed with ocd but i feel very uncertain

Not trying to play the pity party here but struggling a bit. I haven’t posted on here in over a month and for the most part, I’ve been somewhat out of an OCD flare and living normally (yay). I ran across a few Tik toks of doctors (psychiatrists) who are against SSRI’s and anxiety medicine. Well, as someone who takes them, this sent me down the rabbit whole. I despise taking medication and putting medicine in my body actually is really hard for me as this is one of the themes I obsess about (Is the medicine doing more harm that good. Am I going to become dependent. Etc). It just made me feel like a weak person and I wish I could handle my mental health issues holistically. Maybe I can one day but for now, I am not sure. Just asking for your thoughts and prayers because I feel like I’m going back into a flare when I have been out of one for so long. It’s the worst feeling. My dog passed away a few days ago and I believe the stress from that is adding to it 😓

So I was in an abusive situation spiritually and emotionally for a few years and didn’t fully know it until after. I felt like God was directing me out so I left and even other people confirmed that they felt like I was leaving soon etc. When I got to the new place, I had heard a pretty loud intrusive thought that just said leave and it crippled me for a long time thinking I was out of the will of God. I ended up getting a prophecy that I was right where I needed to be etc and so I tried to let go of the anxious feelings and stuff that I kept feeling. Then I get a job offer that I’d been praying about and the week after I get it I heard another loud intrusive thought of yeah this is wrong and you’re not supposed to be here and it makes me throw up. I’m trying to listen to God and see the opportunities and closed doors but my mind always tells me I have to go back to the abusive place.

I love being able to talk about my interests with others and I'd love to hear all your guys too !! Step aside from our fears and worries for a bit, What are your favorite hobbies ? What got you into them ? Would you like to pursue anything with them or is it just something for fun and to enjoy ? ☺️

i have been struggling with HOCD (or at least what i think is HOCD) for a few months now. it has gotten okay at least when i’m distracted but lately it has flared up a lot. it makes everything feel so heavy and like i can’t even enjoy anything anymore. it is to the point i don’t even know if this is HOCD. i try to say “maybe yes, maybe not” or not engage but i feel like it’s not working. there isn’t an obvious compulsion either which makes me feel like i am just in denial. i get afraid that people perceive me as gay and get especially uncomfortable around gay people, which sounds homophobic but i just get afraid that they also think i’m gay it is even making me think that maybe i knew i am gay my whole life and i just don’t want to admit it to myself. but the idea of even being gay makes me so uncomfortable and anxious because i have only ever imagined being with or been attracted to men since before my OCD got really bad. i even will look at pictures of attractive men and even if i find them attractive i feel this decreased sense since my brain is questioning if i really am attracted or if i am convincing myself that i am. i can’t tell the difference anymore and it’s so distressing. i feel like i can’t enjoy anything and don’t know how to treat this. i want to do ERP but i hate even talking about it and i know they won’t judge me but i don’t even know what i would do anymore

So one of my bestfriends is probably the most inconsistent friend I’ve ever had. She never reaches out to me. She rarely picks up when I call and I call frequently, if we hangout, it’s because I made the plans. But I will see her posting constantly on social media with her other friends. I never said anything. I’ve lived in my studio for a year now and she’s come by once just to see it. She lives a few blocks away from me. She works til 3, and before this she was jobless for a year. I work every day til 5:30 & I still would call her to just come hangout and watch a movie or get food whatever. I tried soooo hard. I cried to her about it 2 months ago cuz I just got dumped 3 months ago and told her how much I needed my friends now just to hangout not even to vent and she said she’d try. She didn’t. Her bday is in a couple days & she had 2 events. One last night bonfire and then another one in a week but I’m going to a concert that day. Our friend group planned a dinner 2 weeks from now that works with all our schedule so we can still celebrate her. I figured ok I wanna do that cuz the bonfire thing doesn’t sound like I’d enjoy myself cuz I’m horrible with the cold but tbh I see now I could’ve toughed it out. I planned to go out w/ friends and without a thought because well we are going to dinner soon. I been hurting and sad and needed a night out. Her bonfire was her family and co workers and I just wanted to go out w/ some other ppl to maybe feel better bout my ex. she HATED when I would speak about it. Anyway, she got mad, cussed me out, cut me out (we been friends since middle school) brought up now for years I flake on her birthdays (she tended to do big events that I just didn’t have the mental capacity to attend or they weren’t my thing or cost money I didn’t have). For the other months of the year I’m there constantly calling texting doing everything to see her and she doesn’t even bat an eye and posts on ig and I’m left on read for days. She told me that she stopped showing up for me because all I do is make excuses and make everything about me. Which is so hurtful cuz my ex JUST told me that & my ocd is spiking again because I’m feeling so horrible even tho she also won’t see where she’s wrong. And I took accountability and I didn’t even get the chance to make it up to go to the dinner that I still committed to? I just feel awful & I sent a text explaining myself and now thinking I made it about me and I’m making excuses. We are close I love her but she’s just very inconsiderate about what I been going through as well, I am not in a good place & I am sorry there is apart of me that doesn’t necessarily click with the people she’s with but I still try to come around? Idk I just feel like I’m such a bad friend

Is there another treatment for OCD than ERP ? I really can't support ERP that hurts I got a lot of panic attacks and can't deal with them

i’m starting to believe recovery from real event isn’t possible. many peoples real events are blown out of proportion over small things they’ve done but mine is genuinely something bad and wrong and immoral that i regret deeply and would never do again and i do not know how to live with myself bc i feel like not confessing and just sitting with this is me avoiding accountability i also feel as if the person attached to my event, who i have a close relationship with, i feel as if i am manipulating him and not giving him the moral authority to decide whether or not i should be in his life bc of what i have done any advice would be great. this just feels unbearable