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After finding out my boyfriend is married for the past 12 years and has 2 kids, I haven’t been eating or sleeping. My entire world just crumbled down. He was a pathological liar who professed deep love to me and wanted to marry me. Over time he became emotionally abusive and psychologically manipulated me where I was obedient to him and was isolated (we were expats in Dubai and when I lost my job I moved to his company accomodation in the outskirts where it is conservative and isolated). I had a mental breakdown which he reacted to with more abuse and sent me home to America temporarily, promising the space will fix our issues and he Skyped me up until a few weeks ago professing his love and doing sexy Skype calls. Randomly he lashed out and said he needs space and he resents me for the past fights. One day I made a new Facebook account to see if he lied about having a Facebook and he lied. He denied it all even when I found his wife’s Facebook. He said she was just s friend. When he realized I got him he then said he doesn’t love me anymore and has someone else. I was manipulated so much I thought he was lying to push me away. Then I found pics of his kids and showed him. He blocked me. After everything I don’t even get an explanation. I messaged his wife and she is divorcing him. After all that social isolation and psychological manipulation I’m back home still looking for work and broke and I think I’ve lost my mind.

I can’t believe how much my OCD affects my life .. it’s just crazy how everyday is such an intense battle , every single thing I do is always repeated 95% of the time . I always think that I’m just going out of my mind because I can’t remember most of my childhood / all of it. I can only remember bits of my teenage years . Most of it is just trauma and it seems hard to shake off and just forget .. The feeling of not being alive , like why do I feel like this ??! Why do I keep questioning if the things I can remember actually have happened or if I’m just making it all up ? Of course I’m not , but there’s always something niggling at the back of my mind telling me that , hm maybe I am ? I just wish there was an answer to all of my questions and my head wasn’t just always saying “ maybe you’ve got a brain problem .. maybe your dying and you just don’t know “. It’s so weird speaking about it , because all of the time I’m looking for constant reassurance of my partner , family .. my little friends .. Ocd has took so much of my life from me , every days harder and harder . I can barely eat different foods , I can’t eat or drink anything I’ve not already had before . I have “safe” and “unsafe” foods .. I can’t drink milk unless it’s been bought and used straight away , otherwise it’ll be binned . I can’t eat bread unless it’s just been bought fresh and then I have to bin it the moment I’ve used it because I’m terrified I’m going to get poisoned as I’m allergic to penicillin and always in fear that it’s gone off when I’ve just bought it . I waste so many drinks because I’m scared that people have “ poisoned “ it. If I leave a pack of sweets at the side of my chair I think somebody’s tampered with it . I can’t take medication because the same reason . I HATE hospitals , gps , doctors .. I hate having to count things over and over again , I hate my rituals and my behaviours . I hate my bath routine because it’s either so time consuming or so intense . I just hate it all so much and I’m so angry with myself that I’ve let it get this terrible .. and then my ocd is like hm well maybe you are dying and maybe u are really sick and I’m like sat there praying it’ll all just go away .. maybe I’m just being pathetic .. but I just want to live and feel like I’m living rather than feel like I’m not here and I’m in a bubble with nobody else really around me .. I’m so scared that one day I’ll “ wake up “ out of the unrealistic feeling and everything will be different and it’s so scary

I don't know what to do. I am in my my first and only real relationship. We have been together for 1 year and 6 months. Before we started dating I told him that trust was a big thing for me because of my OCD and I just doubt and over analyze everything. Turns out, he has been lying to me about everything including his sexual history ( a lot of my ocd has to do with sex and the germs/"bad" that's associated with it). So story short I trusted him, I felt comfortable with him, and we had plans to get engaged. I have given him so many second chances. I keep telling him that I just want the truth. I may be upset when I hear it but it's better to find out from him than from him accidentally slipping up or me finding it on his phone. He has cried and looked me straight in the eye and said that there is nothing else he is hiding but there always is! He lies to others and he swears he doesn't mean it maliciously. He has past trauma as well. Abusive parents and was sexually abused by his sister. He also has ADHD and depression. I know that these things don't make what he's doing right but I also know from personal experience that mental illness and abusive parents can really mess with your mind. He also has a porn addiction which I was unaware of. We're trying to work through things but it's hard knowing that everything he says (even if it's heartfelt) could be a lie. I'm sad/anxious all the time. We have been through so much and I really want to make this work. Sorry... Just need to vent...

Does anyone ever have ocd having to do with religion, like Christianity?

Nothing feels real anymore, my thoughts aren’t mine, my feelings aren’t mine. My brain is either completely full or completely empty. My memory used to be so good and it has become so terrible now I can’t even picture things. I feel completely out of control and not me.

When I was younger I always felt different but it was because I’ve never been a “tough guy.” This transgender OCD is killing me. There were only a couple girly things I liked back then. But, I’ve never been upset with my body or anything like that. I’ve always liked the way I looked, and my physical qualities too. I’m scared with the thought saying “maybe I’m just realizing this and I’m meant to be a female.”

huh ? i wont post a lot anymore because it makes things worse but right now i feel very sad and exhausted. whenever I forget about my transgender-ocd i get other themes and it goes in circles. i dont know what is real anymore and now i just think all of this is true. i dont want to give up but im sitting in front of my desk, just numb. i want to cry, three years in this battle is a lot and i dont know what i wouldve done if i wouldnt have found this app.

Guys I'm so sad. My ocd and anxiety did find a new theme last night. I woke up in a full blown panic attack. I feel sick and want to throw up. It is about a mistake I might have made. The good part is it can be solved. The bad part is that it may bring me bad consequences. Both ways. If I fix it it might havr bad consequences, if I don't, maybe anything bad won't happen but there could also be very bad consequences. I just hate this

If you are kind of numb to the questions in your head, is that a sign of improvement? For example I keep telling the question in my head, “well are you gay?”, that I don’t care. Accept the anxiousness and move on with my day. The anxiousness is sticking around, but seems less intense. Is that good? I worry that it means I will never be able to answer that question, which is the goal but it’s also what I’m most afraid of. I’m worried I’ll become numb to all things, especially feeling connection with my boyfriend.

Ahhh Snapchat’s sponsored stories having been doing bad things for my HOCD this month

Why do people have to be rude? Yes I know us sufferers aren't supposed to ask for reassurance, but this is all so new to me.. Forgive me If I want to post about how I'm feeling, I've finally found a place where I feel I can safely say what's on my mind. So for someone to be rude by telling me not to keep posting the same thing. Makes me feel 10 times worse. People should really consider how they are talking to people on here. You may be familiar and know what to do in times of distress but that doesn't mean we all do.

Anyone else’s brain just shoots at them that they are gay or they should just be with the same sex. If so how do y’all deal ?

Anyone with contamination ocd struggle with the concept of the contamination spreading in a way that is impossible? For example, someone really dirty touches your stuff, you wipe it yet now you think all your bags contents and your clothes are fully contaminated. Same with seeing a really dirty scene, you think the airborn notion is enough to contaminate you just by seeing it and being around it. How do you manage to get away from these thoughts?

Ive made my intrusive thoughts worse by isolating myself, avoiding triggers. The anxiety and panic I suffered due to these thoughts got so severe I caved and locked myself away for over 2 weeks now. I was just so terrified I would act on my thoughts. Now I'm stuck in a horrible vicious cycle.

My boyfriend recently broke up with me almost two months ago and it really hurts but I really can’t help but miss him. I haven’t talked to him in 2 weeks and I doubt he’ll ever reach out to talk to me soon. I loved him so much and I can’t even describe how much it hurts not having him in my life. Our relationship used to be really really great and then things fell apart. My anxiety and ocd keep convincing me these extreme hypotheticals like that he’s so much happier without me now even though I don’t have any reason to really think that. Or that he doesn’t miss me at all. My heart is just really hurting. I miss everything about him

I’m shaking. Just found out my boyfriend of almost a year has a wife and kids in his home country of Egypt. I had someone look for his Facebook and it turns out he was hiding his Facebook from me the entire time. He turned emotionally abusive and I was dependent on him after I lost my job. He told me he wanted to marry me and have my kids, would go hot and cold between me being the love of his life and him lashing out and being resentful to me. When I confronted him about Facebook that’s when he tried to leave for good and said he was in another relationship, and when I found the family pics that’s when he blocked me. I will have trust issues for life. I can’t believe what’s happening I’m in shock shaking.

(HELP PLEASE) So my depersonalization/derealization has gotten so bad I’m actually scared for my life and I don’t know if I’m ever going to go back to normal I’m freaking out about it. I feel so unreal and vision is so blurry, I feel like I can go insane any second and that feeling is causing me so MUCH anxiety. I don’t know what to do anymore guys, this is a HORRIBLE theme I’m having because it’s not just mental, it’s physical, I feel so many ugly symptoms because of the derealization! Help someone please!

Does anyone ever have bad thoughts that you don’t mean but then they race so quickly that you end up doubting if u meant them or not? Really confused? also I’m a Christian so my bad thoughts all mostly revolve around that. Lots of doubt too.

There has been 2 birthday party’s for two people that I consider to be my some of my best friends that I haven’t been invited to. I feel like me being clingy and asking if people are mad at me and my ocd makes people not like me or hanging out with me. I just wish it would all go away and I could get invited to do stuff like a normal 14 year old.

Anyone else who is pure O confused on how to do ERP? If you have harm OCD do you intentionally think about harming someone??