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Does anyone ever fear losing their mind or going crazy??? Cause that what cause majority of my panic. Ughhhh 😮‍💨

I saw a reply mention how it's important sometimes to not confess intrusive thoughts/worries to others, and I feel like that's true for me. Confessing them caused some negativity in my relationship as it makes my boyfriend worried especially when how I said it gave the feeling I couldn't tell if my thought was real or fake, so my boyfriend couldn't tell either. I deeply worried and get nauseous when I worry if I am hiding something, lying, not being truthful, decietful, etc. If I don't tell a friend or mainly my boyfriend about it. I proceed to confess what it was. Either my brain could come up with a worry of itnrusive thought, I then feel bad about it, and act on the impulse to tell. Or it could be something I've done before that seemed minor at the moment but come back up ehere I overthink it and make it a big thing. This then lead to days of thinking about it, retracing the entire situation, my intentions, what I said, double check messages, scroll through texts and spend hours reading them, trying to remember what I thought about or said, etc. I confess it to someone and often get rhe reassurance is not a big deal or I changed from that time, which helps only for that moment. I'm trying to practice now to hold in what my mind is racing about now, cause at one point I went to my boyfriend nearly every day about what it was since I feared I'll be hiding something if I didn't. Or if I did make a mistake or do something wrong or said something not good/did an action that wasn't, I'll also think about it for days on end and worry if I am the same since it happened, am I a horrible person, did I do something bad, I have to tell someone about it otherwise I'm lying about myself and giving a different impression of me. I'll lose sleep over it, cry, feel sick, don't want to make friends, worry if I'm bad for my boyfriend, etc. A lot of my worries are ridiculous to people around me (even to myself) as it's worrying about the possibilities of something and the changes. When I do confess, it's often a whole full page of it, or I think I wrote two pages before as I typed it out first then sent it. Im currently just logging down/airing out anything that worries me onto a document, notes app, or sometimes here now so I can keep log for whenever I get therapy or to be able to get it out of my mind and not tell others around me. I feel like it helps so far. When I lost one of my friends, they told me that certain things need to be left in the notes app. It wasn't really why I started keeping them down, but to pre-write then eventually I just turned it into a place to vent. Other times it is hard to keep it only to my notes and grow in worry of confessing it. Other times when I think something, I worry if it could be interpreted a different way, what does it mean, etc. And I also look back on situations and worry if I forgot a missing piece that prove that what happened in that situation was 100% my fault and I was a horrible person, or my brain could try and come up with memories that more likely or not didn't happen or it tries to take out of context to fit the narrative that I was horrible in my head. I feel the best way to describe my inner head is two split people arguing non stop. One is rational or very cruel to myself, the other is irritational. Another is where it accuses me or try and create false things and question my motives or interrogate me non stop. My inner head been like this for a long time, with two of me constantly fighting with each other and having split mindsets. I don't know who to listen to as sometimes both can be intrusive or accusational.

I make very long paragraphs for anything 😅 I'm slowly moving pass this trigger, as I learned to just avoid trying to look when I see someone that triggers the anxiety or fear. It causes me to try and stare or study their face to make sure I don't, only to cause me more anxiety. Brain then accuses me of ahving a crush of them cause I'm nervous but I'll be nervous cause it's someone that triggered that anxiety and it causes me to be uncomfortable. It then makes me worry if they think I'm sending the signal of liking them cause I'm looking at them and it scares me more since I don't find them attractive and don't like them and don't want them to think I do or that I'm unloyal. I'd say for two days now it died down a bit and go through some parts of the day without anxiety about it. Currently I feel guilty about it cause it feels as if I'm checking them out and my brain is saying "you're just trying to find an excuse to look at them" when I'm not, and I love staring at my boyfriend and amdirinf him only. But though I know it's my brain trying to mess with me, I create the idea in my head that my boyfriend won't believe it especially cause I tell him about my intrusive thoughts and worries. I don't want him to think that they're my sugar coated way of telling my real thoughts or that I'm lying. Currently it's just a tiring thing cause I feel as if I've committed an act of unloyalty even though I get no enjoyment out of any of this and I would feel sick. Even if it counts as cheating or not, I still don't appreciate doing it. I love the confidence I get in my BF about himself, and I dont want to cause him to he concerned about the idea of me being unloyal. I don't wanna make him anyore worried about my anxieties or my intrusive thoughts or what I'll be worried about, especially this one. It's relieving to know at least that it happens when I acknowledge the person/the anxiety acknowledge they have something to do with the anxiety- which triggers that if you get what I'm saying. When that doesn't happen, I don't begin to get anxious around anyone as my brain didn't point out "hey what if you're-" (it does this without even saying the thought I just get the feeling now). I feel like a horrible girlfriend. Just mainly putting him through a lot of my worries and stuff, but he says that he's going to stick through me with it, and I am too even when my thoughts make me doubtful and worry of I'm holding him back from happiness. He says I make him happy and he makes me happy. I'm beautiful and amazing to him and he certainly is to me. No one (if you count a boy band but got over them after I started dating him) been attractive to me ever since I met him, and never caught my eye. That's how I especially know my brain is messing me with me cause I know I never felt the need to check people out or find them attractive and I still don't. So let's say I have a guy friend, and never even up to this point found him attractive or let alone liked him. Now, I'll constantly look at him to make sure I don't, get anxiety or a rush of it when I'm near him, or unable to communicate cause Im focused on the trigger. If I don't look I get the impulse to do so to "prove".But when my brain don't bring up that intrusive thought or feeling, I could interact with him nornally. Some of this trigger could be me fearing that I'll do it, another could be cause one of his ex friends (no longer friends for this exact reason and more) kept cheating on her BF and checking out other guys. It was a friend group, So the girls had a separate GC and they were all fonding over guys except me cause Its not something I like doing. I then got a slight worry of "what want to, what if I did" so I stopped answering as they were sending photos and to not further my discomfort. It was this time her formed sent a bid of her talking to one of the guys she later cheats on. I was scanning the vid to see what it was about, and when I saw her and the boy I get a rush of "oh crap you just triggered my intrusive thought oh no" and felt so much discomfort after. I wouldn't even see someone's face and I could begin to panic. These are some examples but I say it happened a bit prior to that point, but could have something to do with her actions and worrying If I'll act the same way as her. I at one point even worried if I forced myself to love my boyfriend because she said she did so with hers. It made me worried cause I can't imagine doing something like that. So some interactions me and him have after has the heightened worry of "am I faking my love for him??"When I look at him I can't help but squeal at how amazing he looks and is, and I get random jolts of energy near him cause he's so wonderful (I get very jumpy). We're going to be a year on October 10th, and I can't trade that for someone else. Im currently trying to find therapy that has CBT (I've called a place and they said they'll get back to me by this week but haven't yet) so I can be able to work out any problems to better myself and less the anxiety I place on the both of us cause of what I worry about. I don't want to cause insecurity or uncertainty in the the relationship. It hurts to see my boyfriend upset whether I did something or someone else did. I care a lot about him and his feelings, so seeing him hurt, hurts me too.

has anyone ever been prescribed xanax for ocd intrusive thoughts and anxiety?? if so has anyone noticed a difference in symptoms

I don’t want to be on medication. And I will not be on it. I refuse to have to take a pill to feel happy. Or to feel better. I can do it on my own with my therapist. People have told me “take medication it’ll help” no nope and no. I don’t agree with taking medication FOR ME not for anyone else just myself. My morals, is that a pill will not be the thing that helps me. HOWEVER, if my anxiety and ocd gets to be so bad to the point it can’t function properly, then maybe. Maybe maybe maybe. It really depends.

Is this even ocd or should I actually be worried because I had really horrible intrusive thoughts, images, false sensations that I’m so upset about and I really don’t want to have to tell my mom (who they were about usually categorized in the theme of insest OCD) because it’s so embarrassing and just horrible and I just got home and I’m around her and my mind won’t shut up trying to get me to talk to her and I usually tell her about my intrusive thoughts and if I’m really stressed out which usually results in her getting irritated at me for telling her all the time and her telling me I don’t have it but I hate when my mind is telling me I HAVE to or the feelings of guilt won’t go away. So I don’t know what to do. I feel terrible like I’m a horrible monster but I’ve always had intrusive thoughts about her and many other people but I always try so hard to not talk to her about the ones that are about her specifically. I don’t like them I hate them I’m upset and full of fear. I pray to God I don’t have to have that conversation with her but like I said it’s like there’s a bug in my ear that won’t stop until I “fix” it

I know to some people that may be an exaggeration but I honestly don’t think I’ve hated anything more than myself. It makes me so mad I can’t be perfect and everything I do, it’s either wrong or it’s going to end up wrong. I don’t know if anyone gets things like this, but when I’m hugging someone my brain will tell me things like “oh push against them more” and it will happen for a second and I’ll feel sick over myself. I also like touched my friends arm and my brain was like “push their arm harder” and I must have put pressure for a second and I felt so awful. I feel like I’m suffocating. My family are fed up with me but I don’t really blame them. I’m sick of me too. Why do I have such a horrible brain? I wish I wasn’t like this at all. It’s like whenever I get an intrusive thought or urge my brain will start to do it for a second and then it stops. But most people don’t even start it. They just have the thought. So I’m guessing I’m just extra bad. And I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life.

So we know that lots of people have perfectionism, “just right”, and contamination OCD, but I’ve noticed that sometimes people with these types will openly use that as an excuse to regularly do what I presume to be compulsions—like excessive hand washing, double/triple checking, compulsive cleaning, etc. My question is, shouldn’t we challenge these people to not give in to the compulsions? It doesn’t seem right that we preach about practicing exposures & living with uncertainty but oftentimes people with these types of OCD essentially get a free pass to do their regular compulsions.

I think my problem with hocd is the fact I havent fully accepted nor believe that I am suffering from ocd

Last night I was trying to go to sleep and I heard strange inappropriate sounding noises coming from my moms room. Her room is right next to mine and I don’t think it was what I thought it was but my mind immediately tried to fill in the sound as that thing and I kept having intrusive images and when I heard the strange sounds, My body immediately got really tense and I think I experienced the groinal response but not sure and now I keep having thoughts that because I had intrusive strange images about my mom and my mind also keeps telling me I was turned by it or aroused and I really hope that’s not true. If anything I felt really anxious and scared when it happened but my body and mind immediately reacted to the strange inappropriate sounding noises which probably was just her drinking a soda or something but I don’t know I’m rambling. I’m so anxious I feel a lot of guilt and I even kept waking up throughout the night feeling like something was wrong with me and the guilt just won’t go away. I really hope it’s not true and it was just the ocd messing with my head. I have to go to work and I don’t even want to get out of bed now I just keep hoping it’s not real.

Does anyone here get triggered by the evilness of the world that they see in the news or on Facebook, heck even scary movies or psychological shows?? I guess what I’m trying to say that the evilness of the world makes you question what humans are capable of..,what I’m capable of…and it makes me so anxious and scared.

Always worried I'm gonna make mistakes at work and it's super frustrating. I think yesterday was my lowest point in a while. Feeling better today but damn it's scary when you get stuck in that state of mind.

How do you get up and live life after you had an ocd episode? I need to clean but all I want to do is hide and sleep.

Should I tell people my thoughts? My logic is that if they were just normal thoughts then I shouldn’t have any fears about telling people, and then it takes the power away from the thoughts. But I have also read that confession is a compulsion. What should I do?

I accidentally deleted text messages older than 1 year and that’s A LOT of msgs, all because I was trying to do an urge! I was “challenging” myself to hover my thumbs on the “auto-delete conversation “ on my iPhone for 7x while saying the usual ritual/prayers & because it only takes a minute, I heeded. It didn’t feel right so I did it again, and my fear came true, I accidentally clicked on it, and now they’re gone. Whenever I have an intrusive thought, i go back to those conversations to calm my mind, answer the questions that pop up, and stop the thoughts from coming back, if they come back, I have an answer for it! But now I don’t, and I’m scared I don’t know what to do when they come. I am also feeling very anxious because I’m tempted to try to recover it as much as I can (deep research about it). Maybe I can also recover a snapchat conversation from 3 years ago so I can have my questions answered, and when I think most of this started. Is this an OCD trap or will recovering it help me? PS. I have mixed feelings right now. I feel anxious and a little nauseous because intrusive thoughts might come in and I can’t answer them and also that temptation of trying everything I can to recover it (I feel great anxiety and a rush while doing this). There’s also this fear of what if there’s info there that I needed. but when I researched and it said it’s permanently deleted and I can’t do anything at all, yes I feel defeated but also AT PEACE because I can’t feel like I have to “recover” it anymore, and I don’t have anything to look back. BUT there is a way which is the third party app, so now there’s this looming feeling of I HAVE TO DO THAT.

A close person of mines ex spread rumors about him raping her after they broke up. She was a weird girl and you could tell she had big problems. She abused him mentally and did many things like sent him pictures of her having other guys hands on her and stuff to him after they broke up the first time. She also stole stuff from stores when shopping with this guy and his family. This girl even hangout with this guy guy she was accusing after she accused him I think but I’m not sure. This guy is so close to me and I don’t wanna see him as a rapist. I think that my OCD is maybe in the picture here because when I first heard of this I just thought that this girl was trying to destroy this guy by accusing him/ spreading rumors. At that time I had false memory ocd and when my false memory ocd just got better it jumped to me doubting this situation instead. What should I do?

This OCD recovery may take longer than I thought. Am I really doing it wrong or am I not 100% committed to recover from OCD? There’s got to be a way to me to “reduce” my compulsions. For now, I’m not sure how long until I start seeing good results. Could it take years for me to recover?

Or how you realized you have hocd

Hi guys. I am really struggling and not in a good place. I need help. I don’t know what else to do. Please help. I have these two false memories I can’t get out of my mind. They are both from nights I was drinking. One of them popped up two days after the night I drank and the other one popped up the next morning. I had one single thought that I cheated and boom. That thought has stuck with me ever since. Both nights I was alone with a boy in a room, not in a weird way. On one of the nights, my friends fell asleep and a guy was in the room. It was one of my friends boyfriends. They fell asleep and he was just watching tv. I even remember the show he was watching and I recall exchanging a few words then he went upstairs. There were parts in between all of these I can’t exactly remember and those are the gaps that have caused me to feel insane. I keep saying “what if “ and I can’t get it out of my head. It has me questioning every interaction I have with my friend and him. If he acts weird, I think “oh he just confirmed it. I deff did something” or even if she is slow texting me back I think “she knows” even though I know deep down I did not do anything. It’s like I’m ignoring the fact that I know nothing happened but still feeling guilty and trying to look for clues from them to verify if I did do something bad. I feel insane because it’s like I know I didn’t do anything but at the same time, how do I truly know? It’s taken over my life and I am constantly trying to find reassurance to ease my mind. I find me texting them to see if they are gonna act “weird”. It’s so strange and i feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know what to do. The other situation is similar. I was alone with someone while drunk because my friend passed out but I remember almost everything but stuck on the “what if” please help me. I know deep down I’m innocent but I keep convincing myself I cheated and did something bad.

Why is ocd making me afraid at the fact I have two eyes. It’s literally completely normal! I can’t stop being scared of what being a human means. I feel like I keep trying to find someone to relate to but no one has had the same thought/fear. Ocd is so mean so so mean. I just keep getting these intrusive thoughts of our biology and our existence. It keeps asking me all these things and I seriously cannot handle it anymore. It makes me feel so weird, crazy, and anxious. It’s so unsettling it makes me want to throw up. At this point I’m doing all this research to just try and figure out what this means about me and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know it’s it’s dpdr , philosophical ocd, etc. I’m so upset because it makes me feel like I’m an alien or something. I don’t know what’s wrong. I just want to stop having these thoughts and stop fixating on how we work as humans. I saw someone say that they have fixated on the thought of having thoughts and it made me feel a bit better but idk what to do anymore. How can I possibly be afraid of my own existence and my own being.