Welcome to
the NOCD Community

TW I'm sad, feeling less loved and special in God's eyes because I'm not Jewish. I hear people say all the time that somehow God loves me too, but I don't feel any better.

tldr: can’t stop obsessing over weight after i started cheer with a lot of tiny short girls, who tend to make slightly backhanded comments. does anybody have any experience or advice on something like this. recently i havnt been able to stop obsessing over my weight. it’s to the point where i can’t sleep at night by thoughts that i’m fat and i get so mad when i do eat. my first reaction if i do something wrong is to not let myself eat because i don’t deserve it. i am constantly comparing myself to other girls and i can hardly focus on anything else. i had some issues with this before but it’s gotten a lot worse since starting cheer, and all the backhanded comments i’ve endured during the season. while most of the girls are fairly short (4’9 to 5’3) i’m 5’4 1/2 and they always bring up how tall and heavy i am, even though i’m a normal weight for my height. it’s just so difficult to constantly tell yourself not to eat and then if you do you beat yourself up over it. i also struggle with contamination ocd, adm with that i can at least i can temporarily get rid of those feelings, but not with this. if anybody has any advise for this, please let me know.

Today marks a milestone for me...10 months after my "brain broke" I had my last NOCD session with my awesome therapist Serena. I'm now in "recovery mode" :>) My story is probably like most of your. Scary intrusive thoughts out of nowhere. Questioning if I'm a bad person. Questioning if I'm going crazy. Bouts of derealization and depersonalization etc. I'll spare all of the details though because let's be honest; if you are reading this, you are living it. Please know, there is hope and recovery is possible. If you aren't in ERP therapy, you need to be. Face the fears, face the thoughts and challenge your OCD daily. I'm 40 and have struggled with OCD my who life (just never knew what it was). I honestly have never felt better now and am really enjoying my life for the first time. The last 7 months were crazy hard and ERP can suck at times (I may have told my therapist I hated her once or twice ;>) but it was SO worth it. I leave you all with this encouragement (not reassurance).....There is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel. Don't give up, you got this. You are stronger than you think (I'm living proof) and out of all of the people in the world, God chose to make you just how you are, flaws and all. There is a purpose for your life and your struggle...again please hear me....DON'T GIVE UP!!!! I'm looking forward to the next chapter of my life and being more present with my wife and two kids. Will I struggle with OCD in the future......Maybe so, Maybe not. -SignmanwithOCD

I think I've lost hope on getting better not because I don't care about myself, but because of my past. I just don't know how I could forgive myself for something that just isn't forgivable. I don't know how I'll ever forgive myself for the day my elbow made contact with someone's behind. It felt like it was on purpose, I didn't say sorry, I didn't move my arm when I should have. I keep getting thoughts that day I knew this would happen even though I didn't plan on it. Everyday after that I made sure the same thing would never happen again and it hasn't, but the fact that it's happened at all is enough to just make me feel defeated. It's hard to be happy when I know something messed up just happened and I had something to do with it. I just don't know how to move on. Confessing is a compulsion so all I can do is just have these thoughts play in my head. I try to be a good person to others but then I go ahead and do something so stupid and careless. Whether it was an accident or not, I don't even think it matters because I made contact with this person's behind when I could've prevented it or at the very least say sorry. How to you move past that? I just can't see myself advancing past this. It's been making my day to day life very difficult. It's hard to be happy when I just worry about all of these past acts I can't control, but feel so sad about.

anyone have any tips to deal with false memory cheating ocd? for example the worry if i did something bad in the past and my brain forgot about it or suppressed the memory. I always feel anxiety and guilt and on edge and always anticipating my next thought, wondering if it’s gonna be a “flashback” of me doing something bad such as cheating. i haven’t had any real evidence, just irrational things and false memories for the most part ive debunked most, but sometimes the false memory gets so extreme and bad and i can end up believing i did it if I don’t find hard solid evidence that I did not do it.

Today I’m 💛 Feel free to vent about anything that’s on your mind ☀️

I hate being home because that’s where my intrusive thoughts are the worst but being out is a problem as well because of my social anxiety especially if I don’t have makeup on I could start crying at the thought of people seeing me without it I’ve struggled with the way I look for a very long time and obsessed over it I don’t know if that’s anything to do with ocd but I just haven’t liked the way I look and just now I got into an argument with my mum because, I feel uncomfortable being home by myself because we have cats and when I have intrusive thoughts I just don’t want to be at home, so I came with her to her part time job and I was going to wait in the car, I didn’t have any makeup on either because we rushed out the house but where she was going to park the car was on a busy street with loads of people constantly walking past and I felt so uncomfortable sitting there where people can see me especially since I didn’t have makeup on and even when I have makeup on I still can’t lift my head up when people are walking past so most times when I’m sat in the car waiting for my mum my neck starts hurting so bad and I get a headache because for a few hours I’m sat in the car with my head facing down looking at my phone because I’m too uncomfortable to look up when people are walking past the car. We started arguing and then my mum said some things that are now bothering me. So I was really upset and angry and she said ‘why didn’t you just stay home’ - this made me angry because she knows how uncomfortable I am and basically feel like I can’t be home alone, because of harm ocd, so out of anger I shouted and said ‘what am I going to stay home for, to kill something?’ Because the intrusive thoughts and urges are so bad and she knows that but is still asking me why I didn’t stay home alone, I basically have to follow my mum around all day because I’m worried about being alone with my cats. And then she replied ‘yeah stay home, if anything happens you will go to jail’ ‘don’t think I would cover it up, I’m not going to harbour a criminal in my house’ when I heard that it felt like my heart sank, it felt so real what she was saying and this isn’t the first time she’s said something like that, sometimes she would say ‘what gives you the right to take someone’s life’ when I would tell her how real the thoughts felt and it felt like I was like one of those serial killers getting interviewed/questioned by the detectives/police/judge. It makes this problem feel like it’s not ocd and it’s actually me. The ironic thing is my mum was always over protective and stopped me from doing anything and everything, I wasn’t even allowed to take a bus to school or to go out with my friends or even on school trips she would guilt trip me about going and to this day I still haven’t been anywhere by myself, I’m 20 and still immature and unable to do anything, well I guess now my mums got what she wanted, now I don’t want to do anything by myself now I feel like I can only rely on her and can’t be independent because I’m worried about harm ocd. We always use to get into arguments because she would never let me do anything and now I feel like I can’t do anything because of harm ocd and social anxiety. The other day a family member suggested I learn how to drive and instantly my mind starts thinking ‘what if you drive somewhere and be evil’ ‘those evil people knew how to drive and they went and dumped bodies somewhere’ ‘better to not know how to drive in case your evil and commit a crime and use the car to hide the evidence’ what a joke my life has turned out to be, I’m only 20 and this is how things are. Last night I was downstairs in my house on my treadmill, trying to exercise because I ‘felt fat’ and feel ugly, and I was already uncomfortable because I’m by myself with the cats and then all of a sudden I was in the treadmill and it felt like an urge to act on the intrusive thoughts (it’s about smothering) and it felt like ‘I know how it feels to do that and I like the feeling of doing that’ and It felt like I was fighting against a real ‘urge’ Anyways so this morning I wake up feeling horrible because of last night it felt so real and made me feel like I dodged a bullet and that could have actually happened since it felt like I liked the feeling and this morning I woke up and went to lie on the sofa and stayed there for a few hours and finally got up and started crying because I’m worried and if felt real and even though I’m crying it still feels like it’s true 😞

Traveling with OCD can feel so daunting... you may even ask yourself if it is truly possible to take that trip you've been wanting to go on for so long. I'm here to tell you that traveling with OCD is absolutely possible! I have been traveling with OCD now for many years and while it always poses some challenges, it has always been worth it. I always remind myself on a trip that OCD ebbs and flows. Some days are going to be really good and some days are going to be a little more challenging. As long as I give myself compassion and understanding on the challenging days, I know that I can ride the wave of OCD and still enjoy my travels.

They’re just thoughts—they aren’t facts. The more you care, the more OCD will act up. Do not fight or judge my thoughts. Do not interact with your OCD because if you give it an inch, it will take 10 miles. SAY IT WITH ME: I decide what goes on in my life, not OCD. I decide what bothers me, not OCD. I decide what emotions to interact with, not OCD.

Hello, I’ve really loved reading all the NOCD posts it’s makes me feel less alone but I’ve never posted something myself. I’m having trouble sleeping because my ocd has been so bad lately. I decided to read my college application essay on overcoming ocd at a time when I was doing better. I don’t know if it would be helpful to anyone but I thought I would share it. I am sitting at my desk in history class. The desks are arranged in a circle which always makes me feel more comfortable as it means class is going to be more discussion based. Everyone has a paper in front of them. I look down and it’s an excerpt from Louisa May Alcott's novel Little Women. The teacher wants us to discuss if during the Civil War women gained more rights. I read the document; I analyze it. That’s our assignment- read and analyze. I look up and most of the students have already decided that women did gain more rights during the Civil War. They argue that women could become nurses, make their own money, and travel on their own. My classmates assert that women gained both social and economic independence. I thought about this for a couple of minutes and I decided that I disagreed. I felt that war allows for women to take on more roles in society and assert their independence. In the Revolutionary War, women were nurses, started the Daughters of Liberty, and made homespun goods to protest the Stamp Act. Yet, when the war ended and the men returned, life went back to normal and the progress made was lost. The same happened in the Civil War; there wasn’t really progress for women, but rather one step forward and one step back. Women could. . . but then, again, couldn’t really. As I was explaining my point, I realized that my obsessive-compulsive thoughts had stopped. I have OCD, which is mostly cognitive. I have to go over in my head what I said in a previous conversation. Or, I ask myself if I remembered to unplug every appliance in my house. Sometimes my mind feels so full that I feel it might implode. My mind is like my room. My room is incredibly messy with clothes that should be in closets, scattered all across the floor. Some I wear, but most are from when I was younger. It makes it hard, when getting ready in the morning, to find the clothes I need, those that fit. The old clothes represent my unnecessary obsessive-compulsive thoughts, while those I wear represent my necessary thoughts like the argument I made in history class. Finding interests that I am passionate about is my escape and how I overcome my compulsions. When I was sitting in that class, I was so engaged that it felt like I didn’t have OCD. It just felt right. Learning takes up so much of my brain that there's no room for the unnecessary thoughts, for the clothes scattered on the floor, for the thoughts that no longer fit. It’s like my OCD is an invader in the room of my mind. It wants me to spend all my time thinking about things that don’t matter in order for me to fail. But, I haven’t allowed for the invader to succeed. I spend time, increasingly, focusing on what’s important to me. Over the past four years, I’ve started sorting out the room in my mind. I began by simply focusing on getting good grades because that was expected of me. But, what I received from those classes was more significant than grades. I found a passion for writing, for being able to express my thoughts on the pages. I found an admiration for historical figures who promoted social change. This love of learning allows my mind to be clearer. I don’t have everything figured out. Initially, college will be an unknown, but I have learned to take chaos, calm it down and harness it to have a positive impact on me. I suppose I’m a lot like the women who made progress during the wars we talked about in class, but unlike them, I will not go back to the way I was. I’m going to continue taking steps forward

What is something you say to yourself or do that helps you get through OCD?

Putting a trigger warning here just to be safe. Has anyone ever felt like OCD is just a convenient lie and that these intrusive thoughts are representative of who you are? I have those doubts every now and again, and I just can't seem to shake them. It's gotten especially bad as of late and it and real lif issues are just getting me frustrated beyond belief.

Does ERP help with anxiety (I do have ERP therapy. Just doesn't seem to be effective with this)? I'm assuming it's all caused by anxiety and stress.. keep getting different bodily sensations, fight or flight, can't concentrate, emotions all over the place, brain feels weird, leads to ocd if I can't get hold of it before it spirals 😔 I go to numerologist in a couple of weeks to rule out any underlying health issues. I know we're not supposed to get reassurances, so I guess I'm just seeing if anyone else has these symptoms and whether or not it could be anxiety related from others experiences.

I went to use the bathroom at work today before leaving. I went into one of the stalls and noticed what looked like dead skin flakes. I was just plain grossed out by it and went to another stall. 20 minutes pass, nothing till I get in the car and then a thought occurs, the dreaded "what if" question, which came at first from curiosity and devolved to obsession. I wasted 30+ minutes in my car going down a rabbit hole freaked out at the possibility that this person had scabies, following with more obsessive "what ifs"; like what if the previous person there did have scabies and one or more got loose on the floor with the fallen dead skin and some how latched itself to my shoe, and now my shoes and/or clothes are contaminated, and now my car probably is too. Exhausted from the associated anxiety, for those first 3 hours or so, I knocked out in my car for 2 hours while my girlfriend was working; and it helped clear my mind a bit, but I still can't shake the "what if" still lingering in my mind. I almost don't wanna go back in my house or touch anything, especially my books. I feel like an ass over this, especially since I used to work in emergency medicine, and ought to know better about this and not allow myself to be so irrational. And I have had patients who have had scabies and did not freakishly obsess then like I did all this afternoon...... Anyone else go through something similar? I feel like OCD may latch onto this for a while now. Thanks for listening/reading.

My monthly friend starts in like five days and I can definitely feel it coming. It’s playing with my OCD symptoms big time today. It’s tolerable but it’s a struggle at the same time. Also add the fact that my ex boyfriend from high school looked at my profile and I could see he viewed one of my stories and that triggered my ROCD. Now I’m dealing with a flare up of ROCD and general fear of never getting better once again. It’s not BAD BAD but I’m still so scared it will get bad bad again. Why does ocd have to attack everything I love? I’m like catching myself ruminating about whether or not I have ocd or not all day and the ROCD thoughts hurt the most. I love my boyfriend so much. I’m so afraid he’s gonna find out I have it this bad sometimes and then leave me, but I know he wouldn’t. Gosh he’s my world. I wish ocd would just leave the one healthy relationship I’ve had alone. We’ve been together for five years and have a house and dog together. He’s my best friend and he makes me feel so safe and happy. OCD needs to just get lost dude. The symptoms usually stick in my chest, like an anxious body feeling. And sometimes it makes me feel like I’m alone it it cause I never see anyone else having anxiety feelings in there chest. I just have to remember to Sit with it. What goes up must come down. I choose my boyfriend no matter what ocd says.

I’ve had ocd for as long as I can remember but for the past couple years the theme is always about my health, more specifically worried about cancer. So much so that I struggle to say the word because I fear if I say it it’ll come true. Anytime, I have an health issue I immediately think it is something awful. For example in 2020 I had a lump on my leg and I was convinced it was something terrible. I thought so irrationally that I had it scanned 5-6 different times and every time they said it was literally nothing but excess fat. I started working in a daycare (I’ve been working in a new one for three months) almost a year ago and since then have been sick on and off a lot. I’ve had the flu twice and each time it turned into bronchitis, and verging in pneumonia. My most recent bought of bronchitis was December. But I’ve had a couple colds and things since then. For the past almost two weeks I’ve had a cough and it has felt like the cough I had when I had bronchitis the same wheezing and crackling. Two weeks ago I had a cigar and the best day I woke up with the cough. I went to my doctor yesterday and asked him if we could do a scan on my chest to see what is causing it. As I was leaving the nurse handed me my papers and said “yeah go soon so we can see if anything grew” I tried not to take any notice of what she said because she seemed like someone who was kinda brash and didn’t think much before saying something like that. Since then I have been spiraling and so terrified of it being lung cancer. I went down the Google rabbit hole which was a terrible idea and now I keep seeing videos and looking at peoples testimonies and I am so so terrified. I know there’s nothing I can do and I know the best thing to do is ERP. I just am always so terrified of the absolute worse happenings

Hello! I’ve been with this guy for about a year and a half. He has OCD. I very recently found out that I do too. My compulsions are largely hidden, so he never suspected and has no idea how my OCD manifests. I’m still figuring that out for myself as well Is anyone else on here with a relationship like this? I’m open to any and all helpful advice or resources to help us navigate this together.

Are their any Christian’s with ROCD who would want to talk to me? It’s kinda an issue specific to that

I’m slowing giving up on winging OCD. What medicines do you guys take you calm down your OCD? I have chronic anxiety as well.. and I get stressed so easily. Natural meds are welcomed as well.

All my brain keeps saying is how do I know if this is OCD? I know reassurance won’t help but my brain just can’t stop questioning with my HOCD anyone have any ideas on how to make it stop