Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Just curious. It could be about anything.

Its my birthday but im not celebrating😔 why celebrate when things just keep getting worse for me im not happy at all😐

Hi my name is Audrey and this app was recommended to me to join a community with others who have OCD. I want to share my story and I think the best way to do that would be to share my college application essay. I wrote about my OCD journey and I think it sums it up well. Here it is: One of the main debates in grammar is the use of the Oxford comma. Some people strongly believe that you must use the Oxford comma when completing a list, and some people question its very existence. Where do I stand? I love the Oxford comma. But not because I am some big grammar-police, but because I have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and I feel a need for symmetry in my life. My whole life I have always loved when things were symmetrical. If I scratched my right arm, I scratched my left arm too; if I stubbed my left toe, I would purposely stub the right one too; I would line all of my pencils up in a perfect row. I felt a deep need to keep everything symmetrical. So when the debate over the Oxford comma first came to my attention, I, of course, was in support of it. Two commas between three items, nothing seemed more perfect to me. I could not fathom why anyone would not love the Oxford comma. I just always thought everyone's brain worked like mine. That was until I was diagnosed with OCD. I never knew other people didn't think and process information like I did. I never knew how my brain was "faulty" and different from others. When I first received my diagnosis, I felt like the odd pencil out of the row. I had spent my whole life making sure everything was equal and symmetrical, and it turned out that my brain was the unequal one. After my diagnosis, I started exposure therapy. And what did I do to work on my OCD? Well, I would move one pencil out of its row and stare at it until I physically couldn't anymore. I would only stub my right toe and wait while my brain practically screamed at me to stub the left toe. These exercises were hard and uncomfortable, but through therapy I learned to sit with discomfort and unevenness. Before therapy, one thing I struggled with was note-taking. I would write one word and then go back and “fix” the letters until my brain was satisfied, then do the same for the next word. It took twice as long and I would fall behind. I became stressed because I was missing half the notes and felt too embarrassed to ask the teacher to repeat. When I started therapy, this was one of my main issues I wanted to tackle. So, in our sessions, I would have my therapist talk about random topics and I would take notes. In the beginning, I would still go back and fix how I wrote each letter. But the more I practiced continuing writing no matter how uncomfortable my brain made me feel, the more I could write without going back and fixing my handwriting. In the past year, I have been able to take better notes faster than before. Now, I am confident that I will be able to follow along during lectures, and even understand concepts on a deeper level. As I’ve worked to confront my issues head-on, my cognitive flexibility has grown and the disruptive urgency that OCD creates has slowly diminished. My new ability to sit in discomfort has not only been useful with my OCD, but it has been useful in my day-to-day life. I am now able to live with unanswered questions, deal with the possibility that things will not always go my way, and tolerate my anxieties. I feel that these new qualities will serve me well in college and in life. OCD does not make my life better or make me perfectly organized, but it has taught me how to prepare for all of life’s challenges and adversities. But I must admit, despite learning how to tolerate things not being symmetrical, I still do love the Oxford comma. Maybe I am the grammar-police after all.

How do you deal with ocd and laundry. Sometimes I forget I put laundry detergent in. I fight my ocd and put the clothes in the dryer but then I freak out briefly that I didn’t put detergent in and ruined the dryer. I wish I could have a camera to record me putting detergent in. Also, does anyone battle washing something potentially contaminated with other clothing. What do you tell yourself to get over these irrational thoughts

Is this an OCD thing: just the general sense of worry or dread something bad may happen in the future? For example: planning a trip, and the thought "you could die by then!" Or something similar but related to loved ones?

Ugh did SOCD ERP watching gay porn and actually got off! Initially it has thrown me through a spiral but without reassuring myself, I realize porn is porn. Slowing coming down from a bad spiral and would just love some words of encouragement, not reassurance.

i know people say to just accept it but im so tired i genuinely just dont care if im this or if im that. I just want the thoughts to stop. Thats all. But i feel like a bad person for not caring anymore. any advice?

My thoughts are so loud today even just normal overthinking when I don’t know what’s related to my ocd anymore I’m trying to stay positive but sometimes it’s hard to get through the day especially when I can’t talk to anyone My head hurts and my sleep has been not good lately like I know I’ll be okay but sometimes just feels like a mess and my head won’t shut up

Why do I get so so many sexual thoughts all the time About things I don’t wanna be thinking about Is this part of ocd and does anyone else have this Is this hyper sexual or just ocd because I don’t want these thoughts in my head

Hello all! Please share a small success you experienced this week before it ends! Here are mine: -I went to a park full of kids (no intrusive thoughts and rumination) -Spent quality time with partner and stopped myself from ruminating -started eating normally again -Did not miss therapy

Anyone else get stuck with shitty religion teachers or pastors that tried to convert people with fear in the past? I got stuck with that as a kid and still can't shake the existential dread and angst, and its been over seven years. I get into a panic and all the hard work that I have dont to improve myself and my knowledge of spirituality and religion goes right out the windo and I am stuck in a bout of dread, rumination, and physical discomfort.

Intrusive thoughts destroyed who I've always known myself to be, I wish I could go back to when I trusted who I was and my morals. I'm constantly paranoid that I've lied about terribly awful things and theyre gonna come out and haunt me. What a sad way to live :(

idk if this is even ocd related, or if anyone relates, but im so sad about growing up. im gonna be twenty in 2 years. its not even a regular sad. i get like nauseous and a pain in my chest like when ur HEARTBROKEN. i cant think about my upbringing and especially my teenage years, and what i wasted, or time and memories i will not get back. I always get sad how I’ll never be 14,15,,16, again(this also makes my pocd act up but anyways lol). realizing I’ll never be able to experience an era of my life ever again really is gut wrenching to me. I can’t think about it too long or I’ll cry and feel really depressed. how do I feel better about this?? help??!

I'm worried my partner is searching for problems in our relationship when I'm asleep and when I wake up she has a new manifested issue to deal with. Yesterday we were on a video call as I fell asleep as she was at work but she hung up randomly and started sending odd texts like "I know what you did" turns out she had called a random number she had decided was the woman I am cheating on her with (I am absolutely not cheating) and called that number while we were on the phone, this hanging up the call she took this as undeniable proof that I am in fact cheating on her and was calling this stranger and has been not stop accusing me of cheating with them all day Ive tried explaing what happened and she says I'm gaslighting her so I'm really at a loss what to do rn I feel like our relationship is doomed if this keeps up tbh

I saw a video where a kid was trick or treating and the dude filming opened the door and pulled out a knife on him and said “get away from here. quick.” and it was in response to a trend asking users to quote the tweet with the funniest videos that live in their head rent free. I laughed and thought it was funny because it was so random, but then I saw the comments like “that was so disturbing, what’s wrong with everyone who’s laughing at this?” and I totally agree. I feel horrible for laughing. It was just so random and it was posted in the context of being something funny. I wouldn’t ever condone doing that in real life, but with the internet it feels like a barrier and honestly I’m so desensitized to seeing stuff like that. I want to completely get off the internet because in reality that WAS disturbing and completely fvckd up and I wouldn’t be laughing if someone did that to my niece. I feel horrible. Am I horrible person? I don’t even want to think about it anymore. I deadass just don’t want to be here tbh and I don’t think anybody cares if I am here anyways so ✌🏽

Has anyone ever had an accepting response when telling a partner? I don’t feel like I can be honest because I’m afraid they’ll leave me for being a monster or just never see me the same

Any success stories with ROCD and ERP? Would love some encouragement❤️

I haven't changed my underwear in about a week and a half because I don't have any clean underwear, it's all dirty and for some reason I just can't suck it up and do the laundry this time so I've just been wallowing away in my bed feeling and smelling gross, when I think about doing the laundry I get exhausted at the thought and then I think I'm a disgusting failure and then I just don't try at all and I just lay down and sleep to escape it all I don't understand why it's so hard for me to function like other people, my room is a disaster and idk where to start, I'm spiraling so badly, I have a pile of trash in my room that I'm for some reason just waiting for the "perfect moment" to throw away, I can't do this anymore, and I never say anything to my therapist because it's so fucking embarrassing even though I KNOW that she's there to help me through this, I can't bring myself to show anyone the state I let myself live in, I feel guilty and lazy and dumb. I need to ask for help but idk how, I've had help so many times with this and my room always gets worse, I hate my room, I want my old room back, I think I do this to show that I need my old room back? But I can't have it for reasons I don't feel like explaining rn because it's complicated, I miss my childhood room, it was perfect and it had everything I wanted and it was just taken away from me, I didn't mind it being taken, a room is a room, but I'm so possessive of my things and I like to have my things exactly as they are so I don't change anything ever. Even if that means cleaning my room, this is what I know now and I refuse to change it. I wanna fix this so badly

Hi all. I'm not sure who will see this or what will come of it, but I am just so tired. I'm someone who struggles with too many things and keeps myself in continuous distress for god knows what reason. I've convinced myself that the distress fuels me, but I know it's tearing me down. While I don't particularly enjoy my normal ocd symptoms of worry, doubt, failure, and needing balance, my relationship ocd has been much worse. For me, my rocd takes on the form of friendships, not partnerships. My one friend has been my rock for nearly 2 years and it's been a great friendship until someone else showed up. In my head, there's not enough room for both of us and I'm convinced my friend will realize this new person is better than me and I will just end up thrown aside. I've talked about it with my friend and she understands where I'm coming from and why I feel threatened, but that she feels this new person as an addition. I don't have any negative thoughts about her close friends before me because we are all separated, but this new one and I are in the same area (in grad school) which feels like a direct threat. I've told her I don't want to talk about this new person and what I need out of our friendship. She's fine at reassuring me when I bring it up to her, but I'm afraid I'm going to drive her away. I can hardly talk to her or look at her right now because I feel like I'm going to scream every time I hear this new person's name or know that they're together. And she hasn't said anything, but I know she has been taking her space recently. I hate feeling this way and I hate how much space in my mind this is taking up, but I care for her and our friendship so much and feel that I am at a loss and don't know what to do.

Please