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Does anyone ever get or even force yourself to think an intrusive thought to test your response and then think that didn’t make me anxious enough therefore…. I like the thought or I could end up doing the thought

Do we choose what we're attracted by? Or it is simply something subconscious that we can't control? Because I have no problem getting attracted if I notice the curves of a girl my age, but I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious when I notice those same inappropriate parts on a young girl. Instagram reels trigger me often. I obsess over the fact that I've noticed those parts in the first place because a normal person wouldn't even notice them at all, and I wonder if these are the signs of being a p***. I feel the need to check the inappropriate parts to check if I'm attracted or not, and to see if I can stop seeing it as triggering but as something that is just there without being unwantedly se&ualized by pocd. (I also feel more gross because I'm staring at those parts, even though for a compulsive matter and not for malicious intent). I'd feel like ending my life if these things were all just subconscious instincts of my brain making me one of those monsters, like you can't change that and I'm just lying to myself. I'd feel more at ease if everybody notice those things the same and just chooses to not be attracted according their morals, the fact that physical attraction could be a choice and not an instinct would make me feel better. There is freedom of action, but is there freedom of feeling and being? Or is that already predetermined? If I see a girl my age who's my liking I have no issue feeling attracted se&ually. If I'm born with the genes of a monsters it wouldn't matter what I do, I'd constantly be in denial of my sick twisted nature, right? Obviously I'd end my life before even dreaming of doing those horrible things that happen in my mind in the form of intrusive thoughts and image, as costant daily torture. Maybe there are people born bad but that overcome their nature and live a life of good deeds, but I can't tolerate it. If I'm born as a **** I have to die. I'm clinging of the fact that this is just POCD, just an ocd theme like the others that've come before. One thing that reassures me is that I've memories and proof of lots of different ocd themes throughout my early life till now. I'm diagnosed with OCD, but I don't trust it completely because my psychiatrist was a bit of a weirdo and his answers to my questions more triggering. I don't feel attracted on young girls, I avoid them, I only have interest on girls my age, but I'm so afraid that sometimes I could be because what I feel when I get triggered is so confusing and fuzzy, I feel like throwing up and I squint my eyes and contort my face (even more these are not enough to prove the fact that I'm disgusted because I think I could be just faking it, lying to myself), and maybe in that mixture of distressing sensations there is an element of denial of the horrible truth. There have been a lot of triggering moments when I genuinely thought to myself that I was attracted and that made me feel desperate, wanting to cry.

Do we choose what we're attracted by? Or it is simply something subconscious that we can't control? Because I have no problem getting attracted if I notice the curves of a girl my age, but I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious when I notice those same inappropriate parts on a young girl. Instagram reels trigger me often. I obsess over the fact that I've noticed those parts in the first place because a normal person wouldn't even notice them at all, and I wonder if these are the signs of being a p***. I feel the need to check the inappropriate parts to check if I'm attracted or not, and to see if I can stop seeing it as triggering but as something that is just there without being unwantedly se&ualized by pocd. (I also feel more gross because I'm staring at those parts, even though for a compulsive matter and not for malicious intent). I'd feel like ending my life if these things were all just subconscious instincts of my brain making me one of those monsters, like you can't change that and I'm just lying to myself. I'd feel more at ease if everybody notice those things the same and just chooses to not be attracted according their morals, the fact that physical attraction could be a choice and not an instinct would make me feel better. There is freedom of action, but is there freedom of feeling and being? Or is that already predetermined? If I see a girl my age who's my liking I have no issue feeling attracted se&ually. If I'm born with the genes of a monsters it wouldn't matter what I do, I'd constantly be in denial of my sick twisted nature, right? Obviously I'd end my life before even dreaming of doing those horrible things that happen in my mind in the form of intrusive thoughts and image, as costant daily torture. Maybe there are people born bad but that overcome their nature and live a life of good deeds, but I can't tolerate it. If I'm born as a **** I have to die. I'm clinging of the fact that this is just POCD, just an ocd theme like the others that've come before. One thing that reassures me is that I've memories and proof of lots of different ocd themes throughout my early life till now. I'm diagnosed with OCD, but I don't trust it completely because my psychiatrist was a bit of a weirdo and his answers to my questions more triggering. I don't feel attracted on young girls, I avoid them, I only have interest on girls my age, but I'm so afraid that sometimes I could be because what I feel when I get triggered is so confusing and fuzzy, I feel like throwing up and I squint my eyes and contort my face (even more these are not enough to prove the fact that I'm disgusted because I think I could be just faking it, lying to myself), and maybe in that mixture of distressing sensations there is an element of denial of the horrible truth. There have been a lot of triggering moments when I genuinely thought to myself that I was attracted and that made me feel desperate, wanting to cry.

Do you ever process through ocd snd then months later the same issue comes back to haunt you and its like rumination all over again? Please advise. Do i just reuse the tools from the last time or do i try additional new tools

Please advise for the TMI. I had a pornography addiction I overcame. It was tough especially having ocd every person or video I saw my ocd would compare that individual to someone I knew and would say im arousing over them. There was a particular video where there was an older woman and mid twenties woman snd the title was mother and daughter. At the time i was imagining a friend of mine who is older and has a daughter. So my ocd said that means i was thinking of her daughter too because of the title which gives me anxiety because i dont want to. But the title is what my ocd is obssessing over and says i was thinking of her younger daughter. So now i avoid my friend and her family. And i doubt what i was thinking of the daughter but i know my intent was to think of my friend. This was last year but the ocd stll comes bck to haunt me. I begin to doubt my intentions.

I just got diagnosed today and am feeling unsure about it, like I fed my therapist information to incline her to diagnose me. Everything I said was true, but somehow I feel like I’m misrepresenting myself. Life is not debilitating and I don’t ever have panic attacks or major breakdowns, so what if I’m just a little neurotic and do not have OCD? I felt like I was self-reporting and in my mind it would only be legit if I accidentally divulged my symptoms instead of reading off the list I made. I felt like I was trying to manipulate her into believing me.

First off, I haven't started therapy yet but last my ocd was around the beginning of 2022 and so what did I was I used internet free resources to equip myself and did little bit of erp on my own and usually sitting with my thoughts and abundance of acceptance without any therapist but now I'm worried that it might come back as I feel that it's long overdue given I didn't do proper treatment with a professional. Either way the aim is to start therapy in 2-3 months

So I have some false memories or at least exaggerated and distorted memories. If they are true or correct it’s horrifying for what this means about me. My mind can get so dark. I really need some encouragement to not seek answers and to stop ruminating. I know I can’t recall the past, but I’m genuinely surprised by how bad my memory is. Can someone please give me some words of encouragement to stay focused and sit with the unknown?

Recently I posted on here about talking with a guy and exchanging information. After we briefly talked, I didn’t feel comfortable to keep talking to him so I blocked him. I just didn’t feel safe, not really knowing who this person was. Or at least I thought so. After the fact, I looked up his number and was able to track down his LinkedIn and Facebook page. He seemed legit. Well, I didn’t know that LinkedIn actually tracked your profile views and he must’ve realized I looked at his page. Late last night, he added me on snap. I didn’t add him back, and he hasn’t contacted me on any other social media. But now I’m worried and obsessing over this situation. Should I just let it go or address it?

it feels like i actually want to harm my family when i really don’t. i haven’t been getting that much anxiety anymore and now it feels like it’s my real thoughts. i don’t want to hurt them in anyway i love them so much, i’m so scared.

Does anyone else make themselves feel physically sick when they’re anxious? It’s like I’m making myself sick with reoccurring thoughts of worry. If you do, how do you make yourself feel better in those moments..?

It was suggested to me to try prozac to help with my GAD so I can better fight the ocd. Anyone have experience with that medicine? I used to be on Paxil (made me very tired) and Buspar (made me dizzy)

Hey all. I hope you are okay out there, loved and safe. I really need some help. I’m almost three years deep, in a relationship with a lovely woman. She is good to me and has never put a foot wrong. In three previous relationships, I was cheated on everytime. 100% of my relationships have involved infidelity. This time round I am /haunted/ daily by intrusive thoughts, physical feelings of panic, and guarding behaviours. I have managed, mostly, to not burden her with this and have carried it alone. Some time back I had some counselling, which helped, but still I am in genuine pain on the daily. We work together, I see her interacting with other guys all the time (respectfully) and I am still frequently sat on the toilet, almost hiding, with my head in my hands, tears rolling down my face. All I have to see is her speaking with another male, especially if it is one of the good looking guys in the office, or even just laughing with them, and I am almost crippled by it. Visions of cheating. Of her being deceitful. Of her and one of the guys making fun of me, both of them flirting and me not knowing. It’s the not knowing that is killing me. At least if I knew, I could start trying to move on. I feel ashamed. A little bit hopeless and have come here because I am becoming a desperate. I don’t want to ruin one of the best things in my life, because of past trauma etc. In other areas of my life I am solid. Work, friendships, family. All is well. But my relationship is so painful, and it’s all my pain. I have read books, meditated, prayed, had counselling and tried to think rationally. Nothing whatsoever has worked this far. Some days, I consider ending things with her because I cannot bear the pain any longer. Unfortunately, due to my financial situation, at least in the short term, I cannot afford therapy. Please, someone, is there anything I can do to help myself. Thank you for reading.

I thought I done it to a female when I was intoxicated but now everytime I nap I try and remember what happened etc. but when I have a nap or a sleep I have images of it happening etc and don’t know if they’re true because I was so drunk, like I had nap and I had images/memory of me with my trousers down etc. what do I do

Peace to you all. I have sexual and contamination ocd. Being a father has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. Having ocd has made it challenging for me and unfair for my wife as I often burden her with seeking reassurance. Im a devout Muslim and value my family deeply. So being born with pocd and sexual ocd along with traumatic experiences throughout my life has been unbearable at times. Im also in the middle of moving to back home to my country and trying to balance work and family duties has flared my ocd. The other day i was multi tasking. My wife was talking to me and asked me to change our childs diaper, I was running late to a meeting while trying to get ready myself. I normally wash my hands after I change the babies diaper because of my contamination ocd. However due to the stress I was rushing I went straight to the toilet for myself before I left for a meeting an hour away. Since I didnt wash my hands and used those “dirty hands” for my own personal hygiene using the restroom the OCD said if i wipe with those hands its sexually inappropriate because I used it to change my babys diaper and didnt wash. I remember being mindful of the thought. Normally i would wash my hands or use s side of the toilet paper that didnt touch my hands. I was going back and forth in my head until i just wiped with the side that touched the hand i used to change my babys diaper and went about ny day. And since i used that hand for her hygiene snd my own my sexual ocd and contamination ocd has been freaking out saying i did something sexually inappropriate. Saying did i act on the thought “Why didnt i use the clean side? Why did i forget to wash my hands”. I feel like if i were to clean my hand it may be giving into s compulsion but if i dont than im doing something wrong snd inappropriate. It bothers me because its against my core values, i have no history of anything inappropriate, but ocd convince me this time its real or this time i did something bad or this time i had a ill intent. I cant afford therapy and dont have insurance coversge. Its been bothering me for a week and im unable to perform at work and am distancing myself from my family. I talked to my wife snd she reminds me im a good person. Its ocd. I didnt do anything. Othr people wouldnt worry about this. Please advise! 💔

I have been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend for a little over a year now, and for the first six months I loved the way she looked and never questioned my attraction for her. She is currently over seas studying abroad and the distance has really flared up my ROCD. I catch myself noticing EVERY FLAW about her appearance and comparing them to others strengths. I still find myself attracted to her especially when I see a pretty picture of her, but the not so flattering photos of her seriously make me contemplate breaking up with her to find someone more “attractive”. It seriously tears me apart as I can’t help but know her flaws will always be there and will only become more prominent with age. She always tells me how handsome I am and I can’t say she’s beautiful anymore without hesitation and the ROCD talking in the back of my head. I love her so much and can’t imagine being with someone else, which is why it is so upsetting. I just want to love ALL OF HER including her flaws as she does for me. Can anyone relate? If so, have you been able to get over it?

Last week, I had a really bad OCD spiral, where I was convinced that I was in fact paranoid and going "crazy". I ended up going to the ER, and they confirmed that it was in fact my OCD and prescribed me meds. I met with a few psychiatrists and they also confirmed that I have OCD. I started therapy with NOCD on Tuesday, and had a great session, and felt great! And yesterday, I was doing pretty good, where I was able to go into the office, and have a normal work day. I still had those intrusive thoughts regarding paranoia but didn't cause me distress and kind of just pushed them away with ease. This morning, I started having some bad intrusive thoughts where I see myself trying to fight the negative thoughts in my head. These intrusive thoughts sometimes feels like its another person in my head. I've had these experiences before, and I tell myself that these are just my thoughts, and not anybody else's, and I am afraid that I am believing that there is some kinda entity in me trying to convince me that these intrusive thoughts are true. Coming from a very religious background, it makes it even harder for me to push these thoughts away because people in church will tell you that it is an evil spirit causing this distress. I know that this doesn't make sense from a rational perspective, but it makes me always question that it might be true. I find myself trying to tell this "entity" or spirit that it doesn't belong in my brain, which makes me feel like I might have a more severe mental illness.

i have a partner but almost every time i see a guy i have tingles or other body reactions or i think would i be with them? i also have thoughts about people from my past that i’ve been sexual with and some of the thoughts are sexual and flashbacks. this is causing a lot of problems for me and my partner i don’t know what to do. my partner gets insecure. i think about things like is this person better than my partner? did they satisfy me better? i compare and compare and i also have this thing where i confess and i’ve asked my partner if i should stop confessing even though i would probably feel guilty if i didn’t but they don’t want me to stop confessing or speaking how i think. i feel like i struggle with guilt aswell because i feel guilty for almost everything i do, sometimes things the normal person wouldn’t even think much about.

Does anyone have any book recommendations for ocd? Is there any helpful specific ocd books out there or just any that help with ocd or helped you? Please share 💕 Someone on here has told me a book that helped so it gave me the idea to post this to get people to share more recommendations I love reading different types of books as it is like fiction as it helps me escape my thoughts sometimes and I’ve read self help books that have helped in the past so any ideas I would be grateful for 💕

I definitely have an infection on my hand due to washing my hands so much they dried out and opened.. and now two of them on my hand are pretty painful, no pus they look like the want to heal but can’t, they’re reddish/purple though.. I just went to the hospital the day before yesterday for something different but now I feel like I have to worry about this too.. I’m trying really hard to fight my compulsion but when I do touch something dirty I have to wash my hands.. idk.. will Neosporin fight infection in my hand? It’s not necessarily growing but I don’t know if it can kill the infection either.. pls would like some advice.