Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I can’t believe I’m writing this, I feel I’m starting to get attracted to children, I don’t believe I’m writing this, what shall I do

hi everyone! i struggle really badly with pocd. today ive been trying to not avoid places where i know there will be children and watch harmless videos that have come on my feed on social media instead of scrolling straight past them and it has helped a bit. but i keep getting awful thoughts of like thinking i like these thoughts and i do actually want these thoughts and that i really am a p*dophile and i feel like it’s setting me back but i know i have to face that and just carry on. i also keep having doubts of whether this really is ocd and i really am an awful person. i hate it so so much and i keep having panic attacks which make me overwhelmed and i just see no way out. is this normal? if anyone could share their experiences or just some advice it would be very much appreciated!

Waking up in a panick everyday thinking if this is real life or not, the thoughts never stop, I just want to get better, I had a panick attack yesterday thinking this wasn’t real life, I coped with alcohol for the past 4 years, now when I wake up it’s straight to this isn’t real life and you should just hurt yourself, am I going crazy ?

I’m wondering if anyone can relate? I often overanalyse my feelings/emotions and check that I’m feeling happy enough. If I’m not, it makes me super anxious that I’m not enjoying life enough. In the past, Ive been known to keep diaries when on holiday to keep track of my feelings so I can check back afterwards to make sure I did actually have a good time. In my brain, everyone effortlessly seems to enjoy life, social gatherings, big events, holidays…enjoyment seems to come to easy to other people? Whereas I, whilst I do enjoy myself at times, find myself obsessing over enjoying stuff enough or being happy enough. Like if I’m not euphorically happy or crying from laughter every 2 minutes, I’m clearly not living life. I’m not sure if it’s an OCD trait or…? It certainly feels it, what with all the checking and monitoring of feelings. It’s definitely heightened around big events (parties, social gatherings, weddings, holidays). It’s a theme I come back to quite a lot and I find it quite distressing. Most of my themes are very internal and a lot of compulsions are mental, I spend a LOT of time ruminating if I’m having a bad day. Hope someone else can relate or maybe has some tips? :)

can those who struggle with health concern ocd tell me about their stories with it? i dont want to feel alone

This is something very difficult for me so I suppose I'm just looking for a bit of support. A bit of context before I get into my current situation: I'm not sure what facet of ocd this is, but one of the many things I struggle with would be worrying about intruders in my home, specifically mystical ones that would be disturbing in appearance. For a long time this made me afraid of my room, under my bed, the hallway, etc around the nighttime. I've done exposures around this with my therapist and it has gotten better. It's been a few months without incident until now. I just got triggered by a video on tiktok which sounds silly to say. I am also autistic and there has been a change in my routine (parents aren't home) so I think this has made me feel more vulnerable. I feel very afraid and unsafe and it's late at night, I'm trying to force myself to watch the video to prove it's not going to hurt me but I can't bring myself to look at it. I just feel like all of my progress has gone down the drain and I'm feeling very low. Wondering if anyone can relate or has any advice, sorry for the drawn out post here.

Please?

*trigger warning self harm!* Please note that the stigma around self hard I did some research on the reasons people do it and the stigma is that it is for attention. I don’t want this post to make that worse, this is the first time I have done anything like this and even though that is the reason I did it, that never represents a community as a whole. It makes me sick when people hate on others that are struggling. Do not continue with the stigma and please educate yourself before you make judgements as I did. Thank you Lately I have been feeling pathetic and stressed. I think I am definitely slightly depressed as I just don’t feel like I am doing anything. My life feels like it is standing still. Everyone in it I feel like is living and I am just sitting and doing nothing watching people do things. I especially don’t think my friends care about me. That hurts a lot because they are like a second family to me, especially my best friend. And it feels like they don’t reach out, they are in their own lives growing and I am shrinking and dragging them down. I just want to feel like people care about me. So I stoped eating a lot and drinking water. I thought maybe if I was in the hospital people would show that they care about me. But I guess that took to long for me, I couldn’t wait. So I thought maybe if I got a big cut and I make a big deal about it people would reach out? So I did that, it is not deep at all, I couldn’t do it. I just feel disgusting with myself. What kind of horrible human being does that for attention? No one and I mean no one does self harm just to get attention, that is literally the stigma around it. I am like the worst human being on earth. Why would I want the people I love to be worried or see me hurt? I just feel so pathetic and like a horrible human. Never ever doing that again.

Which type of therapy is recommended for pure o, pocd, socd and moral ocd? I have tried cognitive behavioral therapy but it didn’t work.

Hi! (first post lol) wondering if there is anyone else here that also deals with medical/ health concern type of OCD with also having chronic and sometimes scary health issues? if so, any advice on how you might help yourself through a OCD flare up and fears over symptoms and unknowns? (But mostly it would be great just to know that I’m not alone in this <3)

this is non ocd related but I really need to vent. I talked with this guy for a month and some days, every day, shared a lot of deep convos, i ended up catching feelings even tho I said that I wasn't going to because he's from another country, last sunday, he told me he still loves his ex, and that's okay, but ofc I had hopes and I was heartbroken, I tried to comfort him best as I could, but next day I decided I needed to move on ofc, and told him I catched feelings so it's better if we just talked from time to time, because I really felt like shit, I really liked him and idealized this wonderful story with him. I think he's a great person, and I never actually felt like this for no one, that was nice to know, that I could feel love so deeply, I really wanted it to be him yk, or at least the idea I had of him. I tried not taking it personal, because he's a human too, he makes mistakes, so when he was dry, when he treated me one day like I was his dream girl and next day like he could care less about me, when he hid the fact he was actually waiting for someone else, I didn't take it personal. Yesterday, he asked me what did he do wrong, why did I decide to stop talking to him, I decided to be completely honest and told him how it makes me feel, how I wish I could take my feelings off the table to be his friend (because he really doesn't have friends, he's alone, that's why I don't wanna hurt him), he didn't reply to my text explaining, I thought, that's okay, this is the end, at least I told everything I had to say. but today, he sent me a video about finding his ex on tinder, completely ignoring my text explaining how I feel of yesterday, and when I told him, what do you expect me to say?, he said "idk, I don't have anyone else to share stuff with", all I said was, you're being selfish so I'm gonna be selfish too, rn I'm not available for you, and blocked him, I know I took the right choice, but I feel so bad, I feel like he used me, like he never cared about me, and that sucks, because I really thought we connected, was it just me? he never really felt anything? I'm so sad, I feel humiliated and disappointed, because everytime I did something I thought about how he was going to feel, and he doesn't care at all about making me feel bad

I struggle to think of ERP messages to anchor myself to when trying to avoid mental compulsions. Anyone have any to recommend, especially in regards to ROCD fears and moral scrupulously?

With all my themes I got into a bad habit of deliberately imagining thoughts to test myself and see how I react to see if I ‘like or hate’ them but it’s got to the point where nothing phases me and I don’t really get anxiety anymore and don’t even feel disgusted or feel like the thoughts are ‘negative’ and I started having harm ocd and it’s been bad it started off with a stabbing intrusive thoughts and then it jsut got worse and the thoguhts jsut started getting more graphic and gory and I keep imagining the thoughts to test myself and today it feels like I’m literally ‘choosing’ to imaging really graphic thoughts for no reason, like an idea will come to my head of something really bad and I keep going into it and creating really messed up scenarios and almost feels like I’m choosing and ‘want’ to imagine the most messed up gory thought I can, like it feels like I’m actually trying to imagine the most worst things on purpose and I don’t know why I’m doing that and it doesn’t even feel like I’m ‘testing myself’ it just feels likes I’m almost ‘curious’ or as if I’m just a messed up person and ‘like’ imaging really horrible things when I have the option not to, 2 years ago when I started having this problem I was physically shivering in fear from a documentary I watched that caused all this for me and now I’m sat here with no reaction no nothing and it feels like I want and am trying to imagine the most horrific thing I can think of and I get this weird thing where it feels like I’m about to laugh or smile, I’ve been telling my mom everything and idk what to do I’ve never had therapy for this either and I’m worried I’ve become my fears or started taking a liking to disgusting things because why am I thinking of such disgusting things when I have the option not to and I’m delving in to imagine disgusting scenarios like what an evil person would do when their ‘fantasying’ Idk what to do I don’t even understand how I feel anymore about anything

Hello I don’t have ocd myself but someone I know does. She has told me about it and I do try to help her with. But I feel that I could understand it better so that the help she gets from me will be more direct if there is any information anyone is willing to share I would be very thankful for

How do I deal with bed rotting? I have been bed rotting for so long due to severe depression to the point where my back hurts and it’s hurts to walk from lack of movement. Pls help

A girl on tik tok basically confirmed my biggest OCD fear of being gay. Her video said “if you feel a certain way about {masculine female athlete}, you’re not straight. This is your sexual awakening.” Iv ALWAYS been triggered by this female athlete because she is an open lesbian and very masculine and I get intrusive thoughts and feelings that i absolutely HATE. Im so triggered right now because now OCD is saying this is more than intrusive thoughts/feelings and is actually sexual attraction. I absolutely hate the thought of me being gay.

can someone tell me how i can start stretching again without it turning into a compulsion? i do acrobatics and whenever i practice without someone dragging me out of there, it takes hours and i get horribly upset if i can’t do something. a few weeks ago when i stretched it took me 4+ hours just to do splits.

Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to erotically role-play a forced scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online I believe... (i cant remember if this happened or not) When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say things like "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me... my harm ocd keeps saying I SA'ed the woman and intrusive thoughts of her saying this and I just throw up every time... now my harm ocd says I SA'ed another woman during an online roleplay session... saying that I started initiating roleplay without asking... (I always ask "if you want of course" while flirting in roleplay) this wasnt a roleplay like before, but it was a classic erotic roleplay... all i can remember is that she and I roleplayed together than she suddenly left during the middle... I genuinely cant remember if what my intrusive thoughts are telling me is true or not... and its absolutely scaring me...

is Freud right about the unconscious mind revealing our deepest segrets? I know he's outdated, but im thinking about it because when i was sleeping a while ago yes I did have an triggering dream but I was bothered by the triggering content inside the dream itself, i was conscious and bothered by it so I knew it was egodystonic, so I'm kinda ok (it was about a youtuber that i enjoyed saying creepy things in a stream and thinking that i couldn't enjoy his content anymore, that didnt happen in rl), but a new memory resurfaced about having an intrusive image while i was i think like half-asleep, or maybe in an another dream that i had along side the other one that i dont remember, and that intrusive image was terrible, it was a n*ked thing with an adult like chest... i don't think I had any reaction when i had that intrusive image while half asleep, but I do now because im conscious and kind of freaked out about that image and mostly for the fact that i had that intrusive image but i don't recall having any distress or being bothered by it, so I don't have that reassuring factor. But I'm trying to keep it cool and move on. What do you think? I'm trying to be rational. I guess this happened because I've been tortured by triggering stuff, doubts accumulating lots of time spending ruminating, problem solving everyday for the past week.

TW I hate that God considers others like Israel and the apostles as more special than me and the Gentiles. And I also hate that everyone has someone they would rather be with than with me.