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Nobody really gets how I feel, no matter how hard I try to explain it. I feel so lonely.

I used the bathroom, washed my hands, and changed into my pajamas. I washed my hands a second time shortly after and then when I was done, I noticed a drop of water had gotten onto my pajama shirt at some point. I'm still not sure if: a) It splashed onto me during my second handwashing session (which I'm fine with) b) It splashed onto my stomach during my first handwashing session and transferred to the new shirt when I changed clothes (which I'm still fine with) c) It is toilet water that splashed onto my stomach when I went to the bathroom, then transferred to my new shirt when I changed clothes (which I'm not okay with at all) I know the water is likely from possibility (a) or (b). I never felt toilet water splash on me, and I spent a long time washing my hands both times. After washing my hands, water splashed a bit when I went to dry them, giving plenty of chances for water to splash on my shirt then. And if toilet water had gotten on, me it would probably never even show up on my new shirt because it would have dried by then, hence the drop probably wasn't toilet water. But it doesn't matter. The possibility of it being toilet water still terrifies me, even with all the evidence against it. Because of possibility (c), I decided to change my shirt a third time...and then the third shirt brushed against the spot on my stomach which would have been wet in the first place. I decided to not change shirts again. For a moment I was able to tell myself "it's OCD." But internally I am freaking out, because now I doubt that. I don't know if I'm endangering my family right now. I feel so lost. I feel like something always goes wrong and it ends up consuming my thoughts for hours. I just wanted to relax tonight, but my brain keeps repeating "What if, what if, what if," repeating everything that happened over and over again, repeating this internal debate about the situation with myself. I feel like I can only resist the physical compulsion of changing my shirt at the cost of my own sanity. Because I can't stop ruminating. I have no idea how.

How long do you do them? It just doesn’t feel like I’m doing them right. My level of distress doesn’t seem to change when I do them. It feels like I’m waiting for something to happen, but nothing does. Anyone want to share how you do exposures?

I was on an erotic site and this woman wanted to do stuff with me. She was in a relationship with another woman on the website. She said that she wanted it and that she hadnt done it with her wife in a long time. Long story short we explicitly chatted online but i feel guilty because of the experience. She said i didnt ruin her relationship but i feel like an evil person for doing it. Am i a bad person for this? Someone told me that because its an online chat site, that i have nothing to be sorry about but... i still feel like a horrible bad person who doesnt deserve love...

I have recently been having harm ocd really bad. I have bad thoughts and all I think about is how to get rid of them. I feel like a horrible person and the more I have these thoughts to more I want to cry. I just want it all to stop but I can’t get it to. And the more I confront my ocd the more i want to cry because I have this problem. I just want my life to be normal again.

I talked to my therapist at school today we talked about my family and my mom and how i was abused I told her that my mom always thought my dad would assault me even though he never did and she thinks I would do the same thing I don't talk to my father that much but he never assaulted me it makes me feel sick thinking about it I want to cry for what happened to me as a child with all the abuse but I can't And I feel bad having to tell my therapist what happened she said it's okay but I feel like I'm hurting her feelings by telling her these things

So I’ve started cooking for my family, since I’m unemployed and live at home I want to cook dinner for the people I love for when they get home, but I’ve discovered an issue; my ocd has really latched onto cooking, especially with meat, like I get horrible anxiety and intrusive thoughts about it somehow not being cooked enough or I’m defrosting it wrong it’s going to grow bacteria, and everyone who eats my meal is going to get horribly sick and die. I feel the need to Google a million times how the meat is looking and that it’s supposed to look that way, I’m quadruple checking the recipe to make sure I didn’t screw up, and right after I just double checked my brain goes “you might have read the measurements wrong, check again” and THAN after I’ve checked at least 10 times I want to confirm with somebody else that the food looks fine and I’ve read the recipe right. It’s horrible, I end up sobbing while cooking cause I’m terrified I’m gonna get everyone sick and I’ve mentally exhausted myself from compulsively checking and all the intrusive thoughts. I will say there’s a major silver lining: as soon as this started to happen I was able to see it for what it is, another ocd theme, and while it’s been really difficult to cope with, I don’t feel like I won’t be able to get over it, or lost on how to tackle this theme, I feel certain I’ll get over it, and I’ve never had that confidence before 🥹

The triggers I’ve worked on with my therapist have disappeared for me. Now there are new triggers popping up for me. The primary subtype combo for me is: - Self Harm + False Memory (I can’t remember if I’ve accidentally harmed myself) In both cases, these worries are always false but they feel very real. One thing that helped was getting my vitamin levels checked and realizing I need to take b12 supplements. When I take my b12 every morning, I don’t experience as much OCD. Also, reducing coffee intake throughout the day has helped. What has helped for you when dealing with new triggers? How do you avoid OCD from occupying your headspace?

I am struggling a lot with thoughts around my sexuality I am recently in a new relationship with a man I have tries because k had all these thoughts to do some things with girls especially this one girl , we kissed, went on some dates and once i stages for the night ( nothing sexual happened), when said girl got a relationship i did not feel jealous and i did not fzel sure when kissing her also Lately i have been trying to like the thoughts of her that i get overwelhmed with , because maybe it is internalized homophobia, is this normal? I also have been feelinf weird, i do think i love my bf ( i feel not sure ) and he is a great partner to me, but there are times when i am having all these thoughts that i feel like i cant do it and it is because of my sexuality and i am actually a lesbian , i try to imaginaire kissing him but sometimes feel disgust ( dont feel that i think when i am with him) or feel weird about it , i really dont understand my feeling I have been in living relationships in the past with men and i am for the most part scared i am just lyinh to myself and i dont like men i am just a lesbian I have now been saying i am bi because i feel like that is the right thing Please someone help me

How does your hocd started?

How is the holiday season going so far? What are you expecting this next month? We are planning lots of content so we want to know how to best support you! 🤍

This is simply advice that helped me and in no way am I qualified to tell you what to do but only to relay my experience. Please speak with your therapist first and foremost. - ERP: You need it and it feels so amazing when you have someone help you along the way -whatever your brain is telling you that you do not deserve to do (exercising, eating (in general or healthily), skincare, dressing nicely, your favorite hobby, etc.) JUST DO IT! will you be riddle with guilt? yes. will it feel sooo wrong? yes. Will you feel anxious? yes. Please just take care of yourself and think of it as an exposure because I think it is! Refuse the conditions of OCD. If that doesn't convince you, do it for the younger you, the five year old you who dreamt of so much. Do that hobby and activity they would love for you to do - Listen to music and consume content with meaningful and uplifting messages. This is for everyone and especially those of you compulsively researching OCD and whatnot and watching videos and all that stuff. Don't get me wrong OCD knowledge saves lives, but when it becomes all consuming its doing more harm then help. Try to take in content (non-compulsively) that is uplifting and positive. Not to necessarily make you positive but to give your brain happy content- feed your brain the stuff you want more of. This is kind of silly but I love listening to the Spirit movie songs by Bryan Adams- they're kind of badass. -Think about and visualize a future that is full of hope. Ok hear me out. Whenever I would think of the future it would be dark and scary which is terrifying but normal with OCD and especially with depression. As I get better whenever I think about a future but on my terms and with everything working out great, I would feel great and then awful thoughts would flood my brain. This scared me and it still does but I realize that avoiding thinking about a positive future was a compulsion for me (you might not relate to this because its kind of niche and that's ok) -Stop monitoring how you feel. I deal with this more as I lean into recovery. I notice OCD sneaking in as scary feelings. Feel them but ignore diving deeper. Remember your brain has been fixated on a scary outcome for a long time so of course we will get the thoughts and feelings and all that stuff (Don't think about a pink elephant!). Your brain lies whether that is a thought, image, urge or feeling. It will do anything to 'protect' you aka, make you do what you are convinced will make you feel safe which are your compulsions. Resist it all-continue doing what you normally do even if you feel like the most disgusting and horrible person. Like Dory says "just keep going" -Stop monitoring how recovered you feel and stop trying to feel 'perfect' or 'just right'. Just live and go through your day doing what you value no matter what you feel. This is SO hard, it's so much easier said than done but you can't get better if you are obsessed with getting better. Look out for this OCD sneakiness and mention it to your therapist. -Gratitude. Be grateful for whatever good you do have no matter how deserving or undeserving you feel. Be grateful that OCD resources and help is becoming so robust in our time. Be grateful if you have people who support you. Be grateful for your therapist. Be grateful for every single good thing. Even be grateful for your brain! I know, I know, but think about how it's just an organ and it thinks its doing its best to protect you even if it is being supeeeeerrr not helpful. -Focus and help others. This can be hard especially with themes like Harm OCD and POCD but I know how it feels. Focus on how much your sibling would appreciate you helping them with their homework instead of focusing on how terrifying it would be for you with the onslaught on negative thoughts. Think about how much your dog would love to go on a walk and explore the world and not on how awful you will feel doing it. I did it and I know you can. -Stop waiting to love and respect yourself before you do things that will help you love and respect yourself. Stop waiting until you feel better to do what you love. You build self love, trust, and respect by continuously and purposefully doing what you love and what you value. -Stop the internal whine. Ok, listen I am not trying to invalidate how absolutely debilitating this disorder is, but I realized for myself that the internal whining I had about this was keeping me stuck. "why me!" "I love my family, I love children, I love animals, etc., why did I have to have this obsession?" guess what it would stick if it didn't matter. How do you make someone do what you want? By threatening what you love most. It sucks but thank goodness you are tough. You are strong and absolutely capable of handling this disorder. But you won't know this until you try and until you do what it takes. -Accept it all. The thoughts, images, and every part of this confusing and even traumatic experience. Accept that you have OCD and that comes with constant doubting and upsetting thoughts. Accept and find some self compassion for your torment. Accept even when you think you possibly can not. Acceptance helps you detach from the thoughts and creates space for it to be there with out determining who you are and what you should do. This are just some things that continue to help me through OCD recovery. Feel free to ask question below but not reassurance because I will not give it. I love you all so very much (yes even you who thinks they are the exception and thinks that if I knew what they thought it would not apply to them, especially you!!!)

i don’t know what to do anymore i have to wash my hands 30+ times a day and i have panic attacks if i accidentally touch my face during school bc my hands are dirty and i have to pull out a napkin and wet it with my water bottle in the middle of class it’s so embarrassing and my hands hurt so bad they’re so dry and red and im trying to get myself to limit my hand washing to once when i get home and once before i wash my face at night but it’s so hard cause literally while i wash my hands my brain will be like “it’s just three more washes would you rather do that or face the consequences” and it’s so loud in my head that i can’t do anything but listen i hate my ocd so much

I started therapy a couple weeks ago for relationship ocd. I thought I was doing so good and my therapist is awesome. Yesterday I had the worst triggers, ruminations, and compulsions I’ve ever had. It feels like the ocd has attacked me with everything it has. I guess I’ve pretty much destroyed my relationship with my wife over yesterday and today. I’ve tried to talk to myself, sit with it, etc. I’m feeling like I have no chance of getting better. My mind goes to worse case scenario and the compulsions consume me.

Do any of you guys with OCD also suffer from social anxiety disorder? I thought I overcame my social anxiety but ever since my harm OCD spiked 5 months ago my social anxiety reared its ugly head once again. Now it's worse than ever! Yesterday I went to a concert and I had a great time but later on it got ruined. I went with a friend and when we were leaving the venue I was trying to take a selfie in front of the stage but then a stranger offered to take a full body picture of me (my friend was outside already) and I agreed but I was extremely nervous while posing for the picture, it makes me so uncomfortable when a stranger is photographing me, but I didn't know what to say when he asked me, I didn't want to be rude, so I agreed nonetheless, and huge mistake. I was acting so weird and awkwardly there were also still a bunch of people standing there behind us and I felt like they were watching and judging me. I tried to smile for the camera but my lips trembled and my body was stiff, I didn't know how to pose. When he finished taking the pics and handed me my phone back I saw the gallery and he took like 10 pics and none of them looked right, they were blurry and I looked so fake and ugly in those pictures, my eyes looked big and scary, my head was even turned to the other side in some of them and you could only see my frizzy hair and awkward body pose. It was so bad I cringed when I saw the photos, I deleted them all immediately, said an akward thank you so much and left the building in a frenzy. That little incident ruined my whole night. It's been 2 days and I cannot stop thinking about it, I cringe everytime I remember that and how I was acting so strange and what this guy must have thought about me, because at the end he seemed freaked out and distant. I've had suicidal thoughts ever since because I was so embarassed I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Since I have OCD I know I will be replayig this event non stop for days, weeks or even months and I can't stop crying ever since. How do I get over this? 😭

Hey everyone I’ve really been struggling the past month since moving states for a new job. I’ve been feeling more paranoid and more anxious which is leading me to think I may be developing schizophrenia. My psychiatrist has told me that I don’t have it but I really feel like she is missing something or I’m not explaining what I’m feeling enough. Some things I’m experiencing- Brain fog Irritability Isolating/no interest in socializing (this is not normal for me) Harm intrusive thoughts Feeling like I’m going crazy Trouble comprehending things Depression Just feeling totally unlike my normal self I just keep getting worried something is terribly wrong with me and I need to catch it before it gets worse. I can’t seem to put my mind at ease because it’s thinking the symptoms I have are not “normal” and it’s looking for an answer on why I feel this way. Any advice would be great!

I got labs done, and everything looked good. Even the doctor said it looked generally unremarkable. But something was slightly elevated , and I'm freaking out about the risk of the big C. I need to be told I am over reacting or something

I’m 29 which I know isn’t always considered old but something I have been really struggling with is this feeling of relief of getting diagnosed and at the same time frustration of how it was undiagnosed for so long. And how glaring obvious it was. Or in my case written off as GAD. When deep down I knew it was something more. It felt like I did a lot of advocating for my symptoms but was never validated. I did talk therapy implemented all the skills but felt like a failure because my obsessions weren’t subsiding. Finding NOCD has been beyond validating. To have this online community of wonderful people who truly get it. And to be educated that obsessions that I thought were rare and oddly specific were common in OCD. As well as the other things I have ruminated on now I know also being OCD. I guess what I’m trying to put out there is if anyone has experienced or has advice on moving through frustrations and into just pushing through.

Has anyone made it through this and actually reclaimed the peace they had before going through this? The way I say the world has just completely changed and I don’t know how to find the willpower to keep going unless there is hope of getting that back. I will continue to keep trying anyway, but please tell me it gets easier.

7 years ago I was a raging drug addict. I took any and all kinds of drugs without second thought of consequences. When I had my first child it’s like a switch flipped in my brain. Within her first 6 months of life I had over 12 visits to the ER. I was (still am) constantly afraid of developing a life threatening disease / illness or having a sudden health event (stroke / heart attack / heart failure / brain tumor / cancer ) develop. I’ve seen over 10 Specialist from autoimmune, heart, eyes, neurology , stomach , skin, etc. I’ve got a seemingly well bill of health but I become so hyper aware of every small change within my body. It’s. Constant state of fear and anxiety. Headache = likely tumor / aneurysm , small pain in chest or arm = heart problems , mild cold = covid or some rare disease , etc. Lately, my heart has been my fixation. I was having tachycardia going to the ER 2x a week. EKGs normal, 24hr monitor normal, X-RAY normal. Shortly after I notice my resting heart rate went down as low as 50bpm. I looked through my history over the months and that seems pretty normal for me I just hadn’t noticed before. Now I’ve been worried about my heart for weeks even tho my dr says I’m okay. It’s exhausting to be afraid of sickness and death 24/7. When I get focused on these thoughts it pulls me away from my kids and husband and daily tasks. I either full blown panic or shut down in fear. Anyone else relate? What helps you? I don’t want to rely on medications as I have so many adverse reactions to the 10+ I’ve tried! - oh year here’s another one - I’m afraid of allergic reactions as well I CONSTANTLY fear I will have an allergic reaction to medications / foods or over dose on things like Tylenol and Ibuprofen or mix meds and have reactions.