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my false memory of cheating feels so real and like it must’ve happened. the only thing keeping me a little bit sane is the reassurance that it didn’t from someone who was there

Good day, you awesome people! I struggle with spreading my own (bathroom/groinal) germs and "contaminating" others somehow. Logically I know it's not necessarily going to make anyone sick, but it's coming to the point where I have to wash my arm if it touches my behind at all while wiping (in case waste travels as it sometimes does)--and this morning I felt I had to wash my hands after touching the shell of my ear. It's clear that a lot of washing I am doing is to avoid guilt--I feel like I am "being sneaky/doing something terrible" if I don't do it. Some things are justifiable, yes, but the line has become so blurred I have changed many of my routines around this and I cannot tell what constitutes as "acceptable" or "normal" hygeine anymore because anything less than what I have started doing feels awful. I even wash my hands after drying off after a shower... though that I am trying to stop. I am wondering if anyone could help me out here with suggestions? Thank you so much for listening to my woes. I appreciate you all immensely.

Suffering from false memories a lot right now. But one recent thought i had was "what if I've thought of cheating" and my stomach dropped making me feel like its true because it felt like a familiar memory??? Idk if that makes sense and now i feel compelled to confess but even if i did have a bad thought like that I didn't act on anything so why am i feeling CONSUMED WITH GUILT i love my partner soso much the thought of hurting him kills me

I wanna break up with my partner… I can’t take this anymore… I constantly asking if I wanna break up testing, if I wanna break up, if I am not in love, or if I even love him anymore… I want to save the relationship so badly b it it doesn’t seem I want that… I don’t wanna break up… I don’t wanna say goodbye… I know I love my baby. 😢

Does any Christian experience the same? I am a Christian but when in public and a friend of mine starts speaking about faith or something related to it I feel embarrassed especially when someone else can listen. Then it freaks me out that I feel that way then the situation becomes stressful which as I think triggers my ocd because I always get blasphemous thoughts. Then I can not say if those thoughts were from me or from ocd then I feel bad I hate myself etc etc. Could I classify that as ocd?

Hi everyone, It’s been almost a year since my last post on here. But I am really struggling tonight with this and I don’t know where else to turn. I’m going to try and keep this very, very brief because otherwise this will be paragraphs long. Basically, I was with my ex-boyfriend for four years, and we broke up 1.5 years ago. Most of my anxiety is based around my fears that he is a terrible person. It caused me an unbelievable amount of anxiety when we were together, and has not let up even long after our break up. I constantly find myself still analyzing and agonizing over our past, his past, things he’s said and done, what kind of person he is, who he will be in the future, etc etc. it’s so exhausting. Anyway, tonight I’m really struggling with something specific. A friend of mine was complaining to me about how she was scared she would upset her husband and make him mad. This is not the first time she’s spoken about feeling scared of him in that way. I was silently taking comfort in the comparison that even with all my anxiety, I had never been scared of my boyfriend while we were together. He was always calm, RARELY ever angry, pretty rational. Then in a flash of anxiety and panic, I realized that wasn’t even true. There are two moments I can think of where I was scared of him. Once was one of the very few times (like, literally 3) he ever got visibly upset. He said something that scared me and I didn’t recognize him in that moment. The other time…I honestly couldn’t tell you if it was actually something scary or my anxiety just took hold and made it scary (it wasn’t anger related at all). I hope I’m making sense. Anyway, the realization that I couldn’t say I was never scared of him has me in a complete panic. Because I don’t think a healthy relationship with a good person would even need to ask this question. I don’t think you should ever be scared of a partner, not even once. But then to be fair, I know I acted in ways a few times where I probably scared him too….so is it normal? Or is it okay if it’s literally just once or twice in 4 years? Or never okay? I’m totally spiralling and my anxiety is wild. I hate that I cant tell myself I was never scared of him. I don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading

I got triggered today and spent a big chunk of the day trying to sit with the discomfort. I started to feel better but then I gave in to my compulsions. I think it was about an hour or so of doing it. I’m exhausted now. I feel like I’m going mental. Details below.. skip if you can’t be bothered to read.. I just fixate and struggle with every little thing I see on my son.. like are these white marks on his skin related to the condition I read about. Are these brown marks related? His black hair has browny red through it, so my thoughts were what if these patches turn white per symptoms of this conditions? What if this happens? What if that happens? While he slept I spent the hour combing through his hair trying to see where it was lightening to see how light it is in case it turns white. He has two strands of hair that did this. So my mind connected the dots incorrectly and is running wild thinking more of this will happen thus indicating he has this condition. Anxiety/ocd is about accepting uncertainty but I guess today is just a hard day for me, and this makes me feel hopeless and sad. Could use some advice especially from parents who’ve been through something similar

so i usually don’t get violent intrusive thoughts like stabbing or hurting people ect. my intrusive thoughts are more false memory/ real event based. like my intrusive thoughts will be like “what if this happened, what if im___” “did i do this” and then yeah. is this still ocd if i don’t have thoughts intrusive about stabbing or hurting people? my intrusive thoughts are more bad questions regarding the past.

hi! I really need someone to help out right now. I would appreciate it so much. Thanks:) I know this is kind of long, but please help me out and read it. please help confirm for me that the symptoms im experiencing are just extreme existential OCD, depersonalization, and anxiety. it would make me feel a lot better. 7-8 months ago a traumatic event led me to experience severe depersonalization. ive had OCD for as long as i can remember basically, but it’s become a lot worse from this. i am a very big overthinker, so i tend to over analyze a lot of the things going on around me, my perception of everything, my thoughts, etc. it’s gotten so bad because of the depersonalization that i at times really can’t function anymore. one day, all i’ll be able to think about is the irrational fear that i somehow am going to die and there’s something terribly wrong with my brain, like cancer or something. then the next, i’ll be freaking out, worrying that im gonna go crazy. like this is some kind of early onset schizophrenia. i start doing research and i start obsessing over each and every thought i have, everything i see, etc. then i’ll be paranoid about my family, worrying that none of them are real and they’re imposters or something. i know it’s irrational. i recognize that and don’t genuinely believe it. but the fact that this thought worries me concerns me even more because it leads me to believe im going crazy. i am having existential crises regularly. like, all the time. it’s actually ridiculous. i’ll be reading a book and i start contemplating the English language and how it came to be, and then language altogether, and then how humans were able to create and understand language, and then how they were able to sound it out, how sound exists altogether, and so on. lol. like what the hell? a few days ago i was looking out of my bedroom window, and all the sudden had the intrusive thought come into my head, “what if this is just a simulation and what you see outside of your window is merely a two dimensional image?” and then i almost had a full on panic attack. anyways, those are some examples. i’m so worried. i feel like i have no control over what freaks me out anymore. i feel like i have no control of my brain altogether. i don’t want to go crazy. i don’t want to feel like im stuck in a dream anymore. im so scared. somebody please help me. i live my life in fear, worrying about everything i perceive. im exhausted. i can’t tell anyone because i don’t want them to worry, or think that im going crazy. that’ll only reinforce my fears.

So, this isn’t something I’ve ever mentioned in therapy or my OCD support group in too much detail, but tonight it’s dawning on me how much of an impact it’s having on me and I’m interested in other people’s experiences. I’ve always had some weird issues with what I “allow” myself. For a while in college (in the 90’s) I set myself a $10 a week limit on groceries and pretty mischief lived on rice and beans and lost a bunch of weight. So, a year or so ago husband, teenage kids, some friends, and I were coming up with kinda hypothetical “would you rather” kinda questions. I asked something along the lines of “if you could only listen to music produced during a five year span which years would you choose?”. Seemed fun and fitting for the moment. Everyone answered with their off-the-cuff answers and I think that was the last that most of them thought of it. I agonized and came up with my years very carefully. I thought about it a lot initially, but didn’t think of it as a hard and fast rule. Well, somewhere along the way that changed. Now I haven’t played the beautiful piano that I love because Bach wasn’t composing from 1977-1982. And tonight I was reduced to tears because I listened to a song that I thought was by a “safe” performer” in my years but was from 1976 and I’m panicking and trying to make it right. Sorry, this is very long and it feels so dumb because this is an an artificial limit I’ve placed on myself but god damnit I feel like I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. I’m fucking losing my mind.

Each new year brings new opportunities to grow, to experience new things, and to work toward our goals. For the OCD community, this means a fresh opportunity to live the life we want to live, rather than the one OCD says we have to live. What do you hope for in 2023? Let us know below.

only people with a uterus please so my period is late. it’s been late for almost two or three weeks now. but i’m still having pms symptoms. i’m a virgin but somehow convincing myself i got pregnant somehow. like my mind keeps going to awful things like what if i got r@ped at didn’t know it. it’s so exhausting. i’ve missed a cycle before when i was at an extremely stressful point in my life but i don’t feel that stressed now. more depressed. i’m sure it’s normal to miss a cycle especially after the year i’ve had but it makes me so anxious. like i’m genuinely debating on going to buy a pregnancy test even though it’s not logical at all. my best friend is pregnant right now and her and my sister keep joking that i’m pregnant and they don’t realize how much it genuinely freaks me out. like right now my breasts are so tender and i made the mistake of googling and it could be pms, pregnancy, or breast cancer (which is one of my biggest fears bc my mom passed from it). anyways has anyone else had an experience like this?

Does anyone have the intrusive thought that maybe they should just end their life? I really don’t want to but the urge feels so real. I’m just so confused. I have not been diagnosed with OCD but I’m pretty sure I have it.

What I did today: 1. ROCD spiked, worried my relationship had no passion 2. Called my boyfriend for reassurance and checking 3. Tried to pick a fight about it as a compulsion 4. Now engaging in checking behaviors that he isn’t mad at me, double texting, worrying 5. Feeling like I’m an awful girlfriend Ugh. When will this get easier?

I’m currently pregnant, only 15weeks im fed up already my hormones are sending my ocd is starting to go WIIIIILD 🥺. I’m trying to take it one day at a time but It’s throwing all sorts of things at me and I feel like I can’t handle it. Im so low in mood I can’t do anything Every task drains me. My head feels like it’s going to explode and I have a constant headache and feel tired. I’m trying so hard not to ruminate but I’m struggling to remain on top especially with juggling my kids and work and house work etc. I’m not finding time to do exposures I also don’t know what to expose myself to 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s a difficult period… I need to know I’m not alone and it gets better through pregnancy? My others weren’t like this… how do people with hectic life’s find time to work on their mental health? I could really use some advise on things to do when life is busy to get on top of your thoughts and anxiety and depression

My OCD doesn't tell me I'm a bad person, it tells me everyone ELSE is a bad person; my husband, my mother , friends, etc., and I should avoid them. My OCD takes something wrong they did to me (real event) and blows it up to an unforgivable, abusive event. Anyone else?

I saw something that said if you're a Christian or religious with hocd than your just in denial and it's all I can think about. I wanna cry

it feels awful to know i do not deserve reassurance because i am sick. why can’t i have it? it makes me feel appreciated and i give it to everyone around me. i only want it because NO ONE in my life tells me with their words that they appreciate me the way i do to them. why? its just not fair.

I was married for 16 years and am now 7 months divorced. I have OCD. I have had flirtatious relationships throughout my marriage. No physical cheating or anything that comes close. I have been like this for a long time. My ex wife left me because of these inappropriate relationships. I have never wanted to admit that I have done that. My excuses were to blame her for whatever reason. Post divorce I have hung out and “dated” with no physical contact. My ex and I are talking again. The main topic are my actions pre and post divorce. If I were to possibly repair things I am in need of accepting that I am that person who did these things. I spent forever denying that I have been like this. I am not any longer. I am being super honest with my ex wife and myself. It is quite humbling and painful. An incredible amount of anxiety. I have deflected this for years and now, if I want to be a better human, I must accept and change myself. But can I? Can anyone really? I like the sexual attention because it makes me feel good about myself. Why do I need that? I am having horrible anxiety about this. Any thoughts from anyone?

Hi everyone! I need help right now and was wondering if anyone share the similar thoughts or have any insights that may help me. Last week, after escaping 2.5 years, I got Covid. It was not very bad to be honest but still I had high fever, full body aches, lost smell and taste etc. I also am a smoker which I stopped since I got my Covid result. At the same time I read about how important the indoor air quality. I ordered an air purifier right away, but then I thought about all the times in the past. How I always smoked in my room, how it smelled all the time for years, and how bad the quality of the air was. All the dust accumulated where I felt incapacitated to clean. And now with Covid my lungs took another hit. So I am freaking out about dying soon. I have dreams like everyone else, not so big dreams, but I dream about having a dog sleeping on the chair, I dream about having kids with my boyfriend etc. and now I am terrified of dying so soon and not being able to live any of those. I cannot stop thinking this, I know I should made peace with the uncertainty of potentially dying next moment but I cannot. I keep ruminating. I cannot help but resist the thought. I just want reassurance but I know it is not going to be helpful at all but I seriously crave for it. Does anyone also have a similar theme, or any tips on how to deal with this? Thank you in advance!