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Does anyone else have experience of being on hard psychotic drugs then getting completely clean? How much better did you get? I’m starting to find a stable place abd I wondered if it was just wishful thinking goggles.

The past couple months, Harm OCD has been an absolute pain. Constantly plaguing me "what ifs" and "did that mean xyz". Specifically what gets me is driving. Either near motorcycles, semis, curves on roads, and the worst is when there's a pedestrian walking alongside the road that doesn't have a sidewalk. My fear is that my body will just react without me wanting it to. So each time I am driving and I see there's a pedestrian, I tense up and it's the worst few seconds of my life. It's a field day for the OCD flooding me with what ifs. The wheel can move for whatever reason but I've learned recently what my OCD does is gets me when thought-action-fusion. Thought-action-fusion is taking two unrelated thoughts, feelings, behaviors, whatever and fusing them together to trick you into believing it is true. It can also work as Action-Thought-Fusion, which is what my OCD does with driving. I've been trying to work an exposure and use my tools but still cannot seek to overcome this. I've said it before and that is I can't try and place a time stamp on when I should be "better". In the end, it just makes it harder on ourselves when we do that. But it's hard sometimes, believe me lol. I get mad at myself because I have an arsenal of tools to use and I'm aware most times of rumination and still fall into OCD's trap. Today, I was driving my brother and I to the gym as we do every Monday. I go along this curve, get bothered but use my tools to get through it. I'm pumped and proud for doing that. I guess I spoke too soon because not long after, I approached this narrow two lane road with steady traffic flow. Usually not an issue but there was a pedestrian walking on the road with no sidewalk. My worst nightmare 🤦🏻‍♂️. I can't really move over much as there was oncoming traffic and I should've slowed down more cause I heard the pedestrian yell and throw their hands up. I thought they were a little disorderly but my OCD couldn't care less. I was distressed and mad that one moment I was confident and the next, I was cornered by rumination. I kept thinking, "why couldn't I just win one time?". I looked at my tools, realized I needed to "get off the treadmill" of rumination and enjoy my workout. But it was hard. I couldn't go back and redo the scenario. I was stuck with just living with it. I felt my day was "stained". Mentally, I was tired and wasn't feeling energetic. But after dropping my brother off at home and got back to my apartment, I went to play my game. Gaming is a hobby of mine, so it's normal for me to get on the game most times..actually any time I'm free lol. What I didn't expect is to end of laughing to the point of sounding like a tea kettle with a buddy of mine. I didn't intentionally try and distract myself. I just went to play the game like I normally would and ended up having a great time. I know this post is long, but this is my entire point I want to make. Our days are not stained and ruined just because we are attacked with OCD. We can still enjoy our day despite being tripped up by the OCD. To me, that is the true essence of recovery. Continuing on with our day even though we're faced with OCD. I won't lie and say the stumble isn't completely gone from my mind. When I got off the game and went to pray, it came back. I feel my OCD being the typical pest it is and saying "just because you hand a good day doesn't erase what happened..you can't get away from it." To be transparent, I struggle with that. Despite moving forward with my day and even enjoying the day after struggling with OCD, I still discredit myself and the victory of enjoying the day. I pray all the time that I can regain my confidence when passing pedestrians walking along the road. Working with my therapist, I know it's a fear for everyone. So I'm not praying to not be bothered by that. Just praying I can do why my therapist said and "just drive". Meaning the same as the "getting off the treadmill" metaphor. Which I forgot to explain a little about that, but that simply is like you're on this treadmill, rumination being the treadmill here, and you are told to get off the treadmill and you then ask, "but what do I do now?" and you are told ANYTHING but getting back on the treadmill. I am not perfect and that's okay. Some days are much harder than others. To be honest, some days I wish I could just hide from the world of triggers. But I can't and don't want to let OCD have that power over me. So, if you're reading this. Let's rest up. Each day is a new day. There is no time stamp on when we should be "free" of OCD. All we can do is live life one day at a time, enjoying one moment at time. I share this because I received an "OCD Conqueror" badge but that doesn't mean I don't face hardships. I share this also as a reminder to not be so hard on myself. To remind myself that OCD will always try and block out our "sun" so that we can't celebrate our victories. Please know that you are not alone in this. I'm here to say that we can still enjoy our lives with OCD. We just have to keep working and remaining positive. Love as always. 💚

Okay, so, friends I need some support, or erp direction. I keep looking for reassurance and I keep inwardly catastrophically thinking. ocd picks one thing, then latches onto another thing, and man I’m annoyed with it. So as you guys know me and my husband recently eloped this weekend due to him enlisting in the navy. We still plan to have a large wedding at some point once we know about his deployment schedule etc. I’m currently obsessing over my husbands bachelor night. I didn’t plan anything because we talked about how we were just gonna do our own thing with our friends for our big wedding in a year and a half. But his bestfriend took him fishing all day and then ended up telling him he wanted to take him out for his bachelor party and do what my husband did for him when he got married (go to a strip club). - ( i didn’t care when he went this time because it wasn’t my husband getting any dances from strippers. ) So ofcourse he talked to me about it first, he wouldn’t have gone if I said no absolutely not, and I said it was fine. I didn’t want to start off our marriage being the wife that doesn’t let him go to his own bachelor party because of my own insecurities. BOYYYYY I WISH I JUST TOLD HIM NO. I’m currently obsessing over every little detail. It’s all I can think about. The minute I think I’m passed it I get pangs of thoughts again and again. He told me what happened so I know all of the details, but mannnn. So I looked up the place while they were on the way there, and I found the clubs Instagram and got VISUALS. (Mind you I’ve never been to a strip club so my brain is running wild. I’m 26 and I’ve never been to a club or an EDM show or a rave or anything) When I seen all of that all I could do was cry, and I didn’t want to ruin his night so I just stopped texting him when he was going, maybe if I went out and did something I’d be better ? Idk. Hes the sweetest guy, and he is HUMAN. He is a man and bachelor parties are just things that people do when they get married, I know. AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS OKAY. But I’m still obsessing over it. All he did was have a few drinks, got a dance from some stripper and he said it wasn’t even that great, the place was lame and they left pretty quickly. I believe him and I trust him, I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t believe him or didn’t trust him. I know without a shadow of a doubt he would NEVER purposely hurt me. This is the one person I believe would never hurt me. Idk why I can’t stop obsessing. Maybe because I have rocd. I’ve put him in like this bubble of perfection where I forget he is human. My current fear is that I’ll never be able to get over this and we’ll grow to resent each other. It wasn’t even a huge deal but I can’t stop bringing it up and asking him about it or giving him crap (jokingly) about it. I wanna stop thinking about it. I don’t wanna obsess over it anymore. Now I know yeah I can’t stand the thought of it, going forward he won’t do it ever again. But AHHHH. I’m so afraid about what this will do to our marriage. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him or push him away. I’m like spiraling over a stupid bachelor party. I think I need to do some ERP.

My psychiatrist hasn’t officially diagnosed me yet, but mentioned that I could have OCD (suicidal OCD). The more I look into it, the more I relate to Relationship OCD. As I look back at my old journal, I feel like I can totally see the possibility of me having relationship OCD. I’m curious if these count as obsessions: 1. Fear that the relationship was going to end (it did) 2. Fear that I was going to say or do something to make him stop loving me 3. Fear I made him an idol in my life (Scrupulosity OCD) The relationship caused me so much distress. I could not stop worrying about the relationship all the time and couldn’t think about schoolwork or anything else. Do these count as compulsions: 1. Constantly having conversations with him & others about the relationship 2. Constantly praying & journaling about the relationship I meet with a psychiatrist tomorrow for an ADHD assessment but I’m so interested in learning about all this stuff & figuring it out… which I read could be a compulsion. Would appreciate any comments!

I feel really stupud righting this right now. I can't tell you how many times I've written something and then back spacr everything I wrote. But I guess this is my way of trying to i dont know, better myself. I read everybodys stories and I feel for each and every one of you. What you all go through, is something nobody should have to do. But I know we can't all share our complete thoughts, becausr idk about you guys. But I'm ashamed and scared. I'm scared that my thoughts will make me dangerous or violent. I often compare myself to Jeffrey Dahmer because of what I think. And it's exhausting, but no matter who tells me their story or who shares somethung similar it doesnt feel right. Nothing really feels right to me, and not in a perfect order type of way. More in a my organs are in the wrong spots, my skin feels unevenly placed on my body, and I just want to rip everything off of me. I won't go into details of course, I don't want to trigger anybody on here. But having ocd, or maybe even getting diagnosed or helping yourself through medicine and therapy just seems so pointless to me. When I look in the mirror or imagine myself I'm nothing, I'm just a sack of flesh and everything I think and feel is a chemical reaction. It's alive but not real, I'm alive, but I'm not real. When I look around and I feel my skin, there is no possibly way I can be real, there is no way my life is real. I feel crazy because I constantly think I'm crazy, and the really sad thing is I want to get worse. I don't want ti get better. But at the same time I really really do, and maybe thats why i've never healed or "gotten better" is because something deep inside my head didn't want to and it never did. I am sorry for this being a long rant/vent, I don't know what I wanted this to be, but i'm typing so here we are if your still reading this. But have a good night you know, and thanks for reading this.

rn my bf and i r in a rlly rough patch like not making time for each other just fighting back and forth and its been a while and now i feel like we're growing apart and he and i decided we r gonna talk everything out tmrw and try to fix it but idk if this is my ocd or if this js real but i had the idea that what if this is me growing apart from him inevitably and ive been forcing us trying to fix things for so long and that even if we do fix things i wont rlly care or enjoy it bcs i alr slowly lost feelings or smt which i dont want i dont want to lose feelings and i don't want this to be the end but i'm scared i do want that or that this is us like "losing feelings and processing the breakup mentally as we go thru this patch before the real breakup happens" and i'm rlly sad like what if i rlly am losing feelings and i dont regain it back like i was barely texting him today and i had fun w my friends without him which never happens and i didn't care to wear his hoodie because we ddint end up hanging out which is also abnormal for me and i want to fix things deeply but i'm dcared im losing feelings and i don't want to what if this rlly is one of those things we cant bounce back from emotionally and i lost feelings i cant gain back i'm so stressed pls give advice :( and then today we fixed things he said rlly romantic things but bcs i alr got in my head that i lost feelings and its too late to fix things im in over my head that i dont feel anything and that i dont care abt calling him or anything idk what happened all of a sudden i just had this thought and it stuck to my feelings idk if its ocd bcs someone told me i rlly am losing feelings but i don't want to i'm actually terrified rn

she starts obsessing at bedtime an wakes me up every hour to make sure I'm ok, ask if I still love her or just outright is mad at me for a perceived slight she's obsessing over I don't know what to do

Hi, I’m Cede. I am 15 years old and I’m greatly concerned if I have OCD. I do so many things that relate to others with OCD, and find myself constantly matching symptoms of it. But I feel like if I bring this up to my mother she will tell me I’m making it all up in my head, or say something stupid like “it’s because of that darn phone” I was hoping to find people here who do have OCD and see what their thoughts are. And hopefully find my answer. These things have been happening as long as I can remember. They started out as a few things but now they’re building and getting worse. Stuff I do that I believe is OCD related: -When I was younger and believed in good and praying, I would have to triple check I prayed for all my family and friends. Or I thought they would die. I would panic every night. (Age 4-9?) -When praying I would also pray that specific things wouldn’t happen to me. Ex: “dear god, please don’t let me get kidnapped tomorrow” -I got into a car crash when I was younger while I was asleep, ever ever since then I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep because I thought me sleeping caused us to crash -I would (still do) see the spray paint on cement and imagine if the line extended. I would have to avoid those spots or I’d feel panicked or think a bad thing was soon to come -I skip count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s when anxious, or something like it. -I have to hold my breath while crossing the street because I think something bad will happen if I breathe before I’m across -I have to run half way across a street before a certain light changes otherwise I’m convinced Doom is released upon me -I will randomly feel dirty in my body. Typically my hands. I will wash and wash them till the “bad” is gone. -I have the habit of over showering because I feel like when I sleep “bad” is layered all over me and showering will get it off -when making a timer for something it needs to only be “good” numbers (minutes) with a “good”number for the seconds. Ex: 11 min and 44 seconds -Numbers, Colors, Letters, and shapes all are split into feeling “good” or “bad” ex: 6 is very bad. It’s like a dirty feeling almost -I refuse to go into stores that feel “bad” or “dirty”. Like the AIR feels dirty to me, even if I know it’s clean -If I push my bedroom door shut before it closes I need to run to a carpet and stand on only my right leg or get to my stairs or I feel like something bad will happen -I will rewrite a letter or something till it feels it’s done “just right” -when walking on tiles I can’t step on lines. But also I don’t like how they’re spaced. My right foot is always stepping on one part of them and my left on another. It’s not fairly balanced. And that causes me to rewalk or step there again. And it causes me to panic and sometimes tear up. -if I only get one hand wet I need to get the other just as wet before drying them off or I can’t leave the place I’m in. -if one nail breaks on one hand ex:pointer on right, I need to cut the other one down to that length as well. Or I can’t function -when I’m sick I convince myself I’m going to die in my sleep (I’m literally sick rn and refusing to go to bed because I’m convinced my family will find me dead) -I have asthma and I sometimes think it gets so bad I’ll want to write “I love you” notes to my family because I’m going to die from not breathing in my sleep -I think I forgot something so I have to check it a few times to make sure I have it or done something -I won’t take medication unless my mother gets it for me, because I think I’ll accidentally over dose. And sometimes I’ll be worried to take it even from her (Tw for these because they’re intrusive thoughts) -I’ll be looking at my dog or a little kid and have the most vivid and violent visions of them. Ex: I will see myself bashing my dogs brain with my foot -I will have intrusive thoughts if me specializing myself to older adults, even family. Like guys. I don’t even want to give an example because it’s disgusting.. -I’ll get intrusive thoughts of me unaliving myself and writing su’cide letters to people -I will get an intrusive thought of me taking too much medication There’s still so much, but I’m sick and tired. If anyone who has OCD can let me know if it sounds like I have it please tell me. I want to figure this out. Have a good day! -Cd

Hello, my name is Addison and I would love to share my story to see if anybody has been going through the same thing as me because sometimes I feel as if I am alone and nobody understands what is happening. I have known most of my life that I have had anxiety but it wasn’t until last year when I started noticing that I have been repeating things in my head over and over again. I later found out that it was OCD. I especially noticed it when I had any work to do or anything to do outside of my house I always zone out or close my eyes and just repeat everything over and over in my head. I also picture it in my mind so I can better understand what I am telling myself. I stress myself out so much because of it and for some reason my mind does not allow me to accept what I am thinking. So then I tried getting a planner which doesn’t really work for me. Sometimes I would be doing work and I would catch myself zoning out and writing things on my paper over and over and over again. I have tried a lot of stuff to help but it’s still mentally exhausting and by the end of the day my brain is so wore out just from repeating every little thing in my head. If anybody is going through the same thing as me and has any tips please share, I would love to learn how I myself could help myself out even a little bit! 😊

I keep getting an urge to touch a picture of a specific Hindu God so that nothing bad happens to my mum, idk what to do 😭😭

So, I do have OCD. That’s not a question (Pure O mainly. Compulsions are mental and emotional checking and ruminating and comparing). And my OCD was ramping up pretty bad a while back so I started ERP counseling through NOCD. I learned some basic skills and good ways to respond and not engage to thoughts. But now, I think the therapy just brings things up that didn’t need to be that big. It makes minor things bigger. It brings overwhelm thinking I have all this “work” to do, when I think what I need is to let go. Of course with OCD letting go is not a simple task, but hear me out. I didn’t do therapy for over a month and started feeling better. I used some of the tools I learned a few times and things just seemed more minor and less serious. I’m now postpartum with anxiety panic and ocd so I upped my therapy and I truly think it’s making things worse. Does anyone else share this opinion or experience? I also think back to when OCD was darn near nonexistent and I was not in ERP therapy. I know things come and go but I’m just realizing this.

It started a month ago on vacation. I started getting intrusive thoughts about harming my loved ones in their sleep and it scared me so bad. I thought it would stop but it only got worse. Here I am a month later and things have changed drastically. My thoughts have now shifted to becoming some serial killer. I am so worried it’s all I think about. I can’t stop thinking about the things I did as a kid and how it could validate all my thoughts. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything at all. I am so scared of the thought of the notorious serial killers that I’ve heard about in the past and I can’t stop comparing myself to these horrible people. I’m scared because I used to be mean to animals as a kid and people say this is the first thing to look for in serial killers. I remember still having a lot of empathy for them when I was young too. I look back and cant at all understand why I was like that. It makes me wanna breakdown and punch myself. All of that stopped a really long time ago and every since I have done nothing but helped and empathized with animals. I am every surrounded by them and consider them to be more family than pets. I get extremely upset over anything or anyone who is suffering. I just can’t get that memory of me doing that stuff out of my head and I’m afraid it means it validates my thoughts I’ve been having even though this is not what i want to happen. I’ve been completely avoidant of alcohol and refused to take a medication I was prescribed because irritability was a side effect and I’m afraid of snapping and hurting someone. I just can’t stop thinking about my past and how it could correlate to now. Even though I have grown up to have morals and respect for everything I have a fear that it’s all been a lie. I get so much anxiety from thinking about this stuff. I haven’t eaten in almost 3 days because my stomach is in a constant knot and when I do eat I feel too guilty to do so because I’m not paying attention to these thoughts and sometimes it makes me question whether I secretly want to do bad stuff which I don’t and that scared me so bad. I made an emergency appointment right after I started having these thoughts and they diagnosed me as having schizotypal personality disorder. They said I have been having ocd “tendencies “ because I have the thoughts and constantly googling everything which I guess would be a compulsion. I have been looking on forums for people with past actions similar to mine to see other peoples reactions. I’m not sure what this is anymore. Idk if this is ocd or I’m just using it as an excuse. All I know is that I’m extremely scared. I vowed if this stuff as everything something I would even think about doing I would take myself out before I ever hurt anyone else. It’s scary but it’s what I always tell myself when I doubt any of this.

I don’t think my partner is funny & this is what my OCD *loves* to latch onto & it makes me feel so sick. Haven’t felt this sick in a while & it sucks. Anyone else?

Hi ! Does anyone have intrusive thoughts of being betrayed and imagining the worse case scenario until feeling that it could be true, having trouble to trust your partner, friend and family ?? Is it part of ROCD ?

so today i had to give my manager my notice that i will be leaving the job because my second job is moving me to assistant manager starting so soon. i feel terrible that i let them all down and now that everyone hates me, that i hurt them, and that they’re going to look bad at me and im a fuck up. i just feel like my OCD is making it bigger and i can’t stop ruminating on this and when i think more and more about it it cause me anxiety. is this normal and does anyone else feel this way.

I know it’s not me I know it’s not real and I don’t want to do anything but I feel like I’m going to 🫠😔

This is a newer and more recent thing for me and i’m wondering if anyone else has had this experience and can explain why. I have been having ocd dreams like intrusive dreams. My ocd is telling me it’s because I want these horrible things but I don’t at all and it’s upsetting that I can’t even get away from ocd when I sleep. This is so draining.

Hello all! Just joined the app and this is my first post, was diagnosed in 2021 and have made some good progress in self managing. One of the manifestations of my OCD that is the most pervasive and confounding is getting locked in on the feeling and meaning of very minor things, usually in video games or other interests. For example, with Pokemon Go I have certain Pokemon with a very high CP value (combat power, in case you don’t know the game). There’s a select few where I can’t help but rack my brain trying to recapture some feeling or sense of childlike wonder. Like I try to put myself in the shoes of me or my friends playing this game in 2016 and how amazing it would be to have one with such a high value. I obviously used to have much more extreme reactions to these things as a kid, and for some reason it makes me hella uncomfortable when I can’t understand that anymore. I can’t replicate the feeling and I try to relate it to Pokemon of lower values, and what the implication of it being better than others or being so high may be and how it could look to others. An example I can more clearly describe college sports. As a kid, I would feel genuine apprehension and intimidation when I in a video game played against a team who was ranked in the top 25. Number one team, man I was pacing around the house hyping myself up to play them. But now when I play those games or watch the real thing, any top 25 team I’m instantly having to imagine them in a newscast or sports game with that ranking, what that would mean compared to traditional power balances, what announcers would say, and how intimidating the logo and ranking combo should feel to go against. Of course I can’t capture these feelings and it leads to my head getting tight and many muscles clench until it feels like I’m going to cramp and my head is going to explode. Has anybody else experienced something like this? Clearly, I have no clue how to put this into a concise summary and that’s really hard to deal with when I need to communicate it to therapists. Hopefully someone else can come up with better descriptors

So I was given fluoxetine for my OCD and I'm worried because you know I'm a Christian and I do believe one day God can heal me but what do I do with my meds my mental health doctor prescribed it to me I was wondering should I keep taking it many say I shouldn't because it is too much serotonin and it doesn't help like natural serotonin and now I'm worried

I am 22 year old straight male. In 2020 I had an OCD theme about if I am gay or not. It took me 6 months to beat that OCD. Recently when I was swiping through NOCD and a sudden glimpse of the word "Bisexual" caught my eyes. And a ocd feeling started growing with the question," If I am bisexual or not." Now there is no reason for me to think myself as bisexual. But whole day I try to tell myself why I am not bisexual. Things like, "Well, I get erection when I see a girl and I dont have feelings towards a boy. So, I am straight male." Can anyone suggest a solution. I have financial issue. So I can't reach any psychiatrist. Please help.