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the NOCD Community

Has anyone experienced ROCD in a friendship??

lately i’ve just been so angry at anyone who doesn’t suffer from ocd. like i know it’s not their fault but i’m just so angry and jealous they don’t have to deal with this. i get mad when i see them do something as simple as sitting at the kitchen table without thinking about it when i could never in a million years do that because of my contamination ocd. i’m angry and jealous and i know i shouldn’t but i keep blowing up at people because of it. i know everyone has their issues but all i can think about is how much easier they have it because at least they aren’t like me. i’m just so jealous of everyone who doesn’t have to live like this. and i’m mad at myself for having ocd in the first place. it’s all so exhausting and i hate it.

To my fellow Christians, today intrusive thoughts, images, and urges may come but let us choose to refocus ourselves and rest in God’s presence and His love. Rediscover how much God loves you. Whenever a thought comes, remind yourself who the Lord says you are. Whenever you are tempted to engage in a compulsion, refocus on God. Let the icky feelings sit. God is with you on retraining your brain. If you have given into a compulsion before you caught yourself, give yourself grace. You can try again. OCD gives you lies. I believe the enemy uses this a lot to attack you. Verse for us: 2 Cor 12:7-10 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. We are strong in our weakness. It is about God’s glory in these hard times and not about us. Have a blessed day. We can get through this!

I am 23 right now. Every since I was 17 my mental health declined rapidly. I have had this excessive fatigue for years. No doctor can figure out why. Sleep studies, bloodwork all come back normal. Other than hypothyroidism which I have controlled with medication there are no known medical issues. I wake up at 7:00/8:00am and am EXHAUSTED by noon fighting to stay awake. I usually end up napping for 2 hours or so during the day. My doctors tried adderal and modafinil with me and the modafinil worked they first time taking it than no more after that.

Okay i struggle with harm ocd and my newest intrusive thought is me picturing myself in jail. It’s very frightening. I would never want to do anything wrong but i just can’t stop picturing it. Also my family was talking about dreams we have had the other night. And one of my siblings said she had a nightmare about me killing my dogs. And I’m freaking out. Like why would she dream that about me. And i keep picturing myself in jail behind bars, in the court room, etc. I don’t want anything to happen. I don’t want to be a bad person.

Hi all, I have been working through my somatic OCD of my breath for the past month or so with an excellent therapist. I have a few burning questions but let me give a bit of backstory to how I have this. I briefly had an episode in 2019 where I thought to myself “what if I can’t get my mind off focusing on my own breath?” That caused me distress for about a week and eventually just fizzled out of life without much thought. However, in September 2020, I began meditating to alleviate everyday stress and anxiety. In December 2020, the same thought occurred “what if I can’t get my mind off focusing on my own breath?” This was, in my experience, made worse by my meditation as i had a focus on my breath with meditation. Every time I meditated (including before December 2020) I sometimes would come out with more anxiety than before I meditated. Throughout the year of 2021, I had immense issues trying to not focus on my breath and eventually stopped meditating in October 2021. Fast forward to today, and I still have this issue. I am much better at managing it, but it is still a pressing issue that affects my life every day. Do you think the reason I still have this issue is because I meditated wrong? Focused too much on controlling my breath? What solutions have worked for you or do you have any recommendations? The main problem is I worry that I’m going to have breathing issues during the day, and when I think about my breathing, there is a tightness in my throat that makes me feel like I can’t breathe OUT in particular, and I have to swallow mid way through breathing out, almost like a hyperventilation state. This was a long-winded post but I would appreciate any advice you may have, medically, personally and recommendations you may have (what’s worked for you, maybe it is something else entirely, etc). Have a wonderful day!

tw// self worth and weight I have been overweight since 5, i haven’t experience much bullying about it (maybe some comments every now and then in primary school but they don’t impact me a lot) but i honestly hear that obesity makes people have bad self esteem. i feel like my weight might be affecting my ocd or something. i feel i have less of a value due to the stigmas and marginalisation being overweight has. i have alotttt of issues so the idea of losing weight just makes me feel very upset because i’m bad motivation. i haven’t had a lot of discrimination but i’m aware of the prejudice against me in the workplace and social world. i feel the psychological impacts of weight just really aren’t spoken enough about. there’s always racism and sexism and most people agree it’s wrong but there’s people out there who genuinely believe that someone is disgusting and avoid them. idk i just have such an issue with it like fat jokes will be told every laughs but then racism and sexism comes and people actually stand up against it idk it just feels like my life coukd have been differnt if i was thinner and i feel so utterly worthless if anyone who is overweight or has an idea/comment about OCD and obesity please respond :))

I am finding this episode so hard to deal with again. Keep crying. I just want to sleep and wake up when it has left my brain. I HATE OCD so much. I feel like I have no fight left in me anymore. I beat it then it comes back again. Why do I care what other people think if my OCD thoughts when all they have been was kind? Why does OCD twist it and twist it until I panic and get stuck again. I have told so many people about my OCD but it is only ME that it truly bothers. OCD tries to (and has) convinced me people were lying to me and think I am an awful person when in fact it is only ME that thinks this of myself. I am sick and tired with having to argue with my brain daily. Why can't I just believe what people said to me at the time was the truth and they knew it was OCD? Why why why......

I'm sure the answer is yes, but it would be nice to hear others share their experiences. Does anyone else face crippling anxiety when faced with some decisions because OCD has you questioning your motives for making choices? I face this with a lot of decisions, both small and large. My OCD/anxiety mostly centers around fear of sexual sin and infidelity. I'm happily married and don't want to do anything to hurt my marriage or do anything that even smells like cheating on my wife, even emotionally/mentally, and I have a lot of fear over my interactions with other women etc. For example, something small might be "am I choosing to wear this nice outfit because I want to look good for myself or my wife (good motive) or because I want to look good for another woman at the party to get her attention (bad motive)" or "am I opening this text from an unknown number because I want to make sure it's nothing important for work etc., (good motive) or because I'm hoping it's a spam text with a racy picture or something (bad motive)." A big decision example might be "am I choosing to volunteer at this event because I want to help the organization, see my friends, have a good time, and further develop my community and friendships (good motive), or am I going because I want to see this particular woman who I know will be volunteering also (bad motive)." When this kind of anxiety hits, it makes it almost impossible for me to make the decision, because I'm so afraid of making the decision for a bad/sinful motive. As with most OCD attacks, I am always 90% sure it's OCD, but I can be certain, and am afraid enough that I can't move forward. This results in a lot of avoidance, trying to get others to make the decisions so I don't have to make the decisions, or reassurance seeking. I'm not asking for reassurance for any of the above examples, and I'm working on this with my therapist, but I'm just hoping to hear others' experiences and how you deal with it to build my tool box for dealing with this, convincing myself that it is OCD, and disregarding the anxiety.

I want to break up!!! I can’t take this anymore!!!! I know I love him but it’s like I don’t!! I cry and no matter how hard I try it a constant feeling!!! I don’t want this but it’s like a subtle feeling!! I can’t deal with this!!!!! 😭😭 all year it’s went from ROCD to this!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

So I’m trying to practice living with uncertainty because i know that’s what needs to be done in order to cope with ocd. And i struggle with super bad Harm intrusive thoughts that bother me every day. And today I’m trying to practice uncertainty by saying maybe or maybe not. And then one of the times i said “maybe your a killer maybe your not” and it brought me ZERO anxiety. Like I’m now freaking out because i had no reaction to a sentence that should have caused me intense distress. Like what does that mean am i really a bad person??? And also for my harmful images or thoughts it includes stabbing with a knife. And It seems like when i touch a knife i have no reaction to it. Like I’m constantly hearing stories of people avoiding knives because they are afraid but holding a knife is something i do everyday as a cook and i feel completely fine with it. Like shouldn’t it be causing me Anxious feelings? What if I’m secretly a bad person because Holding a knife is natural to me? I’m so scared.

I used to be very opinionated about basic human rights. I was so strongly against anything that would cause harm to other human beings, like hate crimes, rape etc. but now with my pocd even tho I still am against all that I feel as if I’m one of the people who are causing harm to others and that I should go to jail.I’m generally very empathetic and I can’t watch anything bad on tv cause I just feel bad, but my pocd has ruined me, I feel as if I’ll never be the same and I am so young and so tired, I feel like giving up

….I know I made a choice to stay even though I think I don’t love him bc I know deep somewhere I do. I remember the clarity moments I had and I remembered how happy I was and relaxed I was to say I love you to him without doubting it. I messaged his head before bed.. I cried alittle bit. 😢 I am scared my relationship is about to end… bc it’s like my ROCD subsided… While I am at work it’s worse. Since I’m away from him for 8 hours… Even tried to have my hours reduced but they aren’t reducing them for some reason. But is there anyone out there that felt this way? But got their feelings back? Please I know this can’t be it!

I really feel like depression is a mindset and what you tell yourself & your surroundings. Stay positive and be in prayer and you can get through anything. Stay strong everyone! Praying for a sound mind and a full heart for the Lord ❤️

My work changed my schedule a few weeks ago so I have Sundays off now and every Sunday I feel like I can't do anything like if I want to buy something or go enjoy the day I feel I can't because Sunday is a day people go to church and it was the day of rest so my anxiety makes me feel bad and I ruminate over everything I'll do and remember oh I bought this on Sunday

how do i know my hocd thoughts aren’t real. i don’t want to be gay, i love my boyfriend it’s just i can’t help but worry for some reason. i genuinely don’t understand it and it’s scary.

i’m curious to see how OCD kicked in for other people. in retrospect, it’s easy for me to see times before i was diagnosed where i was obviously struggling with a theme. i’ve always been an anxious overthinker and i’d tell my friends offhandedly that my brain fixates on things for weeks at a time before it passes, but until the Big One, i was never so crippled with anxiety that it made me dysfunctional and completely disconnected. that was until my last theme hit, started by a friend who was making an innocent comment about my dating habits. it was like a bomb was set off in my brain. the anxiety was so acute i felt like vomiting. i was an insomniac for about three months. it was awful. when i stumbled across an article on OCD, i sobbed for finally having an explanation. and when i was diagnosed i told my therapist i think i lied (LMAO). so what about you guys? what was the theme that finally made you realize you had OCD and how old were you? looking back, did you recognize early signs or was it a sudden onset?

I can't afford therapy, and it's so exhausting having to wash my hands for 30 mins cause I feel like everything around me is disgusting. Ignoring it or forcing myself to touch something I feel might be dirty only works for so long and idk what else to do

So i was just wondering if anyone is willing to share what there harmful intrusive thoughts look or sound like. Because i just feel like mine are over the top really bad (like I’m scared to confess them to anyone because of how bad they are). And I’m just wondering if it’s normal or not because they are so bad. Like i know the typical stabbing a loved one or running your car off the road. But like my intrusive thoughts are about being a serial killer / murdering people/ and stuff Jeffery Dahmer or Ted Bundy or Dexter did. And it is sooo scary because it’s not things that I want to think about but it’s making me think that I’m crazy. So i was just wondering if anyone else experiences this? Like i can’t even look at my family the same because what if they are victim? 😭

Mom's with pocd ... have you ever had a groinal and made a pushing movement "down there" to kinda push away the groinal? My son was sitting on me one day and I was worried over this groinal when he was against my breast area. So I moved him after a while but as I was moving him I was like making that pushing away feeling and then it ended up turning into like a few times of this pulsing feeling I'm so scared it was an "o" or was about to be an "o" Has anyone else experienced this? I feel so alone. I can't get past this.