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Can OCD try to isolate you? Seems like all my current themes are trying to drive me to push everyone in my life away out of guilt and fear of doing something that will make me feel guilty

*Big Trigger Warning/Sexual Detail* Is this post reassurance seeking? Probably. But im just wondering if anyone else feels this way, because honestly the constant ups and downs of HOCD are doing my head in. OK. So the last few days I've been trying really hard to relax and to not get caught up and drawn into my own thoughts. The last few days I've found that my anxiety has come quite a bit, even when seeing other men or whatever. Weirdly this also makes me worry that this isn't OCD at all, (which I think they call the backdoor spike.) But the automatic responses are still there. So for instance, when I'm driving, sometimes I'll see a male jogger or something way up in the distance and I'll get a thought that goes something like "oh god I hope I don't find him attractive". It makes me feel bad and anxious and it makes me want to start going back into compulsions or to just avoid looking/or be around. At the same point, I might see a woman walking along the road with a nice figure and I'll think 'hmm, she's nice'. A lot of the time I'll feel like I like her a lot and ill continue to oogle, but I feel like my response wasn't strong enough - (which tbh is probably silly since people don't generally have sporadic erections everytime they see a nice looking woman in the street!) I saw one of my wife's work mates earlier today and I realised that I felt I found her quite attractive since ive never really spoken to her before, but I'm doubting my reaction. Likewise pretty much every day I've only got to touch my wife and I'm aroused - and I'm genuinely aroused too, it's not like 'oh did it move' kind of thing. But I still doubt. So the question really is how on earth are you meant to know what's what!? There's never going to be clarity, is there?

Over a year together with him, and I’ve just recently learned that I have relationship OCD and perfectionist OCD. We talked about it, but I can sense it breaking his heart when I tell him that I cycle between wanting to marry him to breaking up over and over everyday. Constantly evaluating every word or action of his, what shirt he wears that day, how he brushed his hair, what he ate for lunch, who he talked to, what he spent money on, etc any of these things can trigger me into an episode of intrusive thoughts about him not being the one, he’s wrong for me, I’m trapped, I need to get out. It can also swing the other way to me feeling an impulse to go to the courthouse and get married right there. I know that I love him, I always desire to spend time with him; and I picture my future with him in it. He’s such a wonderful person. I don’t know how to stop this emotional rollercoaster my mind straps me into everyday. I just want to be in love and feel secure. How will I ever get married with all of these doubts attacking me everyday?? I can’t stop myself from constantly lecturing him on his flaws and what he needs to change for me to love him more consistently. I feel like a cold and evil person. Will I ever have clarity? Is he really as flawed as I think he is or am I sabotaging the best thing in my life?

Sorry this is long I don’t know where to begin but, at the beginning of the year I went through something that was hard. And I was so mad at God bc I was so hurt and I felt like I was in so much pain and I was so alone. And I remember I had some bad thoughts. I don’t remember these thoughts exactly but lietrally months later I was sitting down all normal and dealing with other forms of OCD that were so painful, but less painful than this. Anyways so then since then I have been stressing that I might have acted of these thoughts. I don’t have a memory but my brain keeps telling me I did that. Anyways I have been having intrusive thoughts since and it hurts so much. It hurts so bad and I can’t do this anymore. I don’t wanna do this anymore. I keep having these thoughts and it makes me stress so much and want to throw up. It makes me hurt myself. I have bruises all over my body and I’m just so done with this. And sometimes my brain will bring these memories of these intrusive thoughts into my mind or say my trigger thoughts and it makes me hurt so much. And then I start to go over these thoughts bc I feel so bad and I don’t want to have them. Sometimes when I am stressing about theee things they pass by and it makes me panic so bad. I was lietrally just eating and I was punching my hand so hard while thinking about all the thoughts I have had and the things my OCD had made me believe I did, and while I was doing that a thought came to my mind about what my OCD keeps telling me I did and I panicked so hard. I had to eat so fast just so I can lock myself up in my room. I didnt want to have the thought. I think I was just lost in listening to my OCD and then I started talking to myself about what I think I did and when I had the thought I was punching my self so hard that I didn’t even have time to shake it off straight away. I have this conclusion where whenever I have a bad thought I write it down bc my brain tells me that I’m a bad person and I should forget about these thoughts so I grabbed my phone as soon as the panic set in. Sometimes I question whether I had those thoughts intentionally or if i forget them and then I remember the wrong thing and it makes me feel even worse. My brain tells me that if I don’t panic staright away and hurt myself then it means that I mean the thought. I’m in so much pain. I’m really don’t want to think about it but it happens and it feel so real and that it comes from me and that I did something bad. I know this makes no sense but I don’t want to be like this. I go to bed most nights hoping I never wake up. I really don’t mean theee thoughts, sometimes they come when u I’m justify thinking about all the bad things my OCD has made me believe I did and then I panic over remberinf these things. What if im thinking this on purpose? What if the thought I had is so much worse? What if God will never forgive me? I don’t want to live anymore I hate my life and im never going to get out of this. I was just trying to have a normal dinner but my mind never stops. Whether it’s me imaegnitn things or thinking about my thoughts and going over them, I feel so guilty. I can’t even get any help bc I can’t afford it. No one knows I go through this. Ok all alone. Im all alone .

Sometimes it feels like I’m just manifesting new symptoms to have as a way to actually have an answer to something so distressing. However, since yesterday, I’ve been having these thoughts that people aren’t real. That sounds so weird, but I heard that derealization and then I remembered that regardless of whether I’ve been going through these intrusive thought episodes, I’ve also had these thoughts before. This one sucks because it gives me more thoughts that go “well if everything isn’t real then act on your thoughts”. Just fun ones like that (obviously not fun). Furthermore, I don’t know if this is depersonalization, but sometimes I just feel like not me and everyone is out of focus in a sense. I don’t really know how to explain the feeling, but it almost reassures me sometimes because it makes the guilt more bearable. Realizing what these actually are, I start to pertain these symptoms to me before I knew what ocd was and it’s been adding up. However, then I start to wonder if psychotic people also have these symptoms which just adds on to the distress. Everything that comes out of my mouth in regards to my emotions towards the thoughts feels like a lie because it just feels like I’m in denial of who I actually am.

Hi everyone, I was diagnosed with OCD a little over a month ago and I'm confused about a lot of things. Apparently I have symptoms of adhd, but they're only symptoms that overlap with ocd, so I wasn't diagnosed with adhd, but I was diagnosed with ocd. I just don't understand how this works. I'm not saying that my diagnosis was wrong, I would just like some insight on to how it works and what I can do to help ease the symptoms. It's really difficult for me to get work done on time, I can only do work when it's right before the deadline, and this causes me to turn in a lot of work late. I'm constantly late to most things unless I get there way too early. I can't sit still ever, I'm always moving in some way or else I get very uncomfortable. It's just things like this that made me think that I had adhd, but those who diagnosed me said it was ocd. If anyone who has had the same symptoms would like to teach me about it or give me ways to cope with it, I'd be really appreciative.

Hi ocd family. I just wanted to post this so people can comment positivity or their overcoming stories for those of us having a hard time or struggling. Thank you 🫶🏼

I am recovering well, but what gets me is seeing stories about people coming out after having SO-OCD. Forgive me if I am being ignorant but it kind of annoys me that people share this information knowing how triggering it is. As ridiculous as that sounds. It makes me feel really sad, I feel very in love with my partner, but what if I’m the same as these later in life lesbians and just love and care for him as a friend? 🙁

I had sex with a guy who works at my gym. It took a year for us to finally do it. The interaction we had after was cool and sweet but I saw him again after that and idk he’s acting a little cold and not flirty at all or how he usually is. It’s bothering me so much but it’s just my ego that’s bruised. I feel used and I don’t know I wanted to cry last time I saw him. He’s ten years younger than me. I kinda wanna cancel my membership. I have to remember that his reaction to me is his own stuff not mine. I have been nothing but kind to him so that’s on him if he wants to be cold but still, it hurts. It’s my ego. I don’t like rejection

I thought some people might find it interesting to learn a little more about how OCD works in the human brain. There’ll be some neuroscience jargon in this post but I’ll try to phrase things so that the lingo doesn’t get in the way what I’m going to say. Several brain regions have been linked to OCD. It’s not a simple disorder at all. Many areas involved are near the front of the brain in the prefrontal cortex, such as the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). The ACC is involved in self-reflection, emotional responses, evaluating rewarding behaviors, etc. People with OCD tend to have overactive ACCs. Other parts of the brain involved in OCD include the basal ganglia, the supplementary motor area (SMA), and the thalamus. The basal ganglia are involved in motor commands and error detection. They “filter out” unnecessary or unhelpful movement commands that everyone’s brain automatically sends down to this area. In OCD, it’s thought that the basal ganglia are not as good at recognizing errors, meaning they perceive many more errors than someone without OCD would. This also explains why many people have the urge to do repetitive behaviors, since the basal ganglia filter movement commands. The SMA initiates plans for future movement before these plans even move down to reach the basal ganglia. New studies have found that abnormalities in the SMA may be the cause of some obsessive-compulsive behaviors. The thalamus is like a hub in your brain for transporting stimuli. Things your body perceives pass up through the thalamus to be sent to different parts of the brain, and thoughts that your brain generates pass down through the thalamus to be sent out to the body. Think of it like grand central station in your brain. People with OCD often have larger-than-usual thalami, possibly meaning that stronger signals of error can be sent throughout the brain. On a final note, there seems to be a big missing puzzle piece in treating OCD. In order to explain this missing piece, you need to know the difference between neurotransmitters like serotonin, and different regions of your brain, like the basal ganglia or the prefrontal cortex. There are MANY different brain regions that are separately named because they do different things. However, all activity in your brain comes from what neurotransmitters do. While there are tons of different brain regions, there are only so many neurotransmitters. So the same handful of hormones and chemicals work in the many different areas of the brain to cause all the things you experience and do. The most common medication therapy for OCD today is to take an SSRI, a type of medication that acts on serotonin. While serotonin is certainly involved in OCD, the missing puzzle piece comes from dopamine. The basal ganglia, which seem to play a BIG part in OCD, use the neurotransmitter dopamine to operate. Further, dopamine is responsible for movement, which includes repetitive behaviors. Medications that increase dopamine activity (adderall, etc) ridiculously worsen OCD symptoms. So part of the reason why current medication treatments for OCD probably don’t quite cut it is because serotonin is not the only player in causing OCD symptoms to manifest. I’m not suggesting self medication by any means, but hopefully future treatments will target dopamine as well as serotonin. I hope you found this interesting, and that I didn’t make it too hard to follow. I love talking about the brain, so if you find it intriguing, lmk! Also check out this article about a “loop of wrongness” in OCD. I found it super interesting. https://www.michiganmedicine.org/health-lab/stuck-loop-wrongness-brain-study-shows-roots-ocd#:~:text=Put%20simply%2C%20the%20study%20suggests,if%20they%20know%20they%20should.

Lauv (@ lauvsongs on ig) posted a reel that was really long winded - in part of it he mentioned he said he's been struggling with OCD and anxiety for a long time and obsessive thoughts about his sexuality and how he felt like they weren't real but now he does (?) and wants to be open he's gonna explore that side of himself. As someone who struggled with soocd it was a bit triggering to hear

I struggle so much even calling them “false memories”. I prefer “unsure memories”, because if they are real, I want to at least try and take accountability for them. Hell, even calling them unsure memories makes me feel bad, like I’m making a convenient excuse so I don’t have to face the awful things I’ve done. They feel so real, but I would be lying if I said I was 100% positive they happened. I can just see them so clearly, how could they not be real? (Also, I’ve actually done so many awful things that it’s hard to logically rule out with “oh I would never do that”.) Sorry for the vent, I’m just feeling pretty distressed.

Lately my OCD has seemingly latched onto specific people. The person of subject changes continuously but this has been going on everyday for the past 2 months. I get intrusive images of this person in my head, followed by groinals (the images aren’t even always sexual) but sometimes I get weird sensations throughout my body aswell and I’m just in a constant state of discomfort. I feel like I’ve literally lost my mind, like I should be in an insane asylum or something. I love my girlfriend so much, I’ve always been so comfortable in my sexuality and content with my life… But ever since this anxiety and ocd resurfaced in May I’ve just felt like I can focus on nothing else. I’m tired, I’m frustrated and above all I’m confused as to what the hell is happening to me… Im so disgusted and ashamed of myself for having these thoughts and images plague my mind followed my strong groinal feelings that are immensely uncomfortable.

Fear of not being able to get to the bathroom in time is ruining my life.

I'm really struggling today, I've had OCD diagnosed for around 12 years and it comes and goes but recently I'm experiencing some of the biggest waves I've ever had. I have a 2 year old daughter and I love her with everything I have, she's my absolute world but the OCD centres around her and it's really intensified recently. I try not to avoid anything but my OCD is saying to just try it out, just once, to see if I like it then I'll know for sure. I'm sat here in floods of tears because I'm so scared. What if I do? I don't want to harm her in any way at all, but my OCD just keeps saying I need to try. I brushed it away yesterday saying yea, yea OCD whatever you say we'll try tomorrow and now tomorrow is here my brain is just making me feel like I have to, to know for certain and I'm scared. I want to call the Samaritans but I'm scared they'll think I'm a risk to my daughter and lock me up. I'm so tired of feeling this way, just scared all the time that I'm going to give in and just try it once to shut the OCD up but I feel sick at the thought. Someone help me please.

Ive been on a setback for 2 weeks, but this is different. Since thousday i cant sleep well cause i have weird and scary/emotional dreams and i wake up feeling so bad. I dont feel like myself throughout the day, i cant find myself and even if i find it feels like i have to put so much effort and power to be myself that it exhaust me... i became so angry and irritated, i talk agressively and negatively with people, i view myself negatively, and i cant be myself, i hate this. I dont feel that distance between me and ocd, a week ago i did and i even got praised by someone that im on a good path for recovery... and now i feel guilt cause i just lost it... again when i try to see that im not ocd i just fight and it becomes meta-ocd... I just feel so sad and dissapointed, i want my old self back. Now even doing recovery work frustrates me and im getting angrier which doesnt help at all... and these fckn dreams... it just tires me... these dreams arent even about my ocd themes.

Question - my mind uses any trigger to prove I am gay. My mind kind of auto defaults to the ‘worst case scenario’. I’m kind of stuck in this mindset that I ‘believe it’, and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be suffering from the ongoing anxiety. Do others have a similar feeling? Concern? Experience? I’ve been battling what I think is SOOCD since I was about 25/26. Literally overnight it felt like my brain broke. Infatuated by a new GF, woke up. Had the thought “you feel nothing for her”. Obsessive worry, figuring out why. Led to “you are gay”. I’ve been diagnosed twice by two seperate therapists, but as we know, it’s hard to believe you have ocd. Ultimately, I’ve never thought of men in a romantic way until my brain broke. I still don’t think I do, but I can’t stop being sick with anxiety that I have changed or that I’m lying to myself?

So.... I have a very weird newfound obsession. I'm gay, have been since forever. Came out in high school, now in my late 20s. I'm a feminine woman, attracted to women who are more masc/tomboy. My current obsession that I keep having racing thoughts about is that the women I date are not actually attracted to me, because I'm femme. It started a couple weeks ago, I started thinking about how I've never been attracted to a femme in the same way that I've never been attracted to a man. Since I was young, I've always just been into tomboy girls. Now I'm freaking out and panicking thinking what if none of them were ever actually attracted to me because they're not attracted to femmes either? I know it's dumb and I know I have been in the most beautiful and loving relationships with my previous partners. But I can't stop trying to "prove" to myself that it's possible to be a masc woman who's attracted to femme women and it had doubting that anyone I date is actually going to be attracted to me. I have literally been thinking nonstop about past events and moments that "prove" that my past partners have been attracted to me. Has anyone else ever had this? It's such a weird new one that I've never dealt with.

I need help. So harm OCD is a relatively new theme for me. It’s only been happening the last few days, but it sucks. I’m taking Prozac for anxiety and I’m about 3 1/2 weeks in, so these intrusive thoughts don’t cause a lot of anxiety as much as they do just general discomfort. I can feel the anxiety start to take hold a little, but it’s mostly just discomfort and disgust in my head that I’m having these thoughts which makes it worse because there’s no anxiety so I think “do I like these thoughts?” or “do I actually want to do this?” Like today I’m making carne asada tacos and suddenly the thought pops into my head “this is human meat” and I had to check the label on the meat to make sure. Then I have a knife cutting it and my dad says something and I thought “what if that annoys me” and then the thought of stabbing him came into my head which sucked. I think this has to do with the fact that I saw a preview for the Dahmer series on Netflix and got anxiety at the urge to watch it. I’ve never been a violent person and that makes these thoughts worse. I feel like I’m a psychopath or some repressed killer who is losing their mind. Please help

Hi! I'm presently questioning if I may be autistic. I definitely have OCD. I'm an AFAB, genderqueer person and I know autism can manifest differently for "females". I have tried to read about ocd and autism but I can't find what I'm looking for. I feel like I understand autism and relate to multiple aspects of it, but I am specifically looking for unique experience of OCD and autism comorbidity. Like how can autism manifest differently in people with and without OCD. What are some unique traits in the comorbidity that can be overlooked by some professionals? How does the autistic+OCD experience can vary or differ that isn't typically attributed to autistic people? And how to identify if I'm autistic while there are things that can exist in both diagnosis? I want to hear from people with both diagnosis (or self-diagnosis) please and preferably people who were late-diagnosed. I would love to have some reading on studies that were made specifically to understand the unique aspects of comorbidity or maybe even YouTube channels from people speaking about the experience of the comorbidity/ the experience of late diagnosis of autism in OCD sufferers. Thanks a lot ❤️