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anyone else feel like ERP isn't for them?

I know intrusive thoughts are a part of OCD, but I keep having thoughts that I know I don’t believe in pop into my head. For example, I just lost my cat two days ago. I am beyond heartbroken. But I keep having thoughts in my head like “I’m glad she’s gone” or “it’s a good thing she died”. I don’t believe that at all (but I think my brain is making me think I do). It’s really upsetting me…

Hi! I’m posting this question again but more simplified. I’d love to read stories from anyone who has experienced relief (or knows someone who has) from OCD symptoms using medication-free techniques, such as ERP or ACT therapy, meditation, mindfulness, breathing techniques or holistic coping tools. Thanks!

Hi this is my first time posting but I’ve been struggling lately with myself because of my ocd. Has anyone ever realized they hold a lot of resentment towards others because their life isn’t controlled by ocd? For me, I’ve recently realized I have resentment towards my siblings because they live completely normal lives (i.e. dating, friendships, work) but I struggle just to be alive some days because my ocd holds me back. I feel so incredibly guilty about it all because I find myself being jealous over their happiness when I don’t think I’ve ever even been happy. I’m not sure what to do about this and it’s affecting my relationship with my family because I’ve started distancing myself from them due to the overwhelming negative feelings.

My anxiety is spiking a lot right now I have no idea what’s going on my thoughts keep saying your gay I thought I wasn’t but I just saw a post saying even if I get boners to girls I could still be gay I am anxious right now someone please help

everytime i have an intrusive thought im always saying “stop” or “shut up”. It only gives me temporary relief. Does anyone else struggle with this? If so, what do you do to reduce it?

I really need help I keep making promises on accident to God. I don't know if this makes any sense. I used to think that if j gave into materialistic things like chocolate and music and films something bad would happen and I ended up finding it really hard I even starved myself. Now I can get myself to do things by thinking things like 'I promise on my dad's life to eat this chocolate for example' or I promise on my dads life to not do the compulsion of touching this picture of God twice' and I actually feel able to live my life. But... I keep accidentally making promises to God on my dad's life like if I promised to watch all of movie, I would have to try not to blink at any part so I would be able to watch ALL of it and not break the promise. I'll be getting ready to leave my room and my head will say 'promise on your dad's life not to leave for another hour' and I was stuck. I thought it was all okay but recently it feels like my broken promises are having an effect on my dad I don't know why I just feel like it is and I begged God for them to not have any affect but I don't know, I really hope they don't I couldn't live with myself.

I’ve seen a lot of posts from other people going through tough times with SO OCD, who appear to be having similar thought patterns and I was hoping sharing what’s kept me on a good run these past few days may help at least someone. The thoughts that used to have me seeking answers on google, and looking through my past for some signs to string together as to why I’m actually gay, no longer cause those responses. Instead I’m questioning why am I not distressed more, does that mean I like these thoughts? While I’m not as distressed, I still think about my OCD diagnosis and SO OCD a lot! I’m still uncomfortable looking at guys and get the automatic trigger thought “oh they’re hot” or “you’re gay” before I even have a change to really look at the dude. I still get scenarios in my heads when I see a woman other than my wife of how they wouldn’t accept me being in a relationship with them because of my gay thoughts and that I am actually gay, or once those thoughts pass, why are you even looking at any other woman but your wife. I even get scenarios in my head of being with a gay dude and them mocking me for not accepting that I’m gay/don’t know what my sexuality is and pressuring me into doing something with them. I still have my OCD questioning if I really enjoy having sex with my wife every time we do, and my brain try to force images in my head with the repeating though “you know you get off easier thinking about a man” So even though I’m far from being as distressed as I once was, I still am, and I’m sure many of you who don’t think you are as distressed either, and accepting of the thoughts, still are distressed in your own way. I’ve been trying to view this as my OCD just switching up from the previous distressing question of what if I’m gay, to Why am I not freaking out that I might be gay. Still OCD just a different tactic from him to get me to engage in compulsions little my little. And it has worked here and there. I have googled, I have ruminated, I have scoured these threads looking for someone to have the exact same experience as me. While I want to stop doing those eventually, I’ve still made lots of improvements and am proud of my progress, even though my OCD only wants me to focus on my failures Other thoughts I’ve even had during the time that I’ve made improvements have included: I’m just using SO OCD as an excuse or it’s not right or fair of me to choose to reject being gay when others don’t get to (I’ve even learned the fairness thing is another sign of OCD) It’s hard, but I have to accept that I could be. Even having read some stories for ERPs of people not realizing they were gay until after they were married (at least from how they talked about it), did not help those fears, but the one thing those people were able to do was to come to was an answer and move on, but guess who’s brain will never allow that? So while it isn’t fair that I’ll never have clarity, and that it really, really isn’t fair that I’ll have to deal with these kinds of thoughts for the rest of my life, I know that my OCD only wants to take joy in me being miserable and playing his games. And while it’s going to take a while for the distress to disappear with things, and acknowledging that these thoughts will never go away, no matter how much I want them too. I do know from first hand experience in overcoming SO OCD previously, is that they do get quieter and rarer the less time we give them. If you read this, thank you for reading this novel, and I wish you strength and courage in your own battles! OCD really sucks, but think working towards accepting that I have this terrible mental health illness has aided me greatly these past few days and let me become more aware of his tricks and thought processes that he wants me to get stuck on

Hello my OCD friends, haven’t been on here for awhile. Very unsettling experience this morning when I went back to sleep because I was exhausted. It was like half of me was asleep, and the other half was awake and aware of all the weird things taking place: Vivid, yet shallow dreams, they were nightmarish with a truly crazy undertone that really makes you feel like your brain has gone insane. Then came the tingles, all over body, which turned into total numbness. It’s like I was trapped in sleep. Every time I tried to get out, this creepy darkness kept pulling me back in like a vacuum, and the more it pulled me in, the more I heard this “paper ripping” noise in both my ears.. louder and louder. Clearly an auditory hallucination. When I finally busted out of there, everything instantly went away. But I was left rattled, I cannot believe my mind could behave in such a horrid way. I’m honestly afraid to go to bed tonight. It was like a nightmare on steroids. With physical sensations included. And fear like I’ve never felt before. Thought it might be a seizure or even death. Anyone? Scared 🥺 Thanks guys

I’ve been going through what I suspect is depersonalisation for the past 6 months (triggered by a bad ocd episode) It’s been a really bad period and after this much time I feel like my depersonalisation (if that’s what I have) has gotten so complex that I’ve started to really forget who I am, how I used to act, what I believe in, I feel like I’ve completely lost my own identity. Thinking about past memories hurts, thinking about people I love hurts, I am not sure what to do anymore. I have been told to try and get on with my life by many people online and the depersonalisation will go away by itself, unfortunately that is not the case as whenever I try to get on with my life it gets worse and I feel even more disconnected. I feel like the only time I feel like I’m getting somewhere is when I sit and try to think back of the ocd episode that triggered all this, almost like I have unprocessed emotions from that episode that needs solving in order for my depersonalisation (if that’s indeed what I have) to go Please, if you’ve been through something similar let me know, have you ever felt like on ocd episode is holding you back from your life and is making you feel disconnected from yourself until you go back and process it? As if it was some sort of traumatic memory that needs processing? Don’t hesitate to leave a comment and thank you in advance :)

Hello, My son is 22 and started having intrusive thoughts about hurting himself and us his parents. We have tried outpatient therapy, he has seen a physiatrist and has been in therapy all this year. He started with these thoughts after watching a very violent show/video game and kept picturing himself causing harm to his father, then moved to me, then his sister. The guilt he feels for feeling these things and having these thoughts becomes overwhelming at times to the point he thinks of irrational solutions. Such as cutting his hands off so he dont ever put himself or us in any kind of danger. He did really well for a couple months but now his meds don't seem to work. He's not motivated to do anything. He's never driven, he stays home all the time. Is afraid to socialize. Has gained a lot of weight. As a mother I dont sleep, worried about him. I feel like we walk on eggshells around him. Have had to move anything sharp out of the house. Please tell me he cab get better and that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. We as a family are desperate. I love my son and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for him. But I feel like he's not motivated to help himself and life is passing him by to the point he feels he has no purpose in this life. Please help.

People who weren’t diagnosed and/or didn’t even realize they had OCD until they were older. Are there any stories or memories you look back from when you were younger and now see the OCD gremlin laughing in the background? For me I just recalled the other day how starting in elementary/middle school, and lasting for years, that I refused to allow myself to fall asleep on my back because I was afraid of my tongue falling loose and choking on it while I slept. I even just recently learned how obsessive thoughts about death are common for people with OCD, and I can recall times from when I was even younger of just thinking and ruminating about the afterlife. Not that these are necessarily 100% OCD related but…

I took my license picture at the DMV yesterday. And since I was a child, I’ve prided myself on having a nice ID picture since I know people say it’s rare and I like to be annoyingly special. Well, the last time I was at the DMV, the clerk was obviously floating with me so he allowed me to retake my picture like 3 times. That was over 5 years ago so when I went to get my picture renewed, I was thinking about how I got to retake it a bunch last time. I just knew I wanted it to look good. When it came time to take the photo, they didn’t even have my look into the camera but at a sticky note that had a smiley face on it. Already, I started to feel uncomfortable because I wasn’t looking at a camera so how could my picture, eyes, smile, and head all be centered in the box??? It couldn’t be possible. As these thoughts spiraled through my mind, I tried my best to smile and it was all over in 3 seconds. I should have just left it at that. But as I was leaving, I turned to look at the monitor and I saw my picture. My head was NOT centered. And my face was turned at a weird angle that I was NOT intending. The only good thing I noticed were that my cheekbones look nice. And now I have to have this picture on my license for 5 years… I know that I’ll eventually be able to look at it, and even accept it. But right now, it feels like an itchy caving hole in my chest. Like the world is going to end because my license picture isn’t formatted perfectly. I’m sad that the picture is off and also shaming myself for feeling this way. UGH

So I made some REAL terrible past mistakes, but due to OCD I ruminated about them last night and cut myself for the first time ever (I’m 20) I didn’t do it in a dangerous place like my wrist or anything and I used a razor/it was not that deep hardly any bleeding etc. But I don’t trust myself to not turn to this again in the future, cause I liked it. (I struggle with False Memories, Intrusive-Thought-Action-Fusion, Magical Thinking etc.) Advice for embarrassment/distress?

I’m so disappointed in myself right now I didn’t exercise before I ate my breakfast and now OCD is making me miserable and I just want to be happy I hate this!

How do I forgive myself? Last night I spent 3 hours searching online how Jesus is true or not. I finally gave in to compulsion big time, and even then I feel I need to do more. Cause I stopped searching cause I felt so tired. How can I go back to before? I felt I lost my progress that I have been working on for the past 2 1/2 years. I’m in despair right now.

Hey y’all, does anyone else fear that the world is a simulation / nothing and no one is real? When my OCD flares up, I feel like I am being controlled / watched, like I’m on the Truman Show, and that everyone around me is a robot / simulation? It can be incredibly distressing and I’ve spent HOURS performing compulsions. At school, work, when trying to fall asleep.

I work at NOCD. We removed the search feature because the user experience was challenging, and we wanted to see if it was valued. What makes search valuable to you in this app? I’m curious to get your thoughts, so we can improve the functionality

I can’t search up stuff on NOCD anymore…

So I was lying in bed trying to relax & one of my kitties came jumped on the bed, she started rubbing against me and purring. I no longer avoid my cats, so I started petting her and kissing her normally but then intrusive thoughts came out of the blue, telling me to hurt her and do horrible things. I felt disgusted but petting her & giving her love as if nothing happened. Now I feel so guilty as if I already hurt my cat, which obviouly didn't happen. I love my kitty so much, she's so innocent & beautiful, I don't deserve her. This illness is pure evil, I hate my brain and I feel psycho. Why tf can't I be normal?!!