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When u question a memory and ruminate the whole day whether it happened or not, does it mean it didn't happen?

I think I cheated, should I confess? Even before getting into a relationship I feared being a cheater. When I got into my relationship 4 months ago, well that fear increased because of my intrusive thoughts. I didn't have a problem acknowledging people were attractive, but I would always respond with "I won't do anything with them" I would avoid staring at them, speaking to them, or being close to them. I feared future situations such as drunk cheating, wanting to cheat, or accidentally flirting. If I had to interact with people I found attractive, I would make my intentions clear. I am long distance, and I am attending a new school with no friends. I had one person approach me and try to be friends, but since I found her semi-attractive I didn't entertain any further interaction. One of them, I wasn't able to stop interacting with, however. Up until now, I only talk to her if I have to, she gave me her phone number texted hello, and I never responded. I was ok with having thoughts, I knew that no matter who I was with, I would have them anyway. I knew that I would never cheat. I didn't mind all of these avoidant behaviors either, as long as I was protected nothing mattered. Last week, I was with my classmate in the lunch line. As I spoke to her, I began to have thoughts "her eyes are like my girlfriend's" "Her laugh is adorable" I argued against these thoughts, but I also had feelings of attraction. I began to feel uncomfortable, and wanted to desperately run away. I calmed down and reminded myself that they were only thoughts. But then, I remembered that a day prior, I had gave her a flirty look. I began to get worried and went online for reassurance. I calmed down, because I knew that it simply happened, and that I had no ill intentions behind that look I gave her. Days later, I had barely recovered from an event that occurred after. I was scared of even going to school and being around others. In math class, my classmate sat next to me like usual. We had interacted previously only about math work and I had also had intrusive thoughts about her before. This time, I felt urges and thoughts with no anxiety. I was like "great, now I can't feel anxious about things" I felt uncomfortable and wished that she wouldn't interact with me the entire class period. I was sitting in a way that was close to her, and I made sure to put distance between us. I started to sing lowly, and my intentions were to cheat, to impress her, to make a move on her. I felt no anxiety, but then I realized everything I was feeling and thinking and I stopped. Panic and guilt began to fill me up. I decided not to ruminate, not to ask myself "why did I do that?" "Why would I want to cheat?" "How can I fear it so badly and then do it on purpose?" But despite that, it did not work. I'm always so sure of my intentions, and sure that I would never cheat, but now I have done something and I don't know what to do. It has been on my mind since then, I feel panic and guilt, and the need to ask myself why would you that if you avoid it so badly? My appetite has been lost and my heart is constantly beating rapidly. I don't know what I should do.

POCD has made me lose all my self identity, i dont know who i am anymore. Im really tired, when will this horror end.

I don’t know what relationship ocd is like I’m not trying to label it but I have been getting mean intrusive thoughts about my husband sometimes or others. It hurts me because it’s not at all who I am or want to be and it’s new. I just miss the old me before all this worsening ocd. Stuck between telling him it’s happening but not sharing the thoughts just so he is aware of how I’m currently feeling. I hate OCD soo much. If you guys have any tips it’s appreciated. I have a therapy appointment off of here tomorrow so I’ll be sure to bring it up but rn it’s hard. 😔

Can SOOCD start from a feeling of false attraction? Feeling like I’m the only one whose started this way making me think I’m in denial :( another tough day of rumination!

Hey guys I’m really scared of loosing touch with the reality.. I’m scared that everything around me is not real or objects that’s something else than what it really is.. can anyone relate?

how i get over not finding my girl attractive? ion like ts. it gives me way too much anxiety & it starts to make me feel distanced or cold towards her. honestly it makes me feel vv guilty idk . she dont deserve sb who dont find her beautiful 24/7 …genuinely whats this fix?

Does anyone else ever just get caught in bed all day to avoid everything? I know it’s avoidance, but I called out of work for really no reason besides I didn’t want to deal with my stress, anxiety and then my SO-OCD. Anyone else do this? How do you get out of this funk and back into life?

I've been taking 50 mg of fluvoxamine for almost 3 weeks. The doctor said I need at least 200 mg for OCD, so I will gradually increase the dose. This is not my first time on SSRIs. I was on citalopram for almost 2 years because of a depressive episode, it worked well but I remember it made me feel tired all the time. That's why I'm scared to take a higher dose of fluvoxamine. Has anyone ever taken fluvoxamine? Can you tell me your experience with it? I'd really appreciate it.

scared im a p for getting with/talking/dating someone two years younger than me. i did it when i was 16. they were 14. i turned 17 then they turned 15 like 20 days after. they were in my friend group at the time and we were friends and we ended up getting drunk. i talk to people older than me, my age, and younger, but my limit is two years. im scared that makes me a p.

Just don’t even want to get out of bed I’m trying to stay positive and be grateful for my life and realise how lucky I am to be here and alive but sometimes I just feel like I can’t get out of bed and get on with my day alone. It’s 12:38 and I need to get breakfast but I’m just feeling so guilty and scared of my own brain and feeling like I don’t even know who I am anymore Feel like I’m gonna relapse. Why is it so hard to fight these thoughts I don’t fucking want them!!!!! Leave me alone how am I meant to know what’s me and what’s my ocd Just feel so angry and fed up

I'm a bit confused on ERP. I understand not doing a compulsion in response to an instruive thought, but the planned, on purpose exposures confuse me. For example, I'm ordering a new phone and I had an instruive thought that said "When the phone arrives, you're going to take, soap, toothpaste, olive oil, etc. and put it on your phone before you put the screen protector on." A weird thought, I know. So now for exposure, I need to do what the intrusive thought says? I imagine I'll worry that I've smeared something on my phone before I put the screen protector on. I don't actually want to smear anything on my phone, I think that could damage it. But, for exposure, are you supposed to do this? It's confusing. What makes sense to me, and what I come back to is just letting the intrusive thought be a thought, and not doing a compulsion. That makes sense to me. It's the extra, planned exposure part that confuses me, and honestly gets me stuck in a worry cycle about ERP/CBT therapy itself.

I have a ocd wear I have to wash my hands before using the restroom. I was in a rush. Not to be tmi but I was praying and had a urine leak in my pants. My child also come up to hug me and my wife was calling for me so i ended my prayer. Hugged my child. Ran into the bathroom. Didnt wash my hands. Just washed my private area and kept it moving. But i worry i wiped myself without washing my hands after i hugged my kid

Can I get an opinion? Was in a friendship with a dude a while back and my OCD is latching onto whether the dude was good or abusive. I can’t tell. Like, if I were to see him again, should I be afraid or not because it’s just OCD telling me to be afraid? He called me crazy, said I was a psychopath, & gaslit me. But he also invited me to things, made funny jokes with me, & called me one of his best friends once. So confusing. SMH. He did more but this is a glimpse of the main things he did.

I try to tell my bf how he hurts my feelings and he responds in a cold way with a very emotionless apology and when I am still upset about it and the way he responded he says what I already apologized and I continue being upset about how insensitive he is being and isn’t being sensitive or comforting me and he sounds annoyed that I’m still not over it so I’m even more upset and then later on he accuses me of mistreating him bc at that point I am really worked up and raising my voice because I feel unheard. But it makes me think of how people describe deflecting or gaslighting and I’m so hurt and he says he wasn’t annoyed and that me thinking he has a tone of voice is racial bias. This is something that happens quite often when I share being hurt about something. And it makes me feel guilty for bringing up things that hurt my feelings or like guilty for bringing it up that I’m still upset after his bland apology. My biggest fear is being in an ab*sive relationship and I’m so scared that it’s true. Because I know it’s really messed up and I’m so upset

I don’t know about you, but the evening is my time to shine! During spikes, life can be a bit like the movie Groundhog’s Day. Mornings 😱 , afternoons are 😧 , and evenings are 🧘. We are stronger together!

I just reposted this on my TikTok but feel like I need to unrepost it (I do this with every post and it has to feel right and like it’s in the right place) but I started getting thoughts because I know my bf is going to see it like I don’t want him to think it’s about him and I’m getting scared it’s going to hurt his feelings Because obviously I would never shoot a man but it’s making me think does that mean I would and that I’m a bad person for reposting like I’m getting scared that I want to hurt him or something But it’s just a TikTok thing that’s going round about the “man or a bear” But now I feel like a bad person for having an opinion but I never commented on this trend before

How does one overcome POCD when it’s tied into/influenced by actual events in my life? I feel like there is almost a pattern for me :( My events involve researching/googling disturbing things I shouldn’t have out of morbid curiosity (and seeing truly horrible things/images on the internet as a result of this), having thoughts about girls in their late teens sometimes being attractive (it’s happened multiple times that I thought a girl was attractive then learned she was like 17 or something. It always disgusts me, but I feel the need to test to make sure they aren’t attractive to me upon me finding out their ages. This causes even more distress and discomfort). I have certain and uncertain memories about pleasuring myself to things that are morally unacceptable (one of those things being a scene from one of those films on the Disturbing Movie Iceberg that I watched and I’m unsure I may have m*********d to. It involved CSA and was one of the first catalysts for my POCD. I am only about 40-50% confident that this didn’t happen). I’m even going back and remembering a time where I was 12-13 and read fanfics about a 9-year old anime character being shipped with a full adult. However all but the last event happened between the ages of like 20-23 (I’m 24f now and the thing about worrying about finding girls in their late teens attractive is the only current “active” thing going on. Everything else is based on past events). Every time I read about POCD, it always seems like people’s distress revolves around “current” intrusive thoughts (e.g, “Did I find that child attractive?” or “Did I touch that child inappropriately?”). I rarely see things involving past actual events similar to mine, and it makes me think that this isn’t just POCD. I feel like there’s no other explanations for my actions, this feels like a pattern of behavior. I am so afraid that I am a p***. And I’m leaving for a movie soon. Not exactly sure how I’m supposed to pretend I’m ok and act present when the friends I’m going with would likely hate me if they knew all of this. Im so tired.

My friend has a friend who’s a psychiatrist/has studied about mental illnesses and different medications. My friend told me that she said “ocd is not manageable. It’s never manageable”. Which, of course, later at night, made me spiral. And is still bugging me. I’ve worked so hard these past 3 years getting better to a point where I’m happier and can do chores without anyone telling me to and do multiple types of work throughout the days… They recognized that I’m not a severe cause but being on medication would make me happier and I would have to use less brain power. I told them if my ocd ever gets severe I’ll use medication but even then that answer didn’t seem smart enough? Idk idk it’s making me angry and I don’t want to spiral

How can I cure ocd. Pls can you help me getting cured from it.