Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I had to leave a job for the first time in my life because of OCD/anxiety and I keep ruminating on the uncertainty of getting a new job. How do I get out of the loop of rumination?

hi! i am a week into my freshman year of college, and i just realized that a lot of my anxiety is actually stemming from my OCD. for example, i am obsessing over school and completing work, and each time i finish/give into compulsions, there is something new that i obsess over. i am having issues with sleeping because of this, and was wondering if anyone knew how to help.

I did something pretty bad when i was a child—bad for an adult, at least, but "normal" for a child who didn't understand consent, I guess. With a friend, I experimented, but I had to convince her to do it: she said no, i said she could do it first a couple times then I'd do it, she still looked unsure, so i said then we could play her game, and finally she agreed, looking reluctant. Thankfully it was pretty mild: just lightly placing my hand on her backside, nothing intrusive. This happened once more, I don't remember if i had to convince her or not, and a final third time, again I don't remember if i had to convince her. This third time she was laying down and I (this is going to sound disgusting, just so you guys know—please know I don't mean it to be) had to kind of grip her backside a little harder, placing it slightly between both sides. She did the same to me. The thing is that afterwards I remember an awkward moment where the two of us were both incredibly quiet, not speaking to each other (not bc we were angry, but I don't remember why we were quiet either: it could have been anger, I guess, but also discomfort, or because I was doing something else, like reading, while she wanted to play with blocks) and she went down, said something to her mother (unrelated to the incident) and later came up, and we continued to play. I keep worrying that she looked uncomfortable, and that was why she was quiet. Also, I was older by 3 years, though we were both under 8-9 years old, and I initiated all three times. Speaking to my close friends, I understand that kids don't always get consent, that these incidents were somewhat mild (as in I didn't touch her anywhere intrusive, thank god), and that though it wouldn't be okay as an adult, as a kid who didn't get consent it doesn't say anything bad about me. She herself has also reiterated many times that she's okay, she hadn't even remembered the incident until I brought it up, and that she didn't feel uncomfortable, so I guess that's that. I just feel bad. I shouldn't have done that. I don't know how to explain the guilt. 1.) I don't blame myself, because I was way too young to understand what was happening. 2.) I know she isn't hurt, though of course if she was I'd be more than willing to help however necessary. 3.) I am worried people would hate me, but at the same time I figure if people did hate me, I'd learn to be okay with it, since I was so, so young. I guess it's the fact that I did something so against my morals. I'm a giant anti-sexual assault advocate, and coercion (that gray area between violent r*pe and enthusiastic consent) is one of those areas I really like talking about. You know, no is obviously no, and you shouldnt' need to convince anyone to have sex with you; while it's not always traumatic, and I don't think it's AS bad as violent r*pe, it's just a place we need to educate more people about so that less people get hurt. But AGAIN, I was literally, like, 7. I have a seven-year-old sister; she doesn't even know how to tie her shoes, let alone get the intricacies of consent. So I don't really get what I'm feeling bad about. Sorry for that giant chunk of a post. Does anybody else feel the same way about real event OCD? Like, I feel terrible, but also why? It's just this vague, lingering guilt. I hate myself, but when I think about it logically I'm just like... please calm yourself lmao. I don't know. I guess I just wanted to rant. If anyone has any suggestions or sympathy please feel free to drop them, otherwise I don't really even need comments in response to this, since it was nice to just get this off my chest.

Hi there, I'm new over here. I would be so grateful if I get to hear from someone. My problems with OCD started with COVID19 pandemic and they have worsen with the time. I have contamination OCD, with excessive fears about getting sick or making my baby sick if I do a mistake, I also wash my hands excessively much, sometimes as much as 30 times in an hour. I fear so much to get in touch with contaminated things as packages from online shopping, food, and other stuff. Even if I'm aware that it's silly and many times absurd way of thinking, those what if thoughts always kidnap my rational thinking. I'm so lonely since I move about 10,000 km away from my home country and where I live I just have my husband and our baby I spend most of the day at home since I'm so scared to catch a disease outside, I have stopped mostly going out. Until today when finally decided to go out and be inside of a couple of stores without using a face mask. It makes me sad ny husband didn't congratulate me instead he wanted to argue. He has been specially rude and mean with me. Even if I'm very goendt with him I have almost begged for his help, understanding, patience, empathy and support, he doesn't. Now I feel and see my marriage it's about to end. The small achievements I do are invisible for him. To my it makes it worse my whole OCD situation since I know a lot about diseases and I document myself so much, I wish I was more ignorant or even stupid. I feel anxious and sad, I cry everyday. I know I'm depressed, u have had depression before, many years ago. But this thing with OCD, ITS FOR SURE THE WORST that I have experienced so far. I wish there was some other people I could talk to in order to get to hear what has helped them.

Does anyone else find this phrase incredibly triggering?? I was just at a neighborhood barbecue with my parents, it’s a new neighborhood and I was meeting a lot of new people. I was already feeling anxious just being somewhere new with new people, and then one of the people I was talking to said “are you ok? You don’t look like you’re doing ok.” I’m definitely not ok because living with OCD makes my life the opposite of ok, but I just hate this question because it means that I’m not doing a good job I’d hiding it and other people who I don’t even know can tell I’m not ok from a 30 minute interaction. A little after that I made up an excuse and left the function because I was starting to panic. I’ve noticed this phrase to be triggering to me since I’ve had OCD. I feel like I can never get out of my head so socially interacting with people I don’t know is difficult because I’m not sure how I’m being perceived

Can anyone share their experience on Celexa ? Doctor prescribed it but I’m terrified to start it. I know everyone is different but can anyone please share some feedback??

hello, I’m a young adult with extreme ocd that I’ve been struggling with since I was little it’s to the point where things like walking eating writing or driving has become almost an impossible task. how do some of you try to differ your ocd thoughts? even when I try to ignore them I’ll have panic attacks until I go back and do whatever my brain is telling me. I feel helpless my doctor has told me I have the worst case of ocd she’s ever seen and she “doesn’t know what to do with me” I’m just starting to feel hopeless

I thought what i have is rocd but i read about limerence and i learned that the two are different and i find myself more on that side than ocd... I always used to obsess about girls, but in a normal way, it never got weird like i started following them or something. I just daydreamed about us getting together and i was really into that cause im a positive person and i believe in manifestation. So i knew that if i put my mind into that, i might get the girl who i want. Im having the same thing like 6 months now over someone, i never felt this strong emotions and i saw it like i finally found someone who aligns with my values and i admire her because what she do and she is independent and strong, but this thing made alot of problems, eypecially when i had those moments when i felt like this is not possible, im stupid, im like a kid who daydreams about their crush but it will never happen... and i was so sad that it will never happen cause i never had seen a girl like this. Well obviously she isnt perfect, noone is. But i never had this feeling of admiration and love for someone and i desperately wanted this relationship to become true and prayed for that, cause i was and im still afraid that i will never find someone who makes me feel like this. And as i know the person is emotionally clever so we could talk about our problems, emotions, something i value, cause if you cant be open with your partner then thats a red flag... But all of this might be just my imagination. Cause later in time i started hearing things that made me question if she is the one, and i was afraid maybe i turned these things good just to make myself feel good about her. So im afraid i might have limerence and not real love. I thought this is just love with daydreaming, and i used alot of fake scenarios to build myself, to see what would i do in specific situations,to learn about myself and make myself a better person but now im afraid this was limerence...i made it up to make up a fake personality about myself...

After 9 months of my breakup with my ex I still think about him. I been doing better for myself and I haven’t contacted him for 2 months. Why do I still care? Like I wish I didn’t. I don’t want to think about him anymore but I do. I just want to get passed this. Any advice?

10 years ago (literally), an ex best friend had brought home a guy she had been seeing when we were having a girls night. She ended up passing out and it was just me and this guy. (Alcohol was involved in the night). I had known this guy for a few weeks and we chatted casually. I could tell he was flirty with me and I admittedly liked the attention but didn’t think much of it. I was clear that I had a boyfriend. That night he had touched me inappropriately and I had stopped him from continuing. Im not sure what conversations were had at this point but he leaned in to try and kiss me. I remember stopping him again and saying “I can’t”. My now husband and I have talked about this a few times. EVERYTIME I remember a new detail of the night, I tell him. What im struggling with is wondering if I did have any desire to let him kiss me? I found him attractive and I liked the attention but I knew I wouldn’t do anything to risk my relationship. I want to try and remember exactly how I felt and I can’t. I also had the intrusive thought of what if I said “I want to, but I can’t”. I can’t remember if I had or not and it feels horrible to think if I did. When I brought this up to my husband almost a year ago, his first response was “did you want to kiss him?” And I said no. But that was before he knew any of the other details of the night. Now that he knows everything, he views this guy as someone who was trying to take advantage of me since his original girl had passed out and I really appreciated that perspective. But that initial question haunts me and is what’s caused me to overthink this. I feel like it would be silly at this point to bring this up to my husband and would feed into my need to confess something from so long ago that is not relevant in our relationship in any shape or form. I’ve never found myself in this situation since. I feel as though if I confessed this “what if” that it would feed the beast and I’d just find more details to confess. But I can’t rationalize if this is something I need to confess or not.

Like myself and Jenette McCurdy, does anyone think that the Holy Spirit talks to them? OCD attacks all my beliefs. As I was sitting down on my chair reading something, a thought came up in my head saying come Holy Spirit when I wasn’t even trying to talk to God in that moment. My thoughts went on saying will this happen, and I heard like 2 voices. One said yes the other said no. I stopped in my tracks. I feel like crying and anxious as I type this. It wasn’t a feeling that made me feel peaceful, calm or happy like what the Holy Spirit does, rather than be confused and anxious. I never believe the Holy Spirit would answer a question like that rather than just being you up when down. My OCD has been toying with this one thing mainly and it was attack about it just now. It feels so convincing that that was the Holy Spirit and I’m filled with anxiety

Hi everyone. I’m hanging out at someone’s and I had some wine. And then I was balancing on my leg while sitting and my brain said if I lose balance something bad will happen to me. I panicked and then idk how but I repeated what my brain said and my brain agreed which made me panic more idk how it all happened so fast and my brain is saying I agreed and what if I did. And then I told myself I don’t believe in this and I know myself and I changed my seating position but my brain is telling me I agreed. Is it the alcohol? I am so worried what if I meant it and I agreed bc I do recall telling myself if I love something bad will happen to me I’m so scared oh no. Is this normal? Can ocd do this? I’m so worried rn someone plz help me is something wrong with me? I remeber teling myself I can’t move or else and as I was saying so I was like why did I say that idk what’s happening did I mean it????!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have felt absolutely fu**ed this week… have gone back to old habits of confessing things to my partner, 3x in one week! After we literally broke up because I used to make him read like essay type paragraphs of confessions. And needed “forgiveness”… I’m really angry at myself for doing this to him, and for doing compulsions that I know literally fuel the ocd. It’s just hard when you feel like you’ve done something wrong by your partner, and feel a need to confess. Just a reminder that confessing doesn’t help, ocd will always play more tricks on you and it’s keeping the ocd alive. I need to start doing more ERP everyday and not confessing again. Hope someone else in this app understands…

Anyone else feel like they have to replay an entire interaction with their partner when they’ve had an argument/disagreement? Even after it’s been settled and everything you just still feel like you need to think over everything that happened again in order for you to feel settled? If so is it part of ocd? My shit is running ramped. I don’t need reassurance but just someone relating or telling me that it is part of it cause sometimes I don’t know what is or isn’t so idk when to utilize the tools and when to just let things go.

I have a diagnosis, but I’m still extremely concerned that somehow, even though I fit many symptoms, I’m still faking. I think if I have it, I deal with a number of its faucets and I want to list what I experience with each so maybe if someone’s willing to take the time (it would be greatly appreciated) to see if these are valid experiences with ocd? Contamination (or maybe more health, I’m unsure): The thought of getting sick scares me, whenever I feel nauseous, it’s accompanied by varying amounts of anxiety and thoughts that I’m going to die because of it. My whole life, whenever someone coughs or sneezes or burps in a car or even just breaths close to my face in a small space, I have to hold my breath and I visualize the tainted air and try to minimize breathing as long as it takes due to the extreme anxiety of inhaling the tainted air. I cant even tuck my head into my blankets or under pillows when I sleep because I visualize the air being unable to escape or move and it’s still tainted air, even if it’s my own. I am afraid of rooms with little ventilation, or ventilation units that seem to be putting out bad air. While I am extremely wary/nervous of the idea of being sick, once I am actually sick, I only have a mild sense of anxiety. Yet, the second I’m better, I’m worried about being sick again. I’m especially unusually scared of the freak chance of rabies. I also have a fear of bugs and while bugs in themselves extremely freak me out, them and their relation to diseases, specially mosquitos especially freak me out. Sometimes if I think of bugs while eating, I unwillingly imagine them in my food and drink, and other times can just feel imaginary bugs crawling on my skin. I know they aren’t real but it’s just such a strong anxiety that they are and I can FEEL them. Harm OCD: I have occasional thoughts of hurting people I love for no reason, usually stabbing if that’s any different? These thoughts/compulsions are sometimes a bit stronger, but I know that I would absolutely never do it, but the compulsions are still there and I get lost in thought deeper about what happens after, ect. Ect and it causes me extreme anxiety, knowing I wouldn’t but normal people don’t think about that??? I think??? I’m not evil and I’m not a bad person I think???? But more often than not it’s constant intrusive thoughts (i believe that’s the term? Please correct me if I’m wrong I know that term is used out of context a ton) in daily life about horrendous things happening and me and my loved ones dying. In the car? I’m visualizing us getting into a horrendous crash because we could easily pop a tire and ram into the concrete barrier, and oh god his arm is out the the window and all I can see is the horrendous scraping of flesh against concrete and his arm being flayed and skinned than crushed as we flip. It’s always the worst in the car. While I love amusement rides, I can’t help but think that this is it. This is the ride out of thousands that makes the news for violently multilating and slowly and agonizingly killing all of its riders in some freak accident. It’s gonna be me and my loved ones. I also struggle with compulsions of self harm, I used to be actively suicidal due to other actual reasons, but even though I no longer want to die or harm myself I sometimes get super strong urges to light my limbs on fire, or stick my finger in burning hot oil, or scratch my skin off, or stick my hand under scolding water, or cut myslef with razor blades for absolutely no reason at all. I also don’t know if this is OCD or some symptom of the other mental illnesses I struggle with, but I am constantly telling myself that everyone around me secretly hates me, thinks of me horrendously and is only pretending to be with me and care for me out of some unknown reason, if it’s family it’s forced and if it’s friends it’s because they don’t know how to leave me. I think that may be some more PSTD but I figured I’d mention it if anyone else related. I’ve been going back and forth for months with this, but since I lack more acting on compulsions in my head, and it’s more of well… just.. obsession, I’ve literally been thinking and going back and forth for months on whether I actually have OCD or not and have simply been misdiagnosed. I’m happy to answer any more questions if needed in the comments. This has been causing me a lot of anxiety for the past few months, and even though all the professionals I’ve seen say I fit it, I want some feedback from others who actually suffer from it. :]

contains tw// p-ocd, beatstiality, self harm mentioned briefly ok so to start this i really enjoy child psychology, working with kids, etc. I’m a camp councilor in the summer at two different camps and a babysitter in the winter. I’m the youngest so no younger siblings but i know if i did i would 100% take care of them just because of my love of taking care of kids. I’ve always had p-ocd and struggled with it but it’s only gotten worse within the last year, starting with my psychiatrist saying i didn’t have ocd and casing a panic attack in my partial hospitalization program (a mental hospital.) I get pretty horrible thoughts about pocd and children and im currently having a small-medium anxiety attack about it. i have never hurt a child to but my brain keeps repeating the fact that “P3dos work in places where they have access to childern” at times when i’m activity working with kids it will happen and i ignore it but right now it feels stuck to me. I can’t help but understand that that is a fact and i’m more likely to be a p3do because of the fact i’m a camp councilor. i also have some pretty bad ocd about beastiality and i’m also panicking about that. i have some memories of me being 7ish and doing some questionable things regarding this. ( i know is (in theory) normal for kids that age due to differnt developmental stages and due to the fact that i was groomed as a kid) but the memories play in my head repeatedly and make me really upset. i start gagging and i can’t look at my pets anymore without wanting to hurt myself or throw up. (it’s mostly bad right now, not usually) I always try and distract myself and it usally helps but it’s not right now. i have ocd but every time i think about it i can’t help but question weather or not i’m actually a p3do/like animals. It’s gotten to the point where i start asking people to send me to jail but im staring to think that was a good idea given how terrible my thoughts are. i also have trouble talking to my friends about it because i never know if they will ss my texts and spread that i’m a p3do (they won’t but i get nervous) anyway please give advice/help with any of these issues if you can

I have been struggling with OCD for a long time time now I just want to know if this is part of it and if I need to stop it? I struggle with rumination and ruminating on certain conversations and stuff like that. When I’m ruminating I go back to look at text messages to see what their tone was like, what I said for reassurance to make sure what I said was okay or if everything is okay. I keep trying to find some type of reassurance to make sure nothing is wrong or if something is going to go wrong. I also keep checking in with my feelings to see if I feel good about certain situations or not. I don’t know if this makes sense but I’m trying my best to explain it. I ruminate on past things to try to find an outcome or to try to find out what the other person is feeling for reassurance. Sometimes I catch myself asking this significant other things like “did I do something wrong?” “Are we okay?” just questions like that trying to find reassurance for the situation. I’m trying to let go of these thoughts but my mind keeps trying to look for answers.

Every time I’m happy or feeling good about myself my OCD tells me “but what if you did this terrible thing” “but what if you’re secretly evil” “but what if you’re actually dying from an undiagnosed disease” “you aren’t allowed to be happy until you know all this for sure” it’s so exhausting. I’ve been struggling with one specific theme for the past year (not unusual for me I once had a theme that lasted consistently for 5 years) and it’s the worst one yet, I’ve come so dangerously close to ending my life because of it multiple times this year. It involves false memories and it’s like my OCD is playing a twisted game with me just giving me a horribly vivid false memory of the same theme and then as soon as I find a flaw in the logic of it it creates another one to throw at me, it has a crushing feeling to it because of how bad it is and it’s triggered so easily. I have other false memories and this is clearly the same breed as them but because it’s so much worse it’s so much harder to ignore. One minute it makes no sense and clearly isn’t real then the next it’s overwhelming me and feels so so real.

I just spoke to my new therapist about my intrusive thoughts, (we were doing an OCD test I believe) this was at the same place that when I talked about it before they called CPS. She said she doesn’t have to report anything unless she thinks it’s an active threat, and she said that me getting CPS called on me after I spoke about the intrusive thoughts is a traumatic experience, so I don’t think she will call?? I told her I used to worry I was somehow like killers on tv because we were both “insecure” and “angry” which is something a lot of people experience so it’s irrational. I also told her because of my SA trauma I developed a fear of somehow being just like my assaulter, like fearing I would do awful things like him. I believe they’re obligated to tell you if they’re contacting a supervisor? My last one (the one who reported) said “I’m just messaging my supervisor to see what I should do about this”, of course that was also because I told her how the thoughts had worsened ever since two kids moved in with us and they had been exhibiting inappropriate behavior towards themselves and my siblings, I mentioned that and i think that’s why it was called, but still I’m not sure. Now I’m paranoid and looking out my window every second to make sure they aren’t coming.

I am on vacation with my girlfriend and I can’t get this out of my mind no matter how much I try. It is absolutely maddening. I suffer from ROCD and am continuously tormented by urges to break up with my partner. About a month ago, I went to a bar to drink (stupid idea) and get away from the thoughts for a little while. While I was drinking, a group of people sitting near me started talking to me. One of them was an attractive girl. I noticed I felt excited and enjoyed when she talked to me and even had thoughts of “I could leave my partner to be with her.” At one point, her guy friend said he wanted to go outside to smoke a cigarette and I asked if I could have one. Keep in mind I haven’t smoked in a long time prior to this, I had essentially quit. I think I wanted to smoke the cigarette as an excuse to talk to that girl but I am not 100% sure. The thing is, my own girlfriend has asked me to smoke a cigarette with her before and I said no. But if I smoked a cig with the intention to talk to another girl and wouldn’t even do that with my own girlfriend, then I firmly believe that is cheating. Afterwards, I went to a different bar by myself. I got a bit more drunk, and asked the bartender if I could buy her a shot as a trade for a cigarette (as I didn’t want to be a freeloader). I also had thoughts of “I could flirt with her” but I don’t remember if I actually did. Lastly, I had told my gf I wasn’t proud of myself because I went out and drank/smoked cigs when I supposedly stopped (but left out the details of my fears with the other women). She said I should forgive myself, but I know she would be highly upset if she knew the other details. I’m just so stuck - I want to confess to clear my conscience but at the same time don’t want to hurt my girlfriend needlessly if nothing “really” happened. But if I don’t confess, I feel that the relationship will forever be based on a lie. This girl has been with my through some of my worst times and this is how I repay her? Due to the fact that I was drunk, went out by myself, had doubts about my relationship in the first place and had lustful thoughts about other women I feel like I was actually more prone to cheating. I’m so sorry for the long post but I am feeling such extreme guilt and honestly if I deserve to confess and face the consequences someone please just tell me.