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the NOCD Community

I have Religious OCD and it's absolute torture. I'm always worried that I'm not saved or that I'm a terrible Christian, or that God is disappointed in me. I feel guilty almost constantly, and the only way to find relief is by seeking reassurance, either through Christian articles online, or through talking to my pastor. I'm sure my pastor is annoyed with me by now because every few weeks, I call and text him, urgently asking him for help. And now that I've discovered what ROCD/scrupulousity is, it's gotten much worse. At first, I was relieved to know that I'm not the only one who suffers from this, but then I started to realize that I compulsively seek reassurance. So now I feel guilty every time I pray or read Christian articles or talk to someone about my problems, because I'm terrified that I might be compulsively seeking reassurance. So now I've become obsessed over the fear of engaging in my compulsions! I don't know what to do. I just want to have a normal, functioning Christian life. I just want to stop living in constant fear and guilt. I would never kill myself, but sometimes I feel like life isn't worth living and I secretly hope I'll die in my sleep so that I won't have to live like this anymore. I just want to go to Heaven to be with my Jesus, where He will "wipe away every tear from [my] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things [will] have passed away." I can't live like this anymore. Someone please help me.

Has anyone heard or tried using medical marijuana? I have been using the meds the doctor gave me and up and up the doses but still feeling the same, i was looking into other meds and options and saw articles saying it helped people with ocd. I’m thinking of going to my doctor to see what he thinks, but wanted to know if anyone on here has tried it?

Not saying let's all go off meds and try lifestyle changes, meditation, and yoga, but how many of us can say we've actually tried all that in conjunction with our meds and still haven't achieved the desired results? If you can't feel exponentially better for improving every aspect of your health in combination with medication, then there's probably a common factor contributing to your suffering. It's your prerogative and your responsibility, to yourselves and others, to get answers and get better so that the human race has a chance at survival. You know what the last symptom of depression is? Death. This should never be the outcome of a treatable condition. If you're not willing to explore every possible avenue for alleviating your symptoms and healing your illness, you can't expect anyone else to either.

Okay, Now I’m really scared that my future kids will be born with OCD because of me :(

I let my health go too long and now I’m losing feeling in my feet and I’m not sure if me thinking I have diabetic neuropathy is ocd or a genuine concern... freaking the fuck out I have ALLL the symptoms n I’m pretty sure I’m diabetic because I HAVE been type 2 in the past but then allegedly it ‘cleared up’ in the past as well (I didn’t believe that doctor though) and ever since then I’ve gone years and years and years (10 years) being too scared to go get retested but thinking that I should... help I think I killed myself ??? letting myself go and binge eating fast food every single day because I’m depressed I live in an emotionally abusive house

Honestly I don’t know where to start. I cry myself to sleep last night in fear and pain. Praying to Jesus to take it and then I felt peace. The thoughts are - everything happens even if you do believe in God anyways so don’t -He isn’t real and you are just imagining when He saves your life -there is no God -is it just your viewpoint on life that’s fake And then I see people saying that with ocd you imagine God saying things. Except w/out God I am empty. And I got this sick feeling when I have these thoughts. And I just can’t anymore, I can’t do this anymore. Everyday gets worse and therapy says to mediate and I have every breathing and meditative process but none of it works. And whenever I set my emotions beside to think. Thoughts say Jesus is just words. I am depressed and can’t live alive anymore, my anxiety breaks me down when I’m home alone if ocd doesn’t- I’m so sacred someone will break in and kill me, I don’t wanna go to hell, and I don’t wnat to loose the people around me, I don’t know who I am w/out Jesus. And then the thoughts are saying it’s just faith in Jesus those things would have happens anyways. And I have picked up so many types of ocd- contamination, hoarding, I couldn’t breath or swallow without choking, hand washing till my hands were raw, pure o (scared I was going to rape little kids, kill family members, kill random people or mass amounts of people, thinking I’m lesbian, cursing God, inappropriate thoughts, rumination of good and bad, thoughts about allah (anti God thoughts) evolution thoughts. Checking doors every night or staying up at night so no one would come into our house and hurt us. When I was home alone I would sit w a knife so no one would hurt me. For a little bit I couldn’t stop cleaning at night. I couldn’t stop touching corners. I just can’t anymore. And I don’t know what to do. Now I’m having thoughts that I am going to get cancer or someone is going to kill me. And thoughts that God isn’t real. The depression gets so bad I think about quitting on things I love. I have no joyfilled feelings. I don’t wnat to be in this world I wnat to be w Jesus. He fills me up inside. But everyone I say that I think about how killing people could fill me up inside. The thoughts they never go away and once I do conquer one another theme comes. Idk what to do

Can you?

Hocd has messed up my ability to rationally think anything. Everything I do, say, talk, wear, every single thing my mind goes to the conclusion that I’m gay. When I see a woman I find attractive, my mind says I’m lying and I’m forcing my attraction where as before my attraction and desire for woman was so clear and natural, it felt so right. My thinking is messed up, even when I’m getting aroused my mind goes to the image and the thought that I’m getting aroused by men and I just get so upset. This is so tiring.

Does anyone else experience obsessions regarding a particular person? Where this person kind of takes up a lot of your time and you feel almost addicted to like looking at pictures of them or trying to be like them and stuff? It’s almost like theres a compulsion to find out things about them or see a picture of them or whatever. I usually find that these people are women who I admire (celebrities or people older/more accomplished than I am) and want to be like. I feel like a huge loser and a monster sometimes, and because these people are women it has greatly contributed to my HOCD.? Idk anyone could relate at all to this?

EXISTENTIAL OCD!! it’s completely ruined my life, any advice or help would be appreciated

Hey guys so this new thing my brain been doing with “ do human look weird to you “ things has been really messing me up . When I look at hands and feet it gives me anxiety if I’m thinking about while I’m looking at someone it gets me anxious. Does anyone know how to respond to this or how to move past it ? When I look in the mirror I get a lot anxious as well . It has also been causing lots of brain fog

I think I have OCD but am too scared to talk about it.

I know this sounds really stupid but I’m really scared I can predict the future. About a month and a half ago I read an article about a girl a few months ago felt like she was going to die soon and a few days later she got into a car accident and died. And straight after I started getting the same feeling that I was going to die soon, I’ve felt like it for about a month and a half now and it won’t go away. And for some reason my brain keeps telling its going to happen in October in a car accident and I’ve became scared of the number 3 and October is in 3 months, and I’ve never been scared of numbers before. I’ve also just read somewhere that some people can predict the future and see things happen before they do and now I’m really scared. I don’t know what to do because I just can’t get the feeling to go away. I’ve thought so many times that something bad was going to happen in certain situations before and nothing has ever happened so does sound like anxiety or could I possibly be able to predict the future and something bad is going to happen to me?

So my HOCD is quite worse. I was trying to do an exposure. I was looking at good looking guy to test arousal at my school. I was doing it for days. But now for few days my mind has been telling "he is your wife". Whenever i try to visualize getting intimate with my girlfriend friend. My mind goes would u cheat on your wife and that guys image comes in. Idk if its hocd anymore or i am in denial. Please can any one help or relate.

Hi. I am in need of support. I'm having a hard time deciphering between what is really dangerous and what is OCD trying to call the shots. I am scheduled to fly across the country for my friends wedding on Tuesday and I've been overwhelmed with my health the last month after I lost my new counseling job( yes I'm an LPC/art therapist). First it was a Lyme scare, then my liver enzymes were high, then my back pulled out, then I sprained my ankle last week and now it feels like my old knee injury from last year has flared up from trying to keep weight off my sprain. I've been stuck in doors for two weeks due to the doxycycline I was on. Luckily I'm done with that med. anyways, now I'm having problems with my knee and I'm afraid it will escalate my already difficult to manage intrusive thoughts that will likely be triggered when I am back in a situation that I was in 2 years ago that will feel similar. My ERP therapist thinks I need to face my fears (this was prior to my knee issue). I've been hiding out in my parents house for 2 years, struggling to find steady work, and completely drained from my life revolving around therapy. I just want myself back. Before OCD shattered my life 2 years ago I was adventurous and enjoyed life. I can't tell if it's my rational mind telling me I shouldn't go to my friends wedding because I lost my job and now my knee is flaring up. Or if it's just OCD being clever and trying to find convincing reasons why I should continue avoiding facing my fears. Im so health concerned I'm afraid to move my body in fear of further damaging my injury. Thanks!

I have to repeat statements multiple times and get reassurance from people and do things a certain amount of times and if I don’t I feel like something bad is going to happen to me. Does anyone else have this?

I’m a teenager and so at the moment, the people I’m attracted to are also teens. But I worry that as I grow up and become an adult, I’ll remain attracted to teenagers (and not necessarily 18 year old teens). I’m petrified of growing up now!

Getting urges to break up with bf Bc he’s not a Christian even tho he prays with me Bc I’m scared to let god down (he’s agnostic) and feel urge to pray “if he’s not the one take him out of my life” but I don’t want to. Any tips?

Is anyone else here on disability because of their mental illness? I am currently living with my parents and sister but have been offered an amazing 2 bedroom apartment for low-income and disabled individuals. I was on disability for years (2010-2015) then tried my hardest to go back to work, which I did for 4-5 years (2015-2019). I am now trying to reinstate my disability benefits but the social security office here continues to lose or misplace my paperwork and give me incorrect information regarding my case. They say my case is currently being reviewed and I should get more information in the beginning of August. I’m afraid the housing manager won’t be able to wait. :( I’m supremely disappointed and was just wondering if there was anyone out there who has been through a similar situation. I NEED to get out of this house!

Hi, just wanted some support. I’ve been in therapy on and off for 6 years. I’m taking antidepressants continually and tranquilizers when my anxiety is too severe. I’m running three times a week and practicing meditation. Sometimes, I feel like I’m doing everything I can to feel better, but the anxiety is still there. I’m mentally exhausted. i just want to feel calm. Anyone living through this?