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the NOCD Community

Anyone else struggling with their ocd at work? For some people works a distraction. For me it’s where my main focus of overthinking is at the moment. I’m ruminating a lot and can’t see it getting better.

Does anyone start having intrusive thoughts shortly after, a day, or a few days after sex. About getting an std or giving it to someone else. And then panicking if anything in that area looks “abnormal/different.”

I have a rare auto immune disease that attacked my brain causing me to have ocd. No one in my family had ocd and no one gets it. I had an incident tonight when I get home from a trip to notice that the pillows on my bed are put on there differently then I put them everyday, I also notice my lamp remote is on my left night stand when I always put it on my right night stand. I question my family and they said that my cousin slept in my bed the other night when I was gone. I broke down shaking and crying cause it’s 10 pm and I have school in the morning so I don’t have time to wash my sheets but there is no way I will be able to sleep in my bed after knowing my cousin slept on my sheets for a night. Plus I noticed a few of my drawers not pushed shut completely which I only do cause you have to push them extra hard to keep them shut which implies that she looked through some of my things and now all I can think about doing is disinfecting my entries room and excessively clean it. I just feel so betrayed but my family needs to understand that I have ocd and with that comes some things that they NEED to respect. I need to talk to them and tell them that this is not ok and that this gives me anxiety and distress probably causing me to not be able to sleep tonight. How do I tell them this?

Ocd is making me feel like my derealization is the worst and different than anyone else and that I’ll pass away from it. Even though I know it’s impossible it just keeps pulling me back in.

So my husband has been off work a couple of months due to me having some pretty severe health problems, not associated with OCD. His Family medical leave has run out and he is returning to work. I’ve been struggling with this because when he’s home my OCD is non existent. When he’s here I feel safe, and I don’t fear because he’s here with me and I feel like he would stop me from losing it if I were to. My recent fear is that when he goes back to work he won’t be here to stop me if I were to lose my mind, I get thoughts of what if I lose my mind, what if I run out in traffic, what of I go to a neighbors house and try to harm someone. I NEVER want to do anything like that, but the thought and fear of it and the urges are very REAL! I know I’m supposed to sit with the uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and urges but my god that’s impossible for me, I go straight into panic attacks and freak out! I’m doing ERP but I’m in the very beginning stages of it, and I’m really struggling to cope. My fear is I’ll forever be debilitated by this and it will cause my husband to lose his job, and we will lose everything. Can anyone help me to find extra resources on how to cope and deal with this, or any hope? I would greatly appreciate it. This is the WORST condition to ever have to deal with. :(

Hi. I wasn’t here for a very long time. Unfortunately, things got worst. I am dealing with OCD for 8 years now. Rn I’m really into the health issues. Every week something else. I got a heavy and weak feeling in my left arm (specific the hand, but every other part got on board) and muscle twitching. After couple of days and HEAVY anxiety from ALS (Google search…) my Leg joined us with heaviness and weakness, and my throat too (cough a bit and hard swallow - but not really bc I’m good with food and water) and I’m really scared. I read a lot online. I hate it fr. I’m scared I’m gonna die. pretty sure I have ALS. So scared.. wanted to ask if someone was in a familiar situation? And if anxiety can copy symptoms like these? Would love some help. 🥲

OCD has been hard today but I’m getting through it. How do you all get through tough days? Or do y’all have words of encouragement?

Hi, I have been struggling with OCD for 7 months now. First there were incestuous thoughts related to the mother. I was very bad for two months, I couldn't sleep and I had severe depression. I went to a psychiatrist and started therapy. After two weeks it was as if I woke up from a nightmare. All the obsessive thoughts stopped, the anxiety stopped and I was back to my new life again. I found a girlfriend and it was great. After about 3 months, the thoughts came back again, this time about my girlfriend. I started to wonder if I loved her, if I would be better off with someone else. And that stopped over time. A few days ago I went to the kitchen and saw a knife. I suddenly got scared and thought what if I hurt my girlfriend. I constantly analyzed that thought and asked myself if I could do it, if I wanted to. And it got to the point that I convinced myself that I wanted to hurt her and that I was just lying that I didn't want to. I became very anxious and scared again. My girlfriend has known about my problem from the beginning and is a great support. She even gave me a knife and told me to sit next to her. Of course I didn't do anything, I just threw the knife away and started crying and hugging her. But in my mind I still want to do something bad. Can OCD convince you that you want something, even though deep down I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want everything to be like before and to have a normal life without obsessive thoughts. I really love my girlfriend and I want to have a family with her. Can OCD cause false desire and will it ever stop. I heard that ERP is the best way to fight OCD. How can I do ERP alone without a therapist. I am really afraid that I will hurt someone and become a murderer. Thank you for reading this and I send many greetings and I hope you are well.

Hi everyone, just looking for coping techniques until I start my first therapy session. Recently I’ve been having panic attacks at work caused by rumination. It’s gotten to the point where I have thought my coworkers don’t think I do anything productive and I’m not doing my job right. I am petrified of going back to work again and feeling that again. Does anyone have good coping strategies I can utilize at work that worked for them that I can possibly try?

This… this notification on the screen… seeing this hurts… so so much… someone commenting on a post you’ve made and then blocking you… for anyone who does this… I genuinely don’t understand… what did I do?

• Option 1: YOU ❌ • Option 2: OCD ✅ * And you are NOT your ocd

Maybe we should all spend more time in the public eye after all 😂

I can’t get diagnosed because I’m 16. I feel left in the dark. Not asking anyone to diagnose me. Just If they see a hocd cycle that could indicate I possibly suffer from it. Please When I was 14 nearly 15 I had a random thought ‘am I gay’ and I immediately had discomfort. The next day I asked myself again and this time (I believe I had real event ocd) the event came through as almost ‘proof’ and that’s the beginning. I started taking quizzes to see whether I was gay. I asked friends and family to tell me if they thought I was gay. The idea of being gay worried me and I searched up how I felt and that’s how I found Hocd. I related to some of the symptoms but I didn’t have many compulsions. At the age of 15 it was really bad and I still hated the idea of being gay. A few months later I tried a relationship with someone of the opposite gender and I fell in love. My thoughts of being gay were pretty much gone. I was obsessed with this boy. However I became obsessed with needing reassurance that this boy loved me. Every. Single. Day. When I was 16 It became too much for him and we split up. 4 months after obsessing over the breakup and questioning if I was abusive, if I ever SA him, if I was toxic or a bad girlfriend…I had the ‘am I gay’ thought and that’s how it came Back. The thoughts are constant. I get these: ‘Am I gay’ ‘do you like her’ ‘remember when … that must mean your gay’ *gets groinals* (even after seeing just a girl in a skirt) *head tries to convince me I like my friends* *lost all attraction to the opposite gender. I don’t feel anything whatsoever* ‘is this really hocd because you’re not diagnosed. You just found it’ ‘You don’t do physical compulsions like others. So it’s all real’ I don’t have many compulsions but here’s what I do: * when I have a thought I ask other hocd suffers if they have the same and if they tell me yes I feel happy and completely normal for at least an hour. Then it’s back * If I get a thought sometimes I’ll try and distract myself or possibly even pinch myself to make sure I’m focused on the pinch not the thought. * If I get a groinal I’ll sometimes check to see if it’s a real response * Checking porn to see if I react to lesbian stuff (I have done and I had a meltdown) All of this happens every day. And everyday I manage to find something that gives me that temporary relief. But then it comes back after.

Can anyone share some advice on mental compulsions? I feel like I’m doing them before I notice I’m doing them (comparing, mental reviewing, reassurance, ruminating). I’m just starting ERP but I don’t know how I’m ever gonna get better if I keep doing them before I realize it ughhh help

im really scared that im a narcissist or a bad person or borderline idk after watching this video about narcissism ive been ruminating about all these things like recently i met this guy and i normally avoid dating because of my ocd themes and also being ashamed of being a virgin still and worried no guy would be willing to be patient with me and go slow but also that what if after i have sex i realize im asexual or a lesbian (one of my ocd themes) and then that makes me a bad person for leading him on if hes really into me and ive got this all going on in my head and thats not fair to him hes better off being with someone who isnt me but the thing is its been a while since a guy liked me this much and texted me every day good morning and good night and was excited to go on a date with me we met while i was on a trip out of town and he kissed me on the cheek twice and i kissed him on the cheek once and we danced together for a few minutes and he bought me my drinks and later he got me falafel and normally guys dont take care of me and arent nice to me the way he was in a long time at least and especially not a guy as attractive as him and the text was kind of stale and his sense of humor is different than mine and we dont have a lot in common and i found his jokes corny and weird and not funny and he kept making the same jokes over and over again in text like 3 times and by the third day of a joke like that (even though weve been texting for over a week) i called his jokes corny and that i think hes cracking himself up more than me and i think i bruised his ego and i was honestly just not wanting to be fake because he kept telling me come on its funny laugh and its like im not gonna fake laugh just to make u feel better (which i didnt say but i just didnt want to be fake so i said theyre corny is all and that its okay im corny too) and now i think hes lost interest and doesnt text me anymore but i miss the texts i miss him asking me how i am but im not sure if i just miss the attention or miss his attention specifically the thing is he was so nice to me that night and ive been so lonely and so deprived of affection i kept thinking even though he lives 8 hours away from me maybe we could meet up and see where things go and maybe i could finally lose my virginity and i was gonna send him a text explaining that i really like him and think hes very nice and very attractive but that i just cant do long distance right now and my life is kind of a mess and if i lived in the same town as you id have gone on another date with you but i just dont know how this can logistically work and im clearly a bad texter and im sorry but i never got to send the message because he sent me those jokes and then i said what i said and now he hasnt texted me anything for a day and half after always texting me gm and gn and part of me wants to apologize for calling him corny and then tell him how i feel but then im worried he might try to convince me to go on a date regardless of the distance when im very sure it cant go anywhere but i still didnt want to end things badly or awkwardly or with him not liking me i keep wondering if i self sabatoged this entire thing because im scared or if we just arent compatable and thats okay too or if im a narcissist because i read this thing that said narcissists put down peoples jokes or something and i just feel bad and i wish i didnt give him a hard time over text and got a chance to send that message but i also wish i had the nerve to go on a date with him but im scared hell want sex if he drives 8 hours for a date which he said he would do after only 2 days of texting which i thought was a bit much too fast and im scared im not ready and hell get mad im just scared of everything and im tired of always being scared and avoiding life or hiding away or pushing people away i keep saying to myself whats wrong with me whats wrong with me and i went on the dating apps and felt guilty about that i just hate that im this girl i wish i was a girl who knew how to date knew what she wanted was brave knew what she was doing knew how to set boundaries didnt ruminate didnt feel guilty about shit all the time and had sex and had a man to hold me at night and to feel loved and wanted and i want that so bad but im also so scared to have it but i also think im projecting all of that on this one guy like i really dont know if im just ruminating and making this into a bigger deal than it is i think i am but why am i so sad that hes lost interest? does that mean i like him more than i thought? or is it because it was nice being liked and thought of? or am i sad that i ended things with him by rejecting his jokes and comments the other night causing him to lose interest in me so i didnt have to send the message of how i feel? am i a bad person? i hate my brain and i hate being alone i want love and connection but what if ill never have that? what if im my own worst enemy? but also i mean me and this guy arent that compatable in so many ways and maybe i just am tired of being a virgin and he seems really keen and like he might be nice about it and sweet and i am worried i threw my only chance away of exploring all that for the first time with someone who wouldnt make me feel uncomfortable or embarassed but now ill never know... but also i have no clue if hell be nice all these things are assumptions and me trying predict the future and then making decisions based off an imagined future that scares me and then avoiding it or going towards it this has got to be ocd with all the what ifs ugh anyway i hope no one reads this its embarassing but i had to put it out there

My chest is really heavy. Basically my mind gave me the intrusive memory of when I got a weird feeling in my chest about a female friend when I was like 9. My heads telling me it’s because I liked her. I liked spending time with her and we practiced kissing as experimentation (part of kids games) and my head keeps reminding me of it. It was very intrusive because it came randomly while watching a program. It just popped into my head. I’m so scared And I have a lot of anxiety right now I told myself maybe, maybe not. But it’s made my anxiety worse. I can’t stay uncertain with this atm. I’m so scared. Please help if you can

My OCD and intrusive thoughts always seem to be worse when I have nothing to do all day. When I graduated college I didn’t have an easy time finding work (mainly because I didn’t know what I even wanted to do or how to even find a job). I ended up taking a job in a career I wasn’t even interested in but I enjoyed it because it made me feel so much better just to have SOMETHING and contribute to society. For 2 years at this job I was so happy with my life. Never experienced an OCD episode and lost 50 pounds and felt so good. I ended up leaving that job to chase the money and it was the worst decision I ever made. I switched to a job that basically told me from the beginning they didn’t want me and spent a year being miserable. I gained all my weight back and HATED the work I was doing. I almost switched jobs to another company but it would have been the same work I was doing so I didn’t take it and in turn experienced another OCD episode where I was obsessing over the fact that I may have made the wrong decision. Eventually I got fired and am now once again home doing nothing all day with no idea where my life is going to take me. My Obsessions have now turned towards not being able to raise a family because I can’t figure my mental health/life out. Does anyone have any experience where their OCD tends to be worse when they have extended free time and will the things I worry about now seem insignificant once I have my professional confidence back and feel like I am valuable?

How do I differentiate between giving into a compulsion versus doing erp? My trigger is thinking about and seeing my son’s exposed skin, particularly any marks that appear on him (eg bruise, scar, freckle, dry patch, birthmarks, pigmentation variations). I also feel compelled to look at other children’s skin (for comparison to see what’s common or normal). It all began after reading about a condition called NF1 leading me to fear that my son might have it. A symptom of this includes specific looking birthmarks all over the body. I stare and stare at him and eventually, I start to see shapes on his body that resemble the birthmarks in question. Tricky thing is I’m exposed to my triggers all day every day - changing nappies, bathtime, changing his clothes, seeing him in shorts. I feel like I’m cheating and avoiding my triggers if I don’t look at his skin (instead, I do things like dimming the lights or hyperfocusing on the nappy or article of clothing). I also can’t help but think that I should be checking each time to make sure everything is ok, and that not checking is unsafe in case he does have the condition and a mark is forming. Sometimes, when the distress is not too high, I will do my calming strategies while doing the above activities (my strategy involves me thinking out loud to identify my thoughts and feelings, affirm that I will not get entangled, ground myself by doing deep breathing, and then focus on finishing the task at hand, as well as engaging with my son to fulfil his desires/needs.. in other words distracting myself.. ). I don’t even know if the above strategy is actually erp. When I’m alone at night, I try to do erp by purposely thinking about his skin or a mark on his skin.. using the nocd app as a tool to facilitate that. My question is how do I do the erp?? In everyday settings as I’m carrying out my responsibilities and tasks as a parent, I feel I’m actually giving in to my compulsions rather than doing an exercise for my recovery. Another question is, I’m in Australia - is it possible for me to access a therapist on this app? I hope the above makes sense. Appreciate the advice!

my anxiety has been so bad the past couple of days, ive been disassociating several times a day. Its so hard to be alone because of the intrusive thoughts. I barely can even look at my family without vivid images coming in my head. Im so scared i keep asking myself “what if i wanna do it?” “what if i rlly am crazy” “maybe i am my thoughts” “would i ever do this” “what if i just lose control one day”. I dont know anymore im so lost and depressed i just wanna crawl out of my own skin. Someone please give advice because nothing is working. Keep in mind im undiagnosed and i feel so alone and i know i have harm ocd but the doctors and therapist in my state dont care to listen. They wont even give me anything for anxiety, my life is being ruined and im only 13. I just want it to go away, im trying to keep faith in god but i just wish he would help me faster.

My Understanding of OCD If you are struggling with OCD in any form, you have brainwashed yourself into believing the rituals you follow are necessary. OCD is curable, and you will not suffer for eternity. My name is Kyle, and I struggled with clinically defined OCD. OCD, as it’s clinically defined, is nothing more than habits and addictions occurring in your mind – usually attached to certain thoughts. Luckily, both habits and addictions stem from decision making weather you think you have control over it or not. The fact that eliminated my OCD, may not work for you. Everyone’s case of OCD is extremely unique. If the fact I presented below doesn’t work for you, don’t worry. I have something else in mind. Another fact, yes - but this one will physically make you feel the difference. One important thing to note, is the difference between habits and addictions. A habit is an action that occurs automatically without necessarily being aware you’ve made the decision to make that action occur. Habits can be more difficult to deal with because you often think you’re unaware they’re happening. The reality is, you can stop habits by becoming more aware of when they occur and what they are when you recognize the feelings you have that seem to influence and provoke their occurrence. Then, they turn into addictions, which are differentiated because they’re a choice or decision one makes to give into a feeling or impulse. These, require the will and commitment to say “no, I will not give into that decision.” Please note: you can turn a habit or addiction into nothing more than a “bad decision” as quickly as you want or are capable of. You may realize you’re dealing with a bad habit and after a few times of noticing it, you can define it as nothing more than a bad decision. We all know what a bad decision is. It can be the act of performing an action that we feel regretful of at a later time. It’s important not to gaslight yourself into thinking that things must take a certain amount of time to get better. No, it can happen instantaneously. It did for me. Now I’m OCD free. My story with OCD I had a clinically defined case of OCD for at least one year (probably more off and on in my life). I was convinced at the time to follow specific steps or rituals to reach an idea of perfection I had in my mind. For instance, if I made a mistake in my thinking, I would repeat a long list of ideas to regain placement in the correct "mindset." There were many other symptoms and examples of my OCD, but this "perfect mindset" was one of the worst. But everything changed for me the instant I had a realization- a realization that is, of fact, not mere Pseudoscience. To many, it may seem like common sense. But the instant I made this realization, my OCD disappeared forever. I now no longer deem it possible for me to have OCD ever again. It simply isn't possible unless the knowledge or understanding is retracted from my brain somehow. The Fact that Eliminated my OCD forever. Within every living thing upon this earth, an innate presence exists, allowing all things to live and thrive. Just as Newton's law of gravitational pull is observed physically when a ball is released from a hand and falls to the ground, this law of all things to have the ability to live and thrive is observed physically in all living things (organisms and cells included) very existence on this Earth. The moment I had this realization, everything changed. I no longer felt convinced or convicted to follow any of the rituals I had brainwashed myself into believing must be performed. This idea may not work for everyone, so I offer another alternative, perhaps something more relatable. FACT #2 – this may change everything for you if the above did not. Take a moment for yourself where no distractions exist. This may be easier with some meditation music at a low listening level. Now, sit and do absolutely nothing. Think about nothing and do nothing more than nearly exist. Stay there. What your experiencing is the cognitive state everyone experiences fresh out of their mother’s womb. Yep, you’re experiencing the same cognitive state you had when you saw light for the very first time. Nothingness is occurring in your mind, and you’re simply existing. Your mind is like a computer. It runs your thoughts the same as a computer runs programs and opens up windows. When you open thoughts in your mind, they can often lead to other thoughts and sooner than later, you feel like you’ve mentally spiraled out of control. Remember, thoughts can influence feelings and feelings can influence your behavior if you allow them to. But you have full control. Let go of attaining absolute perfection. Absolute perfection is literally impossible. There’s nothing wrong with striving for perfection or towards being your best, but stay reasonable. Sometimes you may experience unwanted and intrusive thoughts. Don’t give into them. Just override them if it makes sense to. Also remember that you can define anything and everything as you want to. But so can everyone else. So living up to your own expectations and desires is up to you. So, here’s the reality. All that “clinically defined” OCD you’ve been experiencing, is nothing more than decisions you’ve been making. OCD is literally nothing more than bad habits and addictive thoughts occurring at an high – extreme level (which often evidently influences behavior). The problem that comes as a result of thinking, is the door opening scenario. When you open one thought, it leads to another, and each thought just keeps multiplying into more. Then you start performing these habits or addictions Just like a computer or engine idles when it’s turned on, your brain does the same thing when you’re in this state. It’s doing nothing more than existing. So knowing that, you should now be able to be more selective with your thoughts and also choose for yourself, what’s most worth your time and what makes you feel good, bad, sad etc… And remember, you can define anything the way you want to. Reality is nothing more than what is occurring and existing. Coming Back from OCD Somewhere along the way of life in our natural and healthy mindset, you and I somehow found ourselves convinced that all of our "OCD" rituals were necessary. We literally brainwashed ourselves into believing these rituals are essential. So, this information reminds us of this innate fact that can't be changed, even if we are unaware of it or somehow forget about it. It always has and will remain. You might come to the point where you realize that OCD is also a decision you can opt to have for yourself if you so choose. I choose not to. So the greatest piece of advice I can give coming back from OCD, is to take some time as soon as your done reading this and find somewhere relaxing to sit. Next, settle into your comfy chair, and let go of all your thoughts. Embrace the silence and natural peace you’re feeling for a few minutes (this may be easier with relaxing sounds or meditation music… strongly encouraged). This is your natural state of mind and being. This is your natural baseline. What is natural, is healthy. Note that everything happening in your head has no effect on the physical world. In only has an affect when you allow whatever is happening in your head, to influence your actions in the physical world.