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the NOCD Community

My therapist is getting on top of the way I wash my hands. Its really challenging. I am struggling with bad contamination OCD. It really takes up so much brain space. I would love to hear from other people how their journey is going.

I had a really overwhelming and scary episode last night about “not caring is I’m a pedophile”. I basically kept having unwanted intrusive thoughts that really shook me up and scared me because they were coming so quickly. And then I thought “what if I just give into these thoughts” “what if I just succumb to them” however I immediately regretted thinking that and I started crying and it was just really bad. It’s been in my mind all day and although I’ve been having a productive day I can’t stop feeling guilt and regret towards having those thoughts. To even consider that makes me so angry and frustrated I wish I never had that thought because now I can’t stop feeling anxious and like a terrible person. I don’t want to feel this way anymore but I don’t know what else to do. If anyone has gone through a similar situation or advice I would love to hear it. I just feel awful and my brain won’t stop reminding me of how awful I should feel. My brain hurts from how much I’ve been thinking about this and I just feel so frustrated.

I have a huge fear of war and I’ve been banned from watching/ reading the news because of the state I was in after reading it. However (I live in the UK) and a friend told me putin is getting closer to the UK. I’m so scared. I can’t sleep.

I don’t have covid but I do feel like I have the flu or just a really bad cold. I feel as though I’m sick because I deserve to be sick and this is one of my many positions of karma that I have been dealt because I’m the “bad person” the ocd says I am because of the real event that haunts me every second of everyday and that I don’t deserve to get better. I’m in college and I’m getting behind because I have been skipping classes by going home and sleeping because I literally haven’t been able to focus on any school work and I’ve called of for my job a couple times and now I’m going to be behind financially too. I feel terrible. And I feel like I deserve to feel terrible

I feel like I’m not “struggling” as bad as others might be and that’s making me so scared. Like don’t get me wrong the intrusive thoughts and images have been soooo horrible and gruesome and caused me so much stress and anxiety. But never once have i isolated myself from my family. Like I’ve always been part of family events and have enjoyed them. And on here i always here stories about how people have to isolate because they fear they will hurt their family. Like don’t get me wrong i too fear that i will do something wrong but I’m isolating myself. And it makes me scared that I’m not, like should i be? Does that mean that i want my thoughts because I’m okay with my family? Also others Struggle for years in end and i have only been struggling for about 3 months and i feel like I’m already potentially getting “better”. Like I’m not struggling with intrusive thoughts as much and if they do come i feel like i can shut them down quickly. I just feel so guilty and so terrible because others struggle so bad. And it makes me feel like there may be truly something wrong with me because I’m recovering quicker if you will. Can this be normal? I’m actually kind scared.

Are there any new teachers out there struggling to manage supporting your students during these challenging times as well as being overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and physical symptoms. My thoughts tend to be centered around my own performance: the OCD tells me that everything that doesn’t go exactly to plan is my fault and I deserve to feel ashamed. Comment if you’re a teacher struggling with OCD. It would be nice to know that we aren’t alone.

I broke up with my ex after he proposed. I went into a state of shock, panic, and anxiety. We have been working on mending things after 6 months apart. I’m considering asking him if I can move back in, but I’m scared of what he will say and of my ROCD kicking in hard and putting me back into panic and anxiety world.

What if I don't

How do you keep going when your absolutely destroyed inside? I try to motivate others on here and right now I can’t seem to have any positive thoughts for myself. I feel like I’m just in the way of my partners life and he’d be better off without me…

guys i’m freaking out. i told my boyfriend i didn’t want to have sex (i’m afraid i’ll regret it) and i feel so guilty. it’s terrible

My boyfriend has ROCD and it can get tough or discouraging at times but I’m in it for the long haul. Does anyone have any affirmations that help them?

I want to love him but something is stopping me… I am really starting to think I don’t love him at all anymore… 😭💔 I don’t wanna break up but then I hear you don’t wanna hurt him… I know I’ve done so much damage… I know what I did… 💔 I’ve been actually thinking about breaking up but I know I really don’t want that.. This is becoming too much and I am so depressed I ate 2 full bags of candy in two day… 💔😢😭 I don’t wanna break up.. I know I love him but the feelings of negativity take over and it becomes difficult to deal with… I need to delete Reddit…

I worry about cheating ocd specifically emotionally cheating. I can’t have male friends anymore cuz I convince myself I’m in love with them etc. or what if I cheat and don’t know? Etc.. I also have a fear I had sex with someone and don’t remember and I worry a lot.

I need to know… I really want this answered… Can you honestly convince yourself you don’t love your partner anymore… I am scared I don’t…. Anymore… I honestly believe I don’t at the moment… 💔 I don’t know if I just genuinely want him gone… or my ROCD blended into my personality… I don’t want to break up but I’ve obsessed about it so much that I believe I do… even asking if I don’t love him non stop fucked me up… I know I want to move forward from ROCD bc I can’t take it anymore…. It’s honestly like I healed and I just don’t wanna admit it that’s how it’s been feeling lately.., testing to get a reaction doesn’t work anymore… My heart is hurt… I just feel like things won’t be as they were and it hurts bc I want to be that way with him again so badly… It’s so real that I believe that the moments of clarity were lies despite how happy I actually was to know I love him… 😢💔 I just wanna know any stories if anyone felt this way? That’s all I wanna know… Were you able to save your relationship or was it doomed?…. 😢

i have many forms of ocd, i was diagnosed recently,, and well the more i learn about it the more i’ve realized how much it floods my mind. my mind is so flooded with intrusive thoughts, my family doesn’t know that i have it ive been too nervous to really tell anyone but my boyfriend which i love so much but since i have ; contamination ocd Pure ocd religion/ spiritual ocd relationship ocd somatic ocd it’s hard for him to understand my thoughts and feelings around each of them.. The cycle of getting relief and assurance is always me running to him to help me and it’s not fair to him and he doesn’t understand mental health problems so he just doesn’t know how to help? i have a support worker helping me through it however,, I am also in the support field so my work and schooling with contamination is very difficult and i don’t share that with them since they assume i’m just very precautions. i’ve tried therapists but they always made me take my thoughts lock-in a box and throw them away, my sister died oct/9/21 and since her death i went into a pit of impulsive dumb choices that now with moral ocd everything ive done drugs,smoking,drinking,etc is all catching up to me,, it’s created this hole of guilt that i can’t get out of. it’s like i’m drowning in guilt from things i have no capability of fixing. i worked at a church for a bit and it felt like god was there for me and then the workers there shunned me ignored me, bullied me and they hurt children,, after i quit the job they didn’t pay me and since it’s made me resent churches but feel like i’m the eyes of god that he seen me and he wants me to do more for myself and for others to fix and amend my actions. i’m not religious but i know one day i’ll die and i don’t want to live my life feeling guilty for everything things i can’t change now. ive tried talking to people to sort through it first hand but i’m only 18 i’m poor i can’t receive any help further then free therapy trial sessions, i had a truama therapist whom would make me draw out my life and feeling but when it came to my sisters death she made me draw the body and from there i starting avoiding sessions, avoiding her and from there i started thinking i was better but i wasn’t and now when i want the help i deserve it’s like i’m stuck of not knowing where to start or anything. i know this is just a vent type thing but i just want to be able to feel like i’m not alone because i feel so alone for so long and i don’t want to keep feeling like i have no support aswell.. but this is a little start? someone may relate understand or something?

I’m gonna switch my insurance to one that NOCD can get… Has anyone thought they knew they didn’t love their partner at all!? I am so very torn… 😢💔 It’s like I am forcing myself to stay but I don’t want to leave the relationship. I just want things back to normal again… he just seems like a regular guy to me now and I hate it… 😢💔

So yesterday i went the whole day without posting on here. That is my biggest compulsion so i am super proud to have not done it. I went through it all yesterday and it was TOUGH. I had my regular harmful intrusive thoughts since i woke up, they ranged from images to questions to statements. I questioned who i was a million and one times and i kept repeatedly saying in my head what i value and then i kept telling myself that i was strong and can power through this. Today i feel okay, maybe too okay because it’s kind of scaring me. Earlier i seen a picture of Jeffery Dahmer (all of my intrusive thoughts/images revolve around him) on Facebook and it hardly bothered me. Like my mind actually said see that wasn’t so bad. And i felt okay. But then all of a sudden my mind went “what he DID wasn’t so bad” and now I’m freaking out because now I’m scared that I’m going to be like him because my mind told me that he wasn’t a bad person. When i obviously know that he was. And i feel nothing. Like i keep telling myself that i feel guilty for thinking these thoughts but i don’t feel guilty. I feel no anxiety towards a statement that was so extreme. And it’s scaring me. Like i feel good today. I had that one intrusive thought earlier and have felt okay the rest of my day. Now I’m scared that I like him as opposed to avoiding him at all costs because of what my mind said earlier. Can anyone relate? I’m nervous/scared even though i don’t feel any emotion at all :/

I’m interested to know if I have relationship ocd. I’m in a relationship, and I’m always questioning; is this ok, should we break up, what ab the future& I’ve have several anxiety attacks over it. He’s a lovely person, he treats me right and everything, so it’s definitely a me problem- does this sound like relationship ocd? Pls let me know your thoughts/ experiences w it, tysm xxx

i’m so frustrated with myself. despite my attempts to lean into uncertainty, there’s still some part of that is convinced my theme is real and therefore needs to be looked into. i relapsed pretty badly after a stressful day two nights ago and i’m struggling get back onto the wagon. i know that many people say that you don’t need to know something is ocd definitively in order to treat it as such, but i feel like i do. because if it’s not ocd it’s a thing that needs to be solved. idk. does anyone have any advice on what i can do?

Anyone have everything hit at once? My Dr. And I are convinced I'm going through perimenopause and my hormones are out of control. It started out with anxiety attacks back in July, then my OCD kicked in, now at times I hit depression and it the lack of interest in everything is making me feel like my thoughts are real instead of just OCD. I feel numb because I'm afraid I'll discover the thoughts are mine and not my OCD because I can't feel any happy emotions right now and all the what ifs are just so strong. I guess I'm asking if anyone's had difficulty with the change and how they overcame.