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To my fellow SO-OCD fighters, Do you guys ever feel like your OCD tricks you into thinking that you actually like these thoughts? And does that send you down another spiral?

My ocd is so big right now I fear rabies, if it’s not that I can’t eat because of fear of allergic reaction, or fentanyl anxiety … i just showered twice in a row in 6 hours and had endless rituals and still feeling horrible. Washed the bed still feel it’s contaminated. I’ve been re washing my clothes over and over the last 4 weeks. Now I have only a shirt left to wear. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t stop. The biggest is this fear of bats. Tonight I showered again because there was something red on the white towel. Triggered me but i tried ignoring then I put on a sweater and felt something was there ( a bat) you know it could be hiding… then I hear noises that trigger me could be one too. I look in my drawers and kick everything to see if one is hiding in my room or bathroom. Every day changes. Monday I’m great and manage well , Tuesday I toss my entire room in the washer or wash my skin raw. I just showered again and then washed my phone just to see foam on me and my mind immediately bat rabies… I scrubbed so hard I am aching. And another trigger is when I am sad and feel lonely. My relationship is none. I need to find a way out of this misery life of mine.

I just read a post that brought me a great deal of anxiety and I honestly don’t know what to do. It had to do with lesbians not knowing they were lesbians until later in life bc they didn’t want to like the idea or bc of social norms. I didn’t even know this was a possibility but now that I do I already know it’s something that isn’t going to leave my head. Any advice? I really thought I was getting a little bit of a hang of this but now I feel like this is me and I just have to accept it

Hi there, I'm new to this site and just starting therapy with nocd. I have a therapist outside of nocd that specializes in ocd with cognitive behavior therapy, sound baths, rapid eye movement and hypnosis in particular. She is amazing, she doesn't force me to do things that bring me panic, and I have come a long way with allowing myself limited exposure therapy on my own terms. My husband is at the end of the line dealing with my "control" issues with contamination worries. I have begged for couples therapy so he could maybe understand that I didn't choose this and that the panic is so severe that I don't have a choice but to cave into my fears, but he wants no part of it and thinks there is nothing wrong with him or thinks he's been understanding. Backstory is that I had my ocd well managed until I was pregnant with my little one and he was diagnosedwith a heart defect in utero. Diagnosis changed at birth and we were thrown head first into a very serious and immediate trauma. We were life flighted out of state, hand washed like crazy, had complication after complication, no sleep, handed my 5 day old baby over to a surgeon I had met 3 times for open heart surgery. 17 days of living in a hospital and beeping machines and intense fear that goes so far beyond what you could ever imagine as a first time parent. Flash forward to finally coming off ng feeding tube, tongue tie clip, partially paralyzed left diaphragm, oxygen dependent until 4 months old, pulse ox until 9 month old. Back to work at only 3 months. To say it was traumatic is a huge understatement. Flash forward again 3 years, husband hospital and diagnosed with heart failure not to mention how bad things got with worry during covid. I just don't know how to get it through to him how hard I am trying, how much I hate this, how awful the panic attacks are if I don't cave. My most overwhelming fear is of mice and hantavirus and we have had mice problems in out house th3 entire time hes lives here. Remodeled kitchen 3 years ago, so none in the house, but not so confident about the garage and yard. I freak out if he wabts to work in the yard or inbthe garage, make him shower, wash clothes 2-3 times, I clean his path from the door to shower while hes showering and then shower myelf. I want to get better, but he wants it like overnight. Any advise on things that have helped you make people in your life understand where you are coming from and where your heart is? I don't want to end my marriage, but I have been there for him through thick and thin and he's basically giving me an ultimatum that I can't fulfill at this time, and I can't promise him that I will ever be 100% either, but I'm giving all that I can. He thinks I've made zero progress and that I'm not trying at all. I'm feeling lost and sad. It's exhausting andbI know he feels like a prisoner, but I am terrified all the time. I can recognize that it's irrational and mostly unlikely, but hantavirus does kill people and we have that type of mice in our state not too far away. It is not a problem here, but I'm stuck on this fear and I cannot budge from it. It irrational but also not worth my sons life so in my mind totally rational, he's only 6 and getting closer and closer to his 2nd open heart surgery. Sorry, that was a book.

I gave into a POCD intrusive thought. Nothing came of it, but it was wrong. I feel really guilty and am terrified to tell my therapist but I feel like I should because of the guilt. I hate this so much.

everyday i’m convinced that i’m going to hurt the people i love most. i wake up thankful it didn’t happen but then i get scared thinking about “what if today is that day you go through with it”. but then i ask myself go through with what? i don’t any intention to kill or a plan to do so. so why? why do i keep getting scared that i’m secretly wanting to do it? i’m so afraid right now, like my mind is going to rationalize it. i don’t want to hurt my family, so why does it feel this way? i’m so tired of this

I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.

I had been doing a lot better with my OCD for several months-- I put in a lot of effort with NoCD, was frequently doing ERP exercises, and my head was much calmer. I moved in with a friend about a month ago though, and they're an amazing friend and a wonderful roommate. But they almost definitely have OCD as well, and we've discussed that a good few times. They're willing to challenge a couple of obsessive thoughts here and there, but a lot of their obsessions and compulsions are the same ones as mine, and I've been noticing myself "relapsing" a lot recently. They're not really interested in downloading the app or reading articles I send them, and OCD therapists cost an arm and a leg where we live (if you can even find one). I'm not sure how to get myself back to a point of peace. When they verbally obsess and indulge compulsions, it makes it incredibly hard to not do the same. Does anyone have any advice on how to get back into the swing of things?

Hi. I commented recently that I was struggling with false memory and ROCD. I have managed to convince myself I cheated on my boyfriend. Lately I have made a new friend, my coworker who is a male, and he has a very flirty personality not just with me but with all of my other coworkers. I convince myself I have cheated because I laugh with him about patients and other funny stories (we work in Geriatrics..) and I often ask him for help with schoolwork (he is a doctor) instead of just asking Google. We have never talked about anything work related, we actually frequently talk about our significant others (He's single, but I tell him he needs to go after his gym crush!) Another thing, I'm actually not attracted to him. But I do like talking to him, I think our personality's match the most at my workplace. But I don't think that's cheating. What I have convinced myself as cheating is that I used to get excited to talk to him. Is that emotionally cheating? Also, my old female coworker we all used to think was in love with him. I remember telling them I agree, but that I do not think she liked him back. What if I only said that because I wanted him to like me? What if I said that because I wanted attention? Is that emotionally cheating? I'm super scared of hurting my boyfriend. I actually love my boyfriend, and I've never once been disloyal to him in our 1.5 years of dating. My boyfriend is very sweet and understanding of my OCD, but I think confessing this to him would only hurt him. But then, it feels like I'm hiding it from him which gives me more guilt. Since all of these intrusive thoughts happened, I've stopped really talking to my coworker, and now actually avoid him. It's become an obsession. This is not a rumination, I'm not looking for comfort. I want to know if someone else would geniunely consider what I thought is cheating. I have not done anything physical at all, or said anything flirty. What I feel like is cheating is the thoughts I had. Anytime I had a thought that felt like was wrong, I pushed it out. I mean, I mentally tell myself that I love my boyfriend and I would never cheat on him. But sometimes, the intrusive thoughts do win and they do convince me that the thoughts I have are cheating on my bf. My problem is, I googled emotional cheating. And what I did was on the list, and now I'm really worried I actually did something wrong. Other therapists and such say "You cannot cheat on your partner through thoughts, only actions" Also, I never felt guilty or anything until I had a random thought about cheating. I never felt like I cheated or did anything wrong until randomly one day, the intrusive thoughts started happening. So I feel like that's the first sign that it IS OCD, and it is NOT a real event. Hiding it from my bf feels wrong, but confessing would only hurt us. Especially because we're in a rocky place. Someone talk to me please! I don't need reassurance, I just need a conversation.

Hi guys! I just downloaded the app today and am hoping to get help with my ocd. My main ocd symptom is mostly constant doubt and obsessions in my relationship. I have horrible retroactive jealousy type ocd and it’s completely consumed my life. My main compulsion is seeking reassurance over and over and over again. It’s like I’m jealous of my partners past before they even knew me. Anything being brought up about exs or any past relations gives me horrible anxiety. I will have ocd “attacks” where I will literally throw up. Does anyone else experience anything similar to this or is it even ocd I just don’t know what to do anymore lol. Thank you!

I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.

Anyone here tried ART therapy (Accelerated Resolution Therapy) If so has it helped them? Im currently two session in and i always leave with a migraine

Lately Ive been having blasphemous intrusive thoughts I wonder if God knows about my OCD and that I would never willingly think these things I'm constantly asking for forgiveness and sometimes I feel like I go searching for these thoughts just to have something to obsess over Uuuuugh!!

Anyone struggling with RJ?

I’ve noticed an increase in intrusive thoughts when doing what I actually WANT to do and having healthy coping mechanisms, as opposed to staying busy or going out for drinks, etc.. what is this about?

I’ve been dealing bad with POCD and all my head has been thinking about is think about children and you will get turned on I honestly felt disgusting and till this day i still do i wake up scared thinking i dreamed about something like that or that i end up liking it because of how much I think about the more i try to push it away the more it stays there and honestly i get scared because the more my body tells me like think about the more I feel like my body is gonna react without me even wanting it to like i feel like my lady part is gonna work on itself and then I’m gonna get scared and actually think i am a perv if i do I’m honestly so scared by this whole situation i use to be around children all the time without even having a thought that way like i never ever thought of children in that way and all my mind thinks is that and it feels horrible I don’t even wanna wake up because I wanna keep living in my dreams instead of the real world.

Does anyone else wake up with such a guilt feeling or like a very heavy heart from your sleep like tired of feeling or still having ugly thoughts in your mind?

Today my friend was texting me about her sleep disorder and I felt bad because I literally had nothing to say about it, but I didn’t wanna come off as a bitch so I just told her that it’s not her fault that she feels that way and I asked her if there was any medicine that could help. Then because I didn’t have empathy in that moment, I am worried that the only reason why I show people care and try to do nice things for people is because I want to be seen as a good person. Think it was because I’ve been through a lot of stuff and I would never wanna make anyone feel how my mom made me feel but now not so sure.

For backround, I've been with my bf for 1.5 years. I've haven't had any compulsions related to our relationship since my last relationship 3 years ago. Basically, I'm extremely worried I emotionally cheated on my bf. It is my worst nightmare. My boyfriend is very understanding of my OCD and knows about false memory. I'm worried I cheated on him. I have a coworker, one of the only guys in our office, and I used to dislike him but we started to be friends and have conversations. We only talk at work, normally about school or work. I have gone out of my way to ask him questions about Anatomy (he is a doctor) instead of just googling it. Is that cheating? The main focus of this instrusive thought is that I maybe had wrong intentions when talking to him. There's another girl in our office, one who we all thought has a huge crush on my male coworker. We talk and joke, and I remember saying "I don't think he likes her back though" and what if I said that because I thought he was attracted to me instead? What if I wanted him to like me? I do not want him. I love my boyfriend endlessly. My bf is my prized possession. Do I need to confess to my bf? Is it wrong for thinking things but not acting? Does it count as emotional cheating? Please help. I've even considering quitting my job to escape this. I do not want to confess to my bf because it is a compulsion and when I had a similar experience with my last bf, he was extremely not understanding and I felt like I was a cheater for months. My past relationship never got over it but my current boyfriend knows my OCD almost better than I do. Do I confess? How do I feel better? I have made myself sick. My stomach has been churning for a week telling me to confess to my bf.

Hey everyone. Not exactly OCD related. Broke up with my boyfriend a month ago. When we first started dating I realized he had some qualities I knew he couldn't change about himself just from his upbringing and the way his personality was. He made very hurtful, belittling, and hypercritical comments all the time and instead of leaving because he couldn't change those things I thought I just had to deal with them. But now that it's been a month I'm realizing how much I was hurting in the actual relationship from these comments. Did I just supress the pain while I was with him? The worst part about it is I found a way to blame myself because I didn't "stand up for myself" as much as I should have. Which may have been true but it's never your fault if someone is being manipulative and cruel. I felt the pain from these comments when he first started making them but when I realized he couldn't change I just acted like the pain wasn't there and now I'm dealing with it. I'm just discovering new pockets of pain everyday. I remember something he said once literally randomly and start to cry because of how much it hurt and still hurts and then keep going with my day. Has anyone had an experience like this in the process of their healing?