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the NOCD Community

I’ve had HOCD for nearly 2 years now. For the last few months I had a pretty good handle on it. But last week it totally came back!... Except this time I am totally convinced it is real same-sex attraction and desires. This is terrible... one minute I was straight and the next, bi or gay. Like I just turned magically right like that. I don’t know if it’s real or not, because how could it be? How can you turn from straight to something else? And the worst thing is, the attraction was toward my good friend, with whom I’m rooming next year at college for freshman year! Sorry if I seem obnoxious. I cannot live like this

I’m new here. I have dealt with different themes of obsessions but lately I have been worried about hurting my kids or spouse or someone around me. Ive had extremely distressing time for the past two weeks and feels like all I think about. I’ve never had this before and it’s so scary. I don’t want anything to happen to them. I fear losing control. They just switched me from Lexapro to Effexor so I’m dealing with the physical as well. Anyone overcome this?

I'm writing this again. Because my post just got marked as spam. My ocd clinic told me to expose myself with all of my intrusive thoughts. Let's all fucking do it and let all these gross vile scary horrible thoughts out under this post. Guys, help me out with my exposure therapy! Let's write our intrusive thoughts on this post. Eg, I want the devil to possess my mum. I want the devil to possess my nephew. I want the devil to possess me. Help me out guys! Write yours on here. I want to be sexual with inappropriate person. The more disturbing your thoughts are, the more likely I am to write all of mine under here too. And if you mark this as spam, it's only making my exposure better, and making yours worse. Because you've basically told me my thoughts are wrong even tho I want to be reassured that they're just thoughts. Let's be brave. Come on.

A reminder to HOCD sufferers who keep “testing” their sexuality: “A 2015 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology undermines long held beliefs about heteronormative sexual orientation. The study looks at gender expression in women and measures their physiological response viewing a variety of pornographic material. It found that, regardless of how women self report their sexuality, their bodies respond positively to both hetero- and homosexual sex. Meaning, women's sexuality is complex and not within the bounds of strict hetero- or homosexuality.” https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ypa7vk/straight-people-dont-exist-new-research-says

I keep feeling like I’m letting god down Bc I’m dating an agnostic person but he’ll pray with me and he says maybe one day he’ll become a Christian and he’s offered to go to church with me. I keep feeling like “god wants me to leave” but idk if it’s my ocd. Any tips ?

How do you guys cope with uncertainty? Today I was on my phone and then my sister came into my room, and as soon as I saw her I got an intrusive thought and got tense. I don’t want reassurance, I would just like advice on how to reduce the intensity of the thoughts, as we all know we can’t get rid of them

Has anyone else ever had an extreme fear of medication and if so how did you overcome it? I’ve been prescribed Clonazepam, Lorazepam, Xanax, all the things for my anxiety to use as needed but I never take any of them due to the potential horrendous side effects I’ve read. I have this irrational fear that taking the med will cause me to become more anxious, or like black out or lose control or something ridiculous. I know it’s an irrational fear and that the point of them is to help, but I just always scare myself with a google search. My anxiety has been getting a million times better with meditation, mindfulness, CBT and ACT therapy but sometimes it would be nice to reset the sleep schedule with one of the meds I’m prescribed. I even now fear taking hydroxizine which is nothing more than a strong antihistamine but I read one bad article about it. Tips?

Hi guys, I’m new to NOCD, just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to cope better than I am at the moment. I’m 21, and I’ve been struggling with OCD for 6 years or so, but I’ve only been diagnosed for a little over a year. I’ve completely smashed the prerequisite score for diagnoses but I constantly feel like I’m making negligible progress. I have been having CBT for 10+ weeks (I lost count) and I have learnt to manage the checks and “physical” aspect of OCD, but the Intrusive Thoughts have multiplied so badly that I cannot perform simple actions without a mental battle. I have considered medication but it is not something I want to pursue unless absolutely a help from others’ experience (luckily I get free prescriptions and healthcare from the NHS, so cost isn’t a factor). How does anyone cope? Is there any experiences that have made anyone laugh? Sometimes I get so worked up that I can’t take myself seriously ? but I just want to know how other people feel since I do feel like nobody really understands what it is like, and just tell me to “not do it” which isn’t really any help! Thanks ?

I feel like I’m always letting my therapist down , but I just feel so cornered when she wants me to go to group sessions ...

So, my relationship ended (not only because of ROCD but also because of real problems). We were long distance and it's been almost 1year without seeing each other. It got tough and I was so frustrated and started to feel as tough it was not as important to him as it is to me (even he saying it's not true, I kind of started to feel him more distant and our relationship was less intense and lacked the synchronicity it once had). I constantly talked about the importance of good communication and said it was lacking on our relationship and we should work on it, but I didn't receive good feedback (no attitude, just a "yeah"). He was working A LOT and we had no time to talk (only at night and he only called me when i asked). So I started to see him putting less effort while I was giving a lot and receiving little. The resentment came and I was tired and bitter the last two days before we broke up. Our relationship was already fragile by the ROCD which theme for a while was "he doesn't love me" and we were still working (at least I was), so when I said we needed to talk and sort things out once and for all, I said I felt as if I was carrying all the relationship on my shoulders and it was draining me, and he felt offended saying that's not true and he's tired and out of patience and we better break up then. I was shocked that the first suggestion he gave was that we should break up, so I think he already wanted that maybe. He said it was hurting him and he didn't want that anymore because I don't acknowledge his effort while he's working a lot and etc. The point is, if he wanted to work on the communication and the relationship itself, wouldn't he make a space to start a conversation about the relationship instead of me being the first to do it every time? I suggested we worked on it, but he didn't want to because he said "we already did that and it's always the same after a while". I felt he was just being pessimistic and didn't want to do the work anymore so he escaped. I said I can't be in a relationship alone, so that's all I could do. I feel some guilt now because my mind keeps telling me I should be more understanding and if I expressed in another way we'd still succeed. But I know it was more than that, and I'm trying to let go of it (all the plans, all the good moments and how sweet he used to treat me). How to get over it?? Sorry for the long text, I'd just really appreciate some of your words on this.

I have an obsessive thought about jumping off a balcony and killing myself, also a similar thought of hanging myself with a belt i own. Can someone explain how I should do ERP for this specifically?

Don’t feel like getting out of bed today because of all the ocd contaminated related things surrounding me. I need to return things back to three different stores because they are contaminated . I want to buy them again but my wallet is contaminated so can’t use that to buy them. Today just seems like a massive struggle already and I have no food to cook at home because I can no longer use my kitchen. Does anyone else struggle to eat or drink things they fear are contamination. I’ve struggled for over 22 years and don’t know how to go about help. My gp has never understood the full extent and just prescribed me drugs.

I'm having a hard time forgiving the things I've done in the past and the person I was...ugh trying to practice unconditional self acceptance but it's tough

Any women or people with uteruses suffer with pmdd here? The intensity of my obsessions tends to fluctuate with luteal-phase hormonal sensitivity that occurs with pmdd, and I’m just wondering how others navigate that. Also for any of you that feel like the week or two before your period is a manifestation of real-life hell and you can actually *feel* the drop- and then once your period comes you feel like all of it was for no reason and the obsessions basically leave you- you might want to look into premenstrual dysphoric disorder. It connected so many dots for me. Hoping everyone is having better days!!❤️❤️❤️

I feel the need to come out as gay or bi I have no attraction to women except they are pretty i don’t ever see myself dating one or kissing a lady or even sleeping with one. But a part of me tells me I’m lying and I should come out and live “true to my colors” I JUST DONT KNOW THIS SUCKS. I’ve lost all attraction to men and I don’t find women attractive like that and I just don’t know I feel like I’m lying but I’m not.

I have real event OCD. I didn’t even know this had a name. This is the WORST kind of OCD there is by far. I’m saying this not as in “mine’s worse than yours” I’m saying this because I’ve had so many different types of OCD; seriously think of one I’ve probably had it. And while they were all out of this world AWFUL. This one is by far the worst because you can’t reason with yourself. Plus what I did is so bad I can’t forgive myself.

I have a boyfriend and I love him so much, but HOCD has been driving me insane since the moment we started dating. I can’t every scroll through Instagram without having to touch myself to every fucking girl I see and it makes me nauseous and depressed all at once. I hate it more than I’m able to describe and I like BOYS , but it’s so so hard to maintain a relationship with this constant feeling of guilt . I don’t like girls but since I HAVE to touch myself to them, it’s a natural reaction to have some form of groundless response which only makes matters worse considering the fact that now I have to convince myself that I had that reaction only because I was touching myself and not because I was turned on by girls. Can anyone relate because I’m going insane !!

I’ve fallen apart completely. After dealing with a somewhat narcissistic ex, I found out he’s married with kids and pities another ex that he wasted 3 years of her life until she also found out he was married. When I found out instead of owning up to everything he lashed out at me and said he lost feelings long ago after a drunk incident I had and only took me in for pity because I lost my job and was in a foreign country. During this time it was hot and cold he would lash out and put me down and then also call me the love of his life. Now he talks to me for some closure and he is feeling like crap about the situation. He still tries to blame me and take blame off of himself which is frustrating. He had mastuebation videos of me without my face in it I think. When I got hurt I was badmouthing him to his friends and he told me if I want a war he will start. Now he acts like a hero saying oh I could’ve sent the videos to your parents but I’m not that evil and wouldn’t do that, then he warned me to stay away from his friends. I’m shaking and can’t sleep and the guy who called me the love of his life does this. He told me he did have the biggest love and it got toxic from my drinking overtime but he never had bad intentions. Still my ocd doubts if he’s telling the truth about videos and my self esteem is at zero. I’m alone and looking for work but I’ve been in my room cooped up for days now. No money to do anything and no mental strength to even try and work out.

I get thoughts daily like “I am going to hang myself today” or “I have to kill my brother today” or other command like thoughts. How can I make these thoughts go away?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DONT DO COMPULSIONS ANYMORE? OR THINK OF IT ANYMORE? OR BE SCARED OF IT ANYMORE? BUT YOU STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOURE IN AN OCD PRISON ,LIKE U DONT FEEL WELL, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW? IM GOING CRAZY CAN SOMEONE ANSWER ME PLZ I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON ANYMORE DID I JUST RECOVERED FROM OCD ? HOW? I DONT FEEL GOOD WTFFFF HELP