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I’m struggling so bad with derealization & im so scared im in psychosis or schizophrenic. I’ve been really sick with a head cold and all my symptoms are just making everything worse and making me more scared. 🥺

I am a happily married 26 year old. I love my husband and our two year old child. I have struggled with intrusive thoughts in the past. Pure “O” OCD and also POCD. A couple months ago I got triggered by something that made me think of an ex boyfriend from 2016. and it made me think what if I have feelings for him or what if I want to talk to him, etc and it's spiraled from there. Now I feel like I have to be with him or talk to him for the anxiety and thoughts to go away. And then yesterday I thought about him again and I was like well if I was with him would it be that bad? And it didn't make me anxious and now I'm anxious because it didn't make me anxious. Which has to mean I want to be with him? I don't want to be with him tho but what if that’s the case? And what if my ocd isn’t real. I feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts and I have created a situation that feels so intense and real

I'm struggling really bad right now. My mind is on overdrive. Sorry for longish post........ Anything to do with harm gets me. But suicidal thoughts 😭 I hate this theme so much!!! I know the thoughts are there and I've been running from them since yesterday. I keep finding things to keep my mind from them and pushing them away. I feel down and out. I fear depression which is what I feel like I have currently. My fear of depression is because I feel like if I'm depressed, I'll commit suicide. And here I am scared. Idk what to do. I've told my husband. He's giving me reassurance (I know not supposed to) that I would never. That he loves me. But I still feel like I will or what if I do? I have ERP session tomorrow night. But right now I'm scared to be alone. Can anyone else relate?!?!?

Utterly convinced that no matter what, I will forever feel this way and what is the point of living if that’s the case? I can never forgive myself and I’m pretty sure anyone who understood what went on in my head wouldn’t either. I can’t recall ever feeling this horrible in my life

I'm scared, i thought and i realized something. I used to have homophobic ideas for which i feel incredibly bad, and for which i feel a lot of guilt, as i improved mentally i had an easier time changing my mind and obviously i no longer have ideas like that. I'm now respectful, i even sometimes doubt if i am actually bisexual; The thing is, I'm afraid that i actually have internalized homophobia, when i see a homosexual couple i don't feel disgust, but it stands out in my mind, it is not the same feeling as seeing a heterosexual couple, that is worrying me a lot, it's not a negative feeling except when i have intrusive thoughts about it, but it's a feeling of a bit of surprise, i do not act under that feeling, even though my family is quite homophobic i never try to disrespect or make someone feel surprising (homosexual, trans, or non-binary person), but i have guilt for feeling that surprise when seeing or knowing that. I know that's weird, because it should feel the same as seeing a straight couple, and it's supposed to be normalized to that point, i'm scared that i actually still have homophobic or terrible ideas, that i am a terrible person in denial and that only because of my obsessions or my fears of being rejected my morals changed, i am afraid of being someone horrible inside without realizing it

TW: I saw on the news that a man in Colorado took his own life because he was about to do a mass shooting. The comments were all praising him (I still think rightfully so) but then other comments saying that it was sad got responded to with that they don’t understand mental health struggles and that people with mental health issues shouldn’t have to deal with that level of pain. It made me feel pretty bad because I felt like people with mental health issues (like myself) deserve to live and get help.

Hello, I am new here. My whole life I was struggling thinking I have anxiety disorder but September 15 was one of the worst days of my life, I was watching a video of a mother talking about how her daughter was rapped at daycare, I was laying in the bed with my daughter and was like how can someone do something so evil! I immediately start thinking and had a thought of me doing that to my daughter and FREAKED OUT! I LOST IT! I couldn’t be around her, I didn’t want to touch her, play with her, nothing, my daughter is my whole world, I went into a horrible depression and a rabbit hole , I immediately tried to find help. I started talking to a therapist and she told me instead of avoiding my daughter spend time with her, you know the thoughts aren’t true, but the way my body reacted, the way the thoughts came up it felt so real! I thought I was a pedophile ! I’m a teacher, I work with kids in the church, I stopped working and everything because I was scared to be around kids! I’m finally getting better , I keep getting different coping skills from my therapist, to online to group therapy. It’s been so much. I now when I get the thought of “what if I go back to square one and get depressed again” I label it as “that’s your OCD let it go, it isn’t real, it’s not you” and I feel better but today my therapist said don’t do that? So here I am freaking out again because I was coping so well, she told me to do it in a positive way but? That wasn’t working for me, I know who I am and what I would do, but that still wasn’t helping me reminding myself of who I am, what was helping is me recognizing the thoughts were OCD . I know she doesn’t specialize in ocd because this whole time I thought I just had anxiety. After I start working with her and went to a psychiatrist she is the one told me I have OCD and put me in group therapy . I love my therapist, but I’m thinking should I go with a OCD therapist? That KNOWS this? Because that kind of triggered me , I know she said that’s her opinion but she just wants me to remind myself who I am instead of saying that’s OCD thoughts?

I’m literally panicking because I just remembered something that I actually did that before never had an issue with. I just remembered how I had an ask fm account and I must’ve been 16-17 because there are events surrounding the memory and I remember a younger guy asking for my number or calling me hot?? And he lived in my state and was familiar with the school I went to or something, something along the lines so I think I had given my number for that reason? I know I wasn’t attracted to the kid at all, I never liked guys younger than me and now I’m thinking he was wayyy younger. What if he was just entering junior high?? I don’t remember talking to him a lot at all but then again I don’t even know what I remember. As if I’m not haunted by recent thoughts I’ve had surrounding POCD but I keep finding more proof and I’m so ready to just be done. I’m so disgusted why would I give him my number in the first place??? I’m trying to wrack my brain for his age and I can’t but I know for a fact he was younger than me

Does anyone else repeat things like phrases in their head to reassure themselves about things like relationships and sexuality. I say things everyday and now I’m convinced it’s just straight up denial and that I’m refusing to accept the truth. Feel like my whole life has been a lie now.

I gave my life to Jesus Christ in July/August(i dont remember the exact date), everything was fine up until this point. This is something I've dealt with before I met Christ. I dont want to leave God because of this and I keep finding myslef being isolated and I don't know how to properly handle this. I keep getting really bad intrusive thoughts and I've prayed, rebuked, did a deliverance prayer, read the bible, everything. I prayed to God about how lost I felt and I just couldn't understand why this was happening, then he revealed to me that I am dealing with OCD, so I did some research on it. Does anyone have advice for this? 🙏🏻🤍

I'm doing a bit better. I stopped obsessing over my eye sight and stopped worrying about what if i have a brain tumor. But now seasonal depression is hitting. I live in lithuania so the weather is horrible and it gets dark at 4pm. I was doing really bad last year at this time of year and I feel the sadness, pain and overwhelmingness trying to drown me again. But I can say that this makes my OCD more silent because I don't really care about anything anymore

I’m about to gently transition to a more anti inflammatory diet with little to no caffeine (*sobs*) to see if that maybe helps my OCD (and cystic acne, hopefully) along with continuing ERP. I’d love to hear any success stories, advice, etc anybody had with this kind of approach as motivation ❤️. I added a trigger warning because I know talk about diet can be triggering for some.

(sorry for posting so much I just feel safe talking through here I feel less alone. This might be the last post thooo) I said I don't want to be poly yesterday morning. I literally was fine until I started having thoughts of wanting other boys while going to school which was the worst moment ever :(. I started having more thoughts of sharing myself and it's bothering me ALOT. It got worse last night and this morning now. I can't even get away from it. It feels like I want it I don't! I know I don't because I have my only bf! That's it. He's enough there should be no reason to have another boyfriend. I feel like breaking up with my boyfriend because I'm scared of ending up cheating on him or these thoughts not going away. I don't want to think of wanting other boys. I don't want to be poly. These feelings keep saying that I been wanting two boys but no no no. I want my boyfriend only. It's like I messed up and now I have to face the consequences. It's like I have to accept my boyfriend being with other girls. I don't want us to end up being with different people because of these boy thoughts. I don't want us to be open relationship we both agreed on wanting each other. I don't want no other boys why would I want other boys. I made so many promises and I told him how much I only want him. Why now is it telling me I want another boy. I don't understand. Its getting worse and it's ruining my life. I feel like hitting my head again. No matter how many times I explain myself it doesn't stop it gets worse. It makes me feel ashamed, disgusting, upset. i want the same anxiety I have when I overthink of my boyfriend being with other girls. It's unfair to me that when it comes to boys I feel like I want it. And it's so disgusting. It's ruining everything I had with my boyfriend. I DO NOT want another boy. Idc I have my boyfriend. It's like it's stuck in the back of my head. Why are they so easy to accept, I used to be terrified thinking of other boys. I feel like my boyfriend is talking to some other girls and liking her as punishment because of these thoughts I have. It's like every obsessive thought I'm stuck on I have to be punished for. It's either agreeing on those thoughts of sharing my boyfriend to other girls and agreeing he probably has more interest in that girl. It sucks. I just want these boy thoughts out of my head. I have no one to talk to. Why can't I for ONCE in my life only think about my boyfriend and actually feel loyal. I don't want no other boy and I do not care for any other boy (obviously it's not gonna believe me) I hate these feelings I get and I keep feeling like I have to agree. It's getting worse every second. Do I just accept it I never ever accept any thoughts that's with other boys. :<

Anyone else have the intrusive thought or fear that they could just snap and go crazy I feel like I’m the only one it’s been bothering me since last week and I can see I’m getting better from the relapse of my ocd but I’m just frustrated I want to go back to feeling good and carefree again

How do you forget about something traumatic and return to normality?

I kept putting off some pretty important paperwork and now I'm beyond stressed because now it's a mess and I dont want to get in trouble or not be able to get what I need. I know that I just didnt do the paperwork for any malicious reasons, there was absolutely no benefit from me just not doing it, but I waited so long that I'm horrified of something messing up. I hate how my OCD prevented me from doing it and is now keeping me scared and I'm beating myself over for it.

I came across a video of multiple women explaining what they felt with men and how they knew they were lesbian, explaining their experiences on dates and stuff. I truly don’t know if my memory is just distorted now or I actually felt/feel the same way that they did, but it seriously feels like I’m not attracted to men at all anymore. If I ever was. This is breaking my heart and I’m crying now because what does this mean for my relationship? I’m doubting entirely now if I ever was actually happy to be dating him and if I actually want to be with him. I was with him just now and I felt safe and comfortable, but the doubts were running in my head and all I could think about was if this is comphet. 7 months ago I had no doubt that I wanted to marry him and now I’m doubting EVERYTHING. I feel like there’s no going back.

I've used the NOOCD app for quite a while now, and the community is okay, by far not perfect, but ok. I have had 3 different therapists 4 times, and the first one, his name was John, and the first time had gone to this app to get a therapist, he didn't show up to our session twice, so we gave up on him and went to a different person, her name was Kathy, and she's more of an action taker which I respected at first, however, because she takes more action than listening what i have to say, she ignores my opinion of her ways of ERP. and because of her, it caused my Meta ocd, which made my life way times worse. So I went to a different business and took a break from therapy, but I went back, and for some reason, they thought it would be a good idea to give me back John. And I trusted the company and gave the benefit of the doubt, but guess what, he didn't show up again, and when finally the company and I got a hold of him and we finally got a session with him, and when we started. He seemed very mad at me, like very irritated because god for big I wanted him to be in our session, and while i was trying to tell him about my HOCD, he seemed to be more in outer space than in the room. the other named David made it worse. I had a problem with Kathy not listening, David is more of a listener than action action-taker. However, David is very negative and likes to ramble on and on. And when I mean negative in our first session he basically told me, "listen, I can't promise we can fix this, but we can try our best." you wouldn't think that's bad but when his other problem, rambling, he likes to repeat himself saying, "AND I mean i can't promise you we'll fix this right?" So yeah that's not very great. and I question if they are a legit and credible company, is there a way I can report this company or something because they can't keep getting away with it? and they like to use the excuse of,” Well don’t worry our clinical team will definitely get to the bottom of this.” Spoiler alert nothing happens actually I saw a review a month later in the NOOCD app and it’s the same problem, the same therapist John who didn’t show up for me, didn’t show up for the kid either!! So im at a point where i cant trust the member advocates, the "licenced therapist" or the clinical support team.

I've never ever thought out this (besides literally the the thing that triggered it) have gotten a groinal during this whole hocd thing which tbh now thinking about it is kind of weird I've gotten weird feelings like I was about to get one but I say through it and would you look at that It never happened I did have a very very bad case of low libido during my first case of hocd (if it even is hocd) Then now since I've kind of relapsed ive had normal libido What's mainly killing me in the romatical part of this and thoughts Ive always wanted to fall in love with a girl But it makes me disgusted even thinking of doing it with a dude but hey Im slowly recovering again I can't wait to get my life back together and for everyone else to as well

So today my boyfriend asked me what my ring size is and said not to think into it to much. And then my sister in law keeps HINTING that something big is happening sometime soon. Maybe I’m over thinking but I think my boyfriend is going to propose to me soon. I have wanted to marry him forever. We talk about marriage and babies all the time. Our six year anniversary is on the 20th. Why is ocd trying to scare me. Like it’s latching onto an exciting thought. I had a real bad ocd spiral yesterday and I’m a bit fragile right now. I think I just need to get back into ERP. But ugh I hate the little sparks of like anxiety or fear that Is trying to grab me.