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She literally stayed up all night reading two books and researching rocd and taking notes because I have it and I'm here with my rocd telling me u don't like her anymore

This morning I woke up and my cat laid next to me and I petted her and she started purring which doesn’t happen often so I laid on her belly and listened to her purr for a while because I was not wanting to get up and go to work. I laid there for a while with my cat and then I started feeling really weird down there and I started to mentally freak out because I was afraid that I was feeling weird because of my cat so I started ruminating telling myself to ignore it that I was just laying my head on her and hearing her purr that’s it. So about 15 minutes later I started to hum to try to calm down and I got to a relaxed state again and then I started thinking about Dean Winchester so this is where it starts to get tmi…….anyways I was thinking about the character from Supernatural because I have a huge crush on him lol and I did the you know what (self time/masturbation) because i don’t do it often anymore because of the anxiety and intrusive thoughts (which I dealt with this time too but I just ignored it) and then now I’m freaking out because I was feeling weird when I was with my cat and then I did that so my mind is telling me I was turned on by my cat or the purring that just relaxed me that’s it. I’m really freaking out and I’m late for work now because I’m sitting here ruminating. I really hope I didn’t do anything wrong but my mind is telling me I did 😭

One of my main fears is thinking that I’m losing my mind or losing touch with reality. It sometimes make me feel so fearful , especially in the morning when I’m first waking up. But yesterday I kind of freaked myself out because I developed a new fear that I would look at someone’s face and not recognize them. So like always I went online and researched and found out some people suffer from not recognizing people’s faces , even if it’s someone they know. Now I’ve been sitting here for hours with my mind telling me what if this is happening to me? In my mind I know I’m not but my mind keeps telling me maybe you are. What if you’re out in public and you just freak out. It’s so irrational but it feels so scary. Has anyone ever had this feeling or fear. It almost makes me scared to look people in their faces. 😥

been feeling good no anxiety but yesterday i was thinking about when my therapy appointment will come through and the reason why i'm starting it and now i'm anxious about it and the thing that's troubling me 😣

I don’t want any reassurance just expressing myself… Knowing that you’ve caused damage in your relationship and feeling guilty for stressing your partner out has got to be one of the worst feelings. Knowing that they could easily be with someone else not going through these issues with but then choosing to be with you brings in nothing but shame and guilt.

I can’t take this anymore!!! My anxiety is bad!! I really believe I wanna break up!!! Been obsessing about our issues that we wanna work on! I want the relationship ocd or anxiety to go away so we can try to figure stuff out together! I don’t wanna end it!!!! I hate that I feel the reason I can’t leave is bc I don’t wanna hurt him when I use to obsess about that so much before it got this bad! Please I know I still love him more than a friend! I want this shit to stop!!!

My ocd has most been a struggle in relation to procrastination. Over the past couple semesters, my anxiety would spike and my will to do assignments would drop dramatically. My friend notes that her ocd used to spike when she was stressed and suggested I may have the same problem. My mind and body almost go into a coma like state where all I want to do is lay around and avoid my assignments. This then reflects on my self image and how I view myself creating a negative thought space because I will relate my success on the classroom to my self confidence and self value. Among other things I get urges stronger sometimes than other times to do something a certain way. And it’s not in the traditional way that you see on movies where someone has to turn a door handle 7 times before they can go through that door. But more like an urge to do something and if it’s not done in that exact way, it just feels off, wrong and not right. Sometimes it’s wanting to listen to a specific song, or laying an object down a specific way, or laying down in a certain position. Sometimes it’s an order of doing things obsession. For instance; one time I was getting ready for the day. And I visualized for myself a perfect routine and order of things that I needed to get done so that I could prep for the next day. I got through a couple of tasks but then realized I couldn’t find my lifting shirt. This for some reason threw me over the edge, and out of frustration I could not finish the rest of my self assigned tasks. This sort of plays into the procrastination thing I think. Trying to self asses this mentally is very challenging. Trying to diagnose these invisible urges that have always been “normal” to you and deciding whether they are from the cause of OCD or not has also been difficult. This semester I finally decided to see a therapist, and it didn’t go so well. Some how he forgot the reason behind my appointments being ocd, and he failed to reschedule after two weeks of visiting. Pretty embarrassing and frustrating overall. While trying to assess whether I actually had OCD I found out that my dad also has OCD. So maybe it something that can be passed down. It seems like my ocd really “took off” when I realized I had it. The way people react to this has also been interesting. I don’t think people have enough information on what OCD is and how it really works. Most people think of it as an obsession to washing your hands a certain amount of times, or doing routine things a certain way. A lot like Bill Murray’s character from what about Bob. But for me it’s so much different. Almost embarrassing or shameful sometimes to me because of the way some people have reacted when I tell them I have ocd. One professor comes to mind who gave me a strange look. I also worry about telling a girlfriend I have OCD because I hate them to think I have some large over-looming mental problem. That’s all the thoughts I really have on that as of now.

I’ve got a lot of bad coping mechanisms. I smoke, drink, isolate and hurt myself to help quiet my mind when it gets overwhelming. Can these count as compulsions? (Also not completely sure if I have OCD)

Who has an OCD recovery story they wanna share? Could use some motivation.

I need someone who has Rocd to listen

I’ve been struggling with sexual ocd, im 13 btw so it’s only clear that this would happen at some point😡😡 anyway it’s Christmas Day and I’ve BASICLY been crying the whole time. I’ve always been close with my mum especially since I’ve been Ill and of course my ocd has decided to take a hold on that, I always thought I could tell her anything and and feel safe with her but this is somthing I can’t bring myself to talk about with her she’s knows what’s going on and she’s encouraged me to talk to her but I can’t do it. I’ve been having sexual intrusive thoughts about her and it’s horrible I’ve been having thoughts fetishising mother daughter relationships, lesbian and men realationships, r@pe etc. and I’ve heard of the groinal sensation but I’m scared what I’m experiencing isn’t the same thing like I generally think if I wanted to I could masturbate to any of theese thoughts, I know it in fact. And that terrifies me especially since I’ve thought of some those before on purpose. I feel like there not even intrusive thoughts and I’m just a creep. I think if wither away and die without hugs and now I can’t get any my ocd has taken away the one thing I feel safe with I’ve never felt so alone and scared. I would never hurt anyone but that dosent make all theese wierd wrong sexual fantasies any more ok right? Please help me I know reassurance is proven as bad but I haven’t had any and I’m too scared and tired of fighting so please just this once help me feel less insane whenever I’ve made posts like this before no one replies☹️I hope your Christmas is going better than mine 💓

So after a mistake I made while drunk, one I’ve taken the adult approach to fix, I’ve taken full responsibility for and not sat here at all playing the victim when I know I wasn’t, all my friends have left me. They shamed me, they didn’t act like friends during the situation, they didn’t think about the other perosn they fully blamed me and now I’m sat here wanting my life to fully stop. I felt eith someone who was in a relationship, I was fully out of it drunk off my head and yes I did know. However bevauzs of the alcohol snd the sex my entire body was taken over my these 2 emotions, I didn’t care in the moment. My thoughts were, and I’m not gonna sit here and say they weren’t, they were selfish. I didn’t think of consequences or who I couldn’t hurt. Yet I did it. Im not this perosn, why I did it im not sure why I didn’t stop it I don’t know. Thinking back is hard it’s so blurry I don’t even know how I got there. The guy was driving, he says he was drunk but idk what to believe anymore. Im not trying to excuse it im just explaining the story. Now I’ve lost everyone. I’ve told the girl and apologised, I told the guy to tell his girl, I’ve done everything I can. Im currently talking to someone who I really like, but they’re away till April and we haven’t even talked about seeing other people we both just expected we would be, but I know he’s been cheated on in the past and now im scared to tell him about this. Im not a cheater, I never have been never will be. But im scared he’s not gonna see it like that, idk what to do now. I know I have to tell him to be respectful, but loosing him rn after everything else I think it might end me. He’s gonna hate me but there’s nothing I can do but explain how much I regret it and im learning from my mistake. People make mistakes right? Idk I know saying I was drunk isn’t a good enough reason, but it’s the only one I have. I wouldn’t have done it sober, I wouldn’t have done it tipsy, I was completely hammered off my head and shouldn’t have been out or even in that situation. But nobody seems to care about that, so idk what im to say anymore. I didn’t do it maliciously, it just happened

Does anyone else think about life so deeply all the time, i have always been a deep thinker since i was young and ive had ocd my whole life so that has made me think 10x deeper. I always think and worry how we are all here and nobody knows why and the fact that we all die also terrifies me and we dont know what happens after we do die. Im terrified of the people i love dying . but i also have suicide ocd, i dont want to hurt myself ever but i worry that if i become so depressed that i will or something like that and that turned into an ocd for me, i really dont want to ever hurt myself but feeling depressed scares me. For years now it has been an ocd thing for me about the people i love dying and i have to do mental complusions every single day , although it comes in phases where its worse than others. It has gotten worse because my dad just turned 50 and i turn 19 in 6 days, life is changing and everyone is getting older and its been making me depressed and anxious and theres nothing i can do about it because it is life. I just want to know if other people feel the same also. Its christmas eve and im just depressed and i dont know why.

General statement/question for anyone who can possibly relate: I've been struggling with ROCD for about 3 months now, the typical "do I actually love him", "what if I don't and I'm just leading him on", "why don't I feel connected any more, this must mean something is wrong with us", "planning the future makes me anxious because we might break up"...the list goes on. I've been especially struggling these past few days. I want a big future with this man and I've never second guessed it until all these intrusive thoughts have come into my life with a bang. I hate them. I feel so emotionally drained and incapable of enjoying the moments I have with him because I'm constantly thinking about the things missing. The fact I struggle to stay present. As we all probably know the age old reassurance after an anxiety inducing thought- I do this fairly often, googling my thoughts and why I'm feeling this way. I am so beyond exhausted. I know I want to marry this man and a future with him isn't scary, it's just significant moments that trigger me and suddenly I'm spiring into the OCD cycle again. I just want to know other people feel the same? I've been feeling so flat and disconnected from everyone, especially him which breaks my heart. I know I love him, so deeply - even writing that my brain said "are you sure you do?". I just want to see if other people experience ROCD similar to me. Thanks

Please someone answer Please

I hate that idek if it is rocd this time, how can I go from liking someone so much to then a week later thinking u don't like her anymore you're guilty about it and u wouldn't care if u ended things you should end things it isn't rocd ur using that as an excuse that feeling just isn't there anymore even tho I don't want to end things with her that's why I haven't since I've felt like this

I've got a Christmas party with my husband's family this afternoon and there will be a LOT of people there. I'm so anxious to go because his family always seems to be sick with something. There will also be a few very young children (walking petri dishes in my opinion). How can I enjoy myself and not let the fear of catching something get to me? I'll be using my response prevention messages of course, but those don't always work for me. There's going to be about 35-40 of us in a small home exchanging presents and eating and drinking. (I will not be eating or drinking ofc) It really bothers my husband when I'm anxious and uncomfortable around his family and I'd like to be calm and happy and enjoy myself for him and for my sake as well. Any advice would be appreciated!

I feel in the way today. I’ve been a good person and ticked all the friendship boxes. I’ve distributed Christmas presents and even put up with the people I don’t like. When I have good friends and I am a good friend why is it at these times I feel like a burden. Maybe exposing myself as a good friend makes me feel vulnerable.

I don’t know what to do at this point everyday I’m stuck in the same loop because I have got it in my head that I like the feeling of doing that horrible thing. Because for some reason when I imagined doing it to test myself I got anxious but at the same time it felt like I liked the feeling of doing that and I don’t know why, I don’t want to do that and it doesn’t make me happy thinking about these thought so I don’t understand why it feels like how it feels to do that I’m stuck in this loop of imagining the thoughts to test myself then feeling like I’m getting no answers or they it feels like I do like the feeling and then crying and telling my mum about it. Everyday we’re having the same conversation because I can’t get over this. There are no answers for me, I don’t like the fact that it felt like I liked imagining doing that but I don’t get it. I wrote down how i feel so I can try to figure it out so 1. when I try to test myself, I don’t like bringing on the thoughts 2. I instantly get an anxious feeling and feel like I need to go poop.(sorry bit tmi) 3.I don’t feel like I want to do that but for some reason when I imagine it it feels like I want to do that or like the feeling or doing that, and it’s been really worrying me I don’t want to like the feeling of doing something so horrible and I know I don’t want to do that. I don’t know if my feelings are misfiring or I’ve confused my anxiety with ‘liking the feeling’ but it’s horrible I feel so worn out by this whole situation but i don’t know what to do, starting to worry that maybe I do have ocd but now I imagined how it feels to do that and I like it and it’s worrying me. The only other thing I can think of is, is it possible that I’ve been having these thoughts for so long and it’s felt like an urge and I’m frustrated from having the thoughts but when I tested myself and imagined doing that I some how ‘gave in to an urge’ in my thoughts so not that I like doing that horrible thing but because it feels like an urge and I’m frustrated that i don’t even know what I’m trying to say but I just feel terrible ‘what if I liked the feeling of doing that in the thought because it felt like a relief to give in to an urge in my thought’ but I don’t actually want to do that so now I’m crying and ruminating constantly, there isn’t a day I don’t cry and I’m just lost, I’m walking around thinking I like the feeling of doing that but don’t want to do that?? I don’t even understand these feelings myself like I don’t even know what part of imaging that is making me feel like i like the feeling of doing that? Or what feeling is making me feel like that because I definitely don’t feel happy imagining these things so what is this? How can I like the feeling of doing something but not be happy about it and instead stressed 24/7 depressed miserable crying and a mess? Please can someone give me and answer it makes me feel awful thinking that I like the feeling of suffocating someone, it’s honestly terrible and I’m just stuck in a loop or ruminating/deliberately imagining and testing myself and crying and I’m starting to feel like there are no answers for me and I’m just a horrible person with evil desires. I’m only 19 I haven’t even lived my life but I’m stuck on this idea/feeling that I like doing something so horrible please someone give me advice

Yesterday I seen a post my mates girlfriend posted on FB. I noticed on the pic some of her thigh was there, she has tights on I think. Anyway I kind of felt some arousal! I think she is an attractive person and I would never cross that line or anything as it's my mates gf! But why did I feel some arousal. Is it normal make biology or maybe it's OCD and feeling on edge by looking lol. Flipping mind!