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If you got a tattoo to help with your OCD. What would it be?? Just for fun.

Since Covid began I have not been able to be my normal self. I was never one to worry about germs. I washed my hands yes, but it was never a big deal or a huge worry that was on my brain. When Covid began, I felt as though I was hearing it from all sides at all times. My aunt, mother, and sister are all health care workers so I was hearing Covid horror stories straight from the hospital as well as what was talked about on the news. At first, it wasn’t a HUGE worry in my head until, in order to get me to be serious, my rather tough-love uncle told me I was going to be the one to bring it in the house and that he and my nephews could get sick and die from it. Well, it worked. I was horrified. And what I recently found out to be contamination OCD began. Slowly my rituals started. First with just washing hands and using hand sanitizer religiously. Soon though, my worries spread to the THINGS I may be using or touching prior to washing my hands. This led to me using ungodly amounts of Lysol on EVERYTHING. For context, I was a server/bartender at the height of the epidemic who was in school to become a teacher. I am now a middle school teacher which both jobs putting me in high touch high germ situations. So I would Lysol my phone after work only after vigorously washing hands. I would Lysol my car and the seats next time I got in it since I drove home from work in my “dirty” work clothes. This progressed to Clorox wipes. That is until I read the instructions and realized it takes 3 minutes of the product being on a surface to completely sanitize it. Currently it is alcohol on cotton balls for everything. I have gotten past spraying or wiping car seats and just resorted to treating getting home from anywhere as me having to change clothes and perform my hand washing/ sanitizing phone ritual. (When washing hands or cleaning things J repeatedly count to 20 as it is said that you should wash hands for at-least 20 seconds. So I have to count to 20 at-least 3 times)My purse and keys have a certain spot in the floor of my room, where no one will walk, as to not get any other area germy from them. My phone goes on a paper towel on the counter as I wash my hands using my counting numbers ritual. I then go get a cotton ball with alcohol and begin wiping the back of my phone again using my counting numbers ritual. I wait a few minutes and lift up my pop socket and perform the same alcohol and counting numbers ritual. Again, I wait a few minutes and wipe the screen. I then wash hands and go change out of germy clothes. I wipe the back of my legs with an alcohol covered cotton ball in hopes of getting off any germs I may have obtained from public restrooms or the one at work. I put on new clothes, braid hair back, and wipe face with makeup remover wipe. I wash hands again, scrub face with face wash using my number ritual, then wash hands again. I am then finally “free” from outside germs and feel safe in my home. This is every time I leave the house. No matter where I go. I am miserable and feel utterly powerless. My family doesn’t understand although I feel they were the ones who started all of this. My boyfriend doesn’t understand. They’re all bothered by how bothered by germs I am and honestly so am I. I’m tired of it and want to get better.

Anyone else struggle with existential OCD? I’m constantly questioning my reality or what’s the purpose of us being here…most days I don’t even want to get out of bed or eat…it’s getting too much for me to handle honestly 😣😢

I cant find anything about this on the internet, i found religious ocd and all that...but not what i have. I do suffer with some kind of obsession, i about how should a christian behave. Whatever i do i always have a guilt that this isnt what a christian should do... like i make jokes, i flirt with girls or just have fun, think about something and living my life. I just cant handle it anymore. I want to enjoy my life as a christian but i have guilt for wanting to behave how i want too... i even thought about losing my faith and move on without God... offcourse i dont want it but i cant handle this anymore, i do t enjoy my life constantly worrying about how should i behave or feeling guilt cause i maybe did a sin like watching girls, loving myself, care about how i look, want to be liked by girls and more... I think this is not ocd, it feels like i have desires of doing sinful acts and i dont want to not think about it or idk...

I know I’m not supposed to label my thoughts as awful or try to neutralize them / but being so aware of your consciousness that you question it daily is so disturbing to my day to day. Like reality questioning is not something I want to spend my day thinking about, but the thoughts are always there. I look at my hands and feel like I’m in a simulation or that everyone around me isn’t real. It’s strange and so frustrating, I know it’s just thoughts but they’ve become “reality” in a way because it’s all I think about. I’m trying to get back into my body again. I’m at the gym, I’m working, I’m socializing with friends. But that layer of thinking never goes away. I forget what it feels like to not be so aware, I’m afraid a door has opened that I can never close.

Super frustrated. Focusing on my wife's flaws. Are they just flaws or am I just not attracted. I see women with great bodies and I get a good feeling, but all I ever see is my wife's flaws. She's overweight, getting older etc. All of this goes on and yet the thought of leaving is also not something I want to do. I keep having thoughts and feelings that I am not attracted to her and that I'd be happier with someone else. I accept that I have OCD but I am also concerned that I am in fact not attracted to her, I never was etc and OCD loves to point out possible evidence of this. So hard to know. Would like to have myself back, but was this me all along and I just woke up?

I'm pretty certain a call I made a year ago when really drunk asking my friend to pick me up was at least somewhat an attempt to cheat. I told her and she disagrees, says I was just trying to hang out with my friend. I feel like she doesn't get it? I've also confessed a lot of things to her, but she always never thinks it's as bad. But there's some details I've been keeping to myself at the advice of my therapist, and I think they're emotionally cheating. She doesn't think I emotionally cheated with this friend she knows about, but she doesn't know I: -Complained about her to this friend when she was flaking on me a lot and being distant (this friend gave good advice and I also told this friend good things about her too, but still.) -One time I even mentioned to this friend I was debating breaking up because I was so fed up (this friend advised me not to) -I hung out alone with this friend, sometimes my gf didn't know (although I also told her other times, looking back I don't think I was really trying to be sneaky but idk) - EMBARRASSNG/TMI but I fantasized about this friend once when I was a little drunk and was masturbating -I talked to this friend every day, and when she was feeling down about a coworker not liking her I told her she's a catch so to cheer up. I did tell this friend that we're just friends, and our conversations were never romantic or sexually charged, but idk. My girlfriend won't let me tell her these details cuz she says I'd be compulsing, but I feel like if she knew more she'd think it's emotional cheating. My therapist says to let it go but it's been a year, I've stopped drinking, I've stopped talking to this friend, and I still can't move on. I feel like my girlfriend just has no idea what I'm trying to tell her, I'm so confused.

Hi all. I am looking for some guidance and or advise. Good to know is that I have suffered from severe OCD and depression for years now. Depression goes away and comes throughout time. OCD is almost always present. I am going to try and make sense out of this, but it will be hard because I have tried so many times but every time when I read my explanation it feels it did not go deep enough, as if not the true depth of it has been explained but here we go; For quite a while but increasingly in intensity I have been experiencing this sort of feeling. A feeling that feels like anything you think of, act on or whatever is being nullified withing a split second. Sometimes I try and visualize what it is, it feels like some kind of cloud, curtain, sheet or any kind of ‘thing’ that is able to cover ‘something’. So in my mind I for example think; Ok, from now on ill be positive, even if I have to remind myself a 100 times per minute. Immediately after and sometimes even during such kind of thought this thing, cover, cloud, curtain or whatever comes in, wraps up the thought I had and drags it away from me, like literally away out of my mind and body towards behind me. It never shoots away in front of me, but I visualize it disappearing behind me further and further away. The issue with this is that I've become extremely hyperaware of this process, I’m focused on it throughout the day. And whenever I try and apply the tools I have learned for OCD, like trying to make the thoughts or feelings (which in this case I find hard to quantify if it’s a thought or a feeling, or more than that?) be there, and not fight them. To do what I prescribed as a tool for OCD (not giving the thing that is happening inside of me) any attention, one has to initiate, a moment where you ‘start’ using the technique or tool I learned. But when that moment comes, and I try and initiate and start whatever it is I have learned to deal with this, the same thing happens, that initiation, starting, beginning (call it what you want) gets wrapped up and pulled away from me. This means I cannot even start to get over this ‘thing’, because starting some action of coping etc. in itself already gets hijacked by this ‘thing’ before I'm even able to start. And then the action I was going to take or the method or tool I was going to use immediately loses all its effectiveness, because it instantly got hijacked by the thing it is trying to confront. It's especially hard because I am a very visual being. Things I think about I also visualize, and things I speak about as well. So I cannot apply the tools or methods without visualizing them, which in return makes it impossible to not visualize this things hijacking my thoughts, feelings and more than that. So it does not matter how deep I go, a lot of the times when this thing wraps up whatever I was going to do, I'm like; ok let's try and go a level deeper and try and oppose whatever it is that this thing is trying to do, and in return that effort also gets wrapped up by this thing, so what happens then? I go deeper again and think to myself (for example); Let this thing do what it wants, don’t fight it, let it be and watch it as it drifts away (mindfulness like). So what happens then? Those efforts in return also get wrapped up in this black sheet and pulled away. All these efforts I make, even efforts that really seem like they are no efforts like; let it all happen and go with the flow, don’t fight it (which in the end still is an effort) once this black sheet comes in, this ‘thing’ the effort that is going to get wrapped up and dragged away suddenly changes its form and looks like a movie set in my mind, and this ‘thing’ then comes in with its big black sheet, curtain or whatever it shows itself as at that moment just wraps up this movie set and drags it away. A lot of people in the past told me, yeah but this what you are doing is all just thoughts and too much thinking, don’t think so much about it. My answer then is; Ok I get what your are saying here, let's try it. And what happens after that ‘trying’, is that also that effort gets wrapped up in my head as well and dragged away from me, gone. There also is this connection in my brain, or in my being or something, that has linked the feeling of feeling down, or even just flat to this ‘thing’. So when I’m not actively thinking about this ‘thing’ I actually still am thinking about this thing, there is no escape and its driving me nuts. It’s been quite the extensive explanation, and I’m not done in the slightest, but I just don’t know how to explain it anymore to you guys. This explanation I gave does not even scratch the surface of what it really is that I’m experiencing. I've tried many times explaining this to therapists, psychiatrists and other specialized people. And all I'm getting in return is; It's your depression, or, it's just your thoughts. But I need them to actually listen to me, I know what depression is, I know what thoughts are, this is not just that. And when that's the answer from specialists, all I can do is feel even worse and more lonely in this situation I'm in.

The urge and false attraction have reached levels I have never seen before These past few days I decided to let go and let the thoughts sit in and oh boy oh boy Woke up this morning with intrusive thoughts plus urges like never before while simultaneously hating it and feeling like it’s not me at all I tried to act upon them but my brain systematically refused and now I am in a state of utter confusion…..my brain has been sending me everything amd it’s contrary since I stopped reacting and I truly don’t know if I can handle the uncertainty

I am drowning in my mind and I need some outside perspective or even just someone who may relate a little. I’ve already made a post about some of my story involving false memory ocd, but I figured I would come on here and share what has “reawakened” the issue for the past two years. I had laid off of worrying over my false memory for a few years, but it all started up again with me double checking that no crime/murder/etc had taken place in my town around the time I was struggling with harm ocd. Well, it quickly took a turn when I found an article about a “suspicious” death that had occurred around that time. According to the article, this death was eventually labeled as no foul play (aka not murder). But I still obsessed over this because of how real my worry had felt in the past that I somehow had left my house, hurt/killed someone, came back home and forgot. I searched through all of my activity history (Google, YouTube, Facebook) from around that time. I found a large gap in my Facebook activity (like several days of no activity) which was around the same time during the month the man had died. That only skyrocketed my worries even though I knew I had been struggling which may have been the reason why my activity had gaps (the previous month had a similar one as well). But nope, I continued obsessing and panicking because guess what? My YouTube activity from the weekend prior to when the man was found dead has weird activity (the history shows a gap in between 7pm - 4am on that Saturday). I tried finding a similar gap in the months surrounding, but could only find one that was sort of similar (7pm - 2am). So this led me to come up with the idea that I must have done “it” that night. Keep in mind, I would’ve been a scrawny 14 yr old girl at the time, and I don’t even know what I would’ve done or even could’ve done. That’s all to say — it just feels like my life is some huge lie and that all my fears are true. I don’t want to hurt anybody, and I know that younger me probably didn’t want to either, but how can I ignore what feels like actual proof that I’m a monster? It’s not like my false memories didn’t feel real either, so I can’t even shrug it off at all. I never see anyone have “proof” that their false memory is true, and in fact it’s usually people saying they have proof that it’s not. I’m just so lost, and I feel like I’m just lying to myself despite having been told by multiple therapists that this is just OCD.

feel the need to confess to cheating when I didn’t, ocd spiked today because bf actually got upset at something, not cheating just something he didn’t lie. now I feel like a cheater who’s in denial

Once when i was very high and had a disturbing graphic intrusive image, and then while being high feeling as if i were really a p***. Once when i was travelling with my mum on the station i saw a little girl stretching and i got triggered badly because I noticed the "curves" of a literal c*, then in church i was surrounded by triggers, but i had to stay there because it was an important moment for my mother. then after i exited from church i noticed ij my left another trigger from far away and i had to check if i had seen right, because my eyes saw an inaproppriate part, and i kept looking in that direction instead of looking away. then when i hang out with my friends i saw a trigger and obsessed about the chance that i might have looked at it inaproppriately at the lower part, asking myself why i kept staring in that direction, and i had to check but that translates that I was actively searching for the triggering lower part of the body to see if it was noticeable? Absolutely sickening. And then when i saw what I was looking for I got triggered and felt like it was a proof that i was a p***. and today i saw a very triggering reel where a little girl was skating, and I kept staring at the video shocked of what my eyes were seeing. These all feel like unquestionable proofs that I could be a ****. I wish I could erase what my eyes saw. I wish I didn't have this problem. Staring ocd and pocd is a destructive pair. I will sit in distress, trying not to think about this. But I really want to punish myself for these things and wish i could just lock myself in my room. But have duties to do and i can't let my mum worry again. It's too much. Nothing can change my actions, the fact itself that I stared at an inaproppriate part of the body of a literal c* and all the things that come with it is unforgivable and abonimable. Regardless of the fact that it is ocd's fault, which I'm starting to believe that it isn't and that it's just me being in denial. Why did I stare? Was I attracted? I want none of this. I wish I could be normal and have normal problems. There is no break to ocd, every day there is a new trigger. I want to sleep forever without dreams.

Hi guys did any of you didn’t take ur realtionship serious in the begging because it wasn’t official ? When I met my boyfriend I didn’t think it was going to be something serious , so I kept texting guys , and after 3 times of hanging out I deleted everyone and knew he’s was my person. I regret it so much and now I feel like the worst person ever ..

Does anyone know of any support groups or programs for ocd/mental health in general that are free? I’m currently in poverty and unfortunately mental health help is only for people with money. I feel like I’m at the absolute very end of my rope crying out for any type of help. Please.

Health Anxiety can be a huge part of OCD! These are only some of the ways it can come up. Some may struggle with getting excessive reassurance from medical professionals while others may avoid medical spaces at the cost of their own health. Does this seem familiar? Share your experience in the comments below.

Do “false memories” start off as an intrusive thought? Mine have always started off like “what if___” then I go back in my past and my brain fills the gaps. You know how it goes. Like there’s no real memories even attached to these thoughts.

Why does it feel like no matter how much I try to not fight back, its still not going and still makes me feel convinced?

I feel so horrible and I'm sobbing like crazy right now. I was doing okay but this sobbing and fear and panic came out of NOWHERE. I feel so scares and I'm crying and I don't know what's going on. I think it's a panic attack. WHY is this happening and WHAT DO I DO

About 6 months ago my dad (58 year old male) was sent to the ER due to a stroke. I woke up instinctively in the morning and my brother was talking to my mom about how we had to decide ASAP if he was going to get the surgery. There are lots of details to this story ,so I will try to make it shorter. We rushed to the hospital that was 1 1/2 away. My mom and sister were in a panic, I felt like I was not there mentally but was able to “fake” a calm demeanor. I saw my dad moving from the outside of a glass door. He was conscious after they stabilized him. They wouldn’t let us in the room. He signed the paper and they rolled him out before we could even talk to him, he didn’t even know we were there. They told us the surgery would last several hours. I tried to keep my mom and sister distracted because they kept crying and were anxious. I took them to my coho s house that lived nearby. She was going to take her pit-bull for a run and told us we could nap while we waited. The entire time I could not cry. Anyways, she came back and her dog was “ calm”. This dog knew me since he was a puppy. I went to pet him as he was laying on her bed and out of nowhere he jumped in me and bit my face 7 different areas. All different bites. Blood was everywhere. My you get sister tried to pull the dog off but was screaming and almost fainted at the sight of blood. My mom and her and my cousin were shaking and panicking. I still couldn’t cry. We called for an ambulance because I couldn’t risk them driving like that. I went to the same hospital as my dad that day and got 14 stitches on my face. And yes I asked for an extra one to make it an even number bc my OCD was not having it. I wasn’t able to cry the way I needed to. This even is on replay I’m my head. And when it is I still don’t know how I should be. I feel guilt, sadness, angry, and frustrated. Anyways, i has no medical insurance and a huge bill to pay.

Hi guys, so rewinding time about four years ago, I was fresh out of a 6 year relarionship, engaged for a couple years (Not sure, everything's a blur from 2019-2021)? I was fresh out of being in-patient twice where I was misdiagnosed, given miscellaneous medicine to handle the intrusive thoughts. A couple months after I got out, I decided to give relationships a shot again. After many failed dating apps, one of them came through. I started talking to a beautiful girl near by and we ended up dating. She was the first girl I opened up to about my OCD. Every last detail. I even told her about my POCD. I feared sharing that because we all fear being shamed, misunderstood, misjudged, humiliated, and more. Instead, she went and researched what that was so she could understand me. I was flabbergasted. I never in my wildest dreams thought anyone, especially a romantic partner would do that. Well I think we dated for a few months the first time until I felt a disconnect. Idk, I didn't feel that "spark". At times I didn't feel as intimate towards her. I started doubting the relationship. Started doubting everything. Wondering if it was "too soon" after my previous 6yr relationship, or if it was my mental health. So I ran. I broke up with her. Well some time after, we ended up texting again. Ended up hanging out again. To save y'all time, this repeated for another 2-3 years. But each time I reached out to her, I swore..I SWORE this was the time I would stay. I SWORE I could handle it. I SWORE I was ready. The connection we had was unbelievable. Literally was my best friend. She went to church with me for the first time in a long time as she didn't have a good relationship with the church life. We spent a lot of times laughing. She understood me. She listened. She listened so well that she would surprise me with a little gift and I would say, "how did you know that??". But it wasn't until last September that I was like...this sounds like ROCD🤔. I remember seeing post about it on this app but was like nahh, that's now what I'm going through. Wrong lol. It was exactly what I was feeling and going through. Unfortunately I didn't have a lot of time to work on ROCD. I don't have tools as of yet to help me stop running. Last week we parted ways..maybe for good this time. Everything was great and she was going to hangout today for my birthday but because she wasn't able to stay, I felt a disconnect and started drifting...again. Started doubting...again. For me, OCD attacks attraction. It would compare her vs other females who I found attractive. I know it's natural to find people attractive but my past ex and ROCD say that's not allowed. If that's so, "then it must not be meant to be". So then I would run. I would call things off. My whole point in sharing this is guys, we are deserving of love. Just because we struggle with ocd and those with POCD...doesn't mean we can't find love. It's out there. I promise. I am not giving up on me. I was so frustrated with my ocd a few days ago, I started wondering if I'll ever be able to love unconditionally. That's the ocd talking right there. Let's keep pushing through these muddy waters, guys. One day at a time. Taking back our lives and our confidence that the OCD wants to take so badly. If you're reading this, know I am here with you. You are not alone. Do NOT give up. Do NOT lose hope. Also, enjoy the little things! The gym, gaming, God, and my dog are the best things in my hard days. God bless you all!💚