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i’m panicking because i remember when i was younger when i was 13 i found porn on instagram and i was scrolling and i was pleasuring myself and was always trying to make sure the videos that i was watching weren’t bad like someone being forced and i remember as i was scrolling while pleasuring myself i came across a video and it looked like a movie but the man was on top of the woman and she was crying but i don’t know if she was crying because of that im not sure but im pretty sure it was a movie or something and i still pleasured myself but not to that video but like just thinking about something else and the video just played in the backs it i had my eyes closed and i didnt watch it but it worried because what if i did watch it and pleasured myself while watching the video, i feel like im going to throw up i cant handle this, i wish i never got exposed to porn at such a young age

Can intrusive thoughts feel like your actual thoughts and who you are as a person the longer you have them? It feels like it is a reflection of who I am but a year ago when this started it was easier to point out. Now I don’t know.

It’s a long post. 🙈 I’m embarrassed. Brand new diagnosis. I’m 40. My OCD subtype seems to be “Order and Symmetry.” 1st session I arrived feeling good. I finished all the homework early and was excited to begin. We didn’t get through the full assessment; I’m pretty sure I talked too much. I was too detailed and we had to finish at today’s appointment. I arrived at today’s appointment stressed and got more stressed as the appointment progressed. I only realized a day or two ago that there was more homework (which I don’t mind- in fact, I enjoy!), but then, after I made note of it, I forgot all about it until signing in today’s Zoom. We spent the whole appointment completing those forms together. I had terrible difficulty doing the forms with my therapist. I was/am so afraid of answering a question without a true enough rating or expression of my experience to give an accurate assessment of my condition. I don’t want to over score or underscore myself! I only experience my life, so I’m not always sure if something’s unusual- it’s just my normal. Even though 3 professionals have now mentioned I should look into treatment for OCD, I still feel like treatment professionals will think I’m not OCD enough to warrant the attention. On the outside, I’m fully functional. It’s only once you start to consider the whole picture- my social habits and motivations for organization and having knowledge of what’s in my brain- that an outsider might put the pieces together. Now that I’m cognizant of its presence in me, so many things make sense. But I second guess myself when talking about it to treatment professionals or completing rating forms. I almost feel like I need a whole bunch of talk therapy first for verification that- yes, this is a manifestion of OCD, or that was, or that was. Figure out what it is and what it looks like in me, before the real work on behavior modification can begin. Or more time for me to explain what OCD looks like in my head first- like following certain rules or processes to keep life ordered and calm, and then making certain accommodations and new rules when something can’t be avoided- and of course, the people in my life have no idea when a rule or formula has changed and are caught out in the dark! 🤣😩 Therapist told me not to be hard on myself, told me not to overthink it, but I felt like she was frustrated with some of my answer paralysis during the assessments- not knowing how to scale myself. And goodness, I’m not throwing shade. I’m just stressed about getting it right! And surprise! We didn’t get to all we were supposed to in today’s session!

Has anyone here ever been able to get relief from an intrusive thought by ruminating and going over and over it in their memory to try and figure it all out? Is it even possible?

I’m trying my best to resist the compulsion of seeking reassurance with a friend, I really really want to text her and tell her my thoughts to see what she thinks about it, but I know it could be a compulsion :(. Any tips for keep resisting?

I have trouble feeling like I even love my partner. Like I see those OCD memes like ‘when I love my partner so much and I’m so in love but then have intrusive thoughts about our relationship’ I’m like … how do you even know you love your partner lol. I feel so identified with my intrusive thoughts I feel like they ARE the relationship, they ARE my feelings, and constantly feel that lack.

I was fine for so long, didnt have any intrusive thoughts, but i saw something on facebook that triggered a form of ocd i thought i recovered from over a year ago. Im so afraid that there is something wrong with me. I’m so afraid what if i do something super horrible that i don’t want to? What if i go crazy and something bad happens because of me? I dont want to have these thoughts i just want to be normal.

I couldnt word it before but now i can so i write it down. I always feel like im avoiding and now i know why, because people say dont go there, dont think about the thoughts, just notice it then focus on somethinh else. And for me when i try to not go there i feel like ik avoiding cause the urge of thinking about it is so strong that i have to fight to not go there and it becomes a fight then my mind sees that im having a problem so it gets worse. And then when i try to ignore or shift my attention it becomes an avoidance like its just too much power on trying to not focus on it. Also i start to say i dont want to think about this cause i know its ocd and ita bad for me but it gets worse and worse and then i feel like nothing helps cause i still avoid even if i try to do what i should do... any advice?

I had some drinks and ate dinner last night and now wake up with anxiety. Sitting up in bed because I can hear my heart rate and am focused on it. I feel so bad!

still always scared and worried that deep down im a p, that the signs have “been there” (signs being weird stuff i watched as a kid and also me being very touchy with other kids as a child). my pocd spiked when me and my best friend found out her ex is an actual p. i just hate this i don’t even trust myself and the groinal responses are unbearable. i really don’t like this im scared im gonna die alone. me and my friend were having a convo abt ped0s yesterday due to her ex and i know a lot about them bc i researched about them because of my ocd but now im scared she thinks im a p or im just a p in denial who just covers it up with ocd. as im writing this im getting really bad groinal responses and i don’t know why. i use to be fine and got better with my pocd why is it back and 10x worse

i don't know if I can continue my college. I have undiagnosed ocd and i haven't talked with a psychiatrist yet. My course is very hard, it requires a lot of attention and i cannot give that. I feel like crying, we had our 1st quiz today and I failed. I failed as a student and as a daughter...

This one’s new for me but ocd is loving repeating a specific word right now out of the blue that sparks so much anxiety and makes my harm ocd act up too. I have a little complex mix of religious ocd and harm ocd. Anyone else know how to cope with word repetition.

I recently discovered what disassociation is and realized it’s your bodies way of telling you it is in fight or flight. I feel like I’ve been stuck in this state for about 2 years now but overall things have been so much better. I don’t understand how to make it go away, it almost feels like now I’m stuck in this cloud and I’m no longer truly present. Does anyone else experience this?

I struggled with severe ocd since I was in 2nd grade and now I’m turning 19 so I’ve had it basically my whole life, I’ve had it bc my dad abused my mom when I was little all the way up until I was a teenager and it really hurts me and affects my life. I have intrusive thoughts and images of loved ones getting hurt and I constantly overthink about my relationship and it got worst since I became a mother bc I ALWAYS worry about my daughter and I’m scared and it makes me panic I always think that if I listen to certain songs,take showers,get cute,put on certain clothes,or just take care of myself in general that something will happen and it makes my mental health worse and i have severe anxiety I struggled with pyschosis for 2 weeks and addiction to pills I don’t have money to get a therapist or even health insurance please help me how to stop it bc even when I try to let the thoughts pass through it hurts me and makes me freeze and not even be able to breathe bc of it and I can’t even say certain words bc I overthink that something will happen and it makes me want to take my life

I'm dating this genderfluid person and now I'm apparently pansexual. According to them. So uh yeah. That's happening. And wtf do I do cuz I really like her (pronouns are she/him) it didn't bother me initially but my friend brought that up and it started freaking me out. She's okay with me calling her my girlfriend. And like I'm straight but I'm not? I'm confused.

Does it ever feel like sometimes you're "forcing" yourself to have intrusive thoughts? or you're thinking of things you don't like on purpose to make sure you don't like your thoughts? Even in personal or intimate moments with yourself or others? What is this called and how do you stop it?

I’m 29 weeks pregnant and keep having intrusive thoughts about my husband sexually abusing my husband. And what’s worse is that I’m having groinal responses. It makes it so confusing. These thoughts are obviously repulsive and make me horrified. But the groinal response makes me question if I am turned on by something so awful??? I mostly have pocd. What can be done about this? Also, I have handled my ocd in the past successfully. This feels like if I am aroused by this then maybe I need help. It’s also making me like freaked out even when I am aroused by normal things, like my husband.

I can’t carry on with this feeling of doing something (rape) intoxicated, it’s gone on for months and just think I done it all, my life’s ruined

Lately I’ve become really worried that i could somehow run out of food at the house and not be able to obtain more. I’m not lacking food or money really, but I’m getting scared if I eat any of the food i buy i won’t have food later and so keep getting takeout to avoid digging into my stockpile of food. Is this OCD? Does anyone else experience this?

I haven’t posted in a while mainly because my ocd has been better to manage. However I am experiencing what I call a “spiral week” which I haven’t had in a while. I have multiple ocd themes that come and go, but by far HARM ocd has always seems to stay and not let go. It feels as though I am trying to fight a monster inside and it so desperately enjoys to torment me. It’s hard when it grabs a hold of the ones you love in my case my children and sometimes family members😭❤️ I just need to remain positive and continue pushing!