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Why does it feel like i could do it or like that i want to do it but im pretty sure i dont

Okay so there has been something I have been worrying about, about myself that I dont know if it’s true or not but I know I don’t want it to be true so I asked god to give me a sign that what I’m worrying about isn’t true cause it is terrifying me I mean worrying me from the time I get up to the time I go to bed it’s horrible anyways I keep seeing stuff when watching tv that I’m worrying is the signs but it’s not signs like I asked for what I’ve seen and heard is sounds similar to what I’m not wanting it to be and I don’t want it to be true so I’m scared that, that is the signs from god but if it is then he’s worrying me cause I asked for it not to be true and if that’s the signs then that would be telling me what I’m worrying about is true and I don’t want it to be all I asked for was a sign for it to not be true and now after hearing all that I’m scared he’s telling me that it is true and it just has my anxiety Bad and I can’t stop worrying about it sorry it’s hard to explain but I had to ask someone cause I can’t tell

so i understand the idea of ERP for most types of OCD but i just don’t get how it could work with the health OCD that i experience. most of the time when i’m getting anxious it’s over the thought of having something wrong with me that’s an immediate emergency like a heart attack. if i give in to those thoughts and tell myself that i am having a heart attack would that not just force me to take myself to the emergency room as it’s a matter of life and death? maybe i’m a bit confused about ERP or something but from what i’ve read it seems to just involve accepting the worst case scenario. i can’t seem to understand how that would work when your worst case scenario is a medical emergency that requires immediate attention

Does anyone have this theme related to driving? I constantly have to look back when driving which is dangerous as I’m not focused on what’s ahead. I do this when I pass people on the sidewalk, if they are pulled over and outside their car on the side of the road, or even if I just pass a parked car. It’s like I don’t trust them or myself. It’s so exhausting, especially when I have an hour drive to and from work each day. Also does anyone get really sensitive with relationships? Yesterday my friend upset me as she hasn’t been responding to my texts for awhile. Granted she has 4 kids and is busy. But everyone has time to respond to a text. It takes a second. Long story short, I kinda called her out in a nice way and said wasn’t sure if you weren’t getting my texts because I haven’t heard from you the past few times lol. She responded about the plans I mentioned and then said, you know I have 4 kids and they are all involved in things. And we had a funeral out of town last week. Just living my life girl. I took that hard as it just felt like a jag at me. I wasn’t being mean. I just don’t feel like she puts in any effort and I always do. Regardless if she has kids or not. Can be upsetting. Am I in the wrong or would this upset you too? What about her comment?

Okay, this is gonna be pretty long and stuff so just a warning. I’m gonna kinda split it up. So, yeah. Okay. Idk, if this is gonna make any sense, and this is kind of weird, but do you — or like, your intrusive thoughts — ever like “force” — you — yourself to do something sometimes, and like “feel”. Okay, so for example, my whole life, I’ve never really been interested in “dating” and stuff, because it just didn’t make sense to me and because of certain stuff, and blah blah blah, but like when I was a bit younger, I’d get like these “intrusive thoughts” about like “dating” people and whatever, and usually it would be fine, but sometimes I felt like I would start to “act” a certain way or whatever, and start to “do” and “think” things for “attention” even if I wasn’t, and I would like act weird, and “go against” everything I want. Idk. Like, if I thought somebody liked me, or if I just had an intrusive thought about dating stuff, I’d kind of “force” myself to “like” them — not actually, but I’ll explain —, because “just ‘cause”, and it’s kind of what my intrusive thoughts told me, but it’s not what *EYE* wanted. Like, every time that happens, if I think someone likes me, etc. even if *EYE* don’t like them, and it’s not what I stand for, blah blah blah, my head will kind of make me feel like “well, say it anyways”, and “say this” and “say that”, blah blah blah, and then I would have these “fake” feelings that I DON’T really feel, and it would get exhausting. I wouldn’t do it all the time, though. I also just thought that it’s what “they” wanted, and I try and “do stuff” for people even if they don’t ask. I just go above and beyond for people, and exhaust myself. Idk why. That’s just how I am. It’s like I’m “overcompensating” also. And not just this; a whole bunch of other stuff too. It’s annoying. Also, I wouldn’t usually always “tell” them per se, but it’s complicated to explain. It was kind of like an “impulsive” compulsion thing. If that makes sense. Like sometimes I’ll just “DO” stuff just because. And it can get exhausting, because I DON’T really want to do that, I’m just “doing” it because I think it’s what “they” and I’m like “why not”, and it’s usually me thinking “but what if?…” blah blah blah. It’s like, I feel like I have to “confess” everything, but even the “not true” stuff. *The rest in the comments*

I think I need a listening ear

I just don’t know what thoughts are legitimate and what is my OCD screaming at me. I either feel like my boyfriend has “red flags” and that I need to leave, or when he demonstrates that he’s a wonderful person, he’s not “the One”/I’m not in love with him enough and I also need to leave. Any time I try to celebrate his good qualities, I feel like I’m “gaslighting” myself and I am just trying to justify being with “not the One” because I’m afraid of being alone. I can literally never win. I certainly don’t want to be with the wrong person, but I don’t know how to distinguish whether my boyfriend is wrong for me or if my ROCD is flaring.

And I think I was always wrong about who I thought I was. I don't see how it's possible these feelings can only be OCD and not me resisting my real self. Heart stuff, real like arousal, false attraction but feels like a pull at times so I don't know how OCD can cause that, fear of not being able to perform or be hard enough for a woman.

I’m so scared that all these thoughts and obsessions with follow me into adult hood. I’ve already had these thoughts and worries for years now, and I’m only 14. I don’t want to live a life constantly worrying about being a good person, or having those most disgusting intrusive thoughts. I have been trying so hard to accept these thoughts, but I just feel like bad person. They come way too easily to me, and I feel like if I don’t get a wave of fear when I get those thoughts, it makes me a monster.

I’m really mad at myself right now. I broke up with my boyfriend again. We just fixed our almost breakup not even 3 weeks ago and I’ve already spiraled. My feelings were confusing me. I couldn’t tell if I loved him if there was someone els for me, was I really in love with him, do I want to break up. Over and over again. I’ve ruined this. And I’ve told him I don’t want to breakup but that doesn’t even feel true. He’s so good to me and gentle and patient and he loves better than anyone has. He’s the most beautiful person. And I feel like I’m ruining him. I want to be happy with him again but I also feels like it’s best for him to leave now. Because I can’t promise to be okay still. He said he needs time and space to be with his friends he already said that he doesn’t want to breakup but that he feels it’s the most necessary thing to do. He knows I have ocd but doesn’t actually understand what that is or what it looks like. Sometimes I feel wrong when I say it’s my ocd, like “no it’s not. This is just your feelings and who you are.” He was the best boyfriend but I feel like and ungrateful monster standing next to him. He doesn’t deserve this. I love him even when I struggle to know if I’m in love with him. But I just can’t seem to make my life better. I feel like I should just be alone again. I wish I was different. I wish I could know 100% I wish I would never doubt.

Have struggled a little with OCD this week. Thought we could share some good quotes for motivation :)

Been diagnosed with ocd for about 25 years. It seems to be triggered by separation from my loved ones. For example, when I was little, I went to summer camp for the first time and started getting intrusive thoughts about harming my Mom, who I am very close too. The next summer, the same thing happened. The thoughts were very specific about different ways I would hurt her and they made me so afraid. I’ve had other themes throughout the years (contamination, fear of psychosis, etc..) but this time I am dealing with the harm ocd again. In April, I went through a major career change. Some people at my new career started talking about how I will be away from my young children a lot and I got so depressed. From there, Harm OCD developed towards my kids. But this time my intrusive thoughts are not specific I, it's just like a constant thought that I want to harm them and I don't love them. I am not experiencing joy anymore around them and I hope it's just because l'm so depressed and because my intrusive thought is centered around them and it's hard to be happy with that in my head. It just feels so real and I am so scared that this isn't OCD and I am really feeling this way and that I will or want to urt them. It's like my head is telling me that this isn't CD. 5 months ago I was the nicest and loving Father, nd now I am anxious, sad, and scared that this isn't OCD. hat I am stuck like this. I'm scared. Is there anyone that has experience with anything like this?

I am struggling so bad with relationship ocd. I am so scared and filled with anxiety. I just wanna talk to someone who also deals with this 😞

Just need to vent. Yesterday I saw a post here that asked “why not” to OCD thoughts. I thought because it’s not right in Gods eye. But I began to spiral from there thinking that I’m a good person even if I don’t want to be and It makes me feel like I want to harm others just to prove I have free will. I have been in panic mode since because this feels so real. I have been praying for God to show me his goodness because I know that will make the thoughts go away but it feels like I’m not being sincere when asking. Why am I rejecting being a good person? I must have accepted the evil thoughts because I feel numb. But why am I in so much distress then?

Anyone got concessional OCD where it just eats up at you. My mind feels like I need to confess every minute detail to my current partner. Any time I may have wronged him , compulsively look for a time I've lied , want to talk about past people so he knows everything about me. But the thing is he does know everything about me. I'm just ill. If I have something I want to confess I think of something else. Then I'm sitting lying next to him feeling riddled with guilt even though I don't have to feel guilty . Help anyone ?

Today is an afwull day. I hate Harm Ocd. I am stuck with intrusive thoughts, and they are extreme. For exemple: stabbing, decapitating, making photos, drinking blood. I can't enjoy anything. And I fucking hate the feeling that I would enjoy it, that I might like it. Why is this happening? Since a little kid I watched horror movies and I never ever have thoughts "maybe I could do this or that". I feel so drowned by the thoughts that I was thinking I should cut my hands off so I am sure I'll never hurt someone. I am also stuck with thoughts like "you'll lose your empathy" , "if you kill you'll enjoy and do it again" "you actually don't care about anyone and in the future you'll be lonely and start killing people and animals", "your life is most likely like that serial killer", "so you want to become like that serial kilker since you have these thoughts", "they won't care if you kill them since they are dead", "secretely, you would like to watch people and especially animals being tortured" and many more. I feel like I can't continue my life with these thoughts. I tried everything. I tried to let them come and go. I tried to not give them meaning. I tried to say that this is just my harm ocd talking. I tried to give myself time and be patient, I tried to not br too hard on myself and understand Harm Ocd. I really tried but I think I am just a bad person and I'll be the opposite of what I always wanted. My dream was to have a family, especially a baby that I could show her love and buy her all the things I never had, I feel like I am stuck and I'll never escape, it's like I don't know who I am anymore. I know they are just intrusive thoughts, but I hate myself for having them. It's like I am living inside my head and reality doesn't even matter.

i saw someone triggers me A LOT. Looking at beautiful looking people has always triggered me. I feel horrible and i feel like i cheated. Finding someone handsome in a relationship is not normal to me i don't know i feel horrible and i feel like i cheated. I didn't feel attracted, but i feel like i cheated so much i hate myself i hate my eyes thats wht i don't look at anyone. I hate looking at people and finding someone beautiful. I feel so guilty. Please help me im begging i need to talk someone. I had this in past, i hate that when that happens. I DON'T want to find anyone good looking. I DON'T want to anyone come to my mind except my partner. I won't act on that thoughts but i feel like im betraying my partner anyway

Another day feeling anxious about a memory that deep down I know isn't real. I don't know how to talk to people anymore, I can't find the words to describe the feeling and try to feel relief. My only desire is to cry out of guilt for something that didn't happen. I'm ashamed to be feeling this way because I know that people don't know how to deal with it, so what I'm left with is this terrible feeling and a thread of hope that I can't hold on to because it's too heavy. I feel so alone, I wish I didn't have this.

I've done 6 months of just letting my intrusive thoughts come and go without any attention and they still fire off every 10 seconds. Usually when I do the opposite of the thought like "I don't deserve to enjoy a hug with my girlfriend". No matter who I speak to about intrusive thoughts nobody has seemed to reduce the severity of them and I'm starting to question if it's even possible...

I have not been diagnosed with OCD, but, just to find out who does, have you ever developed a phobia that is made worse by your OCD symptoms? Since a robbery occurred in my house in the night while i was inside, i have a very intense phobia of spiders. I know it sounds strange, but somehow i related them to that event and not being able to be secure in my own house when i'm sleeping. I often check the corners of the room to see if there are spiders, and when i find them, i am unable to kill them because i am very afraid of them, whether they jump, or more appear. There are times when i don't even want to check the corners because i'm very afraid of encounter another. My anxiety is quite bad with this issue, quite large spiders appear in my house and they look threatening, when i find spiders like that, i start crying and screaming, much worse If i find them in my bed or they come up at night, in that case i have a giant panic attack. There have been times when i have had night terrors, very bad nights that have caused physical symptoms. These terrors and nightmares come from the same fear of a spider crawling while i'm sleeping; I have been so afraid that i have not slept in a comfortable or extended position to prevent a spider to crawl on me. Fortunately that doesn't happen to me often anymore, but it happened recently.