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I feel like the more I vent about my struggles and fears to people, the more God will punish me with more struggles cuz I'm not praying and trusting in God's plan for me and instead of having Faith I'm doubting everything...

I think it would help if I ask this question. My OCD started around 2020 ish and after a while I knew what I had was OCD especially when I joined NOCD, I could relate to so many things on here. So even when I get the most disturbing thoughts sometimes, I could try and shake it off knowing fully well that it’s OCD. Even if it was so scary, deep within I could separate the thought from myself, there was always a loop hole even when I started to get actual feelings and reactions from It, I didn’t understand why but there’s was always a loophole letting me know that this is just a disorder even if I still felt awful. There was even a time that as this thoughts are coming in my mind agrees with it in a split second but I still knew it was OCD even thought I hated it so much!. But now this whole thing has taken a new pattern, let me explain how: So initially when I get disturbing thoughts I fought it out of my mind immediately, I literally fought so hard. So after like two years, since it has happened so much when I see somethings I kinda know the kind of intrusive thousandth that would wanna start flooding in. So I started a new pattern in my head (thinking about it now, it kinda feels it has even started like that for a while and I wasn’t aware but then again it might just be OCD going on), I started to think of those disturbing thoughts myself and then discard it. It kinda felt like I was in control but now it doesn’t. This thoughts are starting to really feel like me, even if they flood into my mind, I start making sense of this disgusting thoughts. They make sense and seem logical. I can literally start making sense of the most disturbing things, kinda like I agree with it. Now when I say I make sense of it, it’s not because I want to do it or anything. It just makes sense, it’s like I’m understanding thought, basically I started to engage this thoughts and it has made everything worse. This is so scary for me rn it’s like I’m becoming the monster I’ve been fighting against being for years. It’s almost like I pushed myself from frying pan to fire. It’s like this thoughts are taking over my identity. I don’t even know how this is possible but I’m so worried!.

Hello! I’m struggling with my ROCD right now so I’m listening to worship music and praying and I just wanted to offer to pray for anyone who needs it right now so feel free to drop your prayer requests in the comments and I will pray for you tonight or tomorrow and will like your comment once I’ve finished praying for you so you know that I did. 💓 sending love to you all, stay strong

Looked thru my bfs following on insta and found a few porn accounts. Super triggering for me because that’s what caused my divorce last year, my ex “befriended” a cam girl on snap and then ended up cheating on me with her. Which is what led to me wanting a divorce lol. Yeah so I talked to him about it a little bit but it didn’t really give me reassurance or closure so to speak. Does anyone else struggle with obsessing because of insecurities? Anyone with abandonment issues? I just want to know that I’m not alone in my anxiety and that I’m not the only person who would be triggered by something like that

I feel like my compulsions are taking over my life. Every freaking night i spend so much of my time doing and redoing all my actions from walking up the stairs to crossing a certain part of my room to getting it o to bed. i close my bedroom door like 9 times until it “feels right” and have to sing songs and focus on bones in my body just so that i don’t have a negative thought so that i don’t have to do it again. I’m so over it. i feel like i waste so much time stressing myself out about my thoughts and not having the thoughts so i do things to combat and distract from the thoughts and i just feel freaking insane. yes my medication is helping and makes be wayyyy better than i was three years ago but it still feel like it’s taking over my life. i cant stand it and i feel like the more i do it the more i’m getting g comfortable with other people seeing me do it which just means i’ll do it more. i just can’t !!! so many thoughts and so many actions and it’s all based on people i love so i feel guilty if i dont do the compulsion. And even when i realize that this is all ridiculous and that’s it’s apart of my OCD, i just get sad because i’m still going through with the compulsions and start thinking about how this is my life and how i’m stuck doing this stuff forever!!

As horrifying as some of these posts or should I say thoughts are, I find relief that I am not alone. WE WONT LET IT WIN. God bless you all!

Do people with existential ocd have this terrifying fear that people aren’t real and then they start to feel detached or dissociate only making it worse??? Along with this, do you fear that even though people can relate to you, what if that’s what you’re supposed to hear to help you move on, but really what your fearing is true??? I feel like I’m going insane. I sometimes get these questions, but they go away within minutes. However, these have been staying because I started asking the question “well if people aren’t real then hurt them”. I have other things ruminating in my head, but they’re either too hard to explain or will literally make me sound like I’m going crazy.

i am so close to ending my life today. i have been having the worst days of my life with this new theme: POCD. i keep checking myself if i am aroused, im checking myself 24/7, i keep getting unwanted images of babies, i want to cry just typing this. my heart feels so heavy. i want to die. i don’t deserve anything nice. i don’t deserve my boyfriend. i dont want to hangout with my family anymore. i dont want to have kids anymore. i dont want to fall asleep since bad images come to my mind. i just want to cry and end everything. what if i actually am this sort of monster that wants to harm children and babies? i love them all and have always wanted children of my own. why am i thinking these things? my life has ended for me. this is no way to live. no one has to say anything on here. im just done with life.

Does anyone else talk to family or friends to try to get reassurance and then sometimes get it but later ALWAYS find something they said to ruminate on? That makes you think its true or that they think it is?

Hi Friends, I am supposed to fly this week and my fear of flying is in full force. I feel overwhelmed by the amount of stress and anxiety I am feeling. I get so scared by the thoughts of crashing and air disaster happening especially because I have kids. Part of me just wants to say forget it to this family trip and take a train or drive back home to california. (I already did one 3 hour flight recently with my kids home to visit family in texas and I'm here currently) Has anyone overcome these fears/stopped having them?

Has anyone else got depersonalisation or derealisation and ocd ? It’s bad enough having one or another but combined it’s actual hell. Already feeling disconnected from ur own body mind and voice is scary but coupled with ocd where you doing what is you and what is not. It’s just so hard. My ocd is so severe that I’m losing insight into what is real and what’s not like there’s a disconnect or a shadow just stopping me from being rational. Its a lot to handle tbh. The constant battle between not recognising ur own face self etc and then ocd creating such overpowering strong feelings that that you are the very thing you fear and everything you do to resist the compulsions have some ulterior evil motivate behind it.

Can POCD attach your real desires to children? I seem to get impulses of attraction which cause me to go in panic mode. Does anyone else have this?

I am probably a lot older than most members on here having had ocd for over 40 years and I have had every type of ocd but its always thoughts based and mental rituals around harming people I love. . I have been doing great using self help books, and thought I had everything under control at last. I had quit worrying about it and realised I was never going to do any of the things I feared and would never ever want to. However out of the blue a few weeks ago I had a weird but horrible thought pop up, which I tried to do exposure for, by telling myself we can say anything in our heads even if its not true, as the self help books taught me. . that then started a whole new ball game as I then started bringing the horrible thoughts up on purpose and made them the worst I could for exposure , thinking it was the right thing to do but now i am feeling even worse again as by doing that I actually said the things I feared coming into my head for example:..'I could say I want ******to happen to the people i love ( then I kept repeating in my head that I wouldnt say that) I would never want anything bad to happen to them ever , they are my world and I love them more than Ive ever loved anyone. has this exposure I tried to do become a compulsion? . I seem to be constantly repeating this and then praying to keep everyone safe,,, why am i being tortured like this its as though the ocd bully is now saying ah but what if you hurt people by saying horrible things. please, please someone help me as I am really anxious and upset over this.

I still don't understand how ERP makes you feel better. If you are questioning your thoughts and saying maybe, maybe not, that won't make me feel better. I feel like I'll only feel more sick.

So I just learned that my brother is going to be starting a new full-time job with benefits at the school my mom works at. And to add insult to injury, he’s going to be making more $$ than me. I am deeply hurt by that since I’ve got more education and experience than he does. To compare: Me: PhD awarded 6 years experience in software engineering Prestigious internships Published papers in reputable journals Him: Hasn’t completed his associates degree Worked at fast food But yet, he’s got a full-time position with great benefits without applying to too many jobs. I’m stuck with a part time faculty job making less than a McDonalds employee. And I’ve applied to 350+ jobs already, getting rejected for “overqualified” or not a fit because of my outdated tech skills. Where the hell did I go wrong??? I’m really regretting spending 10+ years working my @ss off for that piece of paper, which in reality no one cares about. He’s getting all the praise from mom and dad now, while I’m the failure who didn’t live up to their potential. It’s a cruel twist of fate. I thought I was going to make boatloads of money with a career as a machine learning engineer. But again, it’s been 350+ applications with not even an interview. FML

Is anyone here non binary or just know a lot about gender because maybe you can help?? I’m feeling so fucking scared, because I feel like a lot of my past has aligned with being trans and it makes me think I must be when I don’t want to be. The thought of being a trans man makes me so uncomfortable and gives me a feeling in my chest. Yesterday I did a compulsion where I went on Reddit to check for “signs you were transgender before knowing” and it was a mistake because I related to quite a few of the things. I started hyperventilating and stuff but I came to realise that most of the stuff I related to was from just non binary people and I felt a LOT better because I’m not scared of being nonbinary and I am only scared of being a trans man. I already kind of am leaning into the non binary identity because I’d always considered myself GNC and somewhat agender. I read some more on nonbinary stuff and I related a lot more and I felt comforted. But then I started feeling really uncomfortable . Of course I think I may be nonbinary and that’s a possibility I have explored many times in the past (I even used she/he pronouns but then forgot about it) but I got scared that I’d be nonbinary in a way that I don’t wanna be. In the past when I’ve questioned it I always concluded I don’t wanna change my pronouns or anything I’m just gonna be me and look androgynous and I wanna be gender-ambiguous in the same way for example hange from aot is. But then I saw something about being trans in denial and thinking “I can be non binary without changing anything” while being in denial about it because they didn’t think they could be trans. It scared me because I had that exact thought process. I even think I thought like “gender isn’t real so I don’t have to change anything about my body!!” or something along those lines And that just sounds like denial so much. I was a masculine and androgynous person . I also basically went through this thing where I got a haircut I didn’t want and I felt really uncomfortable in it. It was a very short haircut which I can only describe as like a nonbinary transmasc teenager haircut?? It made my face softer and i just hated it. It freaks me out how I hated it because it made me look more feminine even if it was stereotypically more androgynous when before that I had a cool androgynous-feminine haircut that I liked a lot. Second thing that really scared me was the question if I would still be nonbinary if I was born male. I feel like the answer is no because I just don’t see that happening. I generally feel like I don’t wanna think about that and I don’t really like thinking about being born male (denial???????). Idk who I’d be if I was born male but I can imagine he’d dress and present himself like I do now. I feel worried that my reasons for being scared of being a trans man is internalised transphobia. I don’t like thinking about becoming male idk if it’s because I value my female body a lot since I am sexual and I like showing it off to my boyfriend. I never really liked my boobs until I met him so that scares me. The rest of my body is fine tho. I also am scared that my intentions are to not ruin my perfect body I’m scared that I only value that and inside I really do wanna be a man. I am with my boyfriend and I’m comfortable in my sexual relationship with him and I’ve always liked showing off to him and doing stuff like that so what if I’m not transitioning because I really value that???????? Because I am generally a masculine person but I like being feminine and sexy to him. And also what if I am holding back because I don’t wanna come out or I don’t wanna go through an awkward in between stage?????? I’m so fucking scared how would I know my intentions. I used to be sure of who I was………… When I think about all this transgender stuff i get a pain in my chest I don’t know what to feel or what to do.. help…

hi so i normally struggle with ROCD but right now I have the most random anxiety and I think it might be OCD so im curious if you guys think it is or if you have any tips on how to calm down. But first TRIGGER WARNING about weight talk (nothing too triggering but just in case <3) Me and my boyfriend have gained the typical relationship weight that comes along with a new relationship. However we’ve made some bad habits and are now trying to get those healthy habits back again and eat healthier and work out more. I ordered these premade meals from factor75 because I have fibromyalgia and cooking is really difficult for me especially with school and work so the microwaveable aspect is really convenient even though I know it would be better to cook myself. But anyways after I already ordered them to come on Tuesday I’ve seen some mixed reviews some saying they love it and some saying they hate it and it’s giving me a ton of anxiety. I’m super anxious that they won’t be good or will come late and have to be thrown away etc and I’m like hyperfixated on it. I’m not sure if it’s OCD but seeing the bad reviews feels like it’s making me ruminate. I know it’s not that deep or that big of an issue but I can’t seem to get it out of my head. They’re on the pricier side so I guess that’s part of why I’m afraid they’ll be bad because I don’t want to waste the money and I want something that will work for me and help me get into better shape. Does this sound like OCD and if so what can I do? I find myself trying to look for positive reviews but they don’t seem to reassure me that they’ll be good or at least alright until I can cancel if I don’t like them. Sorry if this is a dumb post I know there’s a lot worse I could be dealing with 💓

I haven’t been on this app in almost a full year and I’d like to announce that i have successfully overcame most of my OCD !!! The craziest part? One of my biggest fears has actually been one of my favorite subjects to study now. The intrusive thoughts come and go so quickly especially because i give them no meaning anymore if anything i giggle at some thoughts and go on about my day. I usually had a relapse every other month but ive had 0 up to this point and have been enjoying living life without thinking about it at all. I did exposure therapy every other day by myself little by little those things started to become insignificant and i realized that’s what what recovery is all about .. getting your peace of mind back and power over your thoughts !!! I wanted to post this just to give y’all hope that OCD isn’t unbeatable and that it does/will get better ! Do the hard work and face everything you’re scared of to take OCDs power away🤍 You are strong.

So I have pocd so sometimes I have a hard time figuring out what’s acceptable and unacceptable, also sometimes I’m scared of others doing the things I fear. So today my husband and our kids went on a float with some of my family which was going good until I turned around and my husband had gone back to where my cousins and little brother were and I saw he was helping my 16 yr old (f) cousin tie her swim suit that had untied. Which made me uncomfortable especially while there’s people her age around that could have helped and her mom wasn’t that far away. Then like 5 minutes later they were holding onto each others paddle boards and she was holding onto his paddle all while he was holding it close all this time I’m trying to keep our kids close and together. My aunt, her mom was distracted trying to keep my grandparents in line since they aren’t use to kayaking so I don’t even know if she noticed to think anything of it. Then after I was clearly irritated my husband got away from her and was like what’s wrong to which I just said I’m okay. After he realized I wasn’t in the mood to speak with him my cousin came up to me and went on about how her swim suit came untied and why she couldn’t fix it and it just felt like damage control. And I want to clarify I’m not mad at her she’s a child but I’m infuriated that my idiot husband thinks all of that was ok and doesn’t try keep space between them. I don’t know what to do because I know I sometimes blow things out of proportion or I see things different because of ocd, so I don’t know if that was weird or if I’m not thinking right and ocds winning I just need help deciphering what I should do. I honestly just want to tell him to leave and to stay away from my family but I haven’t because I don’t know if it’s me being crazy or if it’s actually concerning. So can someone please help?

Hi, I am not going to say my name yet but I will tell you that I am a teenage girl with OCD. I am too nervous to tell anyone I have OCD but it’s getting very bad. Here are some of my “symptoms”: - I am terrified of becoming sick or getting anyone sick (like I will cry if someone else or me is sick and I will stress about it for wayyy too long) - I am scared of breaking out (I currently have clear skin but I can’t look at anyone else’s skin imperfections like freckles or bumps or anything or else I get very stressed and have to do certain mental things and hand motions to help it) ALSO scared of anything on me not looking nice (like having a booger or crumb) so I am constantly touching my face triggering my other stuff - This is kind of similar to the first one but I am terrified of anything bad happening to me or anyone on my family (like getting a horrible disease) and it’s such a bad thought that I can’t help PLEASE LMK 💗🫶💗🫶💗