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the NOCD Community

Sometimes I really wish I wasn’t gay. It’s dumb but I get incredibly upset over dumb things that shouldn’t cut so deep. Pink News grossed me out because they implied they were against republicans making child drag shows illegal. And in my opinion children shouldn’t be involved in any beauty pagent esque thing at all. But some people in the twitter comments seem to think that this proves gay men are predatory and it cuts me deeply. It doesn’t matter if most gay men don’t even know child drag queens exist, it doesn’t matter if the kids aren’t actually being harmed (not that it shouldn’t be banned for that), it doesn’t matter if this is an incredibly uncommon occurance. My OCD screams at me saying it’s proof that gay men are pedophiles and I hate it so much. It sucks especially because I was feeling mediocre and ugly when I woke up already. But even then I felt like maybe I could find a guy who could make me happy. Now I just wonder if we’re all monsters.

I’ve been in a long relationship with this guy and I love him so much like I really want to marry him everything about him is perfect l. I suffer from hocd and when I’m not worrying abt it I love my life but hocd is ruining everything I’m constantly living with anxiety and I get panick attacks over the stupidest stuff like seeing a pretty girl. I don’t want this to ruin my life or my relationship because I’m so happy with him and I love him so much but these compulsive thoughts are making me go crazy. I also have never told anyone about my hocd. Can anyone relate

Is anyone here dealing with Harm OCD? What helps you the most when the intrusive thoughts are there?

I'm living in mental torture. I take my meds, go to therapy, try to eat well but yet here I am struggling so bad. OCD is terrible. So misunderstood. Such a life sucker. I'm in physical pain from the anxiety it leaves.

I got cbd oil Holy shit Nothing is phasing me now Therpay here I come ? Best 60$ of my life. Do it get off pharmacy drugs and do this. I hope I can see a difference after a week !

Has anyone ever told a friend they are struggling? I’m thinking about telling my friend but I don’t think he’ll understand

I was switched to Prozac from lexapro and today marked 1 month of the Prozac and I think it was causing my anxiety to increase. I have been dealing with two relationships one being an ex and one just a fwb and I have been obsessing about the fwb for the last two weeks so bad that it’s made a pit in my stomach and I’m constantly nauseous. I went to urgent care and the ER and convinced myself it was something internal. All tests came back fine but I can not stop thinking about my ex being in a new relationship and my fwb seeing other women. I create assumptions and I don’t know how to make it stop. I want to focus on myself but I can’t. Distracting myself doesn’t help because I can still think about my stresses. Then the anxiety kicks in and I cry and all I want to do is sleep so that not thinking about anything. I can’t eat and I’m sure I’m starving. This is a mental hell and I hate it!

In having suicidal thoughts. And i wouldn’t ever do anything to myself but I sometimes wish a bus would hit me or something to end my pain. It’s a dark feeling. My ex that played with me and I thought was gonna be my husband is secretly married with two kids, and was chasing his ex after a drunk outburst I had from depression. He put me through mental abuse and I was jobless and financially dependent on him. Deep on the inside I felt like I didn’t deserve better than him because when I was working multiple jobs and in debt once a friend told me to try a sugar baby site. I couldn’t make it past two disgusting sexual encounters in a motel room and a bar basement. My dad has beat me up at the time and was emotionally abusive so I was in a rebellious period of my life where I wanted quick money to leave the house, except I was only conned and not paid and just used. I feel like if I ever open up to anyone ever again I will be rejected and judged from my past. I met my ex while trying to start a new life in Dubai and he sent me back to the US for a break after abusive fights erupted. I discovered his secrets and he broke up with me saying he lost feelings and was faking after my drunk outburst. I still can’t find a job in my field and am working as a cashier at a grocery store. I got offered an off the books job that pays more money and my mom is so controlling and a perfectionist she told me if I did that I wouldn’t have my car, so now I’m walking 40 min to my grocery store job in the suburbs. I’m so overwhelmed with depression and stress. My entire life fell apart. I have zero self esteem left.

I don’t really know how to start this honestly. It may be long winded. I’m not sure that I have OCD, I’m not trying to take away any experience from anyone but I don’t know how else to explain when I obsess and feel consumed and disturbed by thoughts like this. I’ve been good for a while, thoughts have been at bay, I haven’t googled anything either or had any bodily responses/urges. But I saw something in the news today that brought it back up and disturbed me and I’m back in that headspace again if worrying I’m a danger or a freak or gross. I’m feeling alone in this, I don’t know how to talk about it, and I don’t know how to move through it.

My dad and I got in a physical fight today. I was screaming in a panic attack, frustratedly yelling and he decided to spit at me (contamimation OCD so that was awful), it eventually escalated to the point where he hit me, choked me and kicked my leg. I peed myself from fear when this all happened onto the floor. My mom and sister had to restrain him from hitting me more. My leg still hurts hours after. I'm at my uncle's now as the crisis service did not think me staying there was a safe situation. I can't stop thinking about it. My relationship was great with my dad before I got OCD. But ever since it has gotten to this point. This is not the first time it has happened either. He promised last time it wouldn't happen again. I still love him and want to forgive him as we had a great relationship before OCD. I don't know how to cope with all this. I am trying to sleep but my leg hurts and it keeps reminding me of what happened today. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to trust him again... certaintly not while having a mental illness I feel like. I wish I could sleep but I just feel like crying.

I used to have Harm OCD but ever since I watched that Black Mirror episode called “Shut Up and Dance” my obsession has been on POCD. For a long time I was petrified of typing “child porn” into google so I did a lot of avoiding. But then I started trying to get reassurance that nothing bad would pop up if you googled it anyway. I got so fed up with the thought that I ended up typing it in myself. I felt disgusted and guilty, and was naive enough to think I would at least no longer have to worry about typing that anymore. But then all these what ifs pooped up like “you didn’t check Bing, Twitter, Yahoo, etc”. So I ended up checking again to ensure myself that nothing would pop up. Then it got worse where I typed in some really disgusting things into google again because I just couldn’t handle the anxiety and uncertainty. I felt stupid every time and powerless. I managed to go about a week without checking but today an intrusive memory came back about a youtube link that had a questionable title in it when I google searched. So ended up going back and checked the video only to of course see that it was nothing horrible. I feel scared and paranoid. Like I have no control of myself. I hate this compulsion and I can’t love myself for doing all this. I’ve suffered from groinal responses and other sexual intrusive thoughts involving this theme but I just want someone to tell me I’m being paranoid. My mind won’t shut up about all this. It just wants me to keep checking and checking to make sure google is safe. How can I possibly love myself after all this? I don’t want this but the anxiety is unbearable and I can barely breathe. I didn’t think it would ever get this bad and it feels like even when I resist OCD wins anyway... or at least I hope it’s OCD.

I think I’m nearly over this..The only thing left is the anxiety if i see a handsome man and the on tv I get anxious that I might be aroused but I never am... Any tips on how to overcome that anxiety?

Hello fellow OCD sufferers. I signed the lease for a mid-century 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath, attached garage flat today. It’s in an artsy part of the city and they’re newer so there has always been high demand. I originally applied in 2012, was put on the waiting list, and was finalllly chosen last week. It’s supposed to be an exciting time for me, but I am beyond stressed and scared. I am the absolute worst when it comes to uncertainty, which I understand is a common theme for many OCD folks. I am wondering, how do you think a person living with (mostly) Just Right OCD can better control the stress and anxiety brought on by overwhelming worry about things they don’t know for certain and cannot control? Do you know of any books, blogs, podcasts, etc. that would help me out? Thank you for your help! s

my ocd is never gonna go away i hate it someone please help it hurts so much emotionally

I have severe hit and run OCD. not sure who is on this app but wanted to connect with other people with OCD. I always worry I hit someone while driving and have to go back to check and make sure there’s no one on the ground. Anyone else out there dealing with this?

Does anyone else here suffer with guilt over real event ocd or false memory ocd? I don’t know how to cope with this feeling. So much of it feels like false memory but I’m so scared to let myself be happy in case I actually did something but I can’t remember a specific incident just what feels like random images which could be false memory ocd. How do you all deal with this it weighs on me so heavily!

Doing ERP on your own? This article might be helpful: https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/expert-opinion-self-directed-erp/

Could someone help me identify my pure o obsessions and compulsions? Since it's a pure o type it involves lots of thinking that makes it difficult for me to analyse? Anybody. If u reply I will describe my situation

What’s the best exposure therapy for hocd? I can not afford a therapist as I’m a college student and don’t want to ask my parents for help because I don’t want to have to explain what I’m going through to them. Does anyone know the best ways to help me with exposure for hocd?

I’m deteriorating so fast. I’m getting panic attacks everyday, floating anxiety, bad depression. Not sleeping well, have to work 16 hrs a day and lonely, therapy isn’t helping. I really need help