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working to conquer OCD
I’ve been struggling with ocd episodes since yesterday and I’m not sure how to cope. I tried everything I could possibly think of but nothing worked. It’s slowly triggering my suicidal thoughts and even though I know I won’t do anything stupid, the pain and suicidal thoughts are getting unbearable. I can’t afford professional help and I can’t talk to my loved ones about any of this because they’ll never understand
It feels like my life is over, it feels like I now like the feeling of smothering someone because when I imagined it to ‘test’ myself on an intrusive thought it feels like now I like the feeling of smothering someone and that it would feel good to squash someone with a pillow till they stop breathing. I feel really tired I have a migraine last night I felt like I was about to have a heart attack I kept imagining the smothering thought over and over because my brain wouldn’t let me fall asleep until it felt like ‘I didn’t like the feeling of imagining doing that’ so I kept imagining it and in the end I jsut had to go to sleep regardless but then I kept feeling like I was getting this feeling in my heart like something bad would happen like anxiety coming all of a sudden and it would make my heart feel weird and then it would go and come again …is that palpitations? It kept coming like a whoosh of idk anxiety in chest but would feel like my heart was affected and something bad would happen the o started getting acid coming up my throat. I feel terrible. Sometimes I imagine the through and it feels like I get anxiety and shudders and wouldn’t want to do that. But yesterday I was sat and home with my mum and all of a sudden it felt like an urge or that I wanted to do that smothering thought about my mum and it was coming to me really strongly that i liked the feeling of imagining doing that, squashing her face with a pillow till she stops breathing (I’m cringing while writing this that sound so horrible) I’m sorry this sounds disgusting but it feels so real I don’t believe this can be fake??? It felt so real that it would feel ‘good’ to do thag and I don’t know what to do I feel exhausted I feel so incredibly down and angry and sad and everything I keep getting really angry and shouting, like I’m taking it out on other people and arguing because I don’t know what to do or why I’m going through this, before I sue to be able to jsut forget about it but now I feel like I can’t because what’s the point of forgetting when it still feels like I like the feeling of doing that?? How can I forget it? The sick feeling of liking how it feels to do that is still there and now if I forget about it when I remember it or stet ruminating I take that as ‘me wanting to do it’ because I’m not trying hard enough to forget about it and keep going back to it, if I really hated it I would be doing everything to forget about it but here I am constantly thinking about it and believing I’m bad and like it so it must be true and I don’t trust myself and I feel so awful i thought things were getting better but there not what am I suppose to do ? How am I suppose to get rid of that feeling? I feel like that’s the only way I can live normally is if that feeling went and felt like I didn’t like the feeling of doing that, I try to ignore it but I keep getting caught up in that feeling because of feels real, and the fact that it feels like I like the feeling of doing that or that there’s and element of it that could feel good is awful and now I’m thinking I’m a evil person who gets a good feeling out of stopping someone from breathing and it’s awful. When I’m not anxious it feels like I like the feeling of doing that but when I am anxious or feeling down about this problem it feels like I don’t like it and get shudders over it why?
Is healing possible without a support system? I have contamination ocd. My husband mocks me, threatens to contaminate me, calls me crazy and tells me I am acting like a criminal. I have moments of suicide ideation and he tells me to either do it already or stop talking about it. Feeling really hopeless. I stand in the kitchen and cry in agony because I'm truly suffering and he just watches basketball. Do you need support in order to heal? I do have a therapist helping me with ERP.
Is it normal that when I look around I feel paranoid and I’m hyper aware of my surroundings like the world isn’t clear and it’s quite blurry and looks pixely, like I can’t concentrate. I don’t want schizophrenia Is this just the ocd and has someone ever overcome this?
Back in October, I told one of my friends about my intrusive and scary thoughts relating to POCD. A few days later, she cut me off after sending me a text message, which basically accused me of being an actual pedophile or someone who wants to hurt children. This was a very stressful day to say the least. Anyways- fast forward to today- she reaches out to me for the first time since then, basically confronting me once again about all of this. She also posted comments relating to my POCD thoughts on my social media profile. I just feel anxious that I can’t be trusted anymore and that she is going to tell everyone that I’m terrible or that everyone is going to think I’m actually terrible. I have already had enough worries about being a bad person, it is even more difficult when your once best friend is accusing you of being the most horrendous thing that many people can ever imagine. I’m scared to be around other people, for that they may have heard something about me, or will. I feel paranoid. I feel afraid for my future. Ever since October, I have felt that this would haunt me for the rest of my life.
Hi guys. My name is Hunter Sumner. I suffer from Pure OCD. Sometimes I notice the obsessions coming in about stuff that feels true. For instance I just noticed my mom bringing up something that I thought I had already mentioned to her. This sparked an obsession of mine that I’m slowly losing my memory and getting dumber because of my use of marijuana. I know marijuana does not always help OCD and I’ve noticed it tends to make mine worse. So i’m working on getting off that. But regardless, the obsession still stands about something I feel is true. I genuinely do believe weed has slowed me down. That doesn’t bother me too much but the fact that my OCD attached itself to something that rings true, scares the daylights out of me. Because with this in mind, doesn’t that mean that OCD points to true concerns? If I start having obsessions about being attracted to someone under age, doesn’t that mean it’s true then? If OCD is in fact pointing to truths… I’ve heard all about how OCD lies to you, but what about the obsession that was factual? Thanks guys. Any and all advice would be much appreciated. Hunter
I’m considering a med change and maybe this is checking, maybe it isn’t but what’s “normal” with severe ocd on medication? What is an expectation for life ? Should you be struggling every day ? I’ve done erp for a couple years with some very difficult other issues that have come up (a new heart diagnosis, an affair my husband had, infertility prior to diagnosis, a separation of marriage, a reuniting, and also ptsd from childhood therapy work.) I work full time and take time off thanks to working a job with good vacation time but this has kept me from having children due to anxiety and fear after a serious heart diagnosis. This is why i am considering the med change. I still struggle a lot with intrusive thoughts- some weekends I wonder if I will make it through. There are constant breakdowns. Depression is very real and very difficult. TBH I don’t know another person who has been as committed to ERP as I have. Every day multiple exposures and sometimes I push myself too much. I’ve been on 200 mg Zoloft for 10 years and 250 mg the last three. I am considering a med change due to ocd keeping me from having what I want but maybe I am expecting too much ? My psychiatrist and I have spoken and have agreed to try something else but since going down to 200 mg o definitely notice more intrusive thoughts and I’m scared and don’t know if maybe this is just as good as it gets for someone with severe ocd….
My son has OCD and I’m starting to catch him lying about thing related to OCD. For example, he’s always gotten good grades and he’s bright but with OCD he misses a lot of school due to anxiety. When he misses school he needs to make up his work. I’ll remind him to go to x teacher and get with them about the assignment. After school I’ll ask him about it and he’ll say she wasn’t there or that he talked to her and they made a plan. He recently admitted that sometimes he’s lying about what really happened. He said the teacher will have said to come at 1:00 but OCD said he could only go at 2:33 or 2:34 (very specific) so since the teacher wasn’t available at that time he didn’t go. I’m trying to understand a way to help with this. Some sort of ERP he could do and help with understanding if I should be concerned there is more lying going on. Any tips?
I find I am a perfectionist in a lot of things but at the same time i am sort of lazy and get overwhelmed easily. That sort of creates a deadly combination so when for example I have to brush my teeth I just don’t do it. I put so much pressure on how I should brush my teeth. I count for 10 seconds in each area and it takes forever I hate it, but if I don’t do it that way I feel like I am lazy and it makes me feel like I am gross.I create an environment where I constantly feel like I am not doing enough so I just get nothing done. Now that I have sort of excepted that my way with things doesn’t have to be perfect all the time, that my life is sort of going to be an organized chaos, I actually get things done. I don’t specifically brush my teeth like I used to, I just do it, and I have been sticking to that. My room is probably never going to be universally clean all the time, there is going to be clutter, like in everyone’s room, thats okay clean what you can. I love baking but I stoped because I focus too much on cleaning up while I do it so I don’t enjoy it anymore so nowI just take a break when I finish and clean up afterwards. Is it easier and more organized and to do everything perfectly in one go? probably, but that’s not how my brain works and that okay. Things don’t have to be perfect all the time and I am still figuring out that I am not doing things half assed, I am doing them how I like them to be done, in a way that makes me happy and sticks to my goals. It is still hard to not get back into that mindset that everything needs to be done perfectly or I feel bad, but I am working on it and it works.
My wife is very upset and when she finally told me why, she told me a bunch of things but one of the things is my OCD. She said my daughter will never have a normal childhood because of me. My wife also said that all she ever thinks of about what I want and my OCD and I never let her think about herself. She can't go out and do anything without making sure she's safe due to my contamination OCD. She said I only thought nk about what I want. I told her I can't help it and that my OCD makes me this way. She told me she doesn't care and basically told me I make her depression worse.ost if due to my contamination OCD. She tells me I'm not a burden when I say I am but then says these things to me. Any chance of being happy today will not happen now.
I’m sitting in my car right now. And I was fishing. Like I was having a good time and I called my mom cause she’s watching my daughter while we go and I got an intrusive thought when I saw my daughter. I’ve had this before. But when my daughter was younger her eyes are so dark they’re almost black and one day I was playing with her and I looked at her and demon popped into my head cause her eyes are so dark. I didn’t interact with the thought even though it terrified me. And I haven’t thought of it since well it just happened again when I called her and demon popped into my head again when I saw her for some reason and im freaking out I feel like im going crazy. Im scared I have some type of psychosis or something and I might hurt my baby. I have a therapist but I don’t have the money to see her right now. I NEED someone to tell me im not crazy. I know we shouldn’t ask for reassurance but I need it. This is scaring me so bad. I don’t want to hurt my baby. Im trying to have a good time and this happens. Plus im 12 weeks pregnant so my hormones are going crazy. I wish I was normal. I just wanna enjoy my baby and I can’t even look her in the eye. What’s wrong with me.
tocd is kicking my butt and i just relapsed so hard. couldn’t stop doing compulsive body checking and taking quizzes to see if i was an “egg” or not. got a neutral result on the quiz implying i may be trans and now i’m panicking, even though the quiz was really weird and had a lot of questions that Didn’t have to do with being trans at all?? like it was asking me if i thought gay marriage should be legal and then giving me my results partially based on political opinions as well so i Know it’s bs but i couldn’t stop. i’m so scared. i want to feel at home in my body again. i experienced body dysmorphia growing up but i don’t ever remember feeling like i wanted to be a male. was curious as to how it would feel a lot of times when i was going through puberty alongside my friends (a lot of which were male due to similar interests in gaming) but it was never an actual desire. but now i feel like it was and i’m in so much distress. i’m going to try to sleep it offf because i’ve had worse episodes with this theme before (to the point where i was considering offing myself) and i just don’t want to entertain the thoughts any longer. so miserable. any advice?? SPECIFIC advice?! not just “don’t honor compulsions”, etc..
Hi I’m currently suppressing the urge to vomit and hide in some hole and never come out 😃😃 so, I’m traveling technically today since it’s 1am right now, and I have to go on an airplane, and it’s not even just the airplane that triggers my ocd, it’s the airport itself, it’s so official and security stuff scares me bc like, theres a reason they have security. I’m really tempted to start googling “how likely is it for a plane to crash” or “how to survive a plane crash” and the urge to tell my dad that I love him and to take care of my pets if I don’t come back. Why is my mind like this. Wtf. I want to enjoy my vacation, I also don’t want to have a panic attack in an airport, which has happened before lol. I’m traveling with my mom and my sister, my mom understands ocd and has some knowledge on how to handle it, my sister does not at all. How do I calm myself without it being a compulsion?? I mean, is it okay if I calm myself with prescribed medication and like trying to tune everything out, or is that feeding into the ocd? Because my usual compulsions would be to repeat “it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay” over and over again in my head, and “I’m safe I’m safe I’m safe, nothing is going to happen” and I try not to do that anymore, or just simply not go because of the fear, BUT I’m going because I’m not gonna let ocd take away anymore of my life. I’m just scared and I don’t really know how to cope with this, any advice?
I’m not sure if I wanna take medication for OCD. I’m afraid of having some serious side effect. When I got Lexapro my dad threw away the paper with the side effects but I searched them up and didn’t wanna take it. It took me about two weeks to finally start taking it. I was so afraid of taking it because of the side effects and because I had this one thought that I was scared I would act on because with Lexapro my anxiety was gonna go down and I was afraid that if it went down I would end up acting on my thought. I would be like “what if it ends up making me leave my partner?” So I didn’t wanna take it. Then when I saw that if you stop taking it out of nowhere you can relapse? I’m not sure what the word was but basically everything could come back but stronger.
I constantly feel let down and disappointed by my boyfriend. I feel like he has legit reasons for what’s happening but I don’t believe him anymore and have so much doubt. I guess it is OCD. This is so difficult cuz my feelings feel real but logically I know what he’s saying makes sense. I’m going in circles.
I've developed a new obsession with skin tone and whether it affects my dating prospects. I'm a South Asian 19 year old girl in canada. I was on reddit on tinder insights and this 24 year old woman who I'd say was an average looking white woman! without any provocative pictures had a 50% message rate and a 60% match rate. I'm not sure what my match rate was but I know my message rate was around 30% from my 80 matches in three days. Hers was over a span of a much longer time than three days. Though I've remade and deleted my tinder profile and it hovers around 30%. Unless she was texting them first. Her pictures weren't sexually provocative and neither were mine. I've spent a lot of time obsessing over colorism. Stats show it doesn't seem to impact indian women very much so maybe I'm overthinking it? It's a really tiring obsession. It's a random chick on the internet. Though there was a black girls tinder insight where she had a lower match rate (consistent with statistics for black women since they face worse racism) but she also had a 50% text rate. Not sure why my text rate was so low. Maybe there's a stereotype of blondes being more promiscuous? Or does it have to do with my skin? Ugh I'm ruminating over colorism and whether this is the reason
So I obsessively question my relationship, etc and look for ways to soothe the panic regardless of being very clear on the fact that I would be super sad if me and my fiancé broke it off. Yet I still obsessively tell myself/fear that it is in fact not just ROCD/anxiety and that it’s how I really feel and then I panic about that all over again. This seems to be a very common theme. Any tips or advice? God I need help
I’m not sure if this is ocd related but I have been having a really hard time. I have been just struggling really bad with keeping up with a routine for my two kids and keeping up with household tasks and most importantly, keeping up with connecting with them. I’ve been so sad the last few days just feeling guilty that I have no interest in spending time with them (but the thing is I do, but I look for any opportunity to put them to bed or occupy them instead of playing with them) and I am feeling mom guilt and just wanting to improve every part of my life and because it’s all so overwhelming it feels impossible :((( I also have suicide and harming my kids as a theme, so this contributes to that. I have thoughts like life is so repetitive and boring and I should just Jill myself (they are not desires, they cause me anxiety) and then I have thoughts like what if I get so tired of being a mom that I do something to my kids (my worst nightmare, they are my everything. These thoughts make me very anxious and in turn they make me sad) I was doing so well with my mental health until I got strep and took antibiotics :(
What is your response to someone saying "I'm so OCD", "Everyone has a little OCD", or when you say you have OCD they say "me too"? I want to educate people because they probably don't know how harmful they're being but then they try to defend it by saying they get "really anxious" when things aren't clean. So what are some responses that have worked for you? I've noticed saying that I am "diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder" is more effective than saying "i have ocd." People seem to take that more seriously.
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