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I love him but why can’t stop this… When I try to not obsess I hear in my mind saying “I wanna break up” over and over before…

Woke up this morning immediately looking for the thoughts that I’ve been having even though i don’t want to think about them. I feel like i ended up bringing them upon myself and then i had a super gruesome thought and have been worrying about it all morning. Is it possible to bring thoughts upon yourself? Is it ocd or is it just me? I’m just so scared of going “crazy” that i keep looking for thoughts deciding if it’s me or not if you know what i mean. It’s such a scary feeling When you feel like you don’t know who you are 😭 i literally am just petrified of completely losing sense of who i am and doing something bad and being locked away forever. Is it possible to just turn bad? Does anybody know what i mean by that? Like you secretly have a double ego and completely turn into somebody different? Does anyone else experience this? Is it ocd? I’m so scared i feel like i can never catch a break.

So who here has intrusive thoughts about going insane or ending up in a mental hospital or just general fear of having anxiety and then get anxiety? Or fear of going out to events or places with family or friends and having intense anxiety? I don't see many people saying they have this. Intrigued to know.

im too scared to eat. i cant describe why i cant eat because it just feels like a general guilt that im a bad person if i eat, i starve myself all day and have one small meal and drink a cup of coffee. im not doing this to lose weight i just feel guilty and like im being tainted by the food i eat like i dont deserve it and im literally scared to eat. i cry and gag and panic, pull on my hair and ruminate please help

I hate who I am. Not my personality or my physical appearance. I hate HOW I AM. The things I can’t do because of anxiety, and the thing a that my friends and family can do. I hate not being able to have fun without feeling the overwhelming sense of anxiety and guilt, dooming feeling of disaster. From going to a party to the fear of downloading an app on my phone. Everything I can’t do. I hate it so much. I’m still very young, only 15 and I can’t live my life. I am in fear of the world and I am in fear of not living. I’m scared I won’t be able to find true love or get a job or drive or participate in any sports or social activities. I am so afraid I won’t live up to my OWN expectations.

Okay I’ve been fine all day as far as far as my thoughts go but now I’m extremely triggered. I was saying a sentence that involved the word eat and my mind went way south into finishing the sentence with something gruesome. (I’m sure you can figure it out/ Dahmer type of deal). and now i am sooo scared. Like what was that why would my mind go there? I’ve been fine all day and now I’m freaking out!! It’s like a never ending cycle and now I’m going to be scared all night long. The Dahmer series has triggered me so much that everything is basically a trigger now. 😭 please tell me somebody else is experiencing this?

One for the therapists or those that have done ERP or followed some of the advice on here.... If the best way to deal with the intrusive thought is to not give it certainty and to say "that might happen, who knows?" then surely you're fuelling the thought which is going to heighten anxiety levels? For example if you have POCD and have a thought such as "What if I think sexual thoughts about that child?" and you sit with the thought saying to yourself "I might do, I might not" surely that's going to make you ruminate on it and we're told rumination is wrong. Or another example "I'm going to hurt myself later" and then thinking "maybe I will, I don't know" you're just going to make yourself worse? If there's a chance that thought is gonna come true it's make you feel worse surely? Please tell me if I'm wrong and I've got the wrong end of the stick here but it's been playing on my mind. Surely it's better to ignore the thought the entirely or just observe it as if to say haha yeah OK keep trying to tell me that, that's ridiculous. Advice and thoughts appreciated.

I kept crying a lot last night!! I kept holding on to him!! I don’t feel the right to kiss him anymore!! This is just a bad dream right!?!?!?!?!? Just a bad dream!!! 😰 I know my truth!?!!!! 😭😭😭I cried until I went to bed last night! I cried bc I think I wanna break up !!!!!!!!!! 😰😰😭😢😢😢😢 This isn’t real not real not real!!!!! NOT REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😰😖😖😭😭

I’m scared that I’m going insane. I’m scared that I’m gonna hurt someone. I thought I was getting better. Why is it coming back now? During the school day it’s usually okay and easy to distract myself, but when I am home it gets bad cause I have so much free time. It often makes me feel like I don’t recognize my surroundings and like life doesn’t feel real, even though I do!! Like I know where I am, but it feels like I don’t. It also does that with people occasionally where like I know them but my brain makes the connection I have with them feel weird. I’m scared that I’m going insane. I’m scared that I’m just gonna black out and hurt somebody, or lose all my empathy and hurt someone. I don’t even know where these come from, or how they relate but I can’t stop worrying about it. And I’m scared to post this because what if someone replies with yes, I am going insane. I just need comfort and reassurance, even though I know that would only make it worse. But how else do I deal with this?

First, know that I don't plan to kill myself and I am not suicidal. When I feel like my life is killing me (toxic relationships, lots of comorbid MH issues), it's hard, bc it's like being run over by an 18-wheeler truck, every. single. day. And when a terrible event happens, it's like I'm being run over by 50 18-wheeler trucks within a span of 1 minute. I still feel grateful for a lot of beauty and soul in my life too, but in certain moments, like in a CRASH, everything immediate, feels PAINFUL, SCARY, ISOLATING. Even with therapy, groups, and all. My MH supporters' answer is: MEDICINE. I want to get better without it. But as the guy I spoke to on the suicide prevention hotline said "Where has avoiding medicine gotten you all these years?" He had a point. I am really scared of taking medicine, not judging it, of having chemicals alter my mind. This page, and friends who've shared experiences, share a lot of horror stories about it. And my depression has gotten better before with a therapist I can no longer see because I can't afford to see her. I can only see a therapist at NOCD, for only ERP, because that's the only thing my insurance will cover. Any thoughts, personal experiences, things you can share, will be helpful. I have family, I have friends, but some of this stuff can feel impossible to talk to them about. And when I'm a complete wreck, speaking incoherently through sobs, snot coming out of my nose, I struggle to even more. Hence my calling the Suicide Prevention Hotline for the first time. And writing something this personal and vulnerable here.

When someone doesn’t get the right treatment for serious mental health issues like OCD, it can take a major toll on nearly every part of their life. I think about my own journey—from as early as I can remember, untreated OCD controlled my life. The cost of the condition was terrible: it took a toll on the relationships that meant the most to me; it robbed me of my greatest potential and dreams; it even severely impacted my physical health. Living with untreated OCD had come at a terrible price by the time I found effective treatment. But it wasn’t too late, and I’m so glad I found it. Now I feel like I’m truly living, not just surviving. Read more about the high cost of letting OCD go untreated, and why the right OCD treatment is so valuable.

is this really triggering for anyone else? it had me stressingggg

Why would i have thoughts like i would be okay and better if that happened or I accepted this?? Its like i am okay with these same sex thoughts and sometimes feels like i like these thoughts?? I might? Do i?? Its like some thoughts are do i wanna be them? I might? Why would i get and i am okay not writing all this and its like i want to be bi?! Why would that suddenly pop in my head and like no attraction to boys have been felt for a while.. what do i do? Its like i want this? Is this ocd too??? Pls tell me ?? I am scared but also not?? Its like i feel like i am living a lie and if I accept it i will be okay and i dont have to write this cause i am not stressed or thats what i want cause i have been noticing suddenly so much i and just out of habit i am writing this.. i was okay the last few weeks and now suddenly the thoughts are too strong and real to wave off.. they feel like accepting will make it better cause that might be who i am? What do i do? Was i ever straight otherwise why wouldn’t i feel disgusted or anxious at these thoughts and feel like i am okay and its fine to have them and i might actually be it?!? No anxiety but coming to a point where i am close to acceptance?!? What do i do? Pls help who am i? Was i ever straight everything that i see on insta has been extremely triggering and I don’t know in what ways.. feels like i am trapped and helpless and will be okay if I accepted this cause its now at this point doesn’t feel like ocd..help!!

I’m afraid my fear of intimacy will always be a problem because OCD makes me question whether it’s actually a sexuality issue that’s causing my anxiety in romantic relationships. I struggle with wanting to run away from intimacy and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to push through it because ocd will always come up with some scary ‘what if’. Anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? When it’s a real life issue that ocd magnifies and warps into something else.

DISCLAIMER: Please DON'T tell me to call NOCD, My phone is missing so I cannot call, I don't have insurance, and My parents do not believe me about my OCD trust me I tried, So here we go. I have Harm OCD, I'm scared that I'm going to end up stabbing someone like my parents or my pet cat, Poni, this started a few weeks when someone threatened to tell my parents I'm an atheist and suddenly intrusive thoughts about stabbing him, Sure I was mad but this is too far, whenever I see I knife I throw it into my sink and whenever I have a thought I'd put my hands in the air and all fingers will be separated from each other and now I've been thinking "What's the point of this" I mean OCD, I'm not suicidal like what is the point of it and why do I even have it and when will it end, I'm not sure how to get help, I cannot talk to school councilor cause obviously they're gonna tell my parents and I don't need any more trouble from school councilors not understanding OCD, right now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, for some reason just subconsciously I'd have these thoughts of what if they're true and it plays like a movie in my head, It scares me and I also have this compulsion where I'd test myself by picking up a knife from the kitchen and putting it somewhere else to prove I'm not going to hurt them, if someone is with me, I'll do the compulsion to prove I'm not gonna stab them proving that I'm not crazy but the compulsion does more harm than good as it scares me too much, I've tried to tell people but I worry if people think I'm dangerous, What can I do, I have no options but I'm not giving up

Months ago I had a job that I didn't want to do but chose to do because it would have been better than nothing and that job was working with children. I hated the intrusive thoughts I got when I was doing the job but there were actually good days where they weren't bothering me. Worst thing was getting intrusive thoughts about a child which happened and it threw me off badly. They made me sick and I remember the way I felt through all that. I also think I have a problem with staring at times and when I stare at something I don't want to I'll get intrusive thoughts about it and get stressed out. Now I'm getting thoughts that tell me I meant to look at these things for awful reasons and whenever think of it I feel disgusting. Best thing I can do is just label the thoughts as OCD and move on I guess..

If we realize our OCD thoughts are so ridiculous and make no sense at all, why do they bug us so much?

Does anybody else notice that their ROCD gets worse with hormone fluctuations? Sort of TMI, but I’ve began to notice a pattern that my intrusive thoughts / ROCD / anxiety get worse around the time of my period and the week or so leading up to it. In fact, I was PMSing whenever my ROCD first came to be a few months ago. I’m beginning to think I have some kind of hormonal imbalance that’s exasperating my OCD and anxiety. I’ve read all about PME and PMDD and a lot of the info on that seems to resonate with me. Has anyone else seemed to make this connection?

i've posted about this before, but I want this to be the last time. I just need tips or help on how to move passes. This event is 2 going on 3 years when i was 14, im 16 now. i was holding my baby cousin and i went to sit down so now they were sitting on my lap. i pulled them up on my lap from the crotch area, unintentionally. but then i think my head registered that had touched the crotch area then had an intrusive thought to repeat the action/tap the front of the diaper again (i definitely think the intrusive thought came because of the area), and i didn't want it to look weird (there were others) or be in an inappropriate way because i understood that it was the crotch. but in my head at the time it didn't seem so serious because they had on a diaper, i was just trying to complete the "task" the intrusive thought gave me. but i pulled them up again as a way of completing the intrusive thought, and my aunt came and picked him up and naturally my ocd assumed that it was because of the intrusive thought. and i remember thinking "i didn't mean any harm, didn't mean to be inappropriate", and i went over there to see if she would pull him away from me (because i felt bad). anyways she took him to just play, i felt bad for a little but i let the situation go because i knew i had no malice. but now i can't let it go, because my head is saying that i did have bad intentions and that i knew it was wrong. but i don't think i thought the action through, plus he had on a diaper so i think that's also why i didn't think much of it. i feel terrible about it now, and i know would never purposely do any harm. i just think at the time the full picture never occurred to me.

I feel like crying. When something dirty touches something else and that something else touched another thing and that thing touched ANOTHER thing and now it’s dirty even tho you sprayed Lysol on the affected areas. I feel like crying.