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im tired. another terrible thing happened today. i think i just am what im afraid to be. i dont think i can move on from this. i tried to rationalize so much and move on but im tired. it happens every day. i dont want to continue like this anymore.

Im feeling so anxious cause of my pocd and real events ocd based on extremely horrible childhood mistakes... Here are the facts. - I made a severe horrible mistake of a sexual nature 3 times at the age of 13. - someone told me about what the mistake was and what it meant earlier in the week before the mistakes happened... - i had no idea what the mistake even was before I learned of it, much less ever do it.... - i had forgotten about being told about the mistake and what it meant, and the severe mistakes happened later in the following days... - it never happened again and I feel extremely guilty at the age of 22. I dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I was told what this word was, but I had forgotten it... I did not have full knowledge or full understanding on how horrible this mistake was... I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭

Does your ROCD makes you have thoughts that you’re attracted to anyone else expect your boyfriend? Like why does it has to destroy as like that. I’m having thoughts that I find other guys attractive (not all day or everyday) but it’s not like I have any urge to cheat on my boyfriend or anything. But I always have this thoughts when I’m alone, but when I’m with my boyfriend I find him the most beautiful guy in the world and I never have thoughts others are more attractive than him.

is it okay to take a break from reading your bible once in a while? sometimes my ocd gets really bad and reading scriptures and verses sometimes make it worse. but i feel bad for not doing it.

Hello everyone! So let me tell you my story. My OCD started the typical way, it involved mainly around the contamination theme, I was around 11/12 years old. It was very bad, very very bad, I lost hours upon hours cleaning my hands, touching things repeatedly a certain number of times, etc. My family eventually talked about it to the GP who could immediately tell it was OCD. After this, he sent me to a "therapist", with whom I had a very bad experience. He used psychoanalysis, which clearly did not work, it even got worse... Looking back, I think medication and proper therapy could have saved me a lot of time. I stopped seeing this person (one of the best things I did in my life, I think). Then, finally, out of frustration, and knowing that I had a mental disorder, that all my anxiety came from this thing called OCD, I accidentally started some primitive form of ERP without knowing it. I did not stop doing compulsions, but started doing them in a bad way. Then not doing them, having the "f* it, let's see what happens if I don't clean my hands now" mentality. It all finally went away, my OCD was "cured". At least, that's what my family thinks, and the new GP I had in the meantime too. It only stopped for about three years (which is amazing, actually). Then I started having other OCD themes, and because I did not see a proper therapist when I first got "diagnosed", I thought it was not OCD, because I was "cured". It went on and on for months, no one saw it, my compulsions involved replaying things in my head, checking things by googling them, I even had some digital OCD which made me reset my devices a countless number of times. Eventually, this feeling I got, well, it reminded me of something, let's search if OCD can be something more than a fear of contamination: holy moly, it IS OCD. I did not want to see a therapist, by fear of telling my family that I need help, and started to mimic some kind of ERP, which was insanely difficult with these themes, it eventually worked out. I "managed" it, and learned in the meantime I will never be cured. I can only try to manage it when it comes. But the thing is, everyone thinks I am cured, shouldn't my GP know that it cannot be? Well. I am writing to this community to first let everyone know that this disorder can be managed, it only is a matter of time and perseverance, and also, for you to keep in mind that therapy is important, because it gives you the tools to manage it in the long term. Another reason that I am here is that I am having another round of OCD at the moment, but this time, do you think I should tell it and get proper help, or that I can manage it myself given my track record? Thank you for reading this huge post.

Hey everyone. I've never posted before because I'm never quite sure what to say. But things have been pretty rough for a long time and I just don't know what to do. It feels like my intrusive thoughts continue to get worse and more persistent and even though I know I'm a good person, I'm scared that I'm really not one because of the thoughts. It also feels like no matter what I do, they don't go away. I would try meds but they scare me and the side effects worry me too because of my family history. I just feel stuck and don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired. I just needed to rant. Thanks for reading.

Can OCD make you feel like you're enjoying OCD even though that's not the case and you're in mental anguish?

I'm worried if people knew my past, especially my partner, they would all leave me. My family, my friends, the love of my life. I remember what I've done, and false memories just make it worse, make it feel like I need to confess to things I can't remember details of, that I'm not worthy of forgiveness and love, and that I'm loving a lie every day I wake up. Some days I can live beside it, other days feel impossible. We want to get married, but I feel like I'd be doing her a great injustice if we did. I just don't know how I can live like this.

I keep giving in to OCD I wish I could resist it but if I don’t do what it says then I feel weird because I’ve been doing it for so long!

Hi so I struggle with harm ocd and I believe I have gotten to manage the thoughts better as they are no longer eating away at me every minute as they were for the last month and a half( I still ruminate a lot) But I guess I am also depressed and the anxiety were too much and now I can’t really feel a lot of emotions, it’s not like they’re all gone but very suppressed I would say, like I can’t feel joy like I used to, I don’t feel anger or sadness especially when watching sad things or videos as much, I don’t feel guilty as much, like when I broke a family friends chair on accident, cognitively I felt bad as I offered to pay to replace it, but I didn’t really feel guilty, I have felt it in the past but since this flare up I haven’t been able to, and the anxiety is gone (which is partly good) but also a little unsettling, because I am a Very and I mean VERY anxious person I remeber in high school I would get super anxious to do something simple as picking up a tissue and blowing my nose, now I can’t really feel that and it’s helpful in some situations but it doesn’t feel like I am myself. I want to get rid of this numbness because I graduate this week and want to feel both happy and sad for when that day comes and not hollow. Any tips for anyone who’s going trough the same thing? Or has?

trigger warning so nobody accidentally picks up this ocd type and tw for weed usage. i think this is ocd at least. i am diagnosed but it could be something else. im 15 and it all started after i got too high off of weed one night and had a panic attack when i was 14. it felt like my whole reality was shattering. i felt like i wasn’t real and that the world around me was fake. ever since ive been struggling with self image and wondering if im insane and if the world around me and the people around me are real. or if im even real. i wonder about people and the evolution behind it. what are we?? we created this civilization and its just odd to me for some reason, how everything became to be. i look around and wonder who i am, if im insane, i look at myself in the mirror somedays and wonder if i fit inside my body. if personality is just a construct or something else. it spirals into thoughts like am i even real?? am i a real person?? is the world around me real or a simulation or god knows what. it used to cause me major distress but ive learned to manage it because what else am i supposed to do. the worries come and go. it usually happens when i worry if im gonna die (ex if i stay up too late and arent tired i wonder if im gonna have a heart attack) and that spirals my anxiety. i feel like im in a constant state of disassociation or existential worries. i keep trying to find proof that im sane and everything is real but it just makes me worry more. im not good at letting stuff go, but i think thats what i have to do. i wonder if anyone else struggles with this or if im just crazy and alone. i think my ultimate fear is losing control of myself, if my brain spirals off to far and i cant reel it back in. sort of like a point of no return.

Hi new too this app been having gay thoughts for a couple months they have recently went away and so as the anxiety I lost attraction to females but still get turned on too them so does that mean I’m bi or straight cause I don’t think gays get boners to girls I have very confused if this is ocd or something else this has never happend before always had girlfriends etc so someone Please help me out here I don’t think if I was gay I would get erections to girls

I’m so fed up of this, it’s not proper full on intrusive thoughts it’s just this whole general feeling and I hate it, i can’t shake it and i just don’t know what is real or fake. I try to imagine myself in situations and see if i would like it and i don’t think i would but that’s not enough for my brain. I’m also so stressed because back in february when this girl wanted my snap and sent me into a spiral of intrusive thoughts, i saw her at work yesterday and it made me feel so stressed. My brain told me this stress meant I liked her?? but i don’t. In February before her friends even said about wanting my snap I was fine because I don’t like her?! But as soon as that happened i got all these intrusive thoughts like ‘oh you must look gay then’ and from then on every time i have work i get bad anxiety - my brain keeps saying this anxiety is attraction does anyone have any advice? i’m sure it’s not attraction but my brain keeps saying it is and i get intrusive thoughts and feelings.

I have been dealing with harm ocd for two years, this crisis led me to lose my faith which was a big part of my life, to avoid friends, to lose my passion for writing… I still read and do sports but I just feel tired from having these thoughts whenever I see a stranger even though I go out and meet people. When it will go away? I feel sad and empty..

I love my bf a lot (at least I think so) but I really struggle at times because I obsess over every little thing he does that I find weird or cringy or annoying or unattractive. a lot of times I’m just blowing things out of proportion. But the problem is, sometimes these thoughts don’t feel intrusive, it’s not like my brain is telling me something is annoying when it isn’t. There are definitely times where he does do things that I cringe at or feel annoyed by, or I just have this weird feeling of being put off. And those are the things I obsess over. So now I’m worried. I’m not sure how to describe my thoughts and feelings, I guess it’s more that something he does will trigger me (i.e. he does something weird or cringy or annoying) and I respond (i.e. thinking and feeling weirded out, annoyed, or cringing) and then all I focus about is the weird things he did and the fact I feel that way about them, and I start obsessing and playing over the situation in my mind, and I worry that his actions will make me not like him entirely, and I start putting him under a mental microscope, picking apart everything. And I worry that me not liking those things is bad or wrong or it’s a sign I don’t like him. And I don’t know how to move on, because my brain wants to like everything, but it can’t, and it can’t move past that, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t get over all these thoughts and feelings and I worry that it’s not OCD because it’s not necessarily entirely intrusive and idk if it’s bad to feel this way, and even if someone told me it wasn’t bad to feel this way, I would continue to worry that I just don’t like him and or that I wouldn’t be able to handle those “flaws” forever.

I feel when I get a thought I can’t talk myself out of it unless I have proof like a voice memo, a video or a dash cam recording. How do you guys talk yourselves through your thoughts. Whatever they may be?

So me and my boyfriend have been to a wedding this weekend. He was all dressed up in a suit and looked incredible. My ocd was veey mild for the whole day and I couldnt take my eyes off him. It made me get excited about one day getting married to him, and all our friends at the end of the night were joking we would be next as we have been together for ages. All today I have been joking and talking to him about when its our turn what we want etc at our wedding. This evening suddenly I feel like my ocd is really strong. It is saying I dont wanna be with him and Im actually gay so cant marry him. Its horrible - I was so happy with how yesterday went and this morning talking about weddings was lovely. Anyone else have this?? 💗

Hey guys, just wanted to introduce myself my names Matt. I was first diagnosed with ocd at the age of 14. I am 29 years old currently. I really had it bad for awhile then I got out of the hole and saw the light. Now I feel like I'm back in it. I've been inpatient at ocd facilities like mclean and Roger's. I consider myself very fortunate and that's where part of the guilt comes in for whatever reason. I've been supported a lot of my life especially when the ocd was really bad and I couldn't function in society. I got back on my feet but recently experienced rocd for the first time. The fear it instilled in me..im struggling massively at the moment. I find that the intrusive thoughts come in and have a strangle hold on me and the sadness and emptiness that follows. I was diagnosed with depression but its hard to come to terms with it. I feel that the ocd is just so awful now. I have experienced a couple sub types in the past..a big one being harm ocd and health related ocd..contamination to a degree. I used to reread when I was in school and that was hell in itself just trying to chase a feeling of perfectionism. I've done ERP plenty of times in the past but ceased the therapy as I got better. Now I'm seeking therapy through nocd which I've never tried before. I really hope I can get myself on track because it really feels like the weight of the world is on my back. I want to pursue music as it's always been an important tool for coping and connection. I can't explain how it makes me feel it's just amazing. I've been working on my vocals but there are so many barriers right now. I feel so sad and I just want to isolate myself. It's up and down emotionally. I'm adjusting to medication that I discontinued awhile ago and now I'm back on it. It's a slow grind. I literally feel like the stress at work is becoming too much as I'm essentially caring for others when I can barely care for myself right now. I work as a life coach with individuals diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder. I know I'm really bouncing around here on all of subjects but I feel like the more and more I speak up about my diagnosis and spread awareness of ocd the more I'm feared of being misunderstood. I think it's truly another "what if" ocd fear. It is so hard to get a grip on the ocd because the rumination is so bad. To be honest it's hard to open up about ocd in general. I just keep thinking as a male I have to keep it together and I shouldn't be emotional that it's weak. I feel like I was fed that before in my past. I honestly appreciate having a community like this I'm grateful. It's so odd I just want a big hug but at the same time it's too much to be that vulnerable.

anyone else use tarot cards and astrology and psychics for reassurance? i know things are bad when i constantly use this online tarot yes or no website for answers on everything and its never enough i do it multiple times and even if i get the answer i want i dont feel reassured and its kinda self sabatoging because especially with dating and relationship ocd its very much about if things should proceed is he a good guy does he have good intentions does he still like me should i go on another date and its like so many disappointments happen from just what these cards are telling me before i can even just let things play out how they may so when im in the moment with whoever in my mind ive already been rejected by them or not really truly liked by them multiple times before hes even done or said anything implying that is the case

Hi! So I can't stop thinking that I am a bad person .. Idk .. I doubt everything .. I can't stop thinking about all may past actions and I cant stop thinking that I had bad intentions in everything .. Also I keep having thoughts about what if I really want to hurt someone .. I keep having intrusive thoughts about harming people .. I am so scared Idk if I really want or its just intrusive.. but they cause me distress... Any advice? Is someone going trough the same thing?