Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’m constantly feeling unwanted arousal by my thoughts and it feels more intense than normal arousal. It’s driving me crazy. Any movement down there causes it, any of the thoughts I hate causes it. It’s all day everyday and I cannot focus. It’s super confusing because the physical part obviously has a good feeling but I hate how it is being caused so it’s a very BAD feeling. I’m so scared.

Is it normal to only feel false attraction to one subject of your pocd but not another? Idk why but it makes it feel all the more real bc I was watching a video and I forgot there were clips of a movie with kids in them and I felt what I hope is just false attraction to one of them but not the other three and I'm kind of having a hard time sitting with the feeling like I feel anxious and my face feels hot from being so anxious. Like I think it feels more real bc that's sort of how real attraction functions (being attracted to some people but not everyone).

It’s already been a year from my breakup. I feel a lot better and learned a lot about myself. It’s also been 6 months since we last spoke to each other. I feel like when we stopped speaking to each other became the moment where I finally started feeling all of my emotions more at once. I’m at this period of my life, where I hate to admit I still long for him to reach out to me. I want to get rid of this false hope and want to be more accepting of how over this has been for me. I can’t say I want closure, I think I just want someone to be by my side. I do tend to feel a lot of loneliness but I know this will pass. Any advice on letting go?

It seems like the toughest thing is to continue my day and get out of bed even though I have intrusive thoughts. Starting to think my response of quiting or throwing the day away is my ritual that needs to end.

Has anyone dealt with losing a parent while in your 20’s? 2 months ago was the worst day of my life. My mom had been battling an incurable brain cancer for 2 years. Her condition got really bad a little more than 2 months ago. She declined quickly and two months ago today, I watched her be unconsciously carried out on a stretcher out of my house and then a few hours later pass away. It has hit me hard and I still get these bad memory flashbacks of all the bad things I experienced. Has anyone dealt with this? I feel so alone and I don’t like to ask for help. It’s been 2 months and no one really checks on me. I’m trying to keep it together but some days it’s just so hard.

Hey everyone, I’ve been doing some research about feeling mania with OCD. As it turns out less than 1/5th of people with OCD also have a disorder that causes mania. I experience mania and was diagnosed with OCD over a year ago. I’m starting to think I got the wrong diagnosis… I take medication for my mood swings but it seems like the meds aren’t working as well now. Should I seek out a different diagnosis or should I just ask my doctor to up my meds? Or both?

Hi, I pretty much understand ocd but can someone explain it to me in a simplistic way. Thanks

I’m of course just kinda of tired of cleaning up and not knowing for sure when things are contaminated, re contaminated. And it’s stressful because you can’t physically see germs with your normal eyes. I’m considering downsizing my life, sorta like a minimalist just so I won’t feel like I have soooo much to clean/sanitize. I wonder how people without OCD feel like when they come into contact with contagious viruses. Do they excessively clean? Do they wonder about re contamination? I know mine will always be more obsessive, I just wish my thought process was at a normal pace that I’m still able to move forward with my life regardless of the obstacles..

When I’m in a flare up, I’m not able to see. I can’t see that it will ever get better. I have complete amnesia about any and all tools that will help me through it and I’m just miserable. I think my life is over, that I’m actually dying, and there’s just no point anymore. What are some ways that you all are able to get through a particularly tough flare up? I’m literally facing my absolute worst nightmare right now with health OCD. (Having symptoms and doctor is scheduling tests on Friday, so will know by Monday). My mind is taking me to the WORST places (you’re going to end up just like your mom who died of cancer, etc). I catastrophize EVERYTHING. And it’s all the absolute worst case scenario with me in all aspects of my life. Which I guess makes sense given all the trauma I have with my family members who died of cancer. But how do I reframe this? How can I change “worst case scenario” thinking? How do I let go of it??? Any and all tips / advice to help me get through this week is very much welcomed

when I was 13 I dealt with what I now know is suicide OCD. In the fall of 2020 my brain started to become completely flooded with thoughts and urges, hurting myself and graphic images that completely Messed with my life. It was so bad that I was throwing up every day, having panic attacks constantly, and having meltdowns in my room while my parents were trying to console me. I ended up completely failing my freshman year of high school. My brain was plagued with those thoughts 24/7, even when I was asleep. I truly thought that it was only a matter of time before I ended up taking my own life. I was never actually suicidal, but, since the thoughts were so prevalent, I thought that I truly did want to do take my life. For the entirety of October through January I was completely debilitated and I couldn’t do anything. My only way of coping was playing video games and I got so bad that I ended up spending 3000 hours in the span of four months playing on my computer. After a while it truly thought my life was over until I decided to research what was wrong with me. I found out what was going on and I learned that it was OCD. When I first learned that I was terrified because I didn’t know that truly meant. Once I did even more research, I learned that my thoughts are just thoughts, and it wasn’t how I truly felt, I learned that accepting my thoughts and accepting the fact that I have OCD would actually help me overcome everything. Deep down inside, I knew that since I was reacting so strongly to these thoughts, I truly wanted to live. with the help of therapy, medication, meditation, and hard work I was able to get better. I am a senior in high school now and I’m in a place that I never thought I would make it to. Even though the thoughts come back from time to time, it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to and i’m able to deal with them in healthy ways. You can get through this. Its going to take a lot of hard work but you can get through it.

Sometimes i feel like i say its ocd to everything when i shouldnt, and i get triggered when i hear ocd is when you feel the urgency to solve the thought, sometimes i call the random negative thoughts about myself ocd too cause it feels like i have to think about this. However now idk what happened, i just remember i got stressed last week and it just got stronger and steonger and now i feel like the whole world is against me, i get criticism from everywhere and then for days the situations that happened or the things others said keeps spinning in my mind, and it makes me feel like i did something wrong and i should feel guilt. Im really reactive to everything right now, i get angry really easily, i used to not care about some things but now even a little spark will start a fire... its annoying, however i still say this is part of ocd. I really feel that i want my old self back and when i have this reactive state i beat myself up cause i dont like this, i want my normal self back. I think this ads more to the problem.... what should i do, any advices?

Last week I felt very numb towards everything. I didn‘t laugh, I was constantly in my head and got angry pretty easily. On Friday My girlfriend had the plan to visit a bar together with a friend of hers and she asked me to join. I wasn‘t sure because rocd told me, that her friend won‘t like me, but I did it anyways. At the bar my girlfriend left us for a couple minutes and I talked to her friend. I suddenly had extreme panic and the feeling that I would faint, because I feared that I would enjoy talking to her friend more than to my girlfriend. When she came back I was very angry towards her, but It was gone really quick and it changed to an immense feeling of love and affection. The rest of the night I was sitting next to my girlfriend, realizing how much I love that girl. Like usual I couldn’t stop touching her, we had a lot of fun and the morning after I was very compassionate towards her. On the way home I thought how lucky I am to have her and that I would like to marry her one day… 2 days after all the good feelings were gone. She visited me and I felt so numb towards her. I was constantly in my head and checked feelings. I had the feeling, that everytime my compassion towards her flamed up a little bit, but I lost it again by pressuring it to grow more. Yesterday I read something about „I know I love her, because I worry about her“ and of course I thought about all the times I worried about her and when I was a good boyfriend towards her. But Today I woke up with big anxiety and the feeling, that I don‘t care for her. Suddenly I have the thoughts that I can‘t have fun with her, I should probably break up to feel better and all the good times with her never happend. Her voice sounds so different. How can Rocd make this beautiful weekend feel like it never happend. How can it make me doubt, that I was ever happy with her. How can it make me feel like I am certain, that the next time I‘ll see her, I‘ll feel even worse ? How can it make all the things I loved so much about her seem like annoying flaws? I fear that when my rocd tells me „next time you‘ll see her, you will reject her“ and I accept that thought, that it will happen. I feel like if I don‘t control my thoughts and I let them float around, that these things will happen.

I've experienced a fairly wide range of ocd symptoms throughout my life... Contamination ocd, magical thinking, checking window locks, intrusive thoughts about cheating on exams, obsession with praying, several months of chronic guilt when I was 12 for breaking a school rule, body symptoms where I would have to jump, or contort my body, move my head etc. I'm 31 now and started dating a really wonderful woman 4 months ago. We clicked fairly quickly with similar interests, and had been having a really great relationship... a couple of weeks ago we discussed the types of things we would like in our futures e.g. marriage, desire to be parents one day. We found out we both have similar life goals etc. and it felt really great. I've never had so much fun talking with someone, hanging out or been so impressed by their character and compassion. It felt so easy to fall in love once I felt safe. A few days after checking in with one another about life goals, I was having a bit of a stressful night unrelated to the relationship. I visited my gf after her work shift and noticed I was more anxious in my body than usual. We meditated together and then put on a tv show, while I was watching the show I had this thought flash into my head saying "what if you don't love your gf as much as you could, and deep down you are obsessed with women who are white / from the same country as you" the thoughts flashed again the next day, i ruminated and "cancelled out" the thought by thinking of my ex as an example that i would never choose anyone over my gf. the following days i felt consumed by guilt and shame, thinking of myself as xenophobic and obsessed with the idea i am racist. I selfishly confessed to her about everything, without considering what burden it could place on her. i felt like i was lying and she should know the truth but now i feel more selfish for sharing. my gf is south american. we are both white / of european descent but i feel very much aware that she can face xenophobic discrimination where we live). I've been in love before but have never felt so confident about a relationship. She studies psychology and researched ocd the night I told her everything and has been really understanding and supportive. I love her so much and feel so committed, but keep feeling as though I must be xenophobic and even racist due to the problematic nature of the intrusive thought i had. inhave been feeling like I do not deserve her love, or to feel pleasure like reading books or even just enjoying working. my logical mind says of course ocd attacks your values in creative and messed up ways but i can't help but think that's a stretch from typical rocd and maybe i am a really bad person. has anyone ever experienced anything similar or the brain being extra evil / tricky?

I compulsively think I have cancer every single day and I really feel alone in it. I’m afraid to talk to anyone about it. I try to go to doctors but my old doctor doesn’t take anything seriously and my new doctor I haven’t been able to see yet, I am becoming at a point where if I do have it I’m just gonna have to accept it and get over it. But at the same time I panic and have panic attacks. I don’t really have any symptoms but my anxiety won’t reason. I wish this would stop. I wish my brain would leave me alone. I was never ever like this, I’ve only been this way for a year.

Its making me feel like im noticing guys constantly, and giving me intrusive thoughts of being "bisexual" and intrusive images of men i see... i despise this so much...

What medicines do you all take that help with your OCD?

This is my first serious relationship and it has been amazing. I love him so much. I have just recently started to have extreme doubts and urges to break up. I cant even be with him without having extreme, horrible panic attacks. I have only been able to be intimate with him twice and during both times it was extremely hard. I feel so disconnected from him and myself. Im driving myself crazy. I want to have him, myself and our love back. I feel like I am just hurting him and I dont deserve him. This is so hard because no matter what you say to yourself to reassure they are just thoughts there is always a what if. Its gotten so bad im staying at my parents and cant do school work. I was only able to be with my boyfriend for 2 hours today before I was on the verge of a panic attack. If you relate please let me know im not alone. I feel so alone and trapped right now.

I’ve been struggling a lot recently with my anxiety and ruminating about a health issue that I’m reminded almost constantly about. Has anyone dealt with this type of thing and if so how did you manage? I’m used to more intrusive thoughts and “pure” OCD but this is different. 😩

Having ocd makes me always think the worst and that the only explanation is that I did something horrible. I have had 2 incidents over the years that have made my life miserable. I guess they are real events and possibly false memories as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I went about my morning tasks. When I went back upstairs to my room he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 so he could talk but not fully yet and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪The other was years later when my daughter was younger she used to crawl into bed with me at night alot. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy” and I was really tired so I just remember saying “sorry” and moving over and going back to sleep. I know it was probably nothing more than I just rolled over on her or something like that but my ocd keeps telling me I must have done something horrible. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something horrible. It has made my life so hard to live. Now all these years later since my memory has faded my ocd tells me maybe I was drinking and just don’t remember doing something horrible . People without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these situations and would just shrug them off as weird things kids do and say or that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes the worst possible scenario out of everything and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

Ive gotten over some bad ocd episodes that have lasted months and months and i was so so happy when i realized it was achievable to overcome such an illness,but this time around it feels different i thought i had gone through everything but no theres always more,theres always the next intrusive thought,my intrusive thought this time that got me back in the dark ocd hole was,”what if i just stopped thinking”,it sounds so stupid and i didnt pay it much mind at first but then it popped back into my head and it told me “but what if everytime im about to think about something,i realize it and stop thinking about what i was thinking about.”this has made me feel so alienated in life,life feels grey and dull ive never had a thought stick around for so long its been 3 months and i havent heard anyone have anything similar too this i wake up every day scared of whag else my mind can bring to me to torment me and its so depressing in here.i cry a lot now thinking about the old me i used to be when i was happy and ocd free but I genuinely dont think i can live like this for long.Sorry for writing a whole essay but its the only way i could express what im feeling right now plz say something below.