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Can someone explain to me what urges are with ocd or what they feel like

I feel pretty sad because I can't even tell if someone in my life who I consider a friend even cares about me or not. He really doesn't like it if I assurance-seek by asking stuff like "Do you hate me?" or anything similar, and he won't give me the reaction I'm after if I ask stuff like that, we had an argument over it and he cut me off for a few weeks because he considered it mentally taxing to feel like I'm "offended by everything". I apologised for it and we agreed to be friends again. But I'm starting to question how much I even matter to this person. He mainly only starts conversations to me by sending me memes and I would try to do the same to him, but they usually won't turn into conversations unless I say something to start one. A few days ago I asked him what he's dressing up for for Halloween and he rambled about a game he's into and a character he wants to dress up as but the conversation would keep dying unless I kept asking him more questions. Then I tried to ask if he knows about a game I like and he said no so I tried saying some stuff about it and I wanted to say more if he had questions or seemed interested but he just said "Aw yep" so I felt too unwanted to continue, which felt hurtful because I tried to engage with him by asking him questions when he was talking about his interests. Maybe he expected me to just rambled on about it without being asked to like he tends to do for his interests, and maybe I should have. Idk. Yesterday he sent me a meme and I tried sharing with him an animation I was working on in class and he just replied "Sick" and even though that's a compliment, it just felt like he didn't really care so it hurt me. When we had our argument, in the heat of the moment he said that he doesn't feel like he actually knows anything about me and "it's impossible to gauge you as a person" which felt like it came out of nowhere because we had been talking for 7 months at that point. Like I said, we made up since then, but I've never gotten any confirmation on if that's still how he feels about me or not. And if it is, it's pretty shitty of him to complain to me about it like it's my fault when he refuses to ask me questions about my life to get to know me when I try to do that for him. I genuinely don't know how he sees me as of now, but I feel like I can't approach him over it because he'll feel like I'm accusing him of something and he'll get mad. I really don't know how I can even navigate this situation, maybe he doesn't want to ask me questions about my life or show care towards me because I haven't really been doing it to him, but I don't know how to without seeming awkward. I also don't really know how to approach him on the fact I don't feel like he cares about me and he never asks me anything. I'm trying to become more distant with him and not depend on this friendship too much. I'm not going to initiate a conversation unless he initiates one to me, but I feel like that will mean we just won't talk at all maybe ever again. If that's what happens then at least I'll have an answer on how he feels about me though, I guess. He does seem to just be a very dry person in general though so I can't expect that to change, and he has said he's a "don't speak unless spoken to" kind of guy, but the truth is that's how I am too, and I have been the one to exit my comfort zone for him and I don't want to continue being the only one making that sacrifice so I'm going to become like that too because that's how I naturally am as well.

hii everyone, so, it has been about 2 or 3 years I’d say since I’ve been dealing with this. let’s just get right into it, so first, whatever I have (which might be OCD, I’m not entirely sure what it is) has taken over basically most of my childhood, and what kills me is that I’ll never get it back. one thing I know is that im not normal, i now get sleepless nights. why you may ask? because of my horrifying thoughts, “if you don’t look up you’ll be praying to the devil and you’ll go to hell!” “if you don’t say ‘God bless them’ their condition will happen to you!” “if you don’t say ‘good yetho 2x’ (idek..) ‘your mom will die 5x’ you’ll die and forget how to read. “if you don’t put your arms up, look directly up at the ceiling because if you look down you’ll pray to the devil so you need to look up, and say ‘Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you forgive me for my sins in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.’ you’ll go straight to hell!” or whenever I touch a wall, i need to touch it with my small finger because if I touch it twice with my pointer finger my body will go to hell. it’s an endless cycle, and what’s even worse is that I may never be able to get help. I’ll never get that life back that I wanna live, and it kills me. I’ve named most of the compulsions and obsessions I have and I have 18 compulsions that are physical and about 5 obsessions that I really don’t wanna name right now. anyway, i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve done a lot of research regarding around disorders, and it’s safe to say that I may have OCD. Now, do i want ocd? absolutely not. however, there’s a family member in my family who has it. so the chances of me having it are strong, i don’t think I’m able to get better until I’m 18. an adult. I’m 12 years old, my mom has noticed my compulsions and me repeating certain words. but she does nothing, absolutely nothing. instead, she just argues with me over it. if I ever tell my mom to sit down and ask her about getting a test, she would probably call me the R-Slur and tell me I’m crazy. Therefore, I’m all alone in this situation with no one to help me. another obsession I have is about me catching cancer if I don’t do a compulsion or I might get paralyzed and get sleep paralysis. It’s so horrifying, there’s more obsessions and compulsions I have but I really don’t wanna name them right now. I cry almost every day because of how exhausted I am, and how much help i truly want to get but I don’t think I ever will. I’m unsure whether or not I have ocd, people tell me to get a diagnosis. but the situation I am in right now makes it impossible. i have no way of getting tested but I have a good feeling I have ocd, if you’re reading this, please try to give me your thoughts and what I should do, and if I even have OCD. Thanks! :))

And bad things happening and losing loved ones. Does anyone have the same and can anyone offer me some advice. People say that all OCD is the same and treated the same way and whilst I agree with that to an extent I also disagree somewhat because I think how difficult it will be to beat and how much of your life it consumes depends a lot on what our obsession and anxiety is about. I have heard it said that the worst thing we cwn feel anxious and obsess over is dying because no one can give us the answers to that. I have had a lot of personal grief the past 10 years where a lot of my family have passed away and I feel like I was dealing with all fairly well until 2019 when I became hyper aware of my own mortality and become hyper focussed on the fact that one day I will also die aswell as everyone that I love. I started to Google and obsess over what happens when we die etc etc which I think is the worst thing I could of done and this made me start the physical complusions which have now dominated my every single day for the past 4 years. Please if there's anyone on here who can relate to this and can offer me some advice it would be so so appreciated

Its become noticeable to me how a lot of my issues come down to me not being able to hold thing’s lightly. I take things deep and personally all the time. Its also hard for me to live in the present moment. Any book recommendations that talk about this?

Hellooo! Before I start I just want to say My English is not that good haha. Anyways, so do you guys know the moment when you’re having a tic/compulsion and your friends or other people notice it? I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed but I just am. And every time they ask these stupid questions like: “Why did you just do that”, “Why are you being so childish” or “are you doing this on purpose?”… They often also just say “stop that” even tho I can’t. Most of my friends even know of my OCD and they still ask these questions. Sometimes I just feel like I’m being annoying but I can’t help it. So is there anyone else whose friends always ask those weird questions? Let me know! Byeee ❤️

Hey. So lately I have been thinking that I may have rocd but I am not quite sure if it’s that or something else. So I wanna share my story now and maybe you guys that know more about rocd could help me. So I have been dating my boyfriend about 2months now and I really much love him. If I am being honest I couldn’t ask anyone better and I don’t wanna lose him. Lately I have been having intrusive thoughts about other men/boys. Mostly sexual. They are really scary and everytime the though pops in my head I get really anxious. Sometimes they almost feel like urges even I know I don’t want to cheat on my partner and I don’t have crushes on these people. Sometimes it’s so bad that it feels like i get this unwanted sexual impulse to every men I see. I am really upset about these impulses and thoughts because they really make me anxious and make me cry because it feels like I am cheating on my partner. I am having this big urge also confessing him about these intrusive thoughts and Impulses even I don’t want to do them. I only want him but why are these thoughts and impulses bullying me so much? I am so scared that I have to leave him because of these but I love him so much that I can’t even think my life without him. Also I have been struggling almost all my life with different kinds of intrusive thoughts so that’s why I almost feel like this could be also something that is related to ocd.

Dear ocd friends. Do not forget to do something really special today for your animal companion or help make life better or save it for some other animal out there. It's easy to get consumed by the ocd demands and troubles. Let's not forget those who are more helpless than we are and yet give us more love, understanding and support than any human being. Happy Animal world day. May it be every day. https://giphy.com/gifs/SWAG-9WaOkdyfnW9gZ2dKrA

I'm sorry for writing alot on here, but I do find it comforting. Since odc is obsessive and unwanted thoughts, and my ocd has gotten a little worse the last couple of months :( ive been obsessing over animal cruelty stories I've heard about or seen still images of. Sometimes even images I've seen years ago. The internet can be scary in that way. I have been obsessing over one particular video and I googled "is the cat video fake" just to read that it is and comfort myself but all that it did was show me a quick still of ANOTHER video. I feel guilty about doing that to myself when I know I shouldn't be hurting myself in that way. Now, I'm coming up with scenarios in my head. I'm really scared and upset at the moment. I love cats and the amount of stories I hear about people hurting cats is really eating me alive. What do you guys do to get rid of these images from your head and move on.

I was just admiring my bf and I was just looking at him and then idk why I thought of like idk he looked like a kid walking or by the way he was walking I thought it was funny and cute and like yk when you have those moments you just admire your partner? But idk if that’s weird since I referenced off a child?? Idk and then I was like ew what like ik he’s not a kid.. or I think the thought was something like he looks like a kid.. but in a cute way but then I thought that could be wire and mean that I like those characteristics in my bf?? And I litterally didn’t think of this the entire relationship until my brother said something about him looking like he still hasn’t gone thru puberty which I litterally didn’t even see or noticed until he mentioned it 💀💀 like why and my brother doesn’t like him so that’s why he said that but I think it’s cuz of that bc I kind of couldn’t unsee that and it was starting to make me uncomfortable and btw he’s two years older than me 💀(my bf) but yeah idkk

I compulsively tracked all my ocd thoughts about my false memory ocd. I have been having false memory ocd regarding my loyalty to my husband. I would never cheat. Now I am pregnant and unable to appreciate the pregnancy because I keep thinking I cheated. My life revolves around work and then looking after my marriage. Yet intrusive thoughts are so vivid I feel like I am lying and do not deserve happiness. I compulsively wrote everything I did each day before my ovulation to prove my loyalty. That put me to some ease...but clearly I am still suffering immensely. Wondering if I should burn the pages in the journal...would that be therapeutic or would it just set me off on another panic ride ? Or shall I keep reading those pages ? I already confessed these thoughts to my husband and he trusts me wholeheartedly even when I don't trust myself right now or my memory. I worry in the future what if things change and he doesn't trust me anymore because of my confession? if the journal exists i feel it could come into wrong hands... either my inlaws or my kid when he is grown up ? I obsessively researched about ocd and made notes in the diary too. I hope I am always understood and accepted despite my poor mental health.

Very disturbing dream Hi everyone, I need some advice and experience because what I experienced was really distressing. I suffer from POCD and groinal responses since I'm a teenager but my intrusive thoughts never made their way into my dreams. Until few months ago, were I started to have wet dreams about intrusive thoughts. I had a dream two nights ago that really messed me up. I can't tell it it was a lucid one, it feels like it was partially lucid. I dreamed about me watching a sexual scene with kid/teenagers but a scene that I chose. In my dream it was like I was masturbating and realized what I was watching so I tried to change the scene by imagining older people instead. But by doing so, in my dream, it was like I wasn't "responding" to the scene anymore. Like I wasn't attracted to it if it was with adults. So I just continued to watch the scene with the teenagers until I "finished". I immediatly woke up panicking and I can't stop thinking that it was real. I can still feel this feeling of not being interested by the scene with older people. Like when I think about it, I still feel like I would not be interested by it if it was with adults. It never felt that real. I don't know what to think, I'm so confused and anxious. Please, someone experienced the same thing ?

I don’t know if it’s ocd or if it’s a real realization or change

Anyone else’s shower routine take forever?like I don’t know if it’s related to OCD or not but this is my routine,so I get in the shower wash my hands rinse the bottles under the shower so there’s no stuff on it then I shampoo my hair and condition,use a wet cloth to wash my ears very thoroughly which takes like a minute 😭then I wash my hands again then I wash my face and then I wash my hair bobble then tie my hair up and wash my body and I have to get every crevice like inside my belly button in between my toes,scrub under my nails with a clean brush which I soak in bleach so it’s 100% clean every time I use it 😭I use a loofah and I wash it after every use and then I exfoliate not every day, and then I wash my body again and then I wash my hands again and then I get out the shower and make sure I don’t touch any door handles or anything and then I do my skincare and put deodorant on and that takes forever too because I spend like a minute doing it to make sure it’s fully applied and then I wash my phone then wash my hands again then dry my hair and get into bed,I don’t know if this is part of OCD or not but saying this out loud sounds very excessive 😭

VERY TRIGGERING MY THOUGHTS ARE ESCALATING

I just wanted to put that today because I can't believe how much this horrible thing has messed my life up and I'm so angry at it

Does anyone on here with a traditional view of marriage suffer from HOCD? Just curious.

So I don’t really no what this is or if I deal with it completely or how to deal with it. Obviously if it’s an intrusive urge it’s something unwanted but is it possible to “semi” act upon it? Or of curiosity? (But not do something extreme) like if anyone else saw it wouldn’t look like you did anything terrible but you know that you did it? I don’t know if I’m making sense… but does anyone ever get curious about the bad thoughts and urges? And does that mean it’s not ocd but it’s something else/worse that needs to be dealt with? I really want a therapist to see this lol I also feel relatable to my curiosity I had as a kid when it comes to being kind of aggressive. Like one time I pinched a baby just to see what would happen; I feel bad for it now. But i worry about stuff like that within myself that may not be ocd because I don’t want to turn in to a monster that does terrible things to kids or people. But I feel like I’m looking for excuses to keep doing little things. Even thought I don’t want to want that. I want to be normal. I think. I hope.

I have existential OCD as well as avoidance OCD. I’m not sure what to call it actually, but I have had a lot of issues with social rejection, and struggle with excessive rumination, avoidance, and maladaptive daydreaming. I have made a lot of progress with doing exposures, especially when it comes to my fear of the world and the future. That being said, I still feel so alone. Before I knew I had OCD, I still had an understanding that I had a huge issue with perceived social judgment. I have been telling myself for a long time that what people think about me doesn’t matter, it only matters how I feel about myself. I have tried to engrain it in me and for a short while, I even got a false sense of confidence I had never had. At the end of the day I still feel so ashamed and embarrassed to be myself. I have a really hard time trying to like myself. It makes everything harder. I don’t enjoy eating. I don’t enjoy playing guitar anymore because I don’t feel good enough to even play it. I don’t enjoy taking care of my body because I don’t enjoy being in my body. Taking a shower feels humiliating and wrong. Interacting with people makes me feel like a fake person. My head gets so clouded and I don’t even know how I come up with responses. I feel like I am on the verge of letting the mask slip simply because I’m too exhausted to hold it up anymore. I haven’t told many people I have OCD and have been struggling with persistent depression because I don’t get taken seriously. It feels like being mentally ill is a trend now, therefore people don’t take it as seriously when you say you have something .. I don’t understand how people can romanticize something like that, because my mental illnesses have done nothing but scare people away and attract people who want to use you. In what world do people want to go around bragging about that and then shut down people who are legitimately mentally ill because it doesn’t fit their fantasy. I cannot let people in my life know that I am not okay, but at the same time I am cracking, and I feel close to panic way too often. I feel like i’ve had to fake every positive emotion for the last year and intermittently almost my whole life. I know that what I am complaining about is touching more on depression than OCD, but I don’t really have anywhere else to get this out. I also wanted to know if this was normal? I have, regardless if how I felt, done my exposures, tried to take care of myself as best as I can, and still continue to work towards a future career. I feel like my compulsions aren’t as strong as the used to be (some days are better than others) but I still feel like a shell of a human being. Has anyone else experienced this as they were progressing through exposure therapy?

I once heard from a fellow psychology major that people with OCD get songs stuck in their heads easier than others. I know this is definitely true for me because I have a song in my head probably 90% of the time (no exaggeration). Does anyone feel this way? I’m interested to know.