Welcome to
the NOCD Community

It seems like my husband brings out more O.C.Dness in me when he's home, does anyone else have the same problem or similar one???

I believe I (currently) am experiencing ROCD. Growing up as a child, I was always double checking the door was locked, wouldn’t walk on cracks, had to count to step. I eventually grew out of it. But I feel it has grown into ROCD. I currently have a year long relationship with a person I love and has treated me very well. I have plans to move in with him and I went job seeking at his house (we are long distance) last weekend. I had anxiety the entire time. I kept telling myself, I’m scared, what if this doesn’t work, what if this is telling me to break free of the relationship, what if I’m not attracted to him, and I was avoidant because I was so scared to feel the anxiety around/with him and question it all again. Once the anxiety would settle I would cry to him about it and tell him I’m just scared and everything is caving in. But is this normal in ROCD? I found myself googling everything the weeks leading up to me going. I once told him to give me space (he is very affectionate and I am not) and very selfless when it comes to calls/texts. PLUS - long distance adds to that. With everything, I started googling it all nonstop for days and feared we aren’t meant for each other. Now when he calls I feel anxious because I don’t want to feel that “trapped” feeling of not having space again and I googled how to find common and reasonable communication with long distance. UGH just everything is scaring me and I fear my obsessiveness over it is making it worse.

I am an anxious person generally speaking. That is my ‘safest’ negative emotion. It is my home base. But I have been learning about the other negative emotions as I try to heal some of those parts of me that cause anxiety because anxiety is running me ragged. And when those other emotions arise, I have no idea what to do with them. I'm like a baby giraffe trying to walk. Not knowing what to do with negative emotions sometimes means they get stuck. And prolong someone's suffering. Most emotions don’t last long, but you have to be willing to sit with the discomfort and let go of the negative stories about them. Lately I’ve seen that underneath my ‘go get em’ attitude is someone who was at some point very scared at the loss of something. And resolving the anxiety brings out sadness. Sadness, or depression, without an external immediate cause like a death of a loved one or a tragedy feels very difficult for me to move through. I find that I feel the need to cry, but the inability to. I feel the need to be with myself but the anxious avoidance of it. I don't feel I know what the hell I’m doing. And I don’t see examples of how to deal with it. The other morning I woke up and dropped into my body with meditation and I could feel multiple emotions at once - anxiety (the most familiar), sadness and shame/embarrassment. At the time I thought, that's weird, why am I feeling shame? I’m alone. But I realized that I think the shame of being sad might be keeping my sadness trapped in my body. Along with my anxious buzzing around - likely there from habit but also trying to protect me. I know shame is sort of ‘blame turned inward’. And sadness is kind of ‘anger toward inward’. No wonder anxiety showed up to keep me from noticing. 🙂But the work is internal so I need to figure out how to get in there. But if I am honest, I do feel shame. I don't feel it's okay to be sad. At least right now. I don't know where it comes from. I could hypothesize all day but everyone feels sad sometimes. It's not a character flaw, it's a sign of being human. I do find that crying is a very self compassionate act, if you get there. But even just sitting with sadness is good, if I can manage to not get anxiously avoidant of it or judge myself for being sad. I found this flow diagram interesting, it made me think about how layered emotions can become. I bet it would work with other negative emotions too. Basically, perhaps, at one point you went to someone for help (or even just google) with an emotion and they didn’t realize that they were instilling you with ‘values’ or ‘traits’ that you would then use against yourself. It's wild how simple it is to be with someone who has negative emotions. You just have to be there. And signal its okay and you believe they will get through it. (I don’t think google works here but maybe AI can in the future ;)) But it's so dang hard for us to tolerate it in each other. We are like “okay problem solved… no need to be sad you have/are X, Y, Z”. That isn't the point. Emotions aren't really problems to be solved. I dono what I am saying except I felt like maybe someone out there is also struggling with a negative emotion. And I'm rooting for you. It's a very human experience. It's okay and if you let yourself feel it, and love yourself through it, it passes. Also maybe I’m saying this to myself, that it's okay to feel sad (or anxious, or mad…etc) at times. There isn’t a need to shame myself about it.

I don't think I'll be able to deal with this, I'm so scared that it's true, and I don't think I can manage this. I feel like I've lost myself, I'm so scared

Twice I posted about my obsessions about possibly having an STD because of my addiction in the past. I don't know how long ago the events happened but the first time I posted about this, I read the rules and it said I can't ask for medical advice from group members. Twice I had done this whole initially posting about my fear of this and being so fed up with this addiction. Someone had asked what makes me think I have an STD but I deleted this post because I didn't want it to go to asking for medical advice again. I'm trying to stop these compulsions but I'm having a hard time. I've been googling again and even though I've gotten to some conclusions that have calmed me down, it still continues. Then it led to this. I hope I didn't bother those people badly about these obsessions. Now I'm getting thoughts that this is attention seeking

I’ve had this 7+ years ago. I was fine until this intrusive thought that came back. “What if I’m in a dream”, “what if we’re in a coma, and you can only get out if you end it”. These thoughts have come back and are really affecting me again. When I was younger I would use logic, like “dreams arnt powerful enough to always be in them. I can feel pain, I remember things” etc. It’s really effecting me again, and I cry to sleep every night just wanting to go back to how I was just 3 weeks ago. I desperately want to live a long happy life and I’m tired of this. Anyone else got anything like this and PLEASE give me advice or what you did to help it. I REALLY NEED HOPE!!! PLEASE

Whenever sth happens in my pocd that „yet again proves I’m a bad person“ I ruminate about how my life will be from then on. Like, I can’t leave the house like that, I can’t post myself anywhere, I can’t take pictures of myself, talk to people, ever have a boyfriend etc. I hate it sm.

I’m an only child, and since I was little my mother was always having some kind of attacks or breakdowns. We used to sleep together in the same room, every night, in the dark, once starts to get headache, she starts screaming and shouting and talk about things that bother her and say her own ocd thoughts out loud, even though she’s religious, I remember her cursing God and talking bad to him and talking about existential things such as God created us to makes us suffer and to play with us as toys, which was extremely scary to a little kid, she also used to blame me for everything she’s going through cuz she wanted to get divorce but couldn’t because she got pregnant with me and she used to abuse me physically sometimes, and the most scary thing she used to do, is acting as if she’s insane and beating herself and suddenly laughing, it was horrible, and what’s more confusing, is that she turns into a completely different person in the morning, as if I was living with two people. I grew up, and my mother is way better than before, when I remember these days it feels like someone kind of an old dream, and my mother thought that I wouldn’t remember these things once I grew up, but I still do, I don’t think about often, but I think maybe it’s the thing that made me develop OCD, especially existential OCD. Before two weeks, I had an argument with my mother, she did me wrong, and I was too upset and she was trying to gaslight me into thinking that I’m being sensitive and that she did nothing wrong which makes me feel more upset that I started saying some harsh words to her such as that’s why no wants to be friends with you, and she suddenly started to scream and beating herself and saying things for about half hour, it was just like these old nights, I’ve never seen her like this for years, and what made me more scared, is that once she started doing that, I suddenly felt numb, and I had a poker face on, I felt nothing and did nothing, as if my mind was trying to protect me from having such an extreme emotions that it won’t handle. It’s been almost two weeks, all this time I’m feeling detached from my body, my brain is foggy, I suddenly lost my confidence and I feel shamed and don’t want anyone to look at me or notice me and I just wanna hide somewhere, I lost my appetite and I lost some weight, I don’t feel secure nor safe, and I’ve been having nightmares every night. I’m trying to get back to myself, I thought maybe it’s an OCD episode and I have to make ERP, but I can’t spot any obsessive thoughts, my brain is so foggy and dizzy. I’m thinking is it possible to be Depersonalization/ Derealization?

I would be overjoyed to hear some positive experiences of people who have successful romantic relationships despite their OCD.

I’m on day 6 of Joyous’s Ketamine treatment. It doesn’t make me feel weird or loopy, just a little tired which is great for bed. I have noticed an increase in my mood. My anxiety did feel worse the first couple days but I think it’s gotten a little better. One thing is I never realized how much I ruminate till I started this. I have had Covid for the last week and I return today. If you’ve read any of my old posts you know I HATE my job. Going back today is giving my anxiety however I noticed I’m having a better time talking myself down. I always feel anxiety before going to work in the morning, I thought I’d feel worse about going back today cause I haven’t been in a week but lucky me, it’s not as bad as I thought. I’m up to 45 mg with the K treatments, I’m thinking today I’ll split it up into a couple doses today to see how I feel at work, I’m hoping it makes me happier and less miserable through the day. My depression seems to have gotten better, I’ve had a better outlook and have been in a better mood than usual, but ofc I haven’t been at work so that probably helps but I’m hoping it will help me in work life as well. I’ll update my journey with K treatments, so far I don’t see a dramatic increase, but something is better than nothing!

Does everyone have the same problem with not being able to designate whats a real memory and what is fake and constantly worries that the memory u think is fake is actually real and your OCD is just suppressing it? Ley me know if people have had an experience with this and if u can designate between real and fake?

it has been almost 9 or so months for me with my theme, i just recently started seeing a ocd therapist so i dont expect to see major changes yet, but still. i struggle with SO-OCD and R-OCD mostly right now. how long has it taken you to get better and feel semi back to normal ?

Hi guys, been awhile since I posted on here as I’ve been doing extremely well in my recovery. Yesterday I had a horrible setback. I currently take lexapro and Valium for panic attacks and has been working well, very rarely have I gone into panic. My doctor took me off Valium and wanted to try medical marajuanna, within 10 minutes of taking it I was frantic, total ocd panic set in. To the point I had to call a ambulance. It’s totally upset me today looking back on it. It definitely makes you go through all the motions again, trying to lean back on my therapy tactics. Has anyone else been through this in recovery? forgot just how real and debilitating it can be when that moment sets in. And then the rumination starts up. I can’t help but feel angry and let down my the health department for this happening when I was doing so well. As I’ve learnt not one thing works for everyone. Hope you all have a great day 🤗🤗

I was recently recovering from my OCD centered around my online friends and it was in regards to intrusive urges, but shortly after I started trying to recover, I noticed an old theme reering its head out and soon it was triggered by what if you liked this family member in a romantic way? It absolutely scared the shit out of me and made me feel absolutely disgusted ☹️ I feel ashamed already writing this out, but I notice I'm always triggered by my them, and I feel absolutely awful. What makes this worse is that this was an old theme I had dealt with before, but it feels so real now! Please give me some advice! No reassurance!

I remember one day waking up from what I thought was my worst nightmare or bad dream I remember feeling scared and anxious and so sad I didn’t have a clue why and just out of the blue I had intrusive horrible thoughts of harming my daughter who’s just 1 years old it scared the life out of me as I’m writing this today I still can’t believe I’m here I feel like I’m a failure to my daughter I’m a single mother and it’s hard doing it all along I’m not asking for pity but support my mental health is not good right now I’m scared I’m really scared sometimes my intrusive thoughts will turn into intrusive bad urges like I need to act now and just get it over with and just hurt my daughter it tries to confuse me into believing I wanna actually hurt the person I love the most but I know deep down I don’t want too that’s why it’s called the “doubting disorder right it makes you doubt everything you value and love even about yourself I know I love ky daughter I’m sick and tired of OCD trying to target her like she’s my worst enemy it really sucks feeling this way I wish I had thoughts about just harming myself but I know I can’t think like that I’ll just make things worse I know I need learn and sit with this discomfort and go thru it I wish there was a magic potion or cure to make it all go away but right now I feel weak like I can’t just sit with the discomfort like I wanna give up and go to a hospital forever but I know I wouldn’t belong there because I done nothing wrong and boom My OCD will say you done nothing wrong just yet every time I try a positive outcome positive words it’s like I’m forcing myself to turn it into something negative again or ocd is trying ti make everything in my life that’s suppose to be positive, negative ocd got me on a tight hook I’m so confused on what ny thoughts might mean I’m terrified that this is all me I just hope sharing my experience with you all dosent land me in the hands of someone who’s gonna criticize me I don’t know who else can relate to this but I hope you know as well if you do your not alone

I'm sorry because my English is not good. My social life is not good enough because of the conditions in my country and residence. Symptoms of OCD (many types of ocd) began to appear at the age of 18, 6 years ago. At that time, I was in a relationship and it lasted for 4 years. I became attached to the girl so much that I was about to hurt myself when we broke up. But after several months, we talked again a little, but since the symptom appeared, I have become very sexually jealous. I keep thinking with fear that she will not be with me in the future. Any word has a meaning, whether a sexual meaning or a meaning that reminds me of her, for example in a song or an article. I think that I am with her and then re-read or repeat a part of the song, literally anything I do, especially in the last days. I went to several psychiatrists and psychotherapists, but in my country there is not enough interest in this, and no one knows what to do, not even psychiatrists. what can i do ? Because I can't stand it anymore. Thank you all

Guys, you never answer posts. Like you all like to ask for reassurance here, or to share/vent and be listened, but very few of you listen back. You care about your posts only... Some months ago wasn't like that. We all tryied our best to make this like a family, a one of people that can really understand. We ask with our posts and we answer other posts. Why it can't be like that anymore?

So, health concern OCD is a big subtype that I struggle with. I’m barely ever in really bad shape in my health but it doesn’t stop me from worrying about having everything under the sun. I have a pretty gnarly gum abscess near my wisdom tooth and am FINALLY pulling the trigger on getting all 4 wisdom teeth ripped out next month. I have never been under anesthesia before. And I can’t tell you how terrified I am. I have been crying and having panic attacks every single day since the decision made by me and my dentist. I’m nervous about the unknown and not being able to have control over my body when I go under, during the surgery, and when I wake up. Also terrified of something going wrong in recovery. So I come to ask! What was your wisdom tooth surgery like? Were you as worried as me? Did it all turn out okay. I need some big help.

How am I meant to tell what’s false memory & what’s real when intoxicated I feel so guilty about a night 10 months ago. I need help