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I believe I done something awful and kept looking for evidence and now I’m stuck with this one piece it’s causing so much anxiety, and I don’t know if it’s true, what I think I done would put me in prison, HELP

Is there anyone else on here that does a lot of physical compusions? I always thought that to have OCD you would have to also do something to neutralise your anxiety for example open and close a door so many times before walking through it. It is only since being on this app that I have learnt thay a lot of people here don't do physical compusions and I actually haven't spoken with anyone who does

Does anyone else avoid cleaning?? I have multiple reasons why 1. I’m scared of the germs I might come across while cleaning, having to clean a toilet for example means getting up close to it and almost touching it, only having my cleaning cloth or kitchen roll between the toilet germs and my hand, I don’t have cleaning gloves because I’d be too uncomfortable reusing them (even after washing them) but I feel guilty about using disposable ones because of the environment 2. I’m a perfectionist to the point I feel like anything I do wouldn’t be good enough, which is silly because when it comes to cleaning anything is better than nothing, but I can’t help the feeling of distress of feeling like I’m not doing enough and not knowing when to stop 3. When it comes to things like dusting I’m afraid to dust because then the dust will be in the air 4. I’m scared to accidentally poison myself with cleaning chemicals 5. I also have depression so tasks are really difficult also autism which brings a whole load of sensory issues when it comes to cleaning. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not living in filth lol, my home is probably average clean, thankfully I have a partner who does lots of things to equally help but I’ve been having thoughts like “I can’t be cosy and comfortable if there is any dust or clutter or dirt in my home” and it is making me feel like I can’t be content without cleaning and dusting every single day which is impossible to keep up with in general let alone with all the problems I’ve got with getting cleaning done. I also have some problems with clutter. I use my parent’s attic and grandparent’s storage garage to store some things (I’m very grateful that they let me do this) but I get twitchy thinking about having clutter in my life even if they are in storage and out my home. Sometimes I even feel stressed thinking about all the clutter in other peoples homes or public places or landfill 😣😣😣 My home isn’t minimalist at all, I have loads of trinkets and things I like surrounding me, but anything that I don’t feel is a good or organised part of my decor or life is difficult to manage. I know that issues with cleaning and perfectionism etc are common with OCD but I rarely see people avoid cleaning as much as they can due to it, I normally see it manifest in people by making them obsessively clean so I feel sort of alone in this

I just want to feel human and love being here and just bask in the beauty of the Earth but now my mind goes straight to negativity and fear. It seems like I will never feel connected to purpose again and be totally at peace with loving the scenery and the way the world works 😢 I want to be okay with anxiety but it’s scary how it makes you feel and then I’m like but then how do I know my brain is really a brain? 😞

my ocd might be schizophrenia or maybe I have both idk anymore. But yk why do I need a label anyway. It is what it is. I’ll keep posting on here tho cuz yall my people and I love yall 🫶🫶🫶🫶

I Have (i hope it’s ocd) soocd ( I am scared that I am lesbian) and rocd for 3 years. Before ocd I think I was attracted to men but now it feels so foreign. I am also in a relationship for 3 years and I even don’t know how I would be in my relationship without ocd. My ocd started after 3 months of a relationship so before ocd we were still in this honeymoon phase but now we are long time together and I don’t know how I am in a real serious relationship. Maybe without ocd after being in a serious relationship with a guy I would also decide that I don’t like men? Maybe I liked men only at the beginning, in the honeymoon phase, during dating time because I only liked the attention?I never was in a serious relationship before ocd and I even cannot compare it…

Having ocd makes me always think the worst. I have had 2 incidents that have made my life miserable. I guess they are real events. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and went about my day. When he woke up I said good morning and told him to come with me and get breakfast like I always did and when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him asking why he didn’t have them on but he was 2 or 3 so he didn’t like being yelled at and didn’t have a clear answer and pointed at me . My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible. The other was years later when my daughter was younger she used to crawl into bed with me at night alot. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy” and I was really tired so I just remember saying “sorry” and moving back and going back to sleep. I know it was probably nothing more than I just rolled over on her or something like that but my ocd keeps telling me I must have done something horrible. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something horrible in my sleep. It had made my life so hard to live. Anyone without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these little weird quirks that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes the worst possible scenario out of everything and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

... Recently im feeling very deoressed its about a month and something ... cause after four years i went back to the theme of pocd cause it was here the whole time but i just ignored it ... but now my boyfriends mother was talking about having grandkids and i always knew i will not have kids .. cause i lost all my relationship to them through so many years of thinking like this .. also my boyfriend has no clue i have this thoughts and images and gronials ... but now it just went so down .... i told my mom im getting bad and it was like rapid .... she made me an appointment at psychiatrist so i need to talk all the story again .. but its so long story around 10 years .. i was never diagnosed .. i was in psychiatrist at my first depressive episode and after one test they thought i have schizoaffective disorder.. i was upset about it cause we didnt discuss the theme about me having this gronials near my sister for example .. i was also telling them about all the compulsions i was doing ... but im from slovakia and my psychiatrist told me i know more about ocd than him probably .. so i stopped with all of that and was trying to pull myself from hard depression and this and just ignoring the thoughts and move with the day and so on .. but i also was avoiding children as much as possible i became like crazy i could hear just a voice of a child and i was immediatly feeling groins and it was really hard .. but then i get really better .. but i had a knew thing to think about it was about my friend i was feeling jealous of and then she had some behaviours i didnt like .. and told me some things .. i started to think about her .. because i loved all my friends accept of her and this was a theme for me around years i never told her this bad feelings about her .. only now after for years and she told me she never knew and she loves me .. and i was like im afraid i will feel like this also after we talk .. cause i was comparing to her for four years and it also became true we had some argument where she was like she has a lot more problems than me ( because both of her parents died it was longer time ago) and she never knew about my depression about my pocd and she dont know still .. and i was feeling really angry about it cause i went through a lot of hard depressive moments and so on .. i came to the point thinikg like this might be worse than loosing parents and then became like no i dont wanna lose parents .. and i was like questioning because when you loose someone it was always like worst thing .. but when you loose yourself and your mental helath its a torture .. and i went back to psychiatry i stopped my life im just lying in bed all days when im in work im not talking to anyone , i lost interest im my family, im my friends.. and also thinking like i loved them so much just because i had someone else to hate .. so wanted to show her i have diffenert friends ... and i came to point where i relapsed like with pocd or whaterev it is .. i went like i domt care im pedo .. and when i was lying down in bed and get groins i was like im done cause this was a nightmare to me to thinking about this .. i wanted to tell my boyfriend about all of it ... but then i started to thinking like what i am starting to thinikng about my obsessions and maling this thoughts in my had like imaging myself with a kid .. and one thought made feel like this is the end cause i let myself to like let this image in my head continue and like let it happend in my mind with like when you are wathing some porn .. after that i had also like this thought with a dog and let my vagina like not fighting it ? i also imagined my brothers 5 months old son like having him sitting between my legs and let myself to imagine like to made a sexual move with this groin .. and another thoughts im my head to just let it ... and after i had this thoughts i had them like for so many times trought this week like .. im repeating them in my head and i dont even know how they hapoend ... i think like i was fighting it before .. but know i think like i cant even move on ... because this is what im lettimg happening .. i also feel like im just in my head for a month not even thining about reality .. i felt like i have schizophrenia .. and i also start talking in my head like this like i see a boy and my mind goes like "butt" then we come with my boyfriend from work .. at the same time as my mum and my sister .. and when he is like " look your sister and your mom" my mind is like " my sister i fuck in my head whole life" ( because i had most of my pocd around her for 10 years) or i see a woman and my mind just goes like "boobs" ... like im talking to myself like a psycho .. and tgen in reality im crying , lying in my bed , everyone knows me different but i dont know eho i am anymore .. im talking to myself like this is who i am ( also my mind went like surprise motherfuckers in context to telling everybody what is going on ) ..... im seeing myslef just closed at psychward .. couse i feel like i completely lost my mind

I’m newish to ERP, and I’m struggling to passively look at the intrusive thoughts as they come up. I always, without even realizing it, have such an awful reaction to them bc they’re awful, that I just immediately want to push them away. But apparently that’s bad. I just don’t know how to change that. One of the articles I was sent via NOCD said to just observe them as they go by, but I don’t even know how that could look for me. Does anyone else struggle with this or have any tips? Thanks in advance! Hope y’all had a great weekend!

What is it about OCD that gives us huge anxiety when waking up. I have also been sleeping terribly.

Is it possible to go into a residential facility for OCD? I tried ERP and my OCD got worse. I switched to my old therapist becauseI trust her more. She isn’t specialized to treat OCD though. My OCD is morphing and getting worse. I haven’t had much luck with 4 years of outpatient therapy and acute inpatient is only to get you out of crisis. I keep getting suicidal, and I tried committing suicide a couple of times because of OCD. My arm is covered in scars and cuts. I’m tired. I want to die. It seems hopeless and I have no direction in my life anymore.

I'm sad about life things. I don't really have friends, but does that even really matter? And I don't feel like I've ever truly been heard by anyone, not even those with OCD. I know that people won't understand my struggles, but I still want someone to talk to about them, but every time I try to I always end up feeling unheard and hurt.

This may or may not have to do with one of my other poems.

Have any of you ever had your ocd be on remission? Where ocd was not bothering you and you had no intrusive thoughts?

When the ocd feels real and like it won’t go away the depression is so hard to deal with. I don’t even want to get out of bed. How do people balance this?

Really don’t like how OCD will even give me intrusive thoughts surrounding the person I love as well as others close to me. Makes me so anxious and when I see or talk to them when I’ve just had an intrusive thought of that theme I’m trying to get over it makes me feel awful. I know the thoughts are not true but the anxiety it gives me is still awful. Anybody have a tip to combat that weird and anxious feeling from that?

I’m terrified of death. I was doing amazing for weeks and then this last week I have been giving into the compulsion of going to the ER. I had chest pains that took me to the ER, and the. Today I thought I swallowed a bug that then got lodged into my throat.

I haven’t done much today. It’s been a rather relaxing Sunday. I have a compulsion of going out and doing something to ease my anxiety about not doing anything. But instead of going out and doing something, I am sitting with the discomfort and continuing to play sims. Lol I’m a twenty six year old gamer don’t mind me. Also the time change is really messing with me. Knowing it’s gonna be dark in an hour and a half does not help the anxiety.

How do you guys deal with the stories of coming out later in life? I feel like I can find some similarities between me and them and it freaks me out because i don’t want to leave my boyfriend or have that happen

Anyone here get tired of feeling hyper responsible and having to care about everything?