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I feel like nothing is ever going to get better. I don't want to live anymore.

Hello everybody, I’m writing because I’m at work but I just keep having panic attacks and I’m not able to work. It has been like this for a long time and I can’t be productive I’m thinking about quitting. Do you have any similar experiences? What do you think I should do? Thank you

Hey guys so I've been doing kind of okay for the past few months (SOOCD was still there in the bcak of my mind but it didnt stop me from living me life) however I got triggered (or I think I did) these past few days for 2 reasons : 1) a person I know just got married to her partner of the same sex and I saw pictures of the ceremony all weekend and it felt like "I wanted this and this feels more genuine than what I have" + they wrote a caption saying how they won't hide anymore and they're poud of who they are etc etc... which felt like I could relate and that I'm actually in denial 2) I was scrolling on Tiktok and saw a video of girl talking to another girl on her podcast and saying that she always thought she was a lesbian and then met the love of her life which happens to be a guy. And then she goes on and says, "growing up I always feared of being anything else than a lesbian" and the other girl says " you know, that's weird, that means that deep down you know it wasnt the right label for you because whe I came out there was no fear of ever being straight or bi, like that was it for me." and then the first girl goes on and says " That's what I've been telling my girl friends. When you're straight and you know that you're straight you dont fear a label or being of another sexuality it shouldnt really matter to you but if you are scared this means that you're actually maybe hiding something". Anyways that triggered me a lotttt!! I dont know what your thoughts are on that so I would love to hear them! for info : I'm a women and have been with my bf for 6 years now.

So I’ve had ocd since childhood. I go through different stages. Right now contamination ocd is really kicking me hard. I’m so afraid of germs. I wash my feet so much, my hands, I take multiple showers a day. Just some examples if my hair comes an inch close to touching a plunger, (it didn’t actually touch it but almost did) then I wanna wash my hair, even tho it didn’t even touch. If my hand touches the sink while I’m washing them, I have to rewash them. And so much more, it’s absolutely exhausting. Does anyone have any tips on how to stop being so afraid?

Since my ex decided to break it off with me and start a relationship 2 weeks later with his female friends that he told me about, I’ve been struggling with guilt and being able to see other people. It all feels so wrong and it’s hard for me to let someone else in even as friends. Her story is even worse than what my ex did. She broke up with her ex 3 days before sleeping with my ex in the flat they both lived in. Hes found it really difficult to move on as she’s been messaging him constantly about her new bf, trying to make him jealous and even still sleeping with him when she was sleeping with my ex. Anyway, me and her ex became friends over this entire thing, we both felt hurt and realised we could make each other feel better as we’ve been through the same thing. So we met up yesterday and spent the day just chilling and talking, but now I’m worried people are gonna go around being like “that’s disgusting they’ve swapped” or “they’re just as bad as the other 2” I don’t wanna be on the same level as them, I’m not sleeping with this boy or even seeing him in a romantic way, we just hung out and we get along. It’s nice to feel understood by someone outside of my family and friends. But I can’t and it feels impossible to let anyone else in. Even this guy I fancy on a night out, if I was to make a move I’d do nothing but feel the guilt. Just constantly guilty all the time. The thing is I don’t know her ex that well, we’ve only recently started to talk and become friends, so I don’t know if the person he’s showing me he is, is actually real. My brain has convinced me that maybe he’s lying about everything she did to him (even though she’s done this before with her other ex in exactly the same way so it wouldn’t surprise anyone) and apparently like everyone who knows her knows how horrible she is, so I don’t know who to belive at this point. My ex ain’t much better but I’m talking about him telling me about her, for my issue my ex is the bad guy, but for him his ex is. I’m just struggling with guilt

so I have been diagnosed with OCD, and my current intrusive thought is about ROCD, it started when I had the urge to tell my boyfriend that when I was already talking with him I probably liked someone else, and it made him feel terrible, and me as well. So my OCD likes to grab to what I care about the most (my boyfriend) and the intrusive thought is, "what if I still like this person" but I don't want to, it's like please no 😕 and it makes me feel extremely depressed and horrible, and I just try to act normal around my boyfriend (by the time I had this thought my boyfriend and I were already 9-10 months together) I truly hate the thought, but it doesn't go away.

I’m always mad at my parents for no reason. I’m 17 and a teenager so I get it’s hormones and stuff but I’m always mad at them for the stupidest things like for example my Mom asked me if I like her flowers and I’m like “yeah sure I guess so” or my Dad will be in the best mood when he gets home and I’m just dry with him for no reason. I feel guilty but I can’t stop being moody for no reason. Any advice for me?

First ever time posting - Magical thinking flare-up & failure Hi all, This is my first time posting here so, hi everyone! Hope you're all okay. I just am in the middle of trying to sort out a Therapist because, I've had enough really. All my life, I have had intrusive thoughts, contamination OCD, Harm OCD, the most frightening type of OCD you could imagine when teaching.. but most of all & the point of this post - Magical thinking. I avoid saying certain words, I have to type out an even amount of characters, I only post at certain times online & I am incredibly superstitious. I've had a real tough time at the moment (although I am fully aware of how awful the World is at the moment so, I want to acknowledge that & the guilt for writing this but) I feel so let down in myself & this is why.... I have performed from a very young age up until I was 19 (I gave it up as I was in a relationship & had this belief that I wouldn't be able to sustain a relationship unless I was like him, a non-Musical Theatre person) OCD? Perhaps. Naive? Absolutely! I returned about 6 years later to a Society that gave me one of their leading roles & I was ELATED. It felt like a part of me came back that I had lost. Ironically, the 6 & half year relationship ended once that had happened but now I know we were very incompatible, really. From then on my love of Musical Theatre soared but my OCD rituals for this started to creep in. I could only sing well if I was thinking a certain way & my rituals (pre-show & anything) became very rigid. I then was awarded a Scholarship to do a Masters in London which I was shocked but delighted by! It was tough & my ritualistic thinking was in force but, it seemed to have worked. Did quite well & felt the happiest I had done in years. Then, I had to move back to where I'm from, Ireland as I couldn't afford over there. I got signed by an Agent but the way I used to think over there DOESN'T seem to work over here. My brain feels stuck/stale. That's the only way I can describe it. I returned to that Society that gave me the role back then & my tricks that I used in London (ritualistic thinking) didn't seem to work. It felt as though I was trying too hard, pushing. It was as if my brain hadn't realised that we weren't in an intense London School setting anymore. Anyway, that Society that I was referring to have asked me to step in last minute to Shows & teach for them & I absolutely love it. They are doing a show in November & it is an absolute dream show of mine. I spoke to the Director before to see what he would like & he told me & kind of eluded to "We know you can do it, just come down & sing for us". My ritualistic thinking went off at this point. I knew that I couldn't relax because the pressure of going to a Professional Drama School & returning to a Society that has put a lot of belief in you? It was pressure I put on myself & my mind. I pushed. I didn't trust myself to do what I naturally do & pushed the audition Vocally & in every which way. My idea was to "do not get complacent & be uncomfortable, your mind need to be uncomfortable so you're not playing it safe!" Writing it out sounds bizarre but....that is that really. I received a call today to say that I didn't get the role as I "attacked" the character & audition. I pushed. I pushed my mind to work another way. I also feel as my mind can control how I perform which maybe it does, but how it can control the outcome, which I do know is wrong, but still. This is not a post to whinge about the fact that I didn't get it & let myself down but, I am so tired of being wired this way. I don't want to anymore. I want to be kind to myself & not punish when things are out of my control & also to TRUST myself to not push/try so so hard. Anyway, I apologise that this is so so long. I joined my first OCD Support group last week before the Audition & they told me to go so, I look forward to the next one as it was incredibly emotional/Supportive. Any words & similar situations that people have had & would like to share, that would be great. Thank you so much. I am so Sorry again for this long-winded post. Thank you if you read it & I hope that you are keeping well in this times. Take care.

how do you all deal with intrusive thoughts and the false memories that come along with them?

I feel like I’m drowning and nobody is here to help me out of this mess help me please 😭

I keep thinking about my intrusive thoughts intentionally, I'm not sure why though, I hate these thoughts I'm pretty sure of but I also feel like I want them so I intentionally think of them to satisfy "myself" because I'm thinking them intentionally. I'm scared. I think I'm scared. Everything feels wrong

Suicidal OCD people can you please share your experiences with these theme? I’ve had it before and now it’s back and feels worse than before. It’s making me feel like it’s not OCD and that something could actually happen. I would appreciate any shared experiences with this so I don’t feel so alone. Thank you all in advance

Hello All! I unfortunately like the rest of you suffer from OCD. It's a very aggravating, relentless, and upsetting thing to have. I currently suffer from Scrupulosity. I am from the Christian Faith and my OCD likes to put thoughts and statements in my mind about the Devil in my head which is totally unwanted. If anyone else on here suffers from similar what helps you go through your day and keeps your faith in Christ strong? Some of my OCD thoughts and statements are totally opposite than my faith. I find it challenging to live my Christian life when my ocd torments me mentally with the other? Any tips?

I had an ocd episode late this morning and I can't keep living myself like this. I wrote on my journal I feel like s****** is the best option for me. What made everything worse is I requested time off on june 1st because I was going on a day trip to see my sister. My manager denied because other ppl request time offs that day and my request was already too late. It's so frustrating because it's a part time job and I'm only scheduled to work only 4 hours (I had times where I worked a 3 hour shift) twice or even once a week. Whenever a shift is available, I always take it because I need I need the money. The one day I take a day off, I get denied. I can't switch shifts with anybody because no one won't be available.I can't afford to quit because in today's climate, it's so hard to find another job. It's just everything has been so difficult lately. With ocd, my life does not matter anymore.

Someone please help me, I’m begging if anyone is willing to listen to me and help me I’ll listen to their problems as well I’m just not in the right mind space rn

Alrighty here comes another one.. so I was panicking earlier about an K-pop idol who I don’t like at all only envy and I told my boyfriend about the rocd thought and then I proceeded to rmb the last time I had an thought about this K-pop idol super early on in our relationship like a scenario fantasy? I can’t even call it a fantasy because never in 1 million years I’ll ever go after this girl I simply only love my boyfriend, but basically I rmb having an scenario/thought of me being part of the group and simply having fun and making fans and just having fun and then I have this very brief memory? Idk if it’s false or not but it seem too real to be false? But we was dating and we like kiss I don’t rmb and I don’t think nothing nasty happened and I hope there wasn’t but basically me and my boyfriend was both scared and worried and he said he couldn’t deal with the fact of me having a crush on her during our relationship and I was like pause bc I don’t even remember a ounce of attraction towards her just something who I wish I was like and I told him if I’m being genuinely honest I don’t remember liking her in that type of way and this thought only happened once but then when I was explaining it to him and I was thinking how can I even think like that if I didn’t like the idol in that type of way and like I don’t think it’s entirely impossible bc my brain do go on autopilot a lot and I was spacing out and just letting it happen! But now I’m panicking what if I did but didn’t know? It just doesn’t makes sense and I just really need help bc he said if I did liked her very early on in our relationship it will be a deal breaker and I’m scared and confused

can rocd come in like a what-if-he’s-cheating-so-i-have-to-make-sure-he’s-not way? lol. most of the times my bf hangs out with friends (mostly male), i get the thought that maybe he’s hiding from me that there will be a girl (THE girl) over there too. i know in my heart that it’s irrational but i can’t tell and i always eat the urge to ask him who’s coming :( i feel bad for this

I need help or resources. I am having a terrible OCD episode since yesterday night! Anxiety was bad last night when going to bed. I just don’t know what to do!

Can someone please help me. The other day out of no where my brain is trying to convince me that I no longer love my boyfriend which is scaring me and terrifying because I’ve been with him for almost 4 years and we live together and planned our future together but now my brain is now nit picking everything thing he does, trying to convince me he has so many flaws to break up with him or noticing all the perfect things he does to love him all over again. I’m scared and so upset am I falling out of love or is just ROCD? It just won’t leave me alone I don’t want to be with anyone else but I’m scared my thoughts will fully convince me I don’t love him anymore or don’t want to be with him anymore 😞

Worrying so much is so comforting somehow. I feel as though it’s the norm. I’m a little hesitant to part with it. I’m scared to feel nothing when I’m supposed to be worrying. I hope this doesn’t sound ridiculous.