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Does anyone else feel their pulse, worry about the heart rate. Constantly worry about feeling bad? I have anxiety now and can feel it and it feels bad! I just wanna cry. Everyday is a struggle.

Had a really good day today in which I didn’t engage with many of my worries and didn’t ruminate, but of course that’s left me feeling like I’m just missing something to worry about or I need to look harder because I can’t just feel okay. Any tips?

So I’ve been in a pretty rough spiral/ocd spike for about a month now. I used to have this theme of being severely mentally ill or schizophrenic or psychotic and it went away for like 6 months and now it’s back full force. I have never hallucinated but I have this intense fear of what if I do. So with this theme I have these delusional thoughts that are just bizarre and I know how delusional they are but they feel so real and scary like I believe them. My body reacts by my stomach feeling uneasy and I’ll get a chill and just feel like I’m gonna be sick. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a thought per say.. it can just be a weird sensation or feeling and then I’ll become extremely anxious and borderline feel like I could panic. I can usually talk myself down from a full blown panic attack and but it’s just so distressing and I’m wondering if anyone else goes through this? I think it stems from a core fear of losing my family, ending up institutionalized away from my family and my family being devastated and judging me bc I “went crazy” please if anyone else can relate I’d appreciate any advice.

I don't understand what changed, it feels like I genuinely want what my thoughts are telling me to the point anytime I feel disgusted, disturbed, and or scared. It feels like I'm lying to myself, I'm so scared right now. Once before, this was the last thing I wanted to do to the point I swore I'd take my own life and now it feels like a complete 360. I don't know who I am anymore or of this is what I want, please, I just want someone to talk to or advice.

Any Christians on here? How do I do ERP for SO OCD? I feel like it's goes against God when purposely filling my mind with these thoughts. Any tips or advice to overcome? Thanks.

I seriously cannot tell if it’s ROCD or if I’m just in the wrong relationship… I am so scared and so sad. I am so tired of not being able to trust myself or my brain.

Does anyone needs to talk about their struggles or just literally anything?

Has anyone ever experienced the phase of falling into depression because of ocd?

I deal with false memories but they seem so real and i Hope they are not cause i wouldnt do anything of what i think i have done.. Today i woke up with even worse feelings about them.. I feel awful... Very bad day... I cant appreciate the good moments the way i want to...

I feel so overwhelmingly lonely. I have been lonely my whole life, and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it. I feel like a burden to my family and my friends and I feel like they all secretly hate me. I’ve been through a lot of really traumatic things over the last 18 months (abusive relationship/ stuck living with an ex/ finishing my degree/ family problems/ eating problems and of course having OCD doesnt help) and I felt so alone. I still haven’t been able to talk to people about the extent of it because I don’t know how. I have tried counselling but I just felt like my counsellor was very dismissive. Ive tried talking to one of my friends and she told me it was worrying her/ not to do it again. It was all manageable before I came off my medication, but I just can’t go back on it again because it made me gain so much weight. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve tried reaching out to old friends, making new ones, dating, herbal remedies, therapy, gym, moving house. Nothing is working. I feel like the only option is going back on my medication but I really don’t want to do that. Does anyone have any advice?

Hello guys👋. I am a newbie here. Hope you are all doing well in the journey with OCD. Currently, I am studying biology stream (Chemistry, Physics & Biology). although I am curious sometimes the complexity of some subjects makes my mind blank. sometimes I am also unable to concentrate for long hours. And stressing too much on little details. I am an Investigative and Artistic type of person. I also value Creativity and independence. Many times I question myself, am I on the right track? I would like to know, What are your college majors or careers? How do these affect the quality of your life?

Having a really hard time living with uncertainty.

for almost a couple months now, i have been writing my thoughts in my notes all when it gets to be too much. i only have 3 entries right now, but i find that it definitely helps with so much built up frustration. i just wanted to share what i had written just now. maybe to give people some hope or motivation. … nothing i love more than being at college with paralyzing anxiety. loads of fun. as i’m reaching the end of this anxiety attack, i’ve been thinking about writing an autobiography about my anxiety and how it’s affected me since i was little. growing up being someone who had a constant anxious feeling whenever they left the house was definitely a struggle to deal with, especially at such a young age. i mean i look back to fifth grade, one of the worst years of my life, thinking i was never going to change my habits of crying at any given moment. i definitely felt judged by my peers and teachers. it was unfair because while i wasn’t comfortable telling people what i was going through, as i felt abnormal from the rest, judging a child for crying over wanting their mom is so cruel and unfair. now being 19, not only has my anxiety increasingly gotten worse, i’ve also gained perspective on how what i’m going through isn’t different to so many of those who can relate. it has definitely been a breath of fresh air to know that. by writing an autobiography, i want to tell everyone all the shit i’ve had to deal with in my mind and just let them know everything is going to be okay. it’s so scary not being able to escape your worst fears, but no matter how detrimental, you can make it through. i haven’t even almost gotten my way through this mess, but i believe i can live a normal life in the future without the constant anxiety 24/7. and there’s my reason to living. i wanna kick anxiety in its ugly ass. with that said, anyone reading this is so loved. please never feel alone and like you’re the exception to not making it through. don’t give the anxiety the satisfaction of winning. you’re so strong, i promise 🫶🏻

So here it goes. These last few weeks have been hell and unlike me and I’m truly starting to question myself on everything. 4 weeks ago I went on a vacation to visit family. 2 days into my trip I was settling down and getting ready to go to bed. I was doing my usual (Watching YouTube) which happened to be crime network which is something I’ve always watched with my boyfriend and never had issues with. Out of nowhere I get an extremely disturbing thought about hurting my family members I was with. This thought absolutely terrified me and made me extremely uneasy. I started acting really weird and went into the bathroom and go in the bathtub to ease my anxiety. That worked and I pushed the thought away taking it as a weird occurrence. The best day started ok. Me and those family members went out for lunch and for some fun activities. I remembered what happened the night prior and thought it was extremely weird. The next thing I know I was bombarded with that thought again. I got the same sense of dread I did and this ended up ruining the rest of the day and that entire vacation. I didn’t know what to think of all this and thought that this means I’m a horrible person and actually wanna do this stuff even though it’s stuff I would never do or desire to do. I got back from my trip and automatically went looking for professional help. As time went on I began to look back on my childhood actions and behaviors. I want to clarify that I was diagnosed adhd. I had anger issues and had a conduct disorder. I was particularly cruel to pets as a child (I absolutely regret all of this). As I have gotten older I have been able to control emotions and have strived to be a good person. I don’t like seeing anyone hurt or in pain. I am even going into nursing school this fall because I love helping others in need. Anyway I really started to analyze all of my actions and ended up convincing myself I’m a psychopath. The only way I am getting relief is by googling everything which only helps temporarily then I have to do it all over again. I first saw dr who didn’t really give me a diagnosis but prescribed me Prozac for my symptoms. I refused to take it after seeing one of the side effects was irritability. I have a fear of taking anything that could do that because I’m afraid of snapping and hurting someone or going crazy. I have also been avoiding alcohol out of a fear that I am going to lose control and hurt someone. A few days later I ended up seeing a psychotherapist and she told me that I am not a psychopath. She diagnosed me with schizotypal personality disorder with ocd tendencies. This diagnosis is what’s been throwing me for a loop these past few days. Because I am in constant doubt I have been googling and reading every article I can find just to prove to myself that I am not a bad person. Somehow I came upon an article that described the batman shooter in Colorado had been diagnosed with schizotypal disorder and that was the reason he did what he did. This is scaring me so bad because I am afraid I am like him even though I do not wanna do anything to hurt anyone. It scared me so bad that I had a literal panic attack because of finding this out. I’m an still very scared and have been looking for constant reassurance that I’m not like this guy. My life is literally taken up by this fear. If I’m not sleeping I’m reading and worrying. I can barley eat and my stomach is in a constant knot. I’ve been checking all of my emotions and this is causing me to feel so numb to everything. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I cannot laugh or barley smile anymore because I am so scared and don’t feel like I deserve to because of my thoughts/diagnosis. My only reactions to my thoughts are now just a jolt of adrenaline and an automatic urge to go to google for reassurance. Does this sound like ocd or is this something more serious?

For me dealing with intrusive thoughts in the form of like words is easy, I could live my life with them and ofc it wouldn’t be easy but, dealing with intrusive images of me doing what the intrusive thoughts said and believing that that image isn’t an image but me really doing it is just horrible, horrifying, awful, terrifying and just makes me asume that the thing did happen and now I’m just reviewing and INCAPABLE of accepting uncertainty because I feel that if I do that means that I don’t care and that I’m not worthy of love and care and that I’m not a person that you can trust and that I’m evil

Anybody else have sleep issues? What helps you fall/stay asleep?

Does anyone have any tips to improve mental health I keep on having suicidal thoughts and I'm always so angry I really need tips to help me deal with this

I wondered if there’s anyone here with experience of OCD treatment in the UK on the NHS? I’m having no luck at all and feeling quite isolated without an official diagnosis (I am diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder). Their OCD questionnaire was based on very typical OCD symptoms such as excessive handwashing, so my results got brushed off. My symptoms show quite differently, but I am 99.9% sure it’s OCD. Also, I know how much the NHS love CBT (I’ve had about 5 rounds of it - only works for me in the short term) but does anyone have any experience of other therapies on the NHS such as ERP? Thanks and hopefully this reaches some brits :D

it’s way too convincing today. i feel like a monster, it feels like the truth. it feels like i’m a killer who’s going to hurt their family. i truly truly do not want to, i cry and cringe at the thought. i love my family so much, more than i can explain so why? why do thoughts want to convince me that i want to harm them? why when i feel okay i get the thought “you want to hurt them” “you won’t feel okay unless you do”. everything was fine a few months ago, none of this would cross through my mind or even trigger me. isnt that enough proof? surely if i truly wanted to do this it wouldn’t just come up suddenly? but what if it did? i’m so scared but now it feels like the truth, and i can’t live with that. i don’t want that for me. i want to see my family grow old with me. i want to be with them. i’m crying so hard right now. i understand thoughts don’t equal actions, but the thoughts are already bad enough. sorry the rant, i just can’t calm down right now.

Hello NOCD community! This is my first post here, so not sure how it works haha. This is a relatively new theme that has cropped up over the past few months, and historically never really worried about until recently. It all happened initially because of a prickly interaction with a friend. A good few months ago, we were really good friends, we’d hang out multiple times a week, she’d invite me places, we planned to do trips out together etc. I would always be someone she thought about when wanting to do something at the weekend, and vice versa. But I noticed towards the end of January, she was becoming increasingly distant from me, making little jabs directly at me that were about me. She wasn’t asking me to hang out anymore. Just really unexpected behaviour from her that I couldn’t understand. It’s important to mention that I had done nothing to provoke this behaviour. She mentioned that she made a few new friends, which of course wasn’t an issue, and I was happy for her that she had met new people, but didn’t see how this justified her not wanting to hang out at all anymore. A day or two after this, I saw on her Instagram story that she was hanging out with a bunch of our mutual friends (and we’d hang out as a group a ton usually) without me, and it made me feel just really sad. I (probably stupidly) messaged her when I saw this and kindly implied that next time I’d like to be invited as it’s something I would’ve liked to join in with too. She was immediately so defensive and unempathetic, and I was taken aback by how curt and rude her response was, from someone who I’d considered a good friend. After that interaction I was so worried that she hated me and never wanted to be friends again. The stress of this was so much that I couldn’t eat, and made me feel sick to my stomach. It was genuinely all I could think about. I saw her in class a few days later and I apologised for what I said in the message, and asked if we were still okay. She said yes and we made up, and it seemed like everything was fine. But clearly it wasn’t, as we never hung out again after that. even though I would ask her if she wanted to do something with me, she would constantly turn me down, every single time. I was fed up and confused. I just couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to hang out anymore, despite the fact there wasn’t really any reason why we couldn’t. We would talk in class but outside of class it’s like she didn’t want anything to do with me, which felt so bizarre as we’d been so close for ages. Since this experience, I’ve made some new friends, but am always overanalysing what I say to them so as to not accidentally offend them, out of fear that they’d never talk to me again. I am constantly worrying that my friends all hate me and even the tiniest interactions will make me doubt everything. If anyone has experienced something similar and maybe has any sort of explanation or advice, please do let me know! Thank you!