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the NOCD Community

Seeing so many post on POCD,HOCD,TOCD and others. Makes me feel so bad and realize how sick ocd can make us. It’s so sad honestly, breaks my heart. I just want this stop and we could just all heal. I’m personally afraid that hocd won’t ever stop. I feel like some days it’ll make me ruminate and other I’ll feel calmer but the question is still here. To awareness of it will still be there. I’ve have hocd for 5 months. Sometimes I truly think I’m lesbian. Others I’m just like “but I can’t be, I have feelings for boys and like doing sexual things with them” but I just keep going back and forth. Trying to look Into certain things I do and why I’m doing them. I’ve never developed feelings for a girl. I feel so guilty and bad to be going through this when I have a boyfriend. I feel like I’m doing him wrong. And it sucks so bad. I enjoy being with him I feel myself happy with him. Yet I still worry about this. Also, is there still anyone here with hocd? I haven’t seen many people on here. I’d like to get some advice or not feel alone I guess. Thank you.

People on ssri's: on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being most effective) how much do they help your ocd? Not anxiety or depression, just ocd.

Keep fearing that all the food at the house in which I babysit is poisoned. Sometimes I work up to 9 hours here without eating. Today I forgot to bring food with me, so I really forced myself to eat some of their snacks now I’m anxiously awaiting some kind of doom. How can I help this?

I woke up anxious I had a really disturbing dream about my friends and it terrified me and disgusts me. I woke up and felt wrong and I couldn’t really think of why I felt that way but now I remember what I dram. It’s really making me anxious. I feel this thing sneaking up on me, it only allowed me to feel better for 4 days. Can anyone just please help me? Give advice? Any facts?

Im so lost. I can’t find my carnal attraction like i used to. The one thing I am trying to be is true to myself. I keep watching porn to see if something, ANYTHING gay turns me on. And I never get excited. I just get anxious, a weird feeling, and i don’t like watching the “act”... I even try to will myself to like it but it just doesn’t pop up. But anything with a woman in it..boom I’m in the mood... But the doubt just creeps back in bc I’ll see a guy, say “oh he’s cute, could I do it with him?” Then I get anxious and say “that was a gay thought, you’re gay” but I just can’t prove it to myself I honestly do not care what I am at this point...I just want to be true and put the doubt behind me.... How do I do this? Someone please.

Does anyone feel like this isn’t rOCD and they’re just obsessing over OCD in the hope that it is when in fact it’s not? I can’t think about anything else other than this being the end of my relationship.

This Pocd has really made me think deeply throughout my life, how actual pedophiles must feel. I have a lot more compassion for NON ACTING pedophiles. All these disgusting and worry some thoughts that I deem as disgusting, that I over think, well pedophiles must get loads and loads of thoughts about how gross people would think they are etc, I feel sorry for non acting pedophiles. I'm ganna do a video on my YouTube channel about what I think about pedophiles. Why I don't judge non acting pedophiles, and why I judge acting ones. Think it will make for an interesting video.

Does anybody ever start to direct your violent and sexual thoughts onto those around you. Like looking at others and thinking what if they are a pedophile.what if they are gay.what if they hate their wife and kill them lol sounds funny saying it now but damn when it happens I get so much anxiety. On top of my hocd being bad all of a sudden lately I cant well feel anything.yesterday I realized that on the 22 of august it will be 8 years since I cuddled with or held anyone close.was a little hard to deal with honestly.have spent my youngest most attractive years alone with thoughts of murder rape paedophilia incest transgenderism being gay being a cannibal( honestly was my favorite one).i obsess over random peoples faces.i have had this one fat ladys face whom I never knew stuck in my head for 2 years now.fuck I dont even know her why do I keep thinking of her. But if you add all of that up along with severe self harm I can say I feel nothing.no kindness, no hope .reading other ocd stories does nothing for me.cant find any reassurance at all. Had liked this girl for 6 years and finally got to see her again like a month ago but once again my ocd makes me have such a bad vibe she hasnt hit me back up once. Sadly this is always the case though I dont think I ever liked the girl this much lol now my hocd is spiking and I cant stop hurting myself.dont want therapy dont want advice just wanna die.and honestly after 10 years of this shit I dont think that getting therapy will all of a sudden make me feel better and then the universe will be like good job buddy here you go heres your new life or heres a part of the old. Everybody I love.and were talking at least 20 people have all moved onto bigger and better things.all dont deal with this.they all have long term relationships or the nice house.or each other .fuck it world dont need me anyway it never has and never will!!!

Hi everyone, does anyone use xanax (Alprazolam to be exact) to reduce the anxiety OCD gives you? I’m diagnosed with generalised anxiety so I’m quite familiar with this treatment but it’s the first time I’m using it for something "different". I don’t know what to expect. I took one pill (0,25mg) this morning but it only helped a little bit so I was wondering if taking one more will help me a bit more or if it’s just pointless? Can’t see my therapist until september so that’s why I’m trying to medicate myself for now.

ive had this ' what if im trans' anxiety for such a long period i really feel like am genuinely questioning my gender, i feel really empty. im working with my cbt therapist and atleast thats a plus.

I am not really sure what I feel right now, I feel extremely disatached from my body 247 and nothing ever feels “real” to me. My therapist said it seems I’m suffering from “derealisation”. And it’s really scary because I constantly feel like I’m floating on a bubble and I’m not sure if one day I’m gonna wake up and feel “normal” and “alive” or if I’m going to wake up and it’s all going to be one big dream and I’ll have absolutely nothing. I keep stressing that my partners going to leave me or somethings going to happen to him and I really don’t know why! He asks me why I’m so snappy and sad recently and I just do not know why. I just snap back and I’m terrified he’s going to leave me. I just don’t know why I can’t just let him in.. Things are really really difficult lately and I’ve been having some dark thoughts that I haven’t thought in a long time, I’m just absolutely so scared that I’m going to die and I can’t accept the fact that one day I’m going to die and my mum is and my partner etc etc ... but it keeps me up most nights, I can never just sit back and relax. I’m constantly on my feet doing things trying to distract my mind and it’s so so hard. I’m struggling a lot with my body image, fear of being poisoned & feeling as though people are watching and listening to me through my phone and that there’s stashed cameras in my house. My ocd is getting worse and I just don’t know what’s wrong with me but all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep for a little while and maybe wake up and feel somewhat a sense or normality. I’m such a mess.

24 yrs old and fear the thought of breast cancer I have been checked multiple times had a breast ultrasound not even a year ago and still can’t shake the thought of it

Honestly my boyfriend has been so supportive through my OCD recovery. I couldn’t live without him. I’ve had OCD thoughts where it convinced me I have cheated on him and I can’t remember and when I confessed to him he knew that was 100% my OCD and didn’t give me reassurance but calmed me down so much. Since then I’ve had so many OCD thoughts targeting him and honestly if I didn’t have him I dunno if I could cope with my OCD.

❗️I spend some time on this forum called „emptyclosets“ where gay people can come out and search for help. And it was a big, big mistake. When I searched for HOCD in this forum I found so much people there who don‘t believe that something like „HOCD“ exists and that our symptoms are the typical signs of denying. This hit me just so hard and triggered me so, so much. My biggest fear is that it isn’t actually HOCD.

Hi, I am chloe and I have had OCD since I was 10 years and younger. I am 18 years old now and 2019 has been the worst year of my life, my OCD has reached new levels which have given me extreme anxiety and depression this year. I have every OCD theme you can think of and i am on a lot of medication to help me get through the day. When I was in high school I got bullied and this affected my OCD a lot, it’s made me anxious in social situations and I can’t trust a lot of people. I have basically no friends because of how badly bullied I was and I am now at college studying animal care and wish to talk to people on this app to get a better understanding of OCD and I want to hear other people’s stories too. I haven’t got CBT yet but I am getting the help I need soon. I have got a loving boyfriend that I couldn’t live without and has gone through the worst of my OCD with me. Please comment below and tell me about your OCD and where you are from! ❤️

I’m petrified. I keep thinking that I’m all alone. That nobody else is real, including my family, friends, all of you guys, my therapist etc. It’s just me. I can’t love anything and nothing can love me back. It’s just me. I want to cry. I can’t live if it’s just me and everyone else is fake in this ‘simulation’. I simply can’t.

I’m due a smear test tomorrow. I’m also getting std testing because my relationship anxiety makes me constantly paranoid i had a std I didn’t know about (despite always having clean results) which would result in him thinking I cheated when I didn’t, and leave me. I’m more worried about the std result than the smear. Basically my man leaving is scarier to me than cancer

Any tips or advice? I’ve reached a mental hurdle I can’t get past. I’m struggling to see a way past this, and whether this is OCD but it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, I’m constantly searching for something to make me feel better. The latest obsession has become OCD itself. The waitlists for therapy here are quite long (I’m on them) or I could pay a lot to see someone privately. I’m taking medication too. I’ve watched all the videos and read loads-but I guess I’m looking for advice as to where to go from here? How can I get some relief? I want to feel normal again!! (Just as an FYI-if you haven’t already guessed lol- I’m particularly suffering from rOCD but any tips would be great)

So i’m new, i’ve had OCD my whole life, but i’m experiencing a new subset that i’ve only really encountered a few times before. I’ve become very fixated on the world ending, even though it won’t happen for another 5 billion years or so. My fear of dying is definitely part of that, even though I will obviously be dead by that point. My main problem is thinking that at some point, the sun will explode and literally destroy everything that i have known. Every atom in my body will be detached from one another and relocated. My world will not exist in the mind of anyone, because there will be no one. It will be quiet. And not only those thoughts, but others regarding how small we are. The universe is apparently infinite and every effort i make to understand it triggers me until i have a complete meltdown. My life does not matter in reference to anything outside of our world. Im having a lot of trouble with pushing these intrusive thoughts away. My stomach drops whenever they come and makes me physically sick and extremely depressed and anxious. I’m in treatment and on medication but I have yet to discuss them with my therapist and psychiatrist because of time issues, though I do have an appointment. Has anyone experienced this too? How can I deal with intrusive thoughts?

Is anyone experiencing existential OCD as well?