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Hi all! I’ve been doing really well with my OCD, but I’ve been in a flair up the last few days and it’s so uncomfortable and distressing. It’s so hard to remember that I’m strong when OCD is so loud.

I have always suffered from OCD. It keeps changing from one thing to another. I take medication and I used to see an OCD therapist who helped me tremendously. My new OCD is that if I wake up around 4 am, I can’t go back to sleep. I have been fighting it for two months. My psychiatrist wants to increase or change my med. I’m not sure about that. Do you have any suggestions how to deal with this? Lack of sleep has interfered with life in such a horrible way.

Okay so about 2 months ago my harm intrusive thoughts started. They started with me hurting my loved ones by stabbing. And then it turned into harming in public (like a big group of people). During that time i had intense anxiety. I did my compulsions to try and make me feel better because that was the first time i ever experience anything like that. I tried what people have said by accepting that they are there. So in my head i repeatedly said “i accept your presence but you do not define me”. It made me feel better. Now ever since the Dahmer show came out i have been worried beyond belief. I’m scared of ending up like him. My intrusive thoughts turned from harming to turning crazy/psycho/ insane/ schizophrenic/ etc. I continued to say i accept your presence in my head. So now my thoughts turned into doing things that he did while on top of going crazy, while on top of thinking about not caring what I’m doing. And now my problem would be that i don’t think I’m reacting enough towards my thoughts. Like i would have a thought about something that Dahmer would have done and i feel like I’m not anxious enough. Before with my thoughts i would be out of breath i would shake and my heart would pound. But now today when i have these thoughts which are 10x worse than the thoughts I’ve had in the past i feel like I’m not as anxious. My heart doesn’t pound, i don’t get sweaty. All that happens is i shake my hands and legs and i just say the word no over and over again in my head. So now I’m sooo scared that because I’m not reacting enough that the thoughts could be true. Like i don’t like them in my head they cause me intense distress and i would never want to hurt anyone but now I’m just so nervous about the way I’m reacting. I know this was a longgg post but i needed to get it off my chest and i need to see if anyone else is experiencing anything like this? Like please tell me this is a sign of recover that I’m not reacting as bad.. I’m so scared of ending up in jail or a mental hospital or going of and doing something sooo bad. If anyone took the time to read this thank you so much. I appreciate you listening but i had to just type and get this off my chest. I just need to know if anyone else is experiencing something similar or if I’m just crazy/insane for not reacting.

I love him but why can’t stop this… When I try to not obsess I hear in my mind saying “I wanna break up” over and over before…

Woke up this morning immediately looking for the thoughts that I’ve been having even though i don’t want to think about them. I feel like i ended up bringing them upon myself and then i had a super gruesome thought and have been worrying about it all morning. Is it possible to bring thoughts upon yourself? Is it ocd or is it just me? I’m just so scared of going “crazy” that i keep looking for thoughts deciding if it’s me or not if you know what i mean. It’s such a scary feeling When you feel like you don’t know who you are 😭 i literally am just petrified of completely losing sense of who i am and doing something bad and being locked away forever. Is it possible to just turn bad? Does anybody know what i mean by that? Like you secretly have a double ego and completely turn into somebody different? Does anyone else experience this? Is it ocd? I’m so scared i feel like i can never catch a break.

So who here has intrusive thoughts about going insane or ending up in a mental hospital or just general fear of having anxiety and then get anxiety? Or fear of going out to events or places with family or friends and having intense anxiety? I don't see many people saying they have this. Intrigued to know.

im too scared to eat. i cant describe why i cant eat because it just feels like a general guilt that im a bad person if i eat, i starve myself all day and have one small meal and drink a cup of coffee. im not doing this to lose weight i just feel guilty and like im being tainted by the food i eat like i dont deserve it and im literally scared to eat. i cry and gag and panic, pull on my hair and ruminate please help

I hate who I am. Not my personality or my physical appearance. I hate HOW I AM. The things I can’t do because of anxiety, and the thing a that my friends and family can do. I hate not being able to have fun without feeling the overwhelming sense of anxiety and guilt, dooming feeling of disaster. From going to a party to the fear of downloading an app on my phone. Everything I can’t do. I hate it so much. I’m still very young, only 15 and I can’t live my life. I am in fear of the world and I am in fear of not living. I’m scared I won’t be able to find true love or get a job or drive or participate in any sports or social activities. I am so afraid I won’t live up to my OWN expectations.

Okay I’ve been fine all day as far as far as my thoughts go but now I’m extremely triggered. I was saying a sentence that involved the word eat and my mind went way south into finishing the sentence with something gruesome. (I’m sure you can figure it out/ Dahmer type of deal). and now i am sooo scared. Like what was that why would my mind go there? I’ve been fine all day and now I’m freaking out!! It’s like a never ending cycle and now I’m going to be scared all night long. The Dahmer series has triggered me so much that everything is basically a trigger now. 😭 please tell me somebody else is experiencing this?

One for the therapists or those that have done ERP or followed some of the advice on here.... If the best way to deal with the intrusive thought is to not give it certainty and to say "that might happen, who knows?" then surely you're fuelling the thought which is going to heighten anxiety levels? For example if you have POCD and have a thought such as "What if I think sexual thoughts about that child?" and you sit with the thought saying to yourself "I might do, I might not" surely that's going to make you ruminate on it and we're told rumination is wrong. Or another example "I'm going to hurt myself later" and then thinking "maybe I will, I don't know" you're just going to make yourself worse? If there's a chance that thought is gonna come true it's make you feel worse surely? Please tell me if I'm wrong and I've got the wrong end of the stick here but it's been playing on my mind. Surely it's better to ignore the thought the entirely or just observe it as if to say haha yeah OK keep trying to tell me that, that's ridiculous. Advice and thoughts appreciated.

I kept crying a lot last night!! I kept holding on to him!! I don’t feel the right to kiss him anymore!! This is just a bad dream right!?!?!?!?!? Just a bad dream!!! 😰 I know my truth!?!!!! 😭😭😭I cried until I went to bed last night! I cried bc I think I wanna break up !!!!!!!!!! 😰😰😭😢😢😢😢 This isn’t real not real not real!!!!! NOT REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😰😖😖😭😭

I’m scared that I’m going insane. I’m scared that I’m gonna hurt someone. I thought I was getting better. Why is it coming back now? During the school day it’s usually okay and easy to distract myself, but when I am home it gets bad cause I have so much free time. It often makes me feel like I don’t recognize my surroundings and like life doesn’t feel real, even though I do!! Like I know where I am, but it feels like I don’t. It also does that with people occasionally where like I know them but my brain makes the connection I have with them feel weird. I’m scared that I’m going insane. I’m scared that I’m just gonna black out and hurt somebody, or lose all my empathy and hurt someone. I don’t even know where these come from, or how they relate but I can’t stop worrying about it. And I’m scared to post this because what if someone replies with yes, I am going insane. I just need comfort and reassurance, even though I know that would only make it worse. But how else do I deal with this?

First, know that I don't plan to kill myself and I am not suicidal. When I feel like my life is killing me (toxic relationships, lots of comorbid MH issues), it's hard, bc it's like being run over by an 18-wheeler truck, every. single. day. And when a terrible event happens, it's like I'm being run over by 50 18-wheeler trucks within a span of 1 minute. I still feel grateful for a lot of beauty and soul in my life too, but in certain moments, like in a CRASH, everything immediate, feels PAINFUL, SCARY, ISOLATING. Even with therapy, groups, and all. My MH supporters' answer is: MEDICINE. I want to get better without it. But as the guy I spoke to on the suicide prevention hotline said "Where has avoiding medicine gotten you all these years?" He had a point. I am really scared of taking medicine, not judging it, of having chemicals alter my mind. This page, and friends who've shared experiences, share a lot of horror stories about it. And my depression has gotten better before with a therapist I can no longer see because I can't afford to see her. I can only see a therapist at NOCD, for only ERP, because that's the only thing my insurance will cover. Any thoughts, personal experiences, things you can share, will be helpful. I have family, I have friends, but some of this stuff can feel impossible to talk to them about. And when I'm a complete wreck, speaking incoherently through sobs, snot coming out of my nose, I struggle to even more. Hence my calling the Suicide Prevention Hotline for the first time. And writing something this personal and vulnerable here.

When someone doesn’t get the right treatment for serious mental health issues like OCD, it can take a major toll on nearly every part of their life. I think about my own journey—from as early as I can remember, untreated OCD controlled my life. The cost of the condition was terrible: it took a toll on the relationships that meant the most to me; it robbed me of my greatest potential and dreams; it even severely impacted my physical health. Living with untreated OCD had come at a terrible price by the time I found effective treatment. But it wasn’t too late, and I’m so glad I found it. Now I feel like I’m truly living, not just surviving. Read more about the high cost of letting OCD go untreated, and why the right OCD treatment is so valuable.

is this really triggering for anyone else? it had me stressingggg

Why would i have thoughts like i would be okay and better if that happened or I accepted this?? Its like i am okay with these same sex thoughts and sometimes feels like i like these thoughts?? I might? Do i?? Its like some thoughts are do i wanna be them? I might? Why would i get and i am okay not writing all this and its like i want to be bi?! Why would that suddenly pop in my head and like no attraction to boys have been felt for a while.. what do i do? Its like i want this? Is this ocd too??? Pls tell me ?? I am scared but also not?? Its like i feel like i am living a lie and if I accept it i will be okay and i dont have to write this cause i am not stressed or thats what i want cause i have been noticing suddenly so much i and just out of habit i am writing this.. i was okay the last few weeks and now suddenly the thoughts are too strong and real to wave off.. they feel like accepting will make it better cause that might be who i am? What do i do? Was i ever straight otherwise why wouldn’t i feel disgusted or anxious at these thoughts and feel like i am okay and its fine to have them and i might actually be it?!? No anxiety but coming to a point where i am close to acceptance?!? What do i do? Pls help who am i? Was i ever straight everything that i see on insta has been extremely triggering and I don’t know in what ways.. feels like i am trapped and helpless and will be okay if I accepted this cause its now at this point doesn’t feel like ocd..help!!

I’m afraid my fear of intimacy will always be a problem because OCD makes me question whether it’s actually a sexuality issue that’s causing my anxiety in romantic relationships. I struggle with wanting to run away from intimacy and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to push through it because ocd will always come up with some scary ‘what if’. Anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? When it’s a real life issue that ocd magnifies and warps into something else.

DISCLAIMER: Please DON'T tell me to call NOCD, My phone is missing so I cannot call, I don't have insurance, and My parents do not believe me about my OCD trust me I tried, So here we go. I have Harm OCD, I'm scared that I'm going to end up stabbing someone like my parents or my pet cat, Poni, this started a few weeks when someone threatened to tell my parents I'm an atheist and suddenly intrusive thoughts about stabbing him, Sure I was mad but this is too far, whenever I see I knife I throw it into my sink and whenever I have a thought I'd put my hands in the air and all fingers will be separated from each other and now I've been thinking "What's the point of this" I mean OCD, I'm not suicidal like what is the point of it and why do I even have it and when will it end, I'm not sure how to get help, I cannot talk to school councilor cause obviously they're gonna tell my parents and I don't need any more trouble from school councilors not understanding OCD, right now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, for some reason just subconsciously I'd have these thoughts of what if they're true and it plays like a movie in my head, It scares me and I also have this compulsion where I'd test myself by picking up a knife from the kitchen and putting it somewhere else to prove I'm not going to hurt them, if someone is with me, I'll do the compulsion to prove I'm not gonna stab them proving that I'm not crazy but the compulsion does more harm than good as it scares me too much, I've tried to tell people but I worry if people think I'm dangerous, What can I do, I have no options but I'm not giving up

Months ago I had a job that I didn't want to do but chose to do because it would have been better than nothing and that job was working with children. I hated the intrusive thoughts I got when I was doing the job but there were actually good days where they weren't bothering me. Worst thing was getting intrusive thoughts about a child which happened and it threw me off badly. They made me sick and I remember the way I felt through all that. I also think I have a problem with staring at times and when I stare at something I don't want to I'll get intrusive thoughts about it and get stressed out. Now I'm getting thoughts that tell me I meant to look at these things for awful reasons and whenever think of it I feel disgusting. Best thing I can do is just label the thoughts as OCD and move on I guess..

If we realize our OCD thoughts are so ridiculous and make no sense at all, why do they bug us so much?