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I live in Massachusetts so I have Mass Health NOCD does not take my insurance. So my question is should I take a loan to pay for treatment?

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

Has anyone recently gotten married and was able to cope with their OCD through their engagement and actual wedding weekend? I’ve been doing great and just want to make sure I can handle the stress over the next few months and not ruin the weekend I’ve looked forward to for over a year. I feel some recent intrusive thoughts coming through that are “I am” statements which are new for me. Any tips or tricks would be appreciated.

Hi everyone. I have been experiencing harm intrusive thoughts for 2 months now. I believe it started for me when I had a bad experience with a delta 9 gummy. I am looking this up everyday trying to find reassurance and an answer to all of this. I hate that my thoughts make me question what kind of person I am and if I’m actually capable of this. I’m so scared I will lose it for even a second and do these things. I align with being a gentle, kind, caring person but this makes me feel like I’m capable of anything. I desperately want my old life back. I want to be able to sit on the couch with my partner, eat junk food, watch our fave shows together, and not worry about harm. I hope this will disappear soon.

About a year ago my son was sitting on my lap and everything was fine at first. He was sitting with his back towards like my chest and I tried avoiding any intrusive thought or feeling. But then I think I focused on it maybe but it became such an intense feeling and I remember going to move him forward away from my chest and as I did that I remember a pulse like feeling "down there" and I was so worried it was a "o" if you know what I mean. I'm so worried it could have been that or the start of one. I hate this. This one feels to real to let go. How can I let this go in case it was an "o"

What if I don’t have ROCD, or what if I do but it’s still not the right relationship. I’m so freaking confused and lost and empty right now and I’m frustrated. I don’t know what to do. I keep focusing on all the flaws and shortcomings and I’m so overly critical and it’s annoying.

When I look at my bf, I find him very cute etc but sometimes I dont feel anything… which I know is normal because you cant feel everything at every moment in your life… but the thing is everytime I think about us breaking up or him disappearing from my life, I feel like hes the “last” guy im ever gonna be with and then I’ll only be with women. Like whatttt?!?!? Whyyy?!

nothing feels real right now? and i’m not anxious when the intrusive thoughts come. does this mean i am okay with them? or i agree with them? it feels like im changing.. i don’t want this

Hi I have a few questions, If you were to watch a documentary about OCD, what are topics you really want to see in it? And what feeling do you want to get out of it? Do you want it to be more serious and professional or personal? Thank so much in advance!

I’m thinking thoughts 24/7, from wake to sleep, everyday, every moment. I don’t even get a one second break. It’s exhausting. What do I do? Is this normal? I want to be able to get out of my own head. I analyze and have thoughts about every action/event, every person, and every thought. And unfortunately there’s a set of traumas my brain makes me think about tons of times everyday. The only time I can stop thinking is when I’m super drunk (don’t worry, I’ve made sure to only do this like once or twice a month.) I’m not interested in trying medication, I’ve been on meds a few times and they never helped. Any advice?

I’ve been struggling more with religious and existential ocd, does anyone know of any works books for either of these types of ocd?

Hey everyone! This post is lengthy, but I’m hoping some of you will indulge me! **Trigger warning because I’m unsure what condones one, and I go into detail with particular intrusive thoughts I have. None are graphic, but they’re descriptions of bad thoughts nonetheless. I’m completely new here, and haven’t been clinically diagnosed with OCD, nor have I even went to any sort of doctor because of it. I haven’t even looked into it as a prospect for my tendencies until around a year ago. Ever since delving deeper beyond the surface level knowledge of OCD, I feel like it explains all of my experiences. But, I’d like those who truly live with the disorder and professionals to tell me if this is something I should continue to pursue. Thank you all so much. ❤️ Some of what I experience: I often feel like if I don’t wear a certain outfit, don’t do something within x amount of seconds, or don’t triple check that my turned-off phone is recording me, etc. that my mom will stop loving me, my animals will get hurt, someone will be sent a bad recording of me talking, etc. I am fully aware that all of these things have zero true effect, but if I don’t comply with them, I start buzzing with anxiety. I’ve worn the same too-thoroughly-loved scrunchie on my wrist for almost 5 years because I feel unlovable to my family without it. For example: Earlier today, I was worried my very poor quality house camera caught me cursing, that my mom had watched the footage, and was absolutely furious with me UNLESS I pulled out my phone in the middle of a strict no-phones class and texted her a funny message. I knew she was driving when it was recorded, was busy at work, and overall, NEVER checked it unless it was someone outside our family. Nevertheless, I was almost sick with worry, and couldn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the period or focus, until I was able to pull out my phone. This worry, despite having indulged myself and received a positive response from my mother, stuck with me all throughout the day and completely killed my mood until I actually saw my mom was fine a few hours later. As for thoughts, I feel like I’ve experienced intrusive thoughts very frequently and for a very long time. I remember being kept awake as a kid with horrific “daydreams” of getting hurt with knives, hurting my dogs, etc. Everytime I’ve felt upset, nauseous, and worried that I was actually crazy for thinking these things. I recall once, at around age 6-7, absolutely breaking down sobbing because I was too scared to die, my parents were going to die, and my little sister was going to die without all three of us there. As I’ve gotten older, they’ve just progressed. Everytime I drive, I feel like there is always at least one thought of me swerving off the road, speeding up to rear-end someone, or just take my hands completely off the wheel. These things really freak me out, and have brought me to tears when I get lost in them. They have never once actually affected my driving, I always remain in control, but they deeply upset me. I think of teachers that I really enjoy hurting me and other students, even though the thought is sickening and absolutely impossible. I feel like a twisted person for it crossing my mind, and like it’s some Freudian evil within me, no matter how much I know it upsets me and how adverse I am to the mere prospect. My mind conjures up the literal worst, and it can easily kill my mood no matter how much fun or how happy I am at the moment, nor how fleeting. Sometimes, they get so terrible I’m unable to move on with my life until I do some strange mental exercise of me “throwing the thought into oblivion and burning it.” I have been riddled with nonsense guilt my entire life, and it’s so exhausting and depressing to carry. I know intrusive thoughts are intrusive, and I know so much of the habits I have affect nothing, but when these things cross my mind unprompted and I literally cannot help putting on a scrunchie that I think is so so ugly, I feel trapped and disgusting. Right now, I’m just looking to see if this is actually anything since I’ve been convinced all of this is just normal, until I once spoke casually of it with a friend who couldn’t relate at all. Thank you anyone and everyone who read this, and is trying to help steer me the right way. I appreciate it more than words!! ❤️🫶

i did a compulsion by googling something because of a conversation i was having with a bunch of friends. i really need help, Because of this googling i did it triggered me by remembering my real event (what i googled recommend me other searches and it was something that reminded me of it) im still trying to get over and move on because im told its not a big deal by ny parents and my counselor but god its a big deal to me- Can i talk to someone about this? Should i? I talked to my mom about the first half of what im feeling but not the second-I know this post is vague af but im just scared atm. im having really ugly thoughts about harming myself and just ending things-

everything about it scares me. it sounds painful, terrifying, traumatizing. I know it sounds dumb but every time i see something that remotely affects me sexually it sends me spiralling and i get this like white knuckled fear. im scared to hug people because what if it turns me on, especially if its a man because what if i accidentally turn HIM on and then he cant control himself and forces himself on me? I hate seeing my body especially my private areas now because im worried about turning myself on and touching myself and make myself feel even grosser, which then other people around me can tell ive done and then they KNOW how gross i am for doing that and start leaving me. i keep seeing other womens stories about sexual trauma and i relate to it but then i feel bad for relating to it because i havent actually been raped or molested so then i feel like a fraud taking other peoples stories and making it about me. everything about sex seems terrible but i keep thinking about it that it feels like my body is broken and i must secretly be some sort of degenerate freak.

I was going through this website and I remembered there was a feature where you could bookmark posts. I don't have the NOCD app on my phone anymore; however, I read this one post that I bookmarked years ago that I thought would help anyone suffering from real-event ocd. *** This post was by Kyle Magri (October 20, 2020) *** A Quick Guide For Real Event OCD: Remember that it’s not the memory that is the problem, it’s the OCD that’s the issue Remember that OCD often distorts your past memories and can very often add details to make a memory seem worse than it actually was and can even create false memories. This is a challenging one but, let go of the need for certainly about your past memory or memories. Let go as best you can and be comfortable with uncertainty (this takes time, be self-compassionate) Remember that this type of OCD is not special or unique just because it’s based on a (likely distort and over exaggerated) past event, OCD attacks what is most important to us, our biggest fears and issues, it whatever way it can Real event OCD is fundamentally no different than any other type of OCD (and many people suffer from many different types of OCD all at once) The only differences in any type of OCD is what the obsession is over, thankfully, The treatment is the same, this is a moment in life what is a good thing to remember that you (and your condition) are not special Stop reassurance seeking and confessing. It may provide a little relief and lessen your fears but it will not fully take them away, again it’s not the memory that’s the issue it’s OCD’s grip on the memory Ban rumination! No matter how many times you ruminate about every detail and possible outcome of the past event will only make the thoughts more “sticky” in your brain. It’s hard, but stop giving the thoughts credence and let them go as best you can, try to catch yourself in the act of rumination Be mindful and allow the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to just come and go, observe but don’t engage, this helps teach the brain not to attach to these thoughts and feelings and stops the brain for continuously sending the panic alarm. Meditation works very nicely for practicing mindfulness Ask yourself if you should waste your life trying to figure out the past, when you can focus on bringing what you want into your present and future. I know you don’t feel you deserve it. The main tenets of behavior therapy are: We cannot control our thoughts and feelings but we can control our behavior. If you change your behavior, your thoughts and feelings will follow. During this pandemic it can be hard, so try finding hobbies and other positive things to do to fill your day Be here now, this can be challenging but, do your best to live in the now and do what you can to make today great! The past is long over and the future is fantasy. Each day we are born anew and have an opportunity to improve. Most of not all Real Event OCD obsessions are over actions that we would never think of repeating and that we would have never done if we knew then what we know now. Be kind to yourself and remember who you are. Accept that there will be ups and downs, harder days and easier days, on your recovery journey Finally… self compassion not self forgiveness! Forgiveness implies that you have done some unforgivable act and need to work towards reparation for it. This process usually requires time spent discussing and processing the event. You may believe if you find a way to forgive yourself then you can stop obsessing about it. People in your life may have even encouraged you to work on it. With OCD, discussing and analyzing the event is not the approach we want to take. In fact, I’m sure you have already spent excessive amounts of time evaluating the situation and all its many angles, yet getting nowhere. Now, I’m not saying this is an event you are proud of. What I am saying is that it’s not the event that is the problem; it is the OCD that is the problem. There is a chance you would have moved on from the event if the OCD hadn’t grabbed onto it. And we don’t treat OCD with self-forgiveness because OCD exaggerates and distorts life events. Imagine that being stuck on this may not be due to lack of self-forgiveness but the way OCD traps you. OCD has taken over the life event, twisted it and has convinced you into believing it is a critical problem that requires forgiveness or punishment. Resources: Article: http://www.ocdspecialists.com/real-event-ocd/ Video on Real Event OCD: https://youtu.be/ojsA2z_Nf_0 Video on Letting Go: https://youtu.be/ZK6FVw4xfbg Video on “Going Through Hell”: https://youtu.be/toQMJeqdW48 Video “Drunk on Life” accepting the good, the bad and the s Gray area: https://youtu.be/WCsPCrZ4aq0 Jesus Prayer Mindfulness Meditation Guide (NOTE: if you struggle with religious OCD this may not be the best for you) https://youtu.be/6TTDjJ8Cv3Y Za Zen Mindfulness Meditation Guide (NOTE: if you have an issue with number obsession this might not be best for you) https://youtu.be/dDJ_wbjBL6c Book Recommendations: The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD by John Hershfield Christ The Eternal Tao by Hieromonk Damascene Anxious For Nothing by Max Lucando The Jesus Prayer by Frederica Matthews Green The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives by Elder Thaddeus F*ck Coping Start Healing by Dennis Simsek Anxiety, Trust and Gratitude by Nun Kathrine Weston NOTE: While all this information is very helpful it is always best to seek treatment and help from a therapist or psychologist. Use the information above is a part of your healing journey, get in touch with a therapist/psychologist to help you better work through these issues

Guys im so embarassed. And OCD makes it so much worse because it's giving me chronic guilt. I was at work and I made a joke about unaliving myself with a friend like really loud and I feel really guilty because it just kinda came out. My friends were laughing but I realize by some ppls reactions that mightve not been appropriate. I wasn't serious but I do make those jokes often with friends (unfortunate habit I've picked up due to my own s*icidality). My guilt is killing me and I have a strong urge to apologize to my coworkers. Should I or is it a compulsion and I should just leave it alone??

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

Hi NOCD! I've been working with a therapist through NOCD for a while, and have decided to post this to see if we can all help each other a little 😊. When your OCD gets really loud, but you no longer feel the urge to do a compulsion, but you're still left with that feeling of panic and distress, what do you do?

When I first read that OCD is chronic, I panicked. Was I going to suffer from these thoughts forever? Later, I learned that having OCD is not the same as suffering from OCD—with the right treatment, I could learn to manage OCD long-term. By doing exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy with a specialty-trained therapist and working to accept uncertainty, I changed my life. Today, I live even better than I did before OCD struck. Read more about my discovery that while OCD may be chronic, you don’t have to suffer from it forever.

Harm ocd is getting more and more horrific each day. I'm close to having my period and my ocd symptoms are getting significantly worse as it always does this time of the month. I was just feeding my cat normally when suddenly I had intrusive thoughts in the form of commands saying: "ok now is your chance, k**l your cat, k**l him"... absolutely disgusting even typing that 💔 but what scares me the most is that I didn't get an extreme anxiety or fear response with the thought, and also I felt like the thought was intentional for some reason like it didn't feel intrusive when I replay the moment in my head. And also, at the time this thought happened I entered in some kind of trance for a second and that terrified me because my ocd interpreted it as if I was contemplating doing something. I was seated on the floor and he was in front of me whe this happened but of course I didn't touch him, I jut left with a horrible feeling. I love my cat, he is my best friend, I have him since he was a baby and I have never had suh thoughts with any of my pets before this ocd bullshit started. What I can't stop thinking about is why did it seem like the horrible thought was provoked and not intrusive? and why didn't I try to get rid of the thought or neutralize it with something else like I always do. Why does it feel like I want to do something horrible, when I know I would never do that and rather end myself than hurting anyone? Are command thoughts common?Can someone please respond to this post? 😭