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I tried to get better but still have intrusive thoughts, which feel real. But I'm not more anxious than before but get a little panicked. My brain feels like "normal". Idk what to do

hi all, i’ve been putting off starting the Zoloft i was prescribed, i’ve never been a medication person. i’m terrified of the side effects. i have a concert on the 13th of this month, do you think i’ll still be experiencing negative side effects if i start taking the meds now? i really want to enjoy the concert and starting the meds now makes me nervous🥺 can some give me some advice

Today I read a mother write in a Reddit post that she was not maternal. She seemed accepting of it. For me personally that’s not what I want, as I’m a mother to a little girl, and now I can’t stop obsessing over the fact that maybe I’m not maternal? A thought I never had until I read this. I do this all the time with things I read. I’ll read something someone has that I never thought I had before or ever identified with and I’ll obsess over if I have the same thing/trait. I can’t stop looking up examples of maternal women and seeing if I fit them.

It just feels like my OCD is trying to make everything into intrusive thoughts, or else hard-focusing on anything it can use as a trigger and trick me into creating intrusive thoughts. I've tried "surrendering" and ERP, but I feel like I'm doing something wrong because it just makes my OCD fight harder. I can't feel happy anymore because I'm afraid of being happy about the wrong thing (i.e., my intrusive thoughts) and--worst of all--I am afraid that I'm actually going to act on my intrusive thoughts just to see if it will make me feel better. It's to the point where I fear that my intrusive thoughts are the real "me" even though this was never a problem growing up. I don't want to end up in the hospital psych ward again (did that once), but I just don't know what else I can do. Sorry for the lengthy post, but sometimes I just feel like I need to vent to a third party.

I'm so sick of this constant fear about losing my mind... Never happened, probably never will... But fear is always there...

It’s so sad that they really say OCD attaches to ANY and EVERYTHING! My OCD been up and down for the past months but I can truly say I’ve been getting better. It’s been really tripping me out lately My OCD is been trying to latch on to my mom (my world).. it all started with her asking me one night is something on my face (it was dark).. I remember not seeing anything but her face looked weird and it was mostly cause it was dark but this opened a new door. OCD kept telling me YES she does look weird Yes she does look kinda evil. I try to let the thought sit there with me but it’s annoying because it’s my mom and now my OCD try to make me nitpick what’s wrong with her face.. When the thoughts are not there and I feel normal but HERE comes OCD saying oh you are purposely not looking at her enough or long enough that’s why you are not having these thoughts. This is the only place I can say it out loud, hope I don’t trigger anyone 😢

OCD occupies such a big part of our lives, it has occupied mine for years. I will be starting medication and therapy soon and i have a million separate fears for that but I have a question. OCD is a part of me and i know a lot people like using analogies like it’s a demon, a bully but I feel weird doing that. I want to be kinder since it’s a part of me? I don’t know, when i see it as something bigger/other than myself, I get scared of it, when i see it as a part of me, I get compassionate. I’ve hated myself for as long as I could remember, my life was getting worse from all directions before i had a panic attack and started to dissociate and ocd flared up again and sure it’s been hell, but it brought closer to myself in a way that I find it difficult to dislike me anymore and I know that’s a wonderful thing but i’m having all sorts of doubts. I’ve lived my life as always overanalysing myself and my worries, it is so natural to me, when i think about getting better, and even the term “acceptance” my brain tells me it’s not who i’m meant to be, i’d be cheating, and meds would be me altering what my brain is meant to be like. Then i genuinely get concerned what if after treatment i’m not able to recognise myself anymore? what if i lose my spark? what if i lose what makes me me. I don’t think these are intrusive thoughts but general worries anybody before treatment might have. I feel so closer and happy with who i am lately, that it feels like i’ll be letting “myself” go if i get better? I’ll be letting go of all the coping mechanisms, even if they are unhealthy go. I know it sounds like such a weird concern since i’ve always wanted to grow as a person and let go of my unhealthy thought processes, but now that i do get to do that, it feels like what would still be there if not this? It feels like i’ve started to love myself too much to the point that i’m desperately trying to hold onto to things that are hurting me because they’re still me. maybe i’m not ready to let go of all the things that are unhealthy for me and this barely applies to ocd. It makes me scared thinking if i stay the same & wanting to get better feels good but what if i turn into somebody else? like what if i heal and i’m just not me anymore? I’ve also always struggled with identity issues & not having a strong sense of self and now that i do, it feels like dissociation is what has brought me closer to myself. I don’t want to go back to being the person i was, who was always masking herself for other people, trying to desperately fit in, chronically hated herself, had no self confidence. But being the opposite of these things not only feel physically impossible but just so out of the blue. and I don’t think it’s ocd making me feel this way, well it could be but not entirely. and let’s say it is entirely ocd, so all the love i’ve been feeling for myself is false since it would be “ocd”, you know? that it’s just making me feel closer to myself so i never change. Don’t get me wrong i do wanna change but just all the worries attached to it are making me feel so just, i can’t even worr it, weird & sad? what do u all say?

I have a healthy relationship with a lovely guy and about a month ago I got the random thought of “what if I don’t love him?” Ever since I have been ruminating and checking and I feel as though I can’t tell the difference between the truth or ROCD. It feels like it’s coming to be the truth now and I’m pushing him away, and he’s upset that I don’t know how I feel. I don’t want to break up but I feel so unfair to him and I hate that I don’t even know what I feel anymore. Any advice?

I don’t know what’s real anymore. I have struggled with Asperger’s and OCD all my life. I have knowledge and beliefs on many things, like we all do. You all know that OCD causes us to doubt and question everything, even our knowledge and beliefs. This happened often in my life. About 6 months ago, many stressful events have occurred in my life. The events caused massive trauma, devastation and depression. My OCD got worse since then. It’s literally making me doubt and question everything. I mean literally everything. It was affecting my knowledge and beliefs so much that it was convincing me that I was wrong. I don’t know what to do anymore. I became so insecure. OCD makes me ask people for their perspective and views besides my own. A lot agree and some disagree. My mind is making me focus on the ones that disagree rather than the ones that agree. My brain is saying see I told you you were wrong. And then for one day let’s say more people disagree than agree. I start to think that I’m completely wrong as well and it’s fake. I am also a devote Catholic. I pray and talk to God every day. Since the events, I hear Gods voice in me. He tells me that I’m 100% right about my knowledge and beliefs and not to worry about anything. He said I was unique and special in many ways, as you all are as well! But my OCD keeps on getting stronger and stronger. I feel like the enemy is causing many things to make me see and believe the lie that I’m wrong. It’s like my knowledge and beliefs were a complete lie. My opinions are just completely wrong also and setting myself up for failure. My mind was thinking this was the truth the entire time even before the events happened. Saying that these events are giving me a reality check. It’s not just that, OCD makes me think negatively constantly. It’s gotten so bad where I just feel like I want to die. I don’t know what to do anymore. HELP!!!!!

Does anyone have experience coping after waking up from an OCD dream? I tend to have dreams that really activate my ROCD. Last night, I dreamed that my boyfriend was being really emotionally cruel and unkind which is no where near what he is like in real life. But it feels so real when I wake up - like all of those wounds are fresh and open. I want to talk to him about it but I don't want him to feel - yet again - like he is doing something wrong when all of this is in my head. But I've been holding back tears all morning and ERP just isn't helping today. idk. I'm so tired of this.

Obsessions - You don’t like your daughter - You will never be happy again - It’s not ocd… you have lost the feeling of wanting to live.. - You know its real… stop acting like it is not.. - Get a thought/feeling like i can’t/wont fight anymore.. - You want to die, but just don’t wanna disappoint your family - Just feel so real in body and mind… But everytime it happens, i just want to know that its the ocd and not real

Nervous about my first session tomorrow and that I’ll be told I’m not ready to be in a relationship. Long story short, I had a male best friend and we bonded over trauma (he had family issues, I had family issues and just broke up with my now ex) we ended up using each other in lustful ways but then became good friends. I could never love him romantically so after about a year and a half I told him I didn’t want anything with him like that and eventually we faded out. Fast forward a year later we rekindle our friendship but set boundaries and a month later, I meet someone amazing and we’ve been talking for a couple months (6 now) and who I love now and realize I want to be with, but my mind began to compare him with my ex best friend… it was a here and there thing about how I got along and the inside jokes I had with my ex best friend were unique, but then it started to spiral and now every little thing is a comparison. It’s gotten to the point where it makes me feel physically sick and guilty. Now little things remind me of my ex best friend (who I ended up parting ways with recently because I genuinely have no desire to continue our friendship and out of respect for me and my current man). Even random things remind me of him and I don’t know how to stop. My mind keeps telling me I’m meant to be with him and no one will ever understand me like he did, but I don’t want to be with him like that. And I wasn’t even thinking about him when we parted ways the first time, my life was great. All this just started with my current man. (I had interest with someone else a couple months before I met him and I didn’t have these intrusive and comparing thoughts). I’m really annoyed and feel guilty because I don’t want to think or feel these things. I’m scared I’m gonna have to let him go or something but I really just want to stop these thoughts but they literally keep me up at night. I hate comparing and I don’t mean to, but it’s literally on my mind nonstop now and has only gotten worse. When reality is, I love my current man and I don’t want anyone else. Also scared I’ll be told it’s not ROCD. :/

How are you?

So whenever i sleep less or Study more than usual (usually i don't study at all i have EFD so i can't study even if i want, i only study before the exam night) So now my exam going on so i slept less and studied more than most of the days of the year... Now my brain acting like weird.. I can't even explain... Feels like it will shut down... I have a lot of exams left i have to study no matter what i will end up at nothing with this damaged brain actually...

Since just before lockdown, my ocd moved to clothes. I’ve spent a lot, thousands on new clothes , I got in my head that I needed the perfect wardrobe. I spent a lot of time and money trying to perfect this. Never getting it right, I still feel like I bought the wrong sizes/styles The crazy thing is I feel more comfortable wearing my gym clothes , which I don’t obsess over I’ve put away the clothing that I obsess over. A part of me says just wear gym clothes and sell the rest. For now I’m doing nothing, I want to get better from ocd So I figure just wear gym clothes until I can get some clarity It’s really painful, I get all the stress and bad feelings like I’m stupid, and selfish, and that I’m ugly And advice, I don’t want reassurance

Sorry lately I’ve been asking a lot of questions I get worried asking questions Incase im using it as reassurance this sort of links into my questions. How do I know if I’m doing ERP correctly? Why does OCD feel so real? Why do my OCD thoughts feel so natural?

I just was diagnosed with OCD and I’m still learning about it.. how do you stop from googling your symptoms and convincing yourself that there is something wrong with you? I’ve been doing this a lot recently.. in the past month I’ve convinced myself I’m having a heart attack, a stroke, and a pulmonary embolism. How do I stop this?

Before I get into it feel free to comment on this thread if you want to talk or need advice. This will be kind of long so grab a snack and buckle up. First of all i’m a 14m who has never thought of myself as a “lady’s man.” Sure I’ve had crushes on girls and thought girls were pretty but that was about it. Never being attracted to the same sex in any way shape or form and never thought of myself as gay or anything like that. I was for the most part a pretty normal kid. But that all changed. It all started during thanksgiving break and I was just playing video games on my Xbox like I normally do and I guess I took a break to look on social media and I saw a attractive guy and my mind was like “dang he’s an attractive looking man” or something like that and my mind just went crazy. “Does this make me gay” “have I been gay all my life and is just now noticing” “what does this mean” was all that was on my mind and I was scared to death. After that I pretty much spent all day looking for answers and looking for reassurance on this but nothing helped. I was miserable to say the least. I would talk to my parents about it (preferably my dad since he gave me the answers I wanted to hear) and they would both reassure me and say something like “oh it’s just part of puberty you’ll get over it” or “it’s just a phase” but nothing seemed to work for more than a few minutes and I didn’t know what was going on and I was horrified that I might be gay. It got so bad that I was boarder line depressed and didn’t want to get out of bed. All I wanted to do was research what this was or look for reassurance and not do the things I used to like to do like play video games or play basketball. All that I could think of was “what if I’m gay” and it killed me inside. One day during one of my daily researching I went on google and searched “the fear of being gay” and the first thing that popped up was HOCD. I then searched it up further and realized that I matched almost all the symptoms and thought “this sound like me.” Of course my OCD was trying to deny it but I was sure this was what it was. From then on I watched HOCD videos on YouTube and every video I watched, the more it related to me. Now the thoughts are kind of off and on. Don’t get me wrong there hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I haven’t had thoughts but there’s days or weeks even that the thought don’t bother me that much. But there are days where it’s terrible. I’m still struggling with it to this day and if you can relate to this at all please comment. Here are some of my most common thoughts: “What if you’re gay?” (Most common) “What if you’ve always been gay and are just now finding out” “What if you are not really attracted to girls” “What if you want to have s*x with a man” “What if you enjoy the thoughts” “What if your parents think your gay and aren’t telling you” “What if your attracted to your friend” Those are just a few of them and I think you see a trend with the “what ifs” but yeah your not alone in this battle. We are in this together.

Hey every body, I'm looking for some advice specific to pure O ocd. 1. My therapist has given me some response phrases to practice for my intrusive thoughts, the ones I'm using are mainly "maybe maybe not", " sure whatever", "your probably right" and "I don't have to figure this out right now". My main concern is using these phrases two often or so broadly that they become compulsive. 2. Since most of my compulsions are mental I find it difficult to control them. Sometimes my brain will automatically reassure itself or reflexibly perform a compulsion without me even wanting to engage with it. If anyone who struggles with/has struggled with this has any tips or advice I'd really appreciate it